Illogical Progression
by LusciousNesha
Summary: From the time that Spock and Nyota decided to make their romantic attachment an official capacity to the time they eventually were on the same ship, the two of them have had their issues and difficulties. This is a story about that.
1. Chapter 1

**Dinner Date**

As Spock and Nyota sat at the dinner table, seated across from each other, she allowed him to do most of the talking. He told her that their possible future should not be left unexplored, but could be disastrous if not properly handled. She watched him speak with the same intense concentration she would allow him in his lectures in class. He presented his opinion in the same informative and scientific method which he presented mostly everything else that he said.

Their relationship should not venture throughout the campus. Many people were already forming theories about what may or may not be happening between them, and it would be most beneficial for both of them if no outside theories were confirmed by their behavior. Any of their nonprofessional, nonacademic interactions needed to occur inside of his quarters, or off of the campus. The regulation 251 specified that no personal physical contact be exchanged when in uniform, and Spock broadened that rule to on the campus, outside of his quarters, not even in the office, as someone could enter and witness it.

The tediousness of all of Spock's conditions made Nyota feel a bit like she was becoming a dirty little secret. But, she knew that was ridiculous. If she were a dirty secret, he would not go through the process of legitimizing their union. She let the insecurity pass her by and continued to listen to his conditions. He also wanted full discretion. He told her, up front, that he was not going to tell his parents any time soon, to prevent interference and unrequested interest in his personal matters. He felt that only Star Fleet administration needed their relationship on record, and only for the fact that it was the only ethical way for them to be involved.

Nyota stopped him there and said, "Human women have a need to share their romantic situations with close ones from time to time. I really enjoy keeping my personal matters to myself, but I do tell my mother some things, so that she doesn't feel left out of my life. If we are going to do this, I am going to have to tell her."

Spock sat for a while, then asked, "Will your mother provide interference?"

Nyota shook her head and responded, "She may offer advice here and there, but she has been very supportive in my decisions, in the past, and I believe that she will be supportive in this regard, as well."

Spock nodded and said, "Very well, then."

Nyota lifted her finger, slightly to the sky and added, "I also have to be somewhat open with Gaila."

Now, Spock seemed to flinch and he pressed his lips together. He spoke in a stern tone, "Your roommate is _hardly_ a candidate for discretion, Nyota. Dare I mention that she _does_ interfere, and has already interfered before as it relates to us?"

Nyota sighed and said, "Spock, I know that Gaila sometimes doesn't shut up when she should, but I would rather her not shut up with a little bit of true information than with Gaila guesses. If you were more familiarized with the things that can pop into Gaila's mind, you would agree."

"Nyota-" He started, seeming as though he would chastise her for an illogical statement (as he often did). She did not like the stern tone he was about to give her, so she cut him off to try to get Gaila on the OK list for speaking about their relationship.

Nyota spoke, just as sternly as he did, while she explained, "Spock, if other humans hear Gaila say anything about us, whether or not it's true and whether or not it's accurate, they will believe it, because we live together. They will assume that means that she knows what she is talking about. This is where Gaila's head is right now... she thinks that I am here, right now, having sex with you. If I do not go home tonight, look her in the eyes with my honest face and assure her in my truest tone that all we did was have dinner and discuss the terms of our relationship, she will remain convinced in her mind that sex occurred."

Spock opened his mouth to utter, "That is illogical."

She nodded and agreed, "Extremely, but it's Gaila's assumption, and if I don't keep her in the loop, just a bit, Spock, not with everything, but just to keep her on the right track, then she may put such false information out, by accident." She decided to spare him of the fact that Gaila had unintentionally partially contributed to certain rumors circulating about their relationship, presently. It wasn't her intention to kie or to keep secrets, but she knew that releasing that information would be an argument against the point she was trying to make.

Even without further provocation against Gaila being privy to their business, Spock shook his head and replied, "I do not want your roommate knowing anything. If she accidentally provides false information, and decides to make a slanderer out of herself, I am not concerned about that. As a preventive measure, you should merely convince her that as your friend, it would be prudent for her not to provide any information of your private life to any outside demand, whether or not the information is accurate."

Nyota placed her fork on her plate and eyed Spock determinedly. She did not appreciate how he was speaking to her, although she knew that he was not trying to be offensive, she said in a tone to match Spock's, "Aside from what I have already told you, I would not be comfortable living with Gaila and lying to her. I will keep secret any topic that does not come up in our conversations, talk to her about us (only as my heart leads me), and quiet her antics, when it is required."

Spock placed his own fork down, as well, and intertwined his fingers on the table. In a fluent motion, he made these gestures while saying, "That decision is irrational." She tilted her head slightly, as though in thought, and he became quietly amused at his realization that she picked up the mannerism from him. He was, after all, her mentor, first and whatever it was that he was now becoming, second.

She replied, "It is my decision. If we are going to be together, Spock. You can not make ALL of the decisions, concerning our relationship. I will back you up as much as I can, but there has to be _compromise_ for this to work."

Spock replied, "It is difficult for me to agree to an irrational decision."

She picked up her fork, shrugged her shoulders (obviously upset) and looked at her plate. "Then don't agree." She stated. She began to work through her steamed vegetables, but she did not eat any more of it. As she sorted through the pieces of broccoli and edible flowers, she kept her eyes focused sorely on them. She did this for a while before forcing herself to fork a tender sprout of the broccoli and chew on it slowly and painfully, all the while not looking up.

Spock watched her eating for a moment. Something that he did not understand had just taken place, and he missed which part he was supposed to take in, in order to satisfy the woman seated at the table. This would be difficult, the entire relationship. Things like this would occur all of the time. They had not even _actually _become a "couple" yet, and here he was, forcing himself to try to find a logical solution to whatever it was that upset her just now. It was when she was like this that he became doubtful about his logic as it related to being with her. It was when she became this illogical, emotional being that he did not understand what he was thinking when he desired her. She was behaving a lot like his mother would, and when his mother did similar things, he did not fully understand how to treat her, either.

He began to wonder how would he have dealt with his mother in a similar situation? No, how would his father have dealt with his mother? He tapped into his memory, and recalled such an incident, in which his mother decided not to speak to either of them because of "hurt feelings" she acquired by some means unknown to both of them while at a function at the Vulcan Embassy. Spock remembered overhearing his father apologize to the woman and allow her to proceed with what Spock could only describe as "sheer foolishness", when he questioned his father about the agreement. Then, he could remember hearing his father's voice say, "Spock, at times, I find it is the simplest action to agree with your mother, rather than try to find the logic in her actions and her decisions. Sometimes there are irrational decisions that I support merely because I know that the only remedy for her unreasonable behavior is to allow her to have her way."

Spock sighed and Nyota looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. It took him a moment to say anything, as he still debated within himself if he agreed with his father's method of handling similar situations. Her eyes seemed content in remaining upon him until he said something. He picked up his fork and said, "As you wish." It confused and amazed him how quickly such a small _irrational_ statement caused her to smile so brightly. However, once the smile spread across her lips, he found himself pleased with his decision to contribute to creating it. This was not the first time that this had happened between them.

The first time occurred two years before, and since then, occurred sporadically, at the very least, far more often than Spock would have been willing to admit. The last time this happened had been only a few nights ago, when the two of them hosted dinner in his quarters for his parents, and he allowed her to coax him into playing the Vulcan lyre while she sang a song. He somehow knew, as he looked at her smile, that this would not be the last time that he compromised himself in such a way.

After dinner, Nyota moved her chair so that both of their chairs set right next to each other. Spock gazed upon her and she gazed back, happily. They had been sitting that way for several moments when Spock eventually said, "It's pleasantly surprising how much I enjoy looking at you. I almost find it sufficient to consider merely doing so for the rest of the evening." She smiled brightly and stroked the back of his hand with one of her hands and stroked his hair with the other hand. He continued on to say, "This physical contact has not been accurately described in my studies of it. I find it more alluring than I perceived it to be through my studies. I believe that we have made the correct decision in choosing to…" He paused for the right words and finished the statement with, "unite with one other outside of the parameters of our work relationship."

Nyota simply continued to smile, though some part of her mind felt that this was not really happening. How many times had she had this dream or a similar one and awoke in her bed, alone staring at Gaila's green feet hanging off of the side of her own bed? Spock seemed to search her eyes for a moment, then asked, "Are you well, Nyota?" She sighed and laughed at herself, and partially at his question. _Are you well?_ No, not if I am dreaming, not if I have to get up tomorrow and realize that this conversation, this interaction never took place!

She nodded her head and said, "Everything is great. This night has gone perfectly well. I never thought that it would ever happen. I thought that if I were to tell you how I felt that you would never speak to me again. I certainly never thought that I would ever hear you speak to me in _this_ way. It's refreshing, but it is frightening, too, because I feel like at any moment now, I am going to wake up."

Spock blinked blankly, lifted his eyebrow and informed her, "You are awake right now."

She shook her head, sighed and said, "It doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm dreaming, or walking in my sleep. I've dreamed about this so many times. Is that even alright for me to say?"

He smiled slightly, but pulled his hand back from her and brought both of his hands into his lap. Immediately, she took the action as a negative sign, as a sign that he was about to say something that she did not want to hear. But she knew that if he did have something to say, she should allow him to say it. He replied, courteously, "Nyota, there is nothing that you can say that will not be adequate for you to say to me, as long as we are within the confines of these walls and your statements do not contradict my heritage or either of our moral duties. I suggest that you use honesty in dealing with me, as I will in dealing with you. In my honesty," She nodded her head, understanding, but looked at his hands on his lap, wondering to herself why he had withdrawn from her touch. Spock's eyes followed her own, then met again with her face as he explained, " I must admit to you that I will find it extremely difficult to reciprocate the physical dedication which you have applied to me on tonight. Being physically interactive is not an action that I have properly familiarized myself with. It will require more study and practice of me to become your physical equal."

Nyota took one of his hands from his lap and held it in both of her own hands as she told him, "I don't expect you to just change your life for me, Spock. Just as, i hope you don't expect me to change who I am for you. I realize that this was not an easy decision for you to make, to be with me, and I don't want to do anything to make you regret this decision. I know that you are not used to contact like this and I want you to only respond to my touch when you are comfortable enough with this. I'm very affectionate; so, you'll get used to it, and until you do, I'll just have to wait." She leaned onto him to lay her head on his shoulder and wrapped her hands around his neck. Spock remained quite still and quite quiet as she stroked his hair, gently. She cooed in his ear, "It feels so wonderful to be with you this way."

His breath seemed to deepen as she held him in her arms, but he did not move, otherwise. He wished to confess that he found himself in delectation, as well. However, he took a deep breath and stiffly placed his arms around her shoulders. Although he was handling her like one might a dangerous animal in close proximity, the action made her smile. Spock said in a low voice, "I must admit that I do not fully understand why you have selected me as your chosen companion. Do you have a logical explanation available?" She knew that unlike other men who may ask this question, Spock was not seeking praises or fishing for compliments. He genuinely was confused about her selection and interested in a logical explanation, as he usually was, about all other topics.

She traced his cheek with two of her fingers and responded, "I have _several_. Any woman, in her right mind, would want a man like you, Spock. Not many are fortunate enough to get the opportunity to know you. You are the most brilliant man that I have ever known. You are extremely focused, determined, and dedicated to everything that you do. In addition to all of those admirable qualities, you are absolutely smashing. You are handsome, by most women's standards and the dignified way that you carry yourself makes you appear so unattainable, that we become too afraid to ever try. I have believed that you were unattainable for years. If anyone chose anyone, you chose me. I really don't see the logic in it, but I am grateful about your choice." Spock thought to himself that he was grateful as well, and hoped that she was not curious as to his logical explanation of selecting her, because he honestly did not have one available.

He had several reasons that he wanted her, but each time he thought about the reasons, they seemed illogical and self serving, yet, here he was, wrapped in her arms... and enjoying it. She lifted her head up to kiss him on the face. The kiss landed on the corner of his mouth, which caused the corner of his mouth to turn into a slight, almost undetectable, smile. Nyota decided to take his mother's advice and translate the language of his human eyes, after her move. Spock did not look at her, although he realized that she was looking at him. Her face was entirely too close to his for him to risk looking at her and falling into another kiss. Next time, he may resort to succumbing, and he was not ready to do that. She pressed her face against his and lay there for a few more moments, until he suddenly whispered, "I am going to begin working on our disclosure report, so that we may submit it in the morning. I will need to leave the table to commence this project." She understood this to be his most polite way of telling her to get off of him, now. Nyota sat up, to allow him to leave the table, which he did quite hastily, as though rushing away from her.

She released a discouraged sigh and got up to clear the table and wash the dishes. Maybe she had moved too quickly with her affections and made him nervous. She had not meant to cause him any discomfort, but she had wanted this for a long time. She told herself that she would have to watch his pace and adjust herself to it, as to not ruin things before they even got started. As she washed the dishes, she sang to herself over the sound of his fingers keying hurriedly on his keyboard.

Spock listened to Nyota singing softly in the kitchen as he typed up the disclosure report according to the protocol of Regulation 251. The sound of her singing always gave him a soothing mood. When Nyota first mentioned her interest in Spock's opinion of the regulation, he immediately took it into serious consideration. Before then, he had thought of the rule which gave the right of officers to be romantically involved with their senior officers as long as they submitted a disclosure report of their relationship and their individual records and followed certain rules devised to eradicate favoritism between the two of them.

Spock considered mentioning the regulation to Nyota before she ever brought it up, but it seemed an illogical thing to do, as he could not be certain of her interest in him and did not want to create an atmosphere of sexual harassment, if she was _not_ interested in him. It would have been illogical for him to gamble with his future and with their... friendship? Friendship. Is this what friendship was? What they had seemed so different from others called friendship, long before this night. She often referred to him as a friend, but some part of him knew that she desired more. That part of him knew this because it knew that his desires were reflected in hers.

He did not know what their relationship was before this night, or even what it was _on_ this night. All he knew was that when he felt her arms around him, he knew what he wanted their relationship to be, by tomorrow. He desired to complete the disclosure report as soon as possible and to become hers, and hers alone.

A week before, when his mother told him that Nyota looked at him that way, like he was "hers and hers alone", he did not absorb the observation as fact. Spock did not generally find himself incorrect, and the few times which he did, he hated it. This was one time, he felt nicely about being wrong. Hers and hers alone. The thought combined with the sound of her singing voice and her fragrance still dancing about in his nostrils made him smirk to himself.

Long before he realized that he was becoming attached to her, he thought of her as a titillating student and intellectual model. Her presence made his classes and his lessons become more pleasant to teach than they had ever been before, for her passion to learn, her ability to work hard and her enthusiasm to do better when she did not perform perfectly. When he realized that he was becoming attached to her, he brushed it off as character admiration. He admired her character and her spirit (in an academic and professional sense), he thought. They were becoming "friends".

Now, when creating their report - when putting their past record together, paralleled, he realized that he had wanted this as much as she did, for a long time. He sighed to himself as he realized that he wanted to feel her again. He looked in the direction of the kitchen. Her singing had ceased. He wondered if she was finished and on her way back to him? After a moment, he found himself fighting the urge to call out to her.

"Nyota?" She heard him call softly from his computer. She dried her hands and came into the room to look at him. The urge had won. "When you are done, do you think that you could come sit near me, and gather me in the same manner that you did at the table, as I work on our report?" She smiled and grabbed a chair to join him at his desk. Spock explained as she made her way over, "I found sitting in that position as relaxing as Vulcan meditation. There is something tranquilizing yet invigorating in the combination of the scent of you and the softness of your skin. It has a very fascinating effect."

Nyota could not help but smile at the fact that Spock did not even realize the power behind what he was admitting to her. He thought that he was merely expressing an observation of sorts. He had no idea how these words made her melt and want to fall apart in his arms, and stay there until he delicately pieced her back together. She sat her chair close to his, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek several times. Spock wrapped his arms around her again, this time a bit more delicately than at the table, and he told her, "I can not logically explain the effect you have on me. It manifests itself through various channels from you - your eyes, your fragrance, your smile, and your kiss all vivify the effect. It is a difficult experience to explain." Now, she looked at his face. He must have realized, that time the power behind his words. This confession warranted a response. She felt as though maybe he needed some confirmation that she was alright with this.

She stroked his face and informed him, "You don't need to explain it to me. I know exactly how you feel, Spock." He looked into her eyes for a while; both of them said nothing. Although he wanted to kiss her, he began typing again, instead. Even after all of the emotion that he felt and even with him going as far as he just had in saying such things as he had said, Spock firmly rejected the urge to become romantically physical with her. He would not kiss her, not tonight, and she figured, probably not any time soon. She wanted to draw his face back to hers and initiate the kiss herself, but knew she needed to move at his pace. She did not want his newfound emotions to frighten him away from her, if she pushed too much. She laid her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes as he continued to type. After a while, she fell to sleep.

When she awoke, she was lying in Spock's bed, alone. She saw the clock; 2243 hours. She had been sleep for maybe an hour and regretted this, because she knew it would interfere with her night's sleep. She got up and walked back into Spock's study area, where he was seated at the computer, reading. She asked, "Did you put me in your bed?"

He turned his computer off and turned to face her as he replied, "You fell asleep. If you had remained laying in the position you were in, you may have awakened with great pain and discomfort." He rose from his chair and walked over to her. He stopped in front of her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. Spock likewise wrapped his arms around her waist as she said, seductively, "Thank you for being so considerate." She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, softly and quickly, then fearfully pulled herself away, though his hold remained around her. With a fearful look in her deep brown eyes, she offered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push."

Spock did not release her from his hold as he lifted his eyebrow and asked, "What do you mean by this statement? What is it that you believe you have _pushed_?" He would not admit it, but he became rather disappointed that she interrupted the feeling of her lips against his, and he wished to understand why she had done so.

She shook her head and looked at the floor, "I didn't mean to come on too strongly."

Spock firmly placed his hands on her shoulders as he explained to her, "You are using human colloquialism that, although I have heard it before, I do not fully comprehend, in this specific context."

She exclaimed, "I didn't mean to take a forceful action that may persuade you to withdraw your interactions with me!"

Spock tilted his head and responded, "I assure you, Nyota, as of this moment, you have absolutely no worries in that area. I have completed our disclosure report and secured an appointment for both of us, with the administration, in the morning. The appointment is the final step in our being recognized as a legitimate and official couple. I fully desire the opportunity to excel as your chosen companion. I would not have taken the time to follow such a path without having an intention to remain on it."

She sighed, "I know. It's just that I am trying to move at your pace."

Spock surprised himself (and her) by turning her face to look at him and he stared at her timid face for a moment, trying to recover from how naturally such a strange action had come forth from him. When he found his voice, he dropped his hand and said, gently, "Move at your own pace, and I will catch up where needed, or slow you down where needed." She nodded her head and he picked up her tote bag. He felt odd. The reaction that she was having on him was simultaneously pleasing and severely uncomfortable. He spoke, now with his usual, brisk and even tone, "It has gotten too late for you to remain inside of my quarters. If you do not leave soon, you will break curfew and be in violation of several regulations. I will escort you back to your own dormitory." He handed the bag to her and she nodded again.

As Spock walked Nyota back to her dorm, she noticed that the few people who happened to still be about were staring at them. Some were looking at their faces, but many seemed focus on Nyota's stunning, shimmery royal purple, spaghetti strap evening gown. She whispered to Spock, "Next time that I come over for a romantic dress up dinner, remind me to make time to change back into my uniform before I leave your room."

"Noted," he said as he walked passed another onlooker without even acknowledging him.

Nyota looked towards him as they walked and she knew that he had went into his professional mode for the night. There would be no cutesy stuff on the way to the room, or once they got there. Most likely, he would walk her to the door and leave without even wishing her good night. She sighed and looked straight ahead, trying to match her presentation of dignity with his.

When they arrived at her dorm, Spock said, "Our appointment begins at 0715 hours. I will meet you here at 0655."

She nodded her head and responded, "Yes, Commander." It was habitual. Especially when he used his authoritative tone. He bowed curtly, pivoted and walked briskly down the hall the same direction in which they had come. She whispered, "Nope, no goodnight."

Nyota entered the dormitory and Gaila was laying in bed, but clearly not asleep, as she appeared to be crying. She was facing the opposite direction, so Nyota walked around to the side of the bed that she faced and sat down next to her. She touched her green cheek with the back of her hand and asked, "Gaila, sweetie, what's wrong?"

Gaila wiped her eyes clear and sat up and asked her, "You look lovely. Where have you been?"

Nyota smiled, slightly, sighed and responded, "Dinner. Now, why are you crying?"

Gaila tried to sound cheerful, but did not smile, as she asked, "Dinner, where?"

Nyota sighed again, deeper, this time. Gaila apparently had lost another boyfriend and evidentially did not want to talk about it. Nyota honored her unspoken wishes and replied to the question, "In Commander Spock's room."

Gaila smiled now and asked, "Did you two do it?"

Nyota huffed and shook her head, "No, Gaila. We didn't do it, nor did we even discuss doing it. Is that all that you think about, Girl? He created the disclosure report. We have an appointment in the morning with the administration."

Gaila smiled and nodded, "Oscar is going to go see them too. He is going to go put it on the records that our relationship has been (and this is his exact terminology) indefinitely discontinued." She fell onto Nyota's lap and cried, then after a few sobs said, "This is a lovely dress." She stroked the royal purple material.

Nyota wanted to tell her that she needed to go to bed to wake up early, and to stress to her that tomorrow morning was of utmost importance to her, but Gaila seemed even more upset than usual about her break up with this Oscar. Nyota stayed where she was and began to sing to Gaila, as Gaila had once told her that when she was sad as a little girl that her mother would let her lay her head on her lap while she sang to her. Gaila began to hum along with the song that Nyota sang, "Beyond Antares", one of Gaila's favorites. Gaila fell to sleep after a moment. Nyota wanted to wait until she was into a deep enough sleep to slide from under her and eventually feel to sleep leaning against Gaila's headboard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Long Day**

Gaila shook Uhura to wake her up. Uhura had climbed into her own bed at some point and remained in deep sleep until Gaila shook her. The Orioness looked at Commander Spock, who stood in the room and she spoke apologetically, "I think that this is my fault. She stayed awake late trying to cheer me up from a rough night." Commander Spock did not respond or react to this information, but secretly assumed that her night was somehow connected to a male. Gaila shook Uhura harder and called to her, "Nyota! Commander Spock is here!"

Now Uhura leaped out of her sleep and looked at Gaila, then at Spock. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was 0658. The fact that she was waking up three minutes after the time that Spock told her he would meet with her made her already feel as though her day may go in the wrong direction. She climbed out of bed, still in her dress from the night before. She rushed to the bathroom, calling out over her shoulder, "I won't take long, Commander. I am so sorry!" _This is not good. Spock will be disappointed in me, that I forgot to activate the alarm._ She decided to move as quickly as humanly possible. When she went in and shut the door, Gaila and Spock heard the shower come on.

As soon as the water began, Spock seemed to suddenly think about something. Gaila had been watching him for a reaction since he came in, and now wondered if she might witness one. Instead, Spock simply stated, "Please inform Lt Uhura that I will see her in the administration office."

Gaila looked worried as she said, "You should wait for her to get ready. She will probably be ready very quickly, Commander." She felt responsible for the fact that Uhura was running late, and did not really want to instigate the situation any further by having to tell her that the Vulcan left without her.

Spock had no reason to debate with this girl, whom he did not find any logic in at all, at any point in time. He had asked her to give Uhura a message, and he was going to leave, rather or not she did. He lifted his eyebrow and asked, "Will you have an opportunity to relay the message?" She nodded her head, a bit sourly. Spock offered, what to seemed to her, a cold "Thank you," before pivoting on the balls of his feet and walking out of the door. Gaila folded her arms as she watched him leave and remained standing there for a moment.

Uhura came rushing out of the bathroom in her red Star Fleet uniform with her hair a tangled mess atop her head. She sat on the bed to put on her boots and asked, "Did he wait outside?"

Gaila bit her lip and said, "He insisted on going on without you and told me to tell you that he'd see you in the administration office." Uhura nodded her head. This news saddened her a little, and even surprised her. Spock was the most patient person that she knew, and even though he may have been disappointed in her, she still would have expected him to wait on her. Gaila kept talking, cutting through Uhura's assessments of the situation, "Said it like a real jerk, too. I don't know what you see in him."

Uhura sighed, about to attack Gaila, for her taste in men was nothing to be proud of, but she decided against it, knowing that Gaila was still sore about this last one. Uhura stood up and went to the mirror to try to manage her hair. She said in a frustrated voice, "He's probably just displeased about the fact that I wasn't ready when I said I would be, Gaila." She defended him, but a part of her agreed with Gaila and was hurt about his leaving her behind.

Gaila folded her arms, "I told him that was _my_ fault. He knows that it isn't like you to not be punctual. He could have waited."

Uhura did not feel like pressing this issue any further, therefore she did not respond. She couldn't get her ponytail to look very silky, so she tightened her hair into a bun, at the back of her head and wrapped a holder around it. She brushed her teeth and sprayed herself with perfume, then grabbed her bag and hurried out of the room saying, "See you later!" Gaila waved her hand at her running friend and climbed back into bed.

Uhura came running into the administration office, quite out of breath and nearly tripped as she did. "It would be wise of you to slow down, Lt." She heard Spock's deep voice say. She turned to see him seated in a chair with an empty chair next to him. He looked so regal, to her, in his black uniform. He sat erect and held some type of paper sack in his hands, but she did not really pay much attention to what he was holding. She felt that an apology was in order.

She sat in the chair next to him, apologizing as she did, "I hope that you aren't too displeased with me, Commander. I had every intention of getting up on time, as this is a rather important day for me. When I got in last night, Gaila was crying and depressed and in my attempt to comfort her, I forgot to set the alarm to get up early enough to..."

"Lt. Uhura." He called her name in the tone he used with his students when about to issue a warning to them. It immediately silenced her and he completed, "You need to compose yourself and get your emotions under control. We are not in an atmosphere for you to become so _passionate_ about explaining yourself to me."

She sat fully into the seat, her posture as erect as his, and faced forward. The last thing that she wanted was for Spock to find it necessary to chastise her about her passion. This whole idea began to seem unattainable, once again.

She asked, "For us to be able to go through with all of this, I have to learn to relax and stop taking everything so strongly. You don't think that I can do this, do you?"

Spock lifted an eyebrow at her and responded to her question, "Lt, I believe that you are capable beyond any parameters that _anyone_ would set for you. I just do not wish to see you make a spectacle of yourself in regards to me, out in public view. It is both illogical and unnecessary."

She nodded her head and said, "Fair enough."

"Completely fair," he corrected.

Angrily, she turned to look at him with her brown eyes piercing into him, but when she did, he handed her the bag which he had been holding, and a cup that had been setting on the small table next to his chair. She looked at the items, strangely, and he explained, "I knew that you would not supply yourself with breakfast because of your late start, so I left your room to make certain that I could obtain something in time enough for you to eat before our appointment. They permit eating a small snack in this office, and you will need sustenance, if you are to execute a full day of work and activity, especially considering that you have not granted yourself a sufficient amount of sleep."

She accepted the bag and the cup from him, suddenly ashamed at herself for being mad at his tone. After all, he was right. It was not professional for her to carry on the way that she had been. And it WAS completely fair for him to point it out to her. She even felt ashamed on behalf of Gaila, for judging him for not waiting, when he was being thoughtful (without even realizing how much it meant to do so). Uhura opened the bag and removed the small wrapped sandwich and the apple. Spock sat staring straight ahead. She said, "Thank you, Commander." He nodded once, but did not turn to look at her.

After she finished, she threw her trash into a nearby trash can and sat next to Spock, again. They sat in silence until a tall, comely blonde woman in a black officer's uniform came into the waiting area. The woman had a PADD cradled in her arm, smiled somewhat slyly at Spock when she saw him and asked, "Good morning, Commander Spock and is it..." She looked at her PADD and struggled to pronounce, "Nie-yo-tee..." Uhura was quite used to people butchering her name, but never had heard it pronounced like "coyote" before, and became annoyed that the woman either could not sound it out and read, or she was purposefully pronouncing her name incorrectly.

"Nyota Uhura," Uhura said and stood up.

Spock stood as well. The woman introduced herself as, "Senior Chief Doyle," and offered politely, "Follow me to my office, please." Uhura gave Spock an "I-am-already-annoyed-by-this-woman" look, followed directly behind Doyle, and Spock followed behind Uhura.

The woman held her palm out towards two chairs in front of her desk and said, "Please, be seated." Spock sat first, then Uhura. There was a computer in front of each of them. Senior Chief Doyle stared at Spock, in a way that Uhura found agitating. Doyle_ knew _why they were there, and therefore _knew _that Spock was unavailable. Her eyes did not seem to care, though. Doyle spoke to Spock, "Commander Spock, I have to admit that it rather surprised me when I looked over my applications and saw _your_ name attached to one. Of all of the things that I would never expect, this is definitely one." She looked at Uhura and said, "And Lt Uhura, I pulled up your record. It is quite stellar. You are going to do marvelous things for Starfleet. Both of you have full schedule loads, are usually working and working hard. Each of you performs so many delicate duties that tremendously help this Academy and will tremendously help the Fleet, as well. I have to tell both of you that deciding to try to have a romantic relationship does not seem like the best thing for either of you to do, in this point in your careers."

Already severely sick of Doyle, Uhura replied, before she could catch herself, "It is our decision and we have already made the choice."

Spock turned to look at Uhura and she glanced at him. Spock offered to her, "It is a part of her job to tell us this."

Uhura asked, "To tell us that we're making a mistake?" Spock turned to face Doyle again, without responding to the question. His eyes said it all: Uhura was going too far. She did not want him anymore disappointed in her for the day, so she told Doyle, "I'm sorry. My roommate didn't allow me to get much sleep last night. I'm afraid I am a bit on edge."

Doyle waved a hand, and in her eyes was a victorious smile as she offered, "Do not even worry about it. I'll just be moving along, now. Do you have the disclosure report available?" Spock pulled the data slate from his bag and handed it to the woman. She slid it into her computer and the screens on the computers in front of Spock and Uhura came on.

Doyle typed something into her computer as she explained, "This appointment's main purpose is to help you make the right decision and to submit into our records your information, in order to avoid the practice of favoritism. Favoritism is not smiled upon in Starfleet Academy. I know that I don't have to tell the walking protocol keeper, Commander Spock this, but it _is_ a part of my job to say it." She grinned mischievously at Spock, to which he pressed his lips together and looked at her, unamused.

Uhura tried to keep a straight face. There was something in the tall blonde's tone that she simply did not appreciate. Not only her tone, but her eyes as well. Either Uhura really was suffering from sleep deprivation, or this bimbo was flirting with Spock, right before her eyes. The longer Uhura sat there, the less she liked this woman and her inclinations at Spock.

Doyle continued talking and typing, "The first component of this meeting is a compatibility test. Please respond to all of the questions honestly and the computer will generate results that I can share with you, which will assess the probability of the success of the relationship."

Uhura watched Spock as Doyle continued, "The second component is an authenticity test. Answer honestly, and the computer will compare both persons' answers to the information given in the disclosure report. The third and final component of the meeting is a contract that both must read and sign, vowing not to allow any favoritism or unethical behavior to spring forth from the relationship. The entire meeting generally takes one hour, but takes longer depending on your feedback. We will take breaks in between both tests to discuss the results and see if you both still wish to continue on to the next step." Uhura noticed that Spock's eyes remained focused on Doyle the entire time, but from the seat next to him, she could not tell what was behind those dark eyes.

Doyle smiled at Spock and announced, "The two of you may begin the first component." Uhura and Spock both began typing in the information the computers requested. Uhura went fluently through the answers until she came across the question _What is your motivation to pursue this relationship? _She looked towards Spock and wondered if he had already answered the question, then wondered what his answer was. Doyle broke into her thoughts with, "Ms. Uhura, please complete the test on your _own_ computer." Uhura frowned as she returned to answering her question. Spock had paused when the woman made the statement, but quickly resumed typing.

After a while, Spock sat back in the seat, erect in position and quietly. Uhura kept looking at Spock look at Doyle, and found it extremely distracting. She wanted to get up and look at his face, to see what his eyes were saying, but she had to finish this compatibility test. Then, she became worried about the test. There were several times when she and Spock saw eye to eye on everything mentioned, then there were other times, a high number of times that they just could not understand each other, at all. As statistical as Spock was, she knew that he had probably already estimated a number for how compatible they were, and she wondered if it was a high number. It would have to be, for him to think to do this, otherwise, this was completely illogical and... Doyle interrupted the rantings in Uhura's mind when she asked, "Are you nearly done, Ms. Uhura?"

Uhura responded, "I am not sure, Senior Chief, as I do not know where this assessment ends." Only moments later, though, she was done. "There I go." Uhura announced.

Senior Chief Doyle touched her touch screen in a couple of places and within moments, both Spock and Uhura pulled out their PADDs, as the results were sent to them. Doyle looked at her computer and said, "This is amazing, Commander Spock. I did not even know that there could be someone whom a computer or anything else considered you compatible with, but these numbers are something." Uhura looked at her PADD and scrolled down to see 88.725 %. Doyle gave Spock a sly smile.

Uhura found herself so annoyed that she wanted to grab the woman by the collar and tell her to wipe the grin off of her face and place her pale blue eyes back into her sockets. Doyle asked, "Do you two want to discuss the problem areas of the results?"

Spock replied, "No." Uhura looked at him, and almost refuted, but he looked at her and said, "Lt. Uhura and I will be able to handle any so called problem areas, just between the two of us." He returned his look to Doyle, and Uhura could have sworn that she saw contempt in his eyes. At least he was not entertaining her shameless flirtations. The woman cut an envious look at Uhura, then Spock seemed to smirk a bit.

At that moment, Uhura felt so foolish. She felt like she had just seen something that had been setting right in front of her the entire time: There was something between Spock and this woman… there must have been, at so e point in time. Then, she remembered… this was the woman that she once saw arguing with Spock and when she had, she believed, at that time that there had been something between them. Uhura felt a catch in her throat as the woman looked at her and asked, "Do you agree, Ms. Uhura?" Uhura nodded, unable to articulate, at the moment. Doyle answered, "Very well, you may both commence the second component."

Uhura found it even more difficult to concentrate. She really did not have to do much concentrating, because all of these questions, she did know the answers to, such as _When did you first realize that you wanted to have a relationship with this person? _Spock finished this particular part even sooner than the first. Uhura took even longer than she did on the first part, but she was using more details than Spock was.

When she finally finished, Doyle touched her touch screen and waited a moment. She eventually questioned, "Ms. Uhura, according to your responses, you realized that you wanted the Commander over one year ago, do you know the exact time period?"

Uhura felt embarrassed as she looked at Spock to see his non-reaction to the woman's outburst. Uhura shook her head and answered, "No, I really can't." Doyle typed the information into her computer as she asked, "Was it before or after Commander Spock assisted you in taking advantage of your acceleration options?"

Uhura hesitated, then replied, "After."

Doyle nodded and continued typing, "And was it before or after you took up a desk in his office?"

Uhura sighed and replied, "Before."

Doyle typed and said, "Great, that gives me a more accurate time frame. Commander Spock, the realization of your desire does not occur until _quite some time_ later." She threw him a knowing smile that made Uhura particularly angry, and she could no longer hide it as she glared at the woman.

Spock responded, "Are we allowed to view the contract now, Senior Chief Doyle?" The woman didn't turn away from Spock as she touched her touch screen, then she said, shortly, "Go for it."

Spock read the contract quickly, signed with the stylus and looked over at Uhura. She appeared to be reading it very slowly and thoughtfully. Spock intertwined his fingers, except his pointers, which pointed upwards and he rested those two fingers against his lips as he stared at Doyle. Uhura stopped reading and looked over at him. She still could not tell what was in his eyes. She looked at Doyle, who stared back at Spock as though he was her next drink after a long drought. Uhura fumed silently and returned to the contract, which she signed before even finishing it, to rush getting out of this office.

Upon leaving the administration office, Spock said, "That was a tiresome experience. Fortunately, it must only be completed once." Uhura walked next to him and did not respond, because she felt as though if she opened her mouth she might scream. Spock did not look at her as he said, "Whatever thoughts your mind is producing will be appropriately discussed. The most logical location for such discussion shall remain in my quarters." Uhura still did not respond. He now looked at her and observed, "I believed that by completing this process, you would become happy."

Now she spoke, saying, "I am happy that we are official. This is something that I've wanted for a long time." He lifted an eyebrow as he stared her. She tried not to say anything else, but eventually added, "I am not happy about that woman's behavior. How well do you know her?"

Spock faced forward again and replied, "She is the only officer who conducts the work which she conducts, otherwise, I would have requested someone else."

"Why would you have done that, Commander?" She asked, fearing that she already knew the answer.

Spock tilted his head slightly and replied, "Senior Chief Doyle and I have a brief past. She once believed that she loved me. Of course, you realize that this alleged emotion was not reciprocated. Speaking with Doyle has been a challenge since this time."

She became quite frustrated, but sighed deeply and continued to walk beside him to his office. Could she really blame the woman for falling in love with Spock? Had she not done the same thing herself? The difference was that if Spock had turned her away and found someone else, she certainly would not hold it against him, or the other woman. She would just assume that Spock is intelligent enough to know what he wants. She smiled at the thought of Spock wanting _her._

Uhura dropped her bag on her desk as soon as she entered Spock's office and went to make the tea. As she prepared the materials, Spock came up behind her and took her into his arms. She turned around to face him and he looked into her eyes as he held her. He said softly, "Under all other circumstances, I assure you, we will not behave this way in the office. However, at this particular moment, I see fit to tell you that I am quite satisfied with our decision and I have no regrets about the fact that we are "official," as you put it. My only wish is that you can be happy about it, as I thought you would be."

She replied, dryly, "I am happy, Spock."

He looked into her eyes, his expression urgent, yet his tone remained calm as he said, emotionlessly, "I have asked you to be honest with me."

She cupped his face and said, "I AM happy."

She kissed him on the mouth, longer than she had the night before. She noticed that when the kiss began, Spock become a stone figure. He did not return the kiss or even move at all as she attempted to deepen it. Discouraged by his unresponsive treatment, she pulled away and said, "I shouldn't have."

He nodded, and commented, "I agree. However, I should not have gathered you into an embrace, not in the office. Your behavior simply was a reaction to an action which I made an unwise choice to take. It will not happen again." He went quickly to his desk. She felt her face grow hot. Could she get anything right on this day? The rest of their morning was spent in silence.

Spock gathered himself at the usual time, thirty minutes before his first class, and left the office, wordlessly. Uhura laid her head down on the desk, feeling too tired to do anything else. Suddenly she jumped up. She would fall to sleep if she stayed here. Since she did not have any official assignments from Spock (and no new tasks had come in from any other instructor), she collected her things and decided to go work out, hoping that would help her to recharge enough to finish the rest of her day.

She stopped by her room to change and grab her gym bag. It annoyed Uhura that Gaila was asleep in bed, instead of handling her responsibilities, after keeping _her_ awake all night. Uhura wore fitting regulation red tights and a tight red sleeveless top as she ventured to the gym area and found herself an open wide empty space on some of the mats. She placed her music in her ears to listen to some of her favorite African songs, and as she listened, she stretched. After she stretched, she began dancing. She alternated from fast to slow, different dance styles, mostly African learned movements from her native land. She danced for about thirty minutes before stretching and cooling down, then she grabbed her water and headed towards the door of the gym.

"That has to have been the best performance that I have seen since coming into this place," She heard a familiar and deeply unwanted voice announce from behind her.

She did not even turn around as she took the ear pieces out of her ears and asked, "Do you hang around the gym to watch women _perform_?"

James Kirk walked up next to her and walked out of the gym with her, just as sweaty as herself as he took her large bag off of her arm and said, "Not usually, but if I knew that you would be doing that, I would be here on time for it, everyday."

She tried to wrestle her bag back from him but he was physically stronger than she was, so she let him keep it, until she could sneak it back, she decided. She shook her head and fought the feeling to smile as she asked, "How is it that you are _never_ in a class?"

Kirk walked next to her, holding her bag and smiling his most charming smile as he replied, "I am in class quite often, just never when you see me. If you think about it, whenever I see you, you are never in class either." She could not help but smile at the obviousness of the statement, now that she thought about it, her question was a bit silly. Kirk went on to say, "And it is surprising to me that you are never in class, because _everyone_ talks about how seriously you take your lessons and how much you study. You go to educational labs and the library and extra study sessions and extracurricular studies. It would seem as though you should be in a class right now."

Slightly offended by his observations (as true as they were), she informed him, "I am practically done with all of my classes. I only have three this semester. The rest of my time is filled just like you have observed or heard, with on the job training, campus assistant work, simulations, and hobbies."

Kirk made a pleasantly surprised face and responded, "Hobbies? You? Besides titillating African dance, what do you _like_ to do?"

She finally was able to catch him off guard long enough to grab her bag back as she answered, "Handle my own property, for one. Not be harassed all the time, by playboys, for another. And, most importantly, none of your business."

He smiled at her, "None of my business today, but I can assure you, one day, your business and my business will cross paths beautifully."

She sighed, "I doubt it, Kirk."

He wasn't going away, he continued to walk with her and point out, "You know, the Kobayashi Maru is coming up in a few months, aren't you generally involved in those simulations?" She nodded her head, absently. He asked, "How do you always wind up doing those things, anyway?"

She responded, "I don't ALWAYS do them, Kirk, I am only appointed when the programmer is on site. I love to decorate my transcript, and Kobayashi Maru simulations make excellent decor."

Kirk folded his arms, "When the programmer is on site? You know the programmer or something?"

She answered, a little frustrated, as she did not want to talk about this with him, but knew that he would insist on probing her, "Yes. I am a campus assistant. I do work for a lot of the staff on the campus. I work out of the Commander who programs the test's office."

Kirk threw his hands into the air in relief and said, "Great, maybe then, you know how or why no one ever passes the test?"

She stopped walking, turned to face him and pressed her lips together, annoyed by the question. Quickly, her expression became proud and she realized that her eyes may have even twinkled a bit as she said, "Because the Commander is a genius." Kirk gave her an amused upside-down toothless grin. She pointed her thumb towards her back as she said, "I have to go get ready for one of my classes, Kirk. You probably have a class to get to soon, as well."

She began walking away and he asked, "Where is his office?" She shook her head and kept walking as he called out, "I thought maybe I could stop by one day and shake a genius' hand, then have lunch with you."

She called out, over her shoulder, "You thought wrong, Kirk!" But she hid from him a smile that she could not quite stop herself from forming.

Spock crossed paths with the slightly younger, blue eyed cadet in work out clothes and subtly sized him up, as he did. He knew the cadet to be James Kirk, and he knew the cadet to be bothersome to Nyota, but what he did not know was why they were walking together, both dressed in work out clothes, as though they had been exercising together. Or why he saw the man holding Nyota's gym bag as they walked together. He also did not know why Kirk's appearance in Nyota's presence brought him such concern.

After all, Nyota had spoken of Kirk as an arrogant, unnecessarily persistent "super-jerk", as he recalled. He could not find a definition to such a word and she had to tell him, "It's a really, really obnoxious person."

However, on today, Nyota did not appear to be offended by Kirk's company, in the least bit. She seemed to be quite at ease with him, for the full five minutes which Spock walked a distance behind them, watching them interact. Now, Spock turned to walk in the same direction as Kirk, unsure of what he planned to accomplish by this. Perhaps he was curious enough to give Kirk a bit more study than he previously cared to venture.

When Nyota first mentioned him, (now that he thought of it, she mentioned this man _several_ times), it was out of annoyance. Most of the things that she spoke of him indicated that he annoyed her to a great degree. But, Spock found that human women often expressed annoyance for subjects which they were quite fond of. If Nyota had any type of fondness for this man, Spock found himself interested in knowing more about him.

Kirk ran into another cadet... McCoy? McCoy, a doctor who joined Starfleet after a bitter divorce. Spock heard Kirk say, "My dream has just come true!" Spock walked slowly to not pass them by, but centered his hearing upon their words, as he was certain that Kirk would mention Nyota.

McCoy gave Kirk an already defeated look, which suggested that he did not intend to argue much with him today as he asked, "Which one?"

Kirk smiled vividly, "A beautiful one," he replied. "I just spoke with the entrancing and vivacious Uhura, and she wasn't the least bit evil to me. This is after half an hour of watching her dance in a pair of tights."

McCoy looked slightly impressed, "That actually does sound like a dream come true. She is incredibly gorgeous, but I wouldn't get my hopes up, IF I were you. She has better sense than those other women you latch on to."

Kirk answered, "One of the main components of her magnetism... aside from those long and graceful legs." Spock found himself glaring at Kirk, but quickly recovered before anyone might see him. Kirk continued on to say, "_And_ during our little bonding session, she told me that she knows the designer of the Kobayashi Maru. She might be able to find a way around the thing. Now, all I have to do is to get her to help me out with it."

McCoy stared at him, "You're joking right? Have you ever heard anyone here speak about her character? She has never had a detention, never an unexcused absence, scores exemplary marks on all of her work, and she _hates_ you! Why would she help you beat the test?"

Kirk looked around and shushed McCoy, "Hate is a very strong word. I think that her feelings toward me revolve around the fact that she resents me for being so confident in the presence of a goddess, and you can't fully blame her. She deserves respect. She deserves a man who will give her the world, but she has got to realize that the man who will be able to give her the world will have to be a man great enough to gain the world. Such a man is always confident."

McCoy sighed, frustrated and annoyed and said, "Jim, you do this all the time. This fascination of yours is worse than a retired one legged bull rider who keeps trying to sign up for the rodeo! She hardly says hello to you, and you want her to assist you in a test that you have already failed twice, now?"

Kirk shrugged his shoulders and said, squarely, "Hey, someone told me that she's a tutor. I've failed a test, a tutor is exactly what I need. I know that I can do it. I just want a loophole, that's all."

McCoy nodded, "Well, I suggest you figure it out, all on your own, because she isn't going to participate in such foolishness!"

Kirk laughed and patted him on the shoulder, "You're right, what was I thinking? But, seeing her dance in those tights makes up for anything else harsh that she could send my way. I can't believe she doesn't have a man."

Now, Spock felt himself growing alarmed. Something about the thought of men, especially men like this Kirk thinking that Uhura was available caused him a portion of worry.

He heard McCoy ask Kirk, "How do you know she doesn't?"

Kirk replied, quite certain, "Women love to show their men off, or at least let others know that he exists. You flirt with them and they say, "I'm taken", she's never told me that, not one single time, Bones. She just shoots me down, with a smile, mind you. I think that I'm cracking her shell. Soon enough, she'll be telling others, "I'm taken." Guess who'll be the man she's referring to. Especially, after I beat that test. She thinks that the designer is a genius, she'll be calling _me_ that within a few months' time."

McCoy sighed and looked at the sky, "Of all the friends on this campus that I could have chosen, I choose the one with the thickest skull." Kirk and McCoy went into one of the buildings.

Spock turned around and headed away, quickly.

Uhura startled when she came out of her room and Spock was standing there. She smiled, uncomfortably, and asked, "Is everything okay?" He nodded and headed into her dorm, which caused her to follow him back inside.

He began to talk, calmly, "I was out on the grounds in my off time, moments ago and saw you leaving the gym. I was going to walk with you a moment while I had some free time, but I didn't want to interrupt your conversation with James Kirk, I believe his name is."

She teased, in a low voice, as to not wake Gaila, "Thanks a lot! Because you failed to move I had to endure him for nearly seven minutes."

Spock did not seem slightly amused. He asked, "What did you talk about?"

She shrugged her shoulders and said, "He flirted, as usual. He was asking me about my hobbies and he mentioned that he would be taking the Kobayashi Maru when it's up again. I think this is gonna be his third time _failing_ it."

Spock's hands were behind his back as he casually asked, "When Kirk flirted with you today, did you make him aware that you are unavailable?" She looked at Spock, suddenly concerned and seemingly suddenly aware that the subject which he came to her with was bothering him. It had taken her a while, because she did not expect it.

In a small, even voice, she asked, "Should I have? That would just lead to him probing further. I already made the mistake of telling him I worked in the office of the test programmer. I wouldn't want to put too many clues out there and possibly ruin the discretion that I vowed to you." Spock seemed quite annoyed. Uhura now asked, "Are you bothered by that?"

Spock pressed his lips together and glanced at his PADD. He would be running later than he usually did, soon, although he would still be early to his next class. Now was not the time for the attention which this discussion required. He responded, "Your reasons for not clarifying to him do not bother me, as they are indeed logical. Kirk's behavior towards you, however, concerns me." As he walked out of the dormitory, speedily, Nyota truly wondered what concerned him?

She looked at her PADD for the time and realized that she did not have any to spare to chase after him and try to console him, as she walked out too. He was quite far down the hall and she needed to head in the opposite direction for her class. She sighed and looked at her PADD a second time, as illogical as it was, because she had just looked at it fifteen seconds earlier, but for a different purpose. This time, she looked at it to count that it had only been five hours since this relationship became official, and they were having problems already.

Uhura was grateful for an interactive class day in Advanced Klingon. It took her mind off of Spock for while. After that class, she went into her next class, where the agenda was not nearly as helpful, in that the instructor was giving a lesson on the geographical significance of the morphology of the Cardassian language. Her options were to fall asleep in the middle of taking notes on her PADD, or allow her mind to drift in and out while trying to take notes.

Spock was bothered by Jim Kirk, of all people! If Spock had seen her talking to Jim, then he must have also seen Jim carrying her gym bag. Maybe _that_ was the actual issue. Although, she did not realize that Vulcan men were territorial about their women. Then again, what did she know about Vulcan men, except that it was frustrating to fall in love with one? Maybe it wasn't so much that Spock was being territorial as it was that he felt she was being too friendly with someone whom she claimed to dislike. He had a right, after all. She had been upset about that Doyle woman's advances...

"Uhura, I did mean today, my friend," she heard the instructor call out. Uhura stared at him with her brown eyes wide open in a state of mild shock, as she could not believe how often her mind was drifting off today.

Uhura stared at the gray haired male and then asked in an embarrassed voice, "Could you repeat it, please?" The instructor looked extremely disappointed by this request and turned his focus to another student and called her name. The student made a guess and happened to be right.

Now the instructor looked back at Uhura and asked, "With the response that Wheaton just gave, do you think that you may know what the question was?"

Uhura cleared her throat and said, "It could be one of several things, Professor. For example, the answer given indicates that the question could have been what is the main difference between the accent of authentic Northern Cardassians and the diaspora from Cadassia Prime's northern moons. But it could also be the response to why do Southern Cardassians reject the terminology of Northern Cardassians, as it relates to synonym usage." The Professor nodded, apparently pleased with the fact that at least she would have gotten the answer right if she had been paying attention.

When class was dismissed, the teacher asked her to remain for a moment. She quickly reported to his desk and said, "Yes, Professor Hatchett?"

He casually asked, "Was my class so **boring** today that you had to daydream?"

She looked at the floor for a second, then looked at his face and replied, "No sir, it was not that the class was boring. I had to get up extra early, after having to sleep extra late. I promise that this will not occur again."

He nodded and said, "Well, I hope that you got something from the lecture in your notes because you have just been officiated as tomorrow's pop quiz giver." Being a pop quiz giver was not at all a bad thing for her, as she always had great questions for class, and therefore could create great questions for a pop quiz. Still, she did not _feel _like doing this assignment. She forced herself to smile and said, "I can do it, Professor Hatchett. How many questions must it be?"

Professor Hatchett answered, casually (as he said everything),"I want ten questions, no more than two questions of one subject, and only up to two of one subject twice. Five two part questions is prohibited and you are not allowed to create a question pertaining to the answer in which you missed earlier."

She sighed and nodded. "Very well, Sir," she said. He jerked his head towards the door, instead of officially dismissing her.

She left the class, frustrated. The worse thing happened that she could think of, afterwards... Kirk, again. She bumped right into him upon walking out of the classroom and he laughed. He gathered both of her hands into his and said, "Two times in one day. This must be fate." She pulled her hands out of his, looked across the hall and saw something that made her reevaluate the worse thing that she could think of.

She saw Commander Spock and Senior Chief Doyle, walking together and talking. Uhura walked passed them, noticed by both but, not acknowledged by either, and Kirk walked right beside her, toying around with the strap of her bag as he talked. Uhura and Spock made eye contact and she did not know whether to feel guilty about this situation, as she glanced at Kirk, or betrayed, as she glanced at Doyle.

As she walked on, and Kirk did not stop talking. She jerked her bag from his hold and asked him, "Do you have another class to attend? Because I do, and I'm trying to get it!" She snapped at him and stormed off, practically stomping her feet.

Doyle looked at Spock's face, as he looked in the direction of Uhura freeing herself from Kirk's company and asked, "That was your friend, was it not?"

Without facing her, Spock replied, "We maintain discretion."

Doyle lifted an eyebrow and asked, "By not acknowledging each other?"

Now, he looked at her and responded, shortly, "She was entertaining the company of another cadet at the moment and I was engaged in a talk with a fellow staff member. It would have been quite conspicuous of either of us to interfere in our own conversations to acknowledge each other."

Doyle smirked slyly and said, "If you say so."

Spock simply said, "I have made my request to you, and I hope that you will honor it. Lt. Uhura and I have our privacy laying within the confines of your brain, and I intend for it to remain that way, just as I expect you to treat her with the level of respect she has earned at this institution. Now, I must be on my way. Enjoy the remainder of your day, Senior Chief Doyle."

The day seemed to take forever to end, and Spock found himself quite excited, although he did not show it, to be finished with his work for the evening. He locked his office and headed to his dorm, pleased with himself for extending the assignments of the previous night until tomorrow. It gave him a chance not to have to make any markings, and hopefully to speak with Nyota about the day's questionable events.

When he entered his room, he was a bit disappointed that Nyota was not already there, but then he remembered that she had lost a large portion of sleep. He placed his items neatly on his desk and checked his computer to see if she had left him a message. The answer was "no".

Spock decided to meditate for a while, to help him with his ever growing disgust of the day. Disgust was a ridiculous state to allow one's self to be subject to. He was disgusted by Doyle's behavior towards Nyota in the appointment. He was disgusted by Nyota's reaction to the behavior. He was disgusted by the fact that he had seen Nyota in the company of that James Kirk, twice in one day, one of which, they appeared to be overtly comfortable with each other. He was disgusted by the fact that Nyota had seen him speaking with Doyle about her behavior towards his companion, and the possibility that Nyota may have misinterpreted this viewing. But most of all, he was disgusted that he had not spent much time with her today, and that it did not seem as though he would tonight, either.

Spock meditated for over an hour before he heard his door slide open and he stood up and walked towards it to see Nyota entering with a bag from the campus garden. When she placed the bag on the kitchen counter, he walked upon her. She turned to look at him and threw her arms around his neck. He responded by wrapping his own arms around her waist. At that moment, the rest of the day did not matter at all. Not to him, and certainly not to her. They stood there, in the kitchen, in each other's arm for quite some time, and every time one of them thought to let the other go, they each refused to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Clarity**

Uhura explained to Spock the exact details of both of her encounters with Kirk that day, from start to finish, even replayed the conversation they had after the workout. She admitted to not hearing most of what he said the second time, for being distracted by Spock and Doyle. Uhura was in such a troubled frame of mind that she even told Spock that one of the main reasons she was so standoffish with Kirk was because of how they met. She replayed the entire story to him, from first flirt to finish.

Spock's eyes seemed ultimately aggravated about the portion of the story where James Kirk uses Uhura's breasts to land on, with both of his hands. Uhura went on to say that she might have given him a chance at friendship, only, if he had not been so adamant about being something else for the last almost three years.

Spock said in a quiet tone, "The fact that nearly three years has not dissuaded him makes the possibility of anything else doing so severely scarce. Perhaps you should warn him that if he continues, you will be forced to bring about charges upon him, for sexual harassment."

Uhura looked shocked at the suggestion. She chuckled uneasy and said, softly, "Spock, I wouldn't want to do that to him. I mean, sure he is obnoxious and his pathetic advances are deeply unwanted, but Starfleet has helped the quality of his character, believe it or not. He has become a better man, and I don't really think that he has anything else that he would want to do. This has pretty much become his life just as much as it is mine or yours."

Spock lifted an eyebrow and replied, "_Then,_ he should be rather susceptible to your warning." Spock noticed that the thought troubled Uhura. She did not like to hurt anyone, and he could imagine her defending Kirk in the bar, as to not have him beaten. At this point, he could imagine why someone would hit the man, but he did not want to trouble Uhura the way that his suggestion seemed to be troubling her. He offered, "Keep in mind that I am merely offering you a suggestion. You are perfectly willing to handle the situation with this Kirk as you see fit."

Uhura sighed and put her head down. She would agree to it. She would agree to anything that Spock suggested, if it did not remove her dignity. It may seem harsh at the moment, but if Kirk's advances made Spock uncomfortable, she would say what she needed to say to appease him. Currently, she found herself concerned about Senior Chief Doyle. "Now that you have a solution for what should be done about Kirk, what is the situation with that Doyle woman?"

Spock answered, quickly, "As I told you earlier, she developed emotions for me, which resulted in extremely irrational behavior, from her. Prior to that, the two of us had spent moments together, somewhat similar to my interactions with you, but simultaneously, immensely different. We shared meals and conversation, but never the physical contact which you show me, and she did not cause the same reaction in me which you do. I decided that the logical thing to do was to depart from her, despite her insistence upon being together. For the most part, she has recovered from the situation, as it occurred many years ago; however, she still seems to occasionally harbor some strange accessory emotion to the heartache which she already seems to have recovered from."

Uhura nodded, "Bitterness, that's how someone usually feels when you didn't want them when they wanted you."

Spock tilted his head a bit and replied, "She was given a disclaimer that our dealings would be solely for the purpose of experimentation, and she agreed to the conditions; however, she seemed to forget these facts as time went on and began to try to demand of me to have emotions for her. It is something that I simply could not do, and I even told her that our chances of succeeding in a romantic way were less than 17.464%. Her reply was, "That's better than 10%", thus solidifying my estimation of her as a completely illogical woman."

Uhura sighed and said, "I thought that there must have been something between you two. It just seemed so weird. Your past is your past, Spock. What matters now is the future."

He placed his hand on hers, very stiffly and said, "Many times, humans have claimed to leave things in the past, only to repeatedly bring the subject of those things back to the present. I do not want us to ever discuss Senior Chief Doyle again."

She curled her lips to the side and said, "Before I can agree to that, I need to know if she isn't going to be resurfacing _herself_, trying to cause problems between us."

Spock tilted his head and replied, "For a solution to this, you would need to address her personally. I have asked her not to, but it would not be the first time that she did not honor my request. She has agreed to do so for your benefit. Generally, I keep a safe distance from her, as to not instigate any remnant of the past."

Uhura nodded and said, "I understand that. But it was just today that I saw you with her."

Spock answered, "Today, when you saw me with her, it was merely my time to request that she does not interfere or break any confidentiality codes about our current situation. I do not wish to have any interactions with her, and I do not wish for anyone to interfere in the progress of our path together."

Although they held no emotion, nor inflection of any syllable to indicate any concern, Uhura softened at his words. Knowing him, and who he was, it took a lot for him to be able to admit such a thing to her, even in an apathetic tone. She took his hand into hers and kissed the back of it. Spock looked at his hand and asked, "Typically, that gesture is applied to the face, is it not?"

She laughed and said, "Typically," and kissed him on the cheek. She kept her face but a breath away from his own, and looked him in the eyes. His eyes smiled at her and she said, "I want to stay longer tonight, but I still have work to do and I did not get much sleep last night." Her lips slightly brushed against his as she said this. He made no effort to move away.

With her face still practically touching his, Spock responded, "Then, it would be logical for you to leave as soon as possible." She nodded her head and leaned into him. She brushed her lips against his, but did not kiss him. Spock reached out and pulled her face closer to his, where her lips were touching his own, but did not kiss her. She giggled slightly at his nonverbal way of asking her to kiss him, then she fulfilled his unspoken wish.

As Spock walked Uhura back to her quarters, she noticed that there were not as many people staring as the night before and felt glad that she was in her uniform. Spock walked her to the door and stated, "I shall see you in the morning, Lt."

She nodded her head and said, "I will not be a minute late, Commander."

He nodded, as well, stood there for a moment, then said in a monotone fashion, "I wish for you to receive a sufficient amount of sleep and for it to be a peaceful rest. If you are to dream on tonight, I wish for your dreams to be pleasant." He must have read about this. His good night was far more descriptive and advanced than humans generally provided. She touched his cheek, but he backed away quickly from her hand and she touched his shoulder instead, which he permitted.

She smiled and whispered, "Good night, Spock, and sweet dreams." He took her hand off of his shoulder and kissed the back of it, then turned to leave and briskly went down the hallway. Uhura stared at her hand and shivered. _That _was the greatest kiss that she had ever received.


	4. Chapter 4

**Reflections Of A Past**

As the stars twinkled in the night's sky, Uhura watched them calmly. She was laying on her back on a blanket on the grass, while Gaila was cuddled up with some cute, but clearly young specimen, seated right next to her. Uhura knew that Gaila did not really like the guy, but she needed someone to take her mind off of Oscar. This poor kid had no idea what he had gotten himself into when he came over to the blanket to retrieve the frisbee that his friend accidentally threw onto it. Once Gaila set her sights upon someone, he was hers. The only reason that Gaila had released Oscar was because she did not want to possibly get in trouble with administration for charming a faculty member into sexual and emotional slavery. If Oscar was a normal boy, like this poor creature, her seductive wiles and enticing eyes would have had him, until _she _said so.

Uhura looked at the boy and asked him, "What was your name again?" He looked at Gaila's face, as though waiting for some type of permission.

She simply smiled at him and said in a soft voice, "Answer her, please?"

The young man responded, "Pavel Andreievich Chekov, Miss."

Uhura smiled at him and asked, "And, I am sure that Gaila won't mind my asking, but how old are you?" Gaila nodded her head in approval of his communication.

Chekov said, "Seventeen, Miss." Gaila and Uhura both immediately sat up, and Gaila looked at Uhura, as though awaiting instruction. Uhura gave her one of those motherly warning glances and Gaila bit her lip.

Gaila unhanded the boy and told him, "My friend and I need to be alone, now, Pavel. You can go find out what happened to your friends. Maybe I'll see you around the campus." He stood up and nodded, then walked off. Before he got too far away, he stopped and turned to look at the strange green girl who had just enraptured him. Gaila and Uhura both waved their hands at him and he scampered off.

Uhura looked at Gaila and shook her head, in disbelief. She said, "Gaila, you have got to get your head around this thing, Sweetie. you almost took a child home. And, while we are on the subject, I am getting a little bit tired of you bringing guys back to the dorm. I would appreciate it if this stopped." Gaila sighed and laid down on the blanket. Uhura looked at her and questioned, "Gaila, are you listening to me?"

Gaila looked at her and said, "You're right, Nyota. I should stop bringing so many guys by the dorm. It has become a bit excessive, hasn't it?" Uhura nodded sadly. Gaila sighed and said, "I promise that I will stop it. From now on, I will go to their rooms."

Uhura shook her head and offered, "Gaila, actually, that wasn't what..." She sighed and said, "Never mind. At least you won't be bringing them to the room."

Gaila placed her index finger on Uhura's nose and Uhura huffed a tiny laugh. Gaila said, "Lay down with me, Nyota." Uhura laid next to Gaila. They both loved nights like this. The stars were full and bright and they could just imagine how fantastic it would be when they began to go out there and work. Gaila asked, "Do you think that we might end up on the same ship?"

Uhura said, "I don't know, Gaila. All I do know is that I have to be on the Enterprise."

Gaila laughed and teased, "You are so in love with that ship! Does Commander Spock know about his competition?" Uhura smiled slightly. Gaila said, "Well, at least you know that you have nothing to worry about when it's time for you to be assigned. Commander Spock will put you on the Enterprise. Isn't that the ship that he is assigned to, as well?"

Uhura offered a breathy, "Mm hmm. He is going to be the first mate to Captain Pike. I probably won't get to see very much of him while we're on it, as he'll be working on the bridge, but I wouldn't care if I were seated in an obscure cubbyhole, as long as it's on the Enterprise."

Gaila said, "I don't care what ship I am on, as long as I make it out there. I love the thought of being among the stars. Wherever I get assigned to, I hope that there are nice, cute guys there. Have you and Commander Spock discussed how you will maintain your relationship once you're on the ship together?"

Uhura sighed and answered, "No, we have not discussed that far ahead, Gaila. We've only been together for two weeks. To be honest, he never says much about the ship. I am usually doing the talking when it comes to that. It seems like he does not want to talk about the ship. He probably has some qualms about me being on the same ship with him."

Gaila pursed her lips and said, "He'll get over it. He had better, because you can get on any ship that you want. You're more than qualified, and all of your instructors and pupils know it."

Uhura asked in a small voice, "What time is it?"

Gaila stared at the stars in the sky and said, "It looks like it is about 2315." Gaila had this gift for being able to tell nearly the precise time just by looking at the sky. She added, "We should probably be heading in, huh?" Uhura pulled herself to her feet, then reached for Gaila's hands and helped her up. Gaila gathered the blanket and they both walked towards their dormitory. The two of them usually spent a night, once a month, or so just having some connection time. Uhura felt it necessary to be close to and comfortable with the people you live with. She and Gaila were not particularly close friends, but they regarded each other in a way that one might a distant cousin... you feel like they are indeed family, even if you are `not really _that _close to them. However, she and Gaila were getting closer all of the time. The only being that Uhura was closer to , currently, was Spock

Gaila looked at Uhura and said, "You're thinking about him. You are ALWAYS thinking about him."

Uhura shook her head and said, "No, I'm not always thinking about him. It's just that this is the first night in the past two weeks that not only have we not spent any time together, but I have not even seen him. I feel like an adolescent."

Gaila threw her a silly look and asked, "How do you know what an adolescent feels like? Didn't you spend all of your teenage years in a library?"

Uhura laughed and said, "I guess that I'm a late bloomer."

Gaila shrugged her shoulders and said, "That's okay. I'm sure that Commander Spock is a later bloomer. While we are on the subject, have you done it yet?"

Uhura snapped, "Gaila, how about we make a deal right now? If you will stop asking me that, I will be sure to let you know when it does happen. You will be the first to know, OK?" Gaila smiled cheerily and Uhura was in disbelief at how something such as that could make her excited. Spock was right about Gaila, "She is a being of sheer illogicalness." Uhura wondered if this was how Spock felt when dealing with her, when she was being illogical? Because she loved Gaila, with a large portion of her heart, but her illogicalness drove Uhura crazy. Uhura wondered if she did _that_ to Spock?

As they walked, she tried to think of times when she got certain reactions out of Spock that she did not expect. The first one that formed in her mind was the night that she lost one of her favorite earrings in his couch:

_On that night, which was about three months before they dedicated themselves to one another, Spock was cleaning vegetables in the sink, and cutting them on a cutting board. Uhura had been acting quite strangely for the entire day, and he told her that he was capable of preparing dinner and that she did not have to do so. She ventured into the kitchen, bothering him tremendously about the way that he was doing things, the way that he washed the vegetables, the way that he cut them, which herbs to use. Then, she did the unthinkable, and hopped up to sit on his kitchen counter. _

_She would never forget the complete depiction of human annoyance that reflected in Spock's face as threw his knife into the sink and suggested, in an agitated tone, "Lt Uhura, if you seek a resting place, there are several chairs and a sofa in the common room which should greet your liking." _

_She shrugged her shoulders, amused by this reaction and wanting to experiment with it more. She answered, in a fashion that Kirk might have spoken to someone, "Naw, I'll just sit here."_

_Spock's face had regained its stonewall stare and he placed his arms behind his back, and with the most patient voice that he could conjure, which was not his best one, if she recalled properly, he informed her, "You are contaminating the food preparation area, Lt."_

"_Contaminating?" She countered, "What exactly do you think I'm carrying around? Am I a walking biohazard? You aren't even using this part of the counter."_

Spock remained calm to say, "_It __**will**_ _be used, and when it __**is**_ _used, its purpose is __**not **__as a lodging recipient." She could not remember if she had heard him stress certain words so much before. Her taking this seat had really bothered him, obviously._

_Uhura chuckled and said, "Well, when you get ready to use it, I'll disinfectant it." _

_Spock was not complying with this. There were plenty of things that he dealt with from illogical humans, quite gracefully. This thing made no sense, not only to him, but he thought that it certainly would not make sense to other humans either for one of them to occupy a seat on the food preparation area. He did not understand why one of them, whom he credited as quite logical would explore into this irrational state of mind by insisting on ridiculous behavior, but it bothered him and he would not tolerate it, not of __**her.**_

_Spock advised Uhura, "Remove yourself, expeditiously, Nyota. Your anatomy has no place in the food preparation area. Get off of the counter." _

_She laughed at how indignant he had become about this, and said, "Make me."_

_Before she knew it, Spock had grabbed her and gathered her up, quite roughly, too and she giggled the entire trip to the couch, where he threw her down onto it. She pulled him and caused him to come crashing onto her body. She let out a yelp when he did. Spock's eyes alerted a moment and he asked, softly, "Are you OK?" _

_She shook her head,"You elbowed me in the ribs. What is it with you and manhandling me, or I guess I should call it Vulcanhandling? I'm not made of steel, you know." He knew the comment was based upon an accident he had made last year, in the courtyard, but he did not like to revisit that day, so he did not respond to the comment._

_He sat her up and kneeled in front of her, then looked at her and reached for her shirt. He tilted his head and questioned, "May I?" She did not know what he was asking for permission to do, but she nodded, anyway. She trusted that whatever he was doing would be logical and necessary, and that she had no reason to deny him. Spock lifted her shirt, only high enough to look at her ribs and apply gentle pressure to them a few times. He reported, "None of them are cracked, but I am afraid that I may have caused a bruise." He gently stroked his hand across the already reddening mark on her skin. Uhura pulled her shirt down to cover herself again._

_She waved a hand and said, "Don't worry about it. I had no business on the kitchen counter." Then she glanced around and asked, "Did I lose my earring on the way to the couch?"_

_Spock replied, "I saw no earring fall from you, but I do see that you are currently only wearing one." _

_She sighed, "Those were a pair of my favorite earrings." _

_Spock assured her, "If it is lost within my quarters, we are certain to find it; however, if we become unsuccessful, I will attempt to replace them for you."_

_Later, they discovered that she had been suffering from some type of strange allergic reaction to an alien dish she had eaten during a communications pot luck. The reaction caused the portion of her brain dedicated to reason to blur in and out, like flickering lights. After she had a debate with a professor, on a topic that she could not even remember at the moment, the instructor ordered her to report to sickbay, for her "uncharacteristic mental functions". There was no irreversible damage, but she vowed never again to eat anything without studying on its possible effects on humans first. After finding out what happened, she apologized to Spock for her behavior and told him of her plan to stay away from strange alien foods. Spock replied, "The possibility of the Bajoran herb in question affecting humans in the manner which it affected you was a one out of 2,230,465,337. It is interesting that you would be receptive of the effect." She wanted to strike him in the face. Interesting? She had been losing her mind, off and on, and he found it interesting._

Gaila tapped Uhura on the shoulder and asked, "You're thinking about him, aren't you?" Uhura laughed.

Gaila tilted her head and said, "You know why I am so curious about your physical interactions? Because, I have never experienced a Vulcan man before. I've heard stories of Vulcans who reject logic and they are not accepted amongst the other Vulcans... I could probably get one of those, but I've never met one. I can't get a straight up Vulcan, like Commander Spock." She looked at Uhura and quickly added, "Not that I would want _him, _per say. But, I am curious as to how they express the action of an emotion that they deny themselves of. Then again, you are a lot like that, yourself. That's why you haven't had sex with anyone - you don't know how to release your passion that way. Both of you chose well, with each other. Neither of you have an intense hunger to cave into fleshly desires. It should make your relationship nearly stress-free."

Uhura walked with one of her arms across her back, holding her other arm as she thought about Gaila's statement. It _should _make things less stressful, but it did not. If anything, being with Spock had accelerated her stress a great deal. She was often worried that she might do something inappropriate and his logic would not permit them to continue on. True, Spock never attempted to pressure her into anything like men of the past have. He never pressured her to make love to him, or put her career on hold, or cater to him as he proved his strength, etc. She always sought out overtly brilliant, otherwise unappreciated mates. Every ex that she had held some type of beaming intelligence that others looked upon, either with fierce humility, or sheer annoyance. Spock was no different, in this regard. But, he was different in the way that he did not expect Nyota to give him anything that she was not willing to commit to.

She had lost men who wanted her body. She had lost men who wanted too much of her time, when she explained that she had a career to work towards, as well. She had lost men who wanted too much of her dignity, trying to make her look stupid because she wasn't exactly as knowledgeable as them. Uhura did not like the fact that the men in her intellectual circles often seemed to think that because she specialized in alien languages and was working in communications, that meant that she could not handle herself in their different arenas. No, she was not a scientist, a mathematician, or an elite explorer, but reading opened the mind to information, and she read more than anyone that she ever knew, except Spock.

Early in her life, when she developed a deep interest in xenolinguistics, Uhura also formed a hobby of reading a subject that she was not particularly familiar with in a language that she was not perfect in translating. She did this to ensure that while she perfected her abilities with the language, she also was forced to learn about the subject which she was reading, because of context and terminology. Spock could appreciate such ideas within her and knew that although she may not be familiar with physics in a sense that he is, she has a great understanding of the concepts of it, as she had read books on it in seven different alien languages. When the subject came up, he never made her feel like a little girl trying to pretend she's smart.

Uhura was nearly twenty seven, and had come to the conclusion that in the past four years, she had not been involved with any men because the interesting ones were all too smart to have sense. That was one of the main reasons that Spock appealed to her, as a teacher. His ability to have intellectual superiority overflowing with the logic to control it. He was not "too smart for his own good". He was smart enough for his own good and those around him, whether or not they could see or appreciate it.

She often became extremely frustrated with the fact that many times, as Spock attempted to share his wonderful concoction of brilliance and logic, less brilliant and less logical people became hostile with him for it. She never understood why they would react that way, until she fell for him. Spock had emotions, but his emotions were not something that his logic/brilliance would easily permit. At first, this was a delight. If Spock did not get too emotional about her, then she would not have to deal with both of their emotions running wild. One of her exes once told her, "I don't think you could ever be happy with someone who actually loves you. You want a man that you could discard at any time without having to feel guilty about it."

The statement had hurt her deeply and tore her heart into pieces. She did not let _him _know it as she "discarded" him. She felt so foolish, at the time, because her main, unspoken reason for pushing that particular man away was that he loved her too much. It never made sense to her when she tried to say it aloud, but it was logical, in her mind. She concluded that she could not deal well with being loved too much. That was her last ex, four years ago. Now, upon reentering the serious relationship arena, she had gone from one extreme to the other. Spock did not seem to love her enough.

Spock arrived on the campus with several of his colleagues, after a scientific academic conference, at which the agenda and curriculum for next semester was outlined. As ever changing and developmental as science often is, Starfleet held several conferences each year to ensure that their studies were impeccable. Impeccable, by Earth's standards, at least. Before Spock even graduated, he had been recruited as a representative for several science departments at the academy. Having a Vulcan in their midst meant having access to Vulcan science, to them.

Generally, if Spock voluntarily offered input, or even if responding to a question, he did so in such a manner as to try to cater to the less logical mind of the humans in his audience. He found, however, that even when expressing himself in what he deemed to be a logical fashion, by human standards, they could only comprehend so much of what he was saying. Human educators and scholars of science, who were all quite intellectual, by human standards, seemed to misinterpret information so greatly.

Spock had been in the conference all day, and did not return until well after the cadets' curfew of 1200. He set foot on the campus at 1206, and took ten additional minutes to get to his quarters. When he entered his quarters, he could smell a mixture of his favorite soup and his favorite Nyota fragrance. The soup would have edible African flowers, which she loved to use in various dishes, African herbs, and Vulcan vegetables. It was currently only referred to as "Spock's favorite soup", as she had never thought of a name for it. Nyota had created the soup herself, through experimentation, two years before.

Now, he smelled that perfect soup in his quarters as he entered, and he smelled her perfect fragrance of wild jasmine, white lily and African shea. She had the fragrance custom made by a xenobotanist friend whom she helped tutor in her first semester. The one exotic bottle, which looked like a glass African vase was a lifetime supply, was the only one of it's kind. Unlike the soup, the fragrance had a name; it was called Nyota. Nyota was the perfect name for the fragrance, because it captured her affect and it reflected her stunning persona. When simply sprayed, it was a lovely fragrance, but when Nyota applied it to her skin, Spock began to find it nearly unbearable and irresistible. He found thorough delight in the way it would linger for hours, even after she was gone.

The scent of the soup and the scent of her were both present. Both scents were faded, and he knew that he would find the soup in the kitchen, but not Nyota. He was grateful that she was not the type to try to break the rules because she was involved with him, but at the moment, all he wanted was to see her. He turned on his computer and saw that she had sent him a transmission approximately thirty five minutes prior. He played it and she stared at the screen, announcing, "I hoped that you would be back in time enough for me to be able to see you, but Gaila and I sat outside stargazing for hours before we came in to beat the curfew. As you see, I made your favorite soup. Now, I am going to go to bed and I will see you in the morning.

Spock sat at his desk, with a bowl of the soup. Unlike her, he would not be going to bed. Not tonight. He had a great deal of work to do, and he did not like the thought of pushing his work back until later if he had the ability to perform it when needed.

He began to work, and did so until he realized that he could no longer smell Nyota in his room. He opened an audio player on his computer and played it. Spock had the fortune of having a few of Nyota's choral performances recorded, and placed them on continuous play as he worked well into the morning.

He was only interrupted by the opening of his dormitory door. Spock looked up to see Nyota rushing into his room, dressed in her uniform, with her bag on her shoulder. He stood up, confused by her urgency to enter his quarters, and she nearly tackled him with an embrace. Spock looked down into her face and did not understand the intensity in her eyes. She had only been apart from him for a day, and yet this embrace would indicate that it had been quite some time. She pulled herself away from him and said, "I just wanted to get that out of my system before we had to begin our professional day. I expected you to be awake."

Spock sat back down at his desk and informed her, "You do not have to start your day for another hour and one half. You began your day that early in order to apply a display of affection which lasts for seventeen seconds?"

She almost told him that those seventeen seconds meant more to her than the rest of her entire day, but instead decided to respond with, "One of the good things about being human is that when you do something illogical, you usually don't think about it. It was silly of me to appear here so early just for a simple hug." Now, they stopped talking and she noticed her voice singing from his computer. Spock turned the player off and continued working. He did not look at her again, but she found herself incredibly fond of the fact that he had been listening to her sing as he worked.

Uhura walked over to the desk and asked him, "Do you remember these earrings?" He looked up to see her holding one of her earrings in between two of her fingers.

Spock answered lightly, "I do not understand the question. I see the earrings. What do you mean by "remember" them?"

"Do you remember the night that I lost one of them?"

"I do. You were under the influence of a Bajoran herb which caused you to behave erratically and place your anatomy on my food preparation area. I placed you on the couch and you lost your earring. My mother found it three weeks ago."

Uhura laughed in recollection and said, "When I told you about what I was going through, you said that it was interesting and it made me want to hit you. I was really upset and hurt that you found my plight interesting."

Spock did not show her his worry that at any moment now, she would attack him for his comment, which he did not realize was offensive. He offered, "You did not appear to be offended."

She shrugged her shoulders, "On some days, I hide it well."

"Why are you speaking about these frivolous occurrences?" Spock asked, positively unamused by the distractions she was creating for him.

"Because, I'm just wondering if you remember little things about me, about us. I laid in bed last night just thinking about things that happened before I obtained you, and some of it indicates that maybe there was something there that I just didn't realize about myself at the time. I just laid awake thinking about different little interactions and wondered if you ever think about things like that. Things like the night that you _threw me, _not placed me on the couch and made me lose my earring. Things like the day that you tackled me to the ground to protect me from a round of firecrackers being thrown into a trash receptacle." Spock stared at her. That day had not slipped his mind. It had occurred about a year before they became a couple, about a year after the first time he tasted her fantastic soup.

He hated when she brought this particular story up, mainly for the reason that it reminds him that his illogical behavior resulted in her pain. She still had scars that probably only he could see, as he certainly looked hard enough. She brought this same memory back to him a few months before, when he lost her earring. Spock asked Uhura, "Why is it that you wish to distract me from work with these asinine anecdotes?"

She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I guess I thought you wanted to know."

Spock sighed and suggested, "Perhaps you should find something to occupy your time that does not include distracting me from my work."

Uhura nodded, "I'll go ahead to the office and just start my day a little early. I'll see you when you get there." She hugged him around the waist, from behind and kissed him on the cheek as she did.

Spock did not respond to the affection, but did ask, "What is it that you thought I should know?"

She touched his face and said, "That I remembered the first day that I thought you might have feelings for me."

Spock lifted an eyebrow and replied, "I must inform you that you were mistaken."

She laughed and said, "I know, Spock. But it was the first time that I _thought _you might." She left the room and Spock returned to his work. Yes, she had been mistaken in not noticing it before that day. By the time that particular situation arose, Spock had been silently, but ferociously, battling developing feelings for her for nearly a year.

Spock arose from his desk to begin to prepare himself for work. Nyota had indeed been mistaken, and so had he. He believed on that day in the lab, after one year of knowing her that he had abolished the emotions that were forming within him. Today, he knew that he had only forced them to become dormant. In recent weeks, they resurfaced in a most illogical and speedy fashion.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Kiss of a Vulcan**

(Approximately three weeks after Spock and Uhura's disclosure procedure)

Uhura rested, straddled on Spock's lap as he sat at his computer desk , in his quarters, working. He had to read a bevy of poorly produced dissertations, and insisted that she not come over on this night because of it. _She _insisted that she would not distract him from his work and would help, if needed. She prepared and served him dinner; afterwards, sat herself on his lap to express affections while he worked, and she fell to sleep after an hour. He could tell that she was asleep from her soft breathing as her breath gently whispered tiny audible sighs across his neck.

The previous times she had done this, he placed her in bed, but he decided that he would wait until he came to the close of the dissertation he was currently on to transfer her. As she lay asleep on him, she let out a slight moan, squeezed her arms around him and murmured, "I love you." Though only internally, the statement startled him. Even with no witnesses, Spock kept any extreme reactions inside. He adjusted her slightly so that he could look upon her sleeping face. As he did so, suddenly, she looked more beautiful to him than any other sight. Her beauty was alarming in this setting. She looked so peaceful that she hardly appeared to be herself. He did not know if he always saw her this way, or if it had just changed as he heard those words subconsciously exit her plush lips.

He felt grateful to have heard her mutter these words, but he felt even more grateful about the fact that she slept as she said them. Had she been awake when this confession was made, he would have to decline from a response and that would hurt her feelings. Spock did not enjoy hurting Nyota's feelings, although he had been accidentally doing so numerous times for the past three weeks in which they had been romantically attached.

As Nyota slept on Spock's lap and he looked at her picturesque face, he held her closer to him and gently applied a small kiss to her lips. She let out a muted sigh at this, but remained asleep. A part of him wished that she would have awakened and returned the gesture, but if that were to happen, she may begin to expect such affections regularly. Spock secretly delighted in having Nyota kiss him; however, he never kissed her back, for anxiety of not satisfying her and for worry of sinking into the habit of doing such an illogical thing all of the time. Although he enjoyed the feeling, he did not understand why she felt the need to kiss him _so much._ He had kissed her once on the hand, after bidding her goodnight, another time on her cheek, first asking her if he could try it as an experiment, to see if it had any affect on him. It had not. He also kissed her on her forehead one night after dinner, also as a test, but he did not present it as such, considering that the last time he did, she reacted in a displeased manner about the question. The forehead kiss had more of an effect on her than it did him, and he was pleased that she enjoyed it, but still confused as to what purpose humans used this silly gesture to express affection.

On this night, he seemed to realize the purpose of the action... to try to convey the emotions towards the other person without having the exact words available. She once tried to explain it to him, but his logic would not permit him to understand the concept without proper evaluation.

Now, he wondered to himself why he had not thought to do it before, when he could not find words in his vocabulary to extend to her the reactions she caused within him. He kissed her again, on the lips. Her eyes fluttered slightly when he did this. For reasons unknown to Spock, he decided to kiss her tenderly on both eyelids. This was illogical. It made no sense not only to want to do this to her, but to actually go through with it, and yet, he found it difficult to stop himself. As she seemed to awaken, half-consciously reacting to his affections, he moved his lips back to her lips. Nyota awoke to several small, sensual, _mutual _kisses. By the time she became fully alert, the kissing had become one long, sensitive and continuous kiss. She felt herself smiling as the kiss lingered on and when Spock finally, delicately ceased from the action and looked at her face again, he felt like he was looking upon the glory of a beaming sun.

Her eyes were alight and her smile radiant as she asked, "To what do I owe this _extreme_ pleasure, Mr. Spock?"

He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs in disbelief of how he had just allowed himself to lose control, but not ashamed of it. No, not at the moment. At the moment, he felt as though he could not have handled himself any better than he just had. He could not have received a greater gift than to have her kiss him like that and look at him like this. But, he would never say those words to her. Her human mind would not be able to detach itself from the memory of such words when the time came. He pressed his forehead to hers and replied, "To extreme _beauty_, Miss Uhura."

Those words had been enough. Such simple words did not convey even the smallest fraction of what he carried within his heart for her, but would never be allowed to let her see. She rubbed the back of his hairline with both of her hands and he shut his eyes to feel the sensations of her hands on him in that way. "Fascinating." He said under his breath, then opened his eyes and looked into hers. "Nyota, I wish to spend a small portion of time with you in my bedchamber before you depart from me for the night. I promise to conduct myself in the most selfless manner possible." She cupped his face and nodded, then kissed him again as he stood up.

Her legs and arms were wrapped around his body . Spock carried her into the bedroom, in that position. Uhura loved when Spock carried her; no mater how he held her, the action always flowed so fluently for him, with his Vulcan strength. It made her feel so delicate, and like the lady she was. When Spock laid Uhura down on his bed, she wanted to grab needfully at him and burst open, then overflow with passion for him, but she wanted to stay at his pace. It was enough that he kissed her on his own volition, and invited her into his bed. She would just wait for whatever it is he wanted and hope that he wanted what she wanted. Spock climbed on top of Uhura and kissed her mouth one long and passionate time, then paused to gaze into her eyes.

Nyota looked up at him and asked, "What would you like me to do?"

Spock tilted his head in thought. It occurred to him that he really did not know much about this particular act, except for what he had learned in his studies, and Nyota was a virgin, to most people's surprise (a surprise due to her beauty, not her character), therefore, he did not truly know what he should do. He was not going to defile her. No emotion would compromise his reserve in such a manner. But, he was unaware of how to proceed, aside from the act of penetration. He touched her face and asked, "What is it that you would have me to do?" She leaned up and kissed him, pulling his body down onto hers.

Spock pulled away from her kiss and told her, softly, "I can not defile you, Nyota. You once told me that you would remain pure until giving the honor of having you onto your husband. You are not bonded to me in that way, and I am not currently prepared to create such a bond with you. Being a human, I know that your nature is fickle. You may decide by tomorrow that you ventured into what you deem a mistake. An onslaught of negative emotions could permeate due to an ill-conceived decision with such a grave matter. I will require your absolute certainty to proceed. It will take time for me to be convinced of your absolute certainty."

Uhura sighed and said, "Define defile."

Spock replied, "Is that not the word used in the book which you study all of your spiritual principles from? "Defile" in this context means to violate the chastity of your person. To seek your virginity would condemn me as a robber, placed in the act of depriving your future husband of what I am certain will be his most honored gift." Uhura did not like the thought of Spock not being able to see _himself_ as her future husband, but she reasoned that at this point in their relationship, it was illogical, even for a human to think that way. They had not been involved long enough to be thinking about marriage; however, she had known him for nearly three years and had been his friend for over two of those, and his close work associate for over one year.

_She_ felt that she knew him well enough to make this decision... but that was just it. She _felt. _Certainly, Spock was capable of feeling, but he could not make life altering decisions behind them, not without a substantial portion of logic accompanying the feeling, and she could find no logical reason for him to have sexual intercourse with her, knowing that she had vowed herself by beliefs and practice to remain chaste until marriage. She could find no logical reason for him to do this with her, knowing the statistics of women who regret the decision of their first time. She could not think of anything logical to support the action between them, at all. That did not stop her from wanting to do it. Not now, she decided - but he will be the one when the time comes. She stroked his hair and asked, "Could we do things that do not involve the "robbery" of my virginity?"

Spock replied, "If you will provide examples, I will have the best possible response to that question."

She stroked her hand up his arm, teasingly and replied, "Well, right now, I really want you to kiss me again."

"That request is acceptable; however, I do deem it necessary to inform you that this process may not be a continuous reflection of our time together."

Uhura pulled his face towards hers and said, "Then, I advise you to make it count."

Uhura entered her dormitory with the widest smile that ever crossed her face. Gaila was not there, and she felt grateful for that, because her roommate would have pressed her for information about why so many of her teeth were showing, and she could not give out even a portion of that information. Uhura went into the bathroom, trembling along the way, her body being revisited by tremendous jolts of pleasure in remembrance of the actions of Spock's hands. She thought that he might deny her of anything that she requested, but he acquiesced. He acquiesced when she asked him to give her a massage. He acquiesced when she asked him to kiss her body. And he acquiesced when she asked him... she giggled to herself as she looked in the mirror. Her mind traveled to Spock's body on top of hers.

_He remained fully clothed, while she was only in her undergarments, as she had him to remove her uniform prior to her massage. She rubbed herself against him and he placed his hands on her hips, to prevent this movement. He informed her, "I must ask that you do not provoke me into doing something that it is not wise for me to do, Nyota." She threw her legs around his waist and kissed him. He placed his hands underneath her rear and she began to rock against him again. She felt him growing evermore interested in this action and he removed her legs from around him and warned, "Nyota..."_

_She cupped his face and said, "I want to feel your friction." _

_He looked down at her panties and asked, "There?" He automatically felt moronic for thinking that he had to ask. He wanted to redeem himself from such a slip, with facts. "I __**have **__read that friction to the area causes a significant amount of stimulation for the woman, however I have also read that friction could irritate the area, providing discomfort..." Uhura threw her legs around him again and kissed him deeper than before._

_"If there is any discomfort, I'll let you know."_

She turned on the shower, relishing every moment of the night, knowing that she better had. If she knew Spock, and she liked to think that she did, he was meditating, right now - meditating his lusts into no woman's land. She smiled to herself as she got undressed to get inside of the shower. _At least _he made it count.


	6. Chapter 6

**Not In The Uniform**

(Approximately one month after Spock and Uhura's disclosure process)

Uhura awoke before her alarm even alerted, again. Lately, her body had become in sync with her new schedule. She always seemed to wake up before her alarm, now. She merely continued to keep it activated just in case. Her schedule had become more structured within the last month, due to Commander Spock's encouragement.

One of the many conditions of their new relationship was that she "maximize efficiency" for her "needlessly erratic and unpredictable" schedule. She translated that to mean that he wanted to be able to make plans with her, regularly. Within her new schedule, she worked in Spock's office for three hours, specifically for him, instead of for many instructors. She then spent an additional hour dedicated to assignments for other instructors, taking up those assignments on a first come first serve basis. Then she went to her three classes, as usual, and finally, she closed out her day with an additional three hours as the communications lab assistant. This had been her official schedule for the past month and it was working out quite well. She had time to do her job, to do extra work when she saw fit and still spend time with Spock.

Her mornings felt brighter now that she had attained him as what he referred to as her "chosen companion".

Spock decided that to avoid the appearance of favoritism, their most logical path would be one of discretion. Spock preferred absolute discretion, but Uhura managed to persuade him to agree with her sharing some information with her mother and her roommate. He agreed to allow it, but asked her to try to keep most details within their privacy.

She readily agreed to this for two reasons: first, she was not the type to share very intimate details (with anyone) and second, there were not many details to share. For it, she was partially grateful, partially frustrated.

Nyota was a virgin, and once made herself a promise to save herself for marriage. She later changed it to saving herself into after her career was established and she found love. Now, she felt that she just wanted to wait for love… which she knew that she had with Spock, whether it was clear or not. She found herself wanting him, often; yet, she knew that it would take a great amount of time for him to open up in such a way. However, she did appreciate the fact that when her roommate, Gaila asked inappropriate questions like, "So did you give it to Commander Spock yet?" There was nothing to accidentally be revealed.

Everyday, Uhura looked beautiful, but since uniting with Spock, she made certain to always remember to beautify herself, even when she did not feel like it. He made the mistake of telling her that he enjoyed looking at her on their first date, and she made certain he had something nice to enjoy, all the time, now. On most days, he did not make a comment, but she would find him appreciating the view of her sporadically throughout their time together, alone. When there were others around, he barely looked in her direction, especially when they were in uniform. Spock held a great concern about not displaying any type of suggestive behavior while in uniform.

When Uhura entered Spock's office that morning, Spock was already there, as he had been all week, working early hours. He did not look up from his work when she arrived. She looked at him as she passed his desk to go to her own desk, seemingly unnoticed. She sat her baggage on the top of her desk. Then, she walked over to him, wrapped her arms around him, from behind, and kissed him on the cheek. He stiffened to her touch and reminded her, "Not in the office, Lt., and definitely not in the uniform."

She unhanded him and rolled her eyes as she replied, "Yes, Commander."

As she left his desk, he now looked up at her and said, "Your fragrance has changed." Smiling to herself at his attention to every detail of her, she went into the service area to prepare tea. She could literally say that Spock knew her every characteristic and he usually made an observation each time that she bought a knew dress or blouse, wore her make up differently, slightly altered the way she styled her hair. He went on to interrupt her thoughts with, "I prefer your other fragrance - the one named and created for you; however, this one is pleasant, as well.

With a delighted smile, she said, "Thank you, Commander." He returned to his work.

She knew him well enough to know that while programming the current version of the Kobayashi Maru that he would keep his entire mind focused on that project. These were the times that she found herself the most attracted to him - when he remained focused, successfully determined, and when exercising his genius.

They also were the times that he was the least concerned about her. She had not begin to be affected by it so much, yet - but she knew that it was coming soon. In the past three years that she had known him, it had always come. His "method" of withdrawal while he was working on programming the test. The fact that she had become involved with him so close to the time period scared her. She had become extremely attached to him in the past month, and she did not know if he cared enough to consider moving forward with their relationship, despite his duties. It was not something that she could bring herself to ask him about, either.

She placed his mug of tea on his desk and went to her desk with her own. The first thing she did in the morning was check her messages. The second thing she did was check Spock's messages. She put everything that she needed to do in her PADD and began to do her work. While working, she wore a headset which connected to Spock's communication system. A transmission came through her headset and a face appeared on the screen as Uhura pressed a button on the touch screen and said, "Professor Spock's office."

The blonde woman who appeared on the screen greeted her, "Good morning, Lt. Uhura. Is Commander Spock available at the moment?"

Uhura looked up at Spock, who did not even glance in her direction, then she replied, "No, he's not currently available, Senior Chief Doyle, but I certainly can relay a message to him as soon as possible." At the mention of the woman's name, Spock glanced up at Uhura, but quickly returned to his work.

The blonde woman on the screen smiled and said, "Very well, Lt. Notate this reminder to Commander Spock: He has a presentation in the administration office, in presentation room three at 1130 hours. A substitute has been assigned to his afternoon class; however, he will need to assign a teacher's assistant."

Uhura nodded her head and said, "I will certainly relay the message, Senior Chief."

"Thank you, Lt." The woman said, then ended the transmission.

Uhura looked at Spock and waited for him to look at her, but he never did. He apparently was not concerned about hearing what his message was. After she decided that he was not going to become concerned about it, she asked, "Commander, do you have a teacher's assistant for the class taking place during the time of your presentation at 1130 hours?"

As he answered, he continued working. "I certainly hope so, Lt." was his response.

Uhura sighed then asked, "Do I need to make contact with the aide in mind, Sir?"

Spock still kept his head engulfed in his work as he informed her, "Lt. Uhura, I sent you a message this morning, via PADD, requesting that you fulfill this duty for me. I also contacted your instructor for a pass for you and he authorized your absence. I would appreciate it if you took care of this responsibility for me. Of course, if your answer is no, then I will need you to access the aide file for an available substitute."

She shook her head, "That won't be necessary. I will do what you want me to do." He quickly looked up at her and she blushed and corrected, "I will do what I can to help."

He showed the slightest sign of amusement for her, in the form of a small smirk, and said, "Thank you, Lt." He returned to his work.

Uhura spent her morning making calls on Spock's behalf, then posting the markings results of several instructors. Eventually, Spock got up and placed several items on an electronic rolling cart, which Uhura had not even noticed was there until he began using it. She stood up and stretched her back, looking at Spock as she did. She asked, "What exactly is the point of this presentation?"

Spock did not glance at her, but responded as he prepared to leave, "It is for Starfleet administration to have a first look at my plans for the latest version of the Kobayashi Maru, including a short preview of the simulation."

She smiled and walked over to him, announcing, "I am so proud of you!" She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him slightly on the lips, which he responded to, to her pleasant surprise. "You will be so impressive! There has never been a better programmer at Starfleet than you." He reached up to tenderly remove her arms from around his neck, and she put her arms behind her back and said, "I know, not in the office."

"And definitely not in the uniform," he added, as a reminder.

She explained, "I'm just so excited for you."

Spock looked in her eyes as he said, "You are the only human besides my mother to support me this strongly. Unlike most humans, you always have encouraging things to say."

She smiled, unsure of whether he meant that as an insult or a compliment. She informed him, "I didn't even realized that you _could be_ encouraged."

Spock answered flatly, "I do not particularly respond to encouragement. I was merely pointing out the fact that you actually offer it, as opposed to other members of the human race."

Uhura hated when he did this. The Vulcan in him generally did not acknowledge the fact that his mother and the woman he was involved with both happened to be a member of this human race when he was speaking negatively about it. His negative was generally true, but she did not like hearing about how little he thought of humans all of the time. One thing she could say was that at least he was honest. She held back the things that she thought might affect him, whether or not he would show it, she tried to monitor her words, somewhat. He just spoke his mind. She decided to get over it, and replied, "I never say anything that I don't mean. If they're watching you this way, they most likely have great things planned for you. I'm more proud today than I was when we found out that you would be assigned as the first mate of The Enterprise."

He began to place more things on his cart. She knew that he did not need his ego stroked or need compliments, because whether or not she provided support, he would excel, and they both knew that. Despite this fact, she made certain that he knew how much he meant to her, even if she would never hear him say how much she meant to him.

Uhura gathered her things and headed for Commander Spock's class. Anytime she had to be teacher's aide, she was generally the first person in the classroom, however, on this day, the substitute beat her there. When she entered, a very attractive man with slightly lengthy sandy blonde hair, that she thought looked like it may have been an inch over regulation length, and blue eyes looked at her and smiled. She walked over to him and held her hand out for him to shake. He spoke politely to her as they shook, introducing himself, "Good morning, Lt. Uhura. I have heard a great deal about you and I am looking forward to working with you on today. I am Professor Ridge."

She lifted an eyebrow as she withdrew her hand and asked, "Oscar Ridge?" The man smiled again, and she noticed that he had dimples in his cheeks.

He answered, "I'm afraid so, Lt." She nodded and went to place her things on the small desk next to the instructor's desk.

She asked as she set up the desk, "Have you had an opportunity to look over Commander Spock's lesson plan for today? I sent it to you at the electronic address the Commander gave me."

Oscar nodded his head and said, "To be quite frank with you, Lt. When I was looking over that stuff, I had no idea why they called upon me to cover Spock. The best thing for the day will probably be to just assign them a chapter, to look over, or something."

Uhura immediately refuted, "That would be counterproductive. Commander Spock finishes all of the provided chapters at the beginnings of the semester and the students refer back to the chapters themselves, according to assignments. You could have them do a writing assignment, but I want to protest to that, as I know that I would end up having to mark them, and I simply just don't want to. May I make a suggestion? Open discussions are always easy teachings. I prepared a quiz for the students in the event that you were not particularly prepared, since this substitution came at such short notice. I can project it onto the wide screen and, have them mark each other's work. And you can just go over the answers with them, as they grade. It will serve as a review and as a lecture due to the open discussion."

He smiled again and said, "Everything that I have heard is true. You're brilliant."

Uhura lifted her eyebrow and said, "Professor, the lesson plan that I gave you is the same one that they outline in the first day of teacher's assistant training."

Now, he laughed and said, "You just reminded me of him."

Uhura tilted her head and questioned, "Him?"

He replied, squarely, "Your lover, Spock."

Uhura fumed, silently and she responded, in the calmest voice that she could, "My alleged relationship with Commander Spock is not up for discussion, Professor Ridge. If it were, it would not be a discussion to be carried on with you. Do you understand that?"

He nodded and apologized, "I didn't mean anything about it. I live across the hall from the guy and I see the two of you together all of the time. I didn't know that you were rigid about the situation." Uhura opened her mouth to say something else, but a student entered the room and she kept quiet. As she prepared to project the quiz she prepared on the screen, she fought the urge to glare at Oscar. She knew that she should think of him as Professor Ridge, but she could only think of him as Oscar. He was so Gaila's type. A cute box of jerk.

One of the students approached her desk and asked, "Do you know when Professor Spock is going to post our last exam grades?"

She checked her PADD and replied, "They should be posted by the end of this week." Moments later, a student approached her desk and asked her about something from last night's assignment. Uhura glanced at Oscar and asked, "Are you qualified to teach this class, Professor Ridge?" _He _was the substitute, not her. Either the students believed that she knew more about teaching Spock's class, or they knew that this man was not fit to teach. She assumed the latter, because it took her a matter of minutes to come to a similar conclusion.

He smiled and asked the student, "What was your question?" The student brought her PADD over to Oscar and went over the problem area with him. Uhura set up the projector for the quiz and waited on class to officially begin. When all students were there, and class began, Oscar informed them that they would be taking a quiz and marking them in class, while having a discussion. He gave them a certain time frame to complete them and allowed them to begin. He asked Uhura, in a quiet voice, "See me outside, please, Lt." She stood up and followed him out of the door. Oscar smiled and said, "Lt. Uhura, I was completely out of line for making mention of your alleged relationship with Commander Spock. I want to acknowledge that right now. I would appreciate it if you didn't share that information with Spock, as he has the propensity to want to bring charges up against everyone who violates any rules whatsoever. I can just imagine him getting me a slander penalty, or something."

Uhura shook her head and said, "I don't plan on telling Commander Spock about your assumption, but not because you might get in trouble. Because he has been extremely busy in his work and I don't want to distract him." She stared at him for a moment , then asked, "Are we done, Professor?"

Ridge answered, "I presume that we are." She went back into the room.

As soon as the class ended, Uhura rushed out with her things. She never wanted to see Oscar again. She would request of Spock that if ever he needed a substitute and an aide, to be certain that the two of them were never again paired. She headed for her next class and smiled as she entered. Professor Hatchet said, "The star of the students is twinkling. You must have quite a superb essay to turn in to me today."

Uhura set her things down on her desk, right up front and said, "I have **the **essay that is going to have the highest grade in the class."

Hatchet addressed her, a bit disparagingly, "You usually do, Uhura. What are you trying to do? Beat your own record?"

She smiled politely and replied, "I think that you thought that you would stump me with this essay, when it just so happens that I have been training for such an essay my entire academic career. Comparing and contrasting Cardassia Prime's geography, social history and economy to Earth's in Northern Cardassian tongue was a breeze! And it was extremely fun because, of all of the things that I have learned about Cardassia Prime, their economy proved to be my only unfamiliar aspect and I was delighted to learn about it."

Professor Hatchet said, "Send it to my electronic address." She smiled as she forwarded her essay to the address she had listed for Professor Hatchet. He looked at her for a while, amused by her pleased grin.

No one would ever guess. No one could look at her and tell how lonely she felt. From how she kept an enthusiastic beam in her smile and the twinkle of passion in her eyes, no one had any reason to believe that she was in love with someone who did not show her that she was loved in return.

Spock left the administration building with the electronic cart trailing behind him, as he held the control to it. The presentation had been a success and all of the humans were impressed with the direction of this semester's Kobayashi Maru. Now, all he had to do was complete his work on it. Spock returned to his office and put away the equipment which had been used for his presentation, as well as the cart.

In everything Spock did, he carefully prepared a plan of action. He had a method of dealing with programming the Kobayashi Maru, which he diligently stuck to, twice a year, for the past four years. He immediately thought of Nyota. This would be the first time that she had been exposed to his method, on this level. Before they became involved, she knew him and she knew what to expect, but he was wise enough to realize that now that they were in a relationship, she may expect things to occur differently. He would need to correct that expectation, very quickly.

Spock meditated for two hours and exercised for one hour, twice a day. He generally made certain to keep himself healthy, but in the time period of programming the test, he made certain to spend even more time in meditation and exercise. He gave his most difficult lectures around this time, as he generally spoke for the entire class period on a particular subject, in the middle of the week, he assigned an essay on the subject matter, and at the end of the week, he assigned a verbal exam to be taken in the communications lab. He set up his agenda like this for seven weeks during his programming phase. He fasted for most days and ate only raw vegetables, mineral rich roots, certain leaves, and drank water. He slept once a week, for a full day, at the end of the week when he had no classes. He did not weigh himself down with the burdens of entertaining humans with his company, because he found them to be extremely distracting to his focus on the project and on how he handled himself during that time. They always advised him to get rest, to eat food, to take breaks in his work... Nyota would have to understand that he needed this structure to successfully complete all of his work.

When Spock finished exercising, he went to shower himself. He put on a robe after he got out and changed the code of his door to only acknowledge him when he came. At some point in the night, his door alert sounded and he responded, "Yes?"

"Commander, am I not allowed to be here?" It was Nyota. He granted her access and she entered, with a look of hurt and sorrow already settled in on her face. She said, "I wanted to make sure that you had some fresh raw vegetables for your preparation period. I did not realize that I would not be able to come inside without your approval." Her voice betrayed a higher amount of dissatisfaction than her face did as she carried the bag into the kitchen and placed it on the counter.

Spock stood from his desk, walked to the entrance of the kitchen area and said, "You should have a seat, Lt. Uhura." He walked towards his living room, heading for the couch.

Uhura entered the living room, not liking the look or the sound of this, at all. First, she finds herself locked out? Now, she has become Lt. Uhura, in his quarters? All the necessary signs that the thing that she feared more than anything, at this current stage in her life was about to take place. But she was not going to cry. She assured herself that she would not. Only one week ago, he had become so passionate with her that her body shivered every time she thought about it - his fingers, his kisses, his manhood rubbing gently, then vigorously against her womanhood, through her thin panties... and now what? Now, she wished that he could have made it count a little more.

Spock sat on the couch, first and she sat next to him. He asked, "Was Professor Ridge successful in his performance?"

She placed her hands together in her lap, a bit annoyed that he would begin this conversation in this way. He probably genuinely was interested in how class went without him, but she did not really see this as a great time for him to find out. Still, she replied, "To be perfectly honest, Sir, I had a difficult time believing that he was a teacher."

Spock lifted an eyebrow and stated, "He has been having a difficult time being a teacher. He has come out of active duty in the fleet due to some type of injury and in the meantime is teaching. Were you helpful to him?"

Uhura folded her arms. The last thing she wanted to discuss was that instructor, and especially in her time of terror of what seemed positive to occur very shortly. She shook her head "no", to the question, then asked, "Is this really what you suggested that I sit down for, Commander?"

He felt the corner of his lips curl up a little. He answered, "I intended to learn about the progress of the class during my absence. I asked you to sit because i knew that a more pressing issue would have to be discussed as well. It is necessary that I to speak with you about my preparation method, in regards to our current relational status."

She replied, "I already know about how you are at this time, Commander. Trust that I have no intention of getting in your way." He seemed relieved as he thanked her for her understanding. Uhura stood up to leave and realized that she couldn't leave so peacefully. She had a sudden urge to try to shake his foundations a bit. She placed her hands behind her back, as he would and asked, "Are we allowed to see other people in during this period?"

When the anger flickered across his eyes, she smiled on the inside. She had no intention of seeing anyone, but needed to know if he cared. Spock took Uhura's hand and guided her back to her seat. He asked, "Since we each see several other people besides each other, on a daily basis, I am going to conclude that you are asking if we should make the decision to see others in the same capacity which we see each other in. Are you inclined towards spending time with someone in particular?" He was struggling to keep his eyes and his tone at a square level. He was focused on not reacting to her question and preparing himself not to react to her answer.

She shook her head and said, "I was only asking if I _could_, if I _wanted to_."

Spock pressed his lips together, as he thought, then replied, "As you are a free agent, I suppose you are able to do anything that you decide to. However, if I may interest you in my thoughts on the matter, I would prefer that you do not spend time with anyone else in the same manner in which you spend time with me. I intend to continue our relationship, I simply need to dedicate a vast portion of my time to my work for the next seven weeks."

Uhura stifled a laugh and informed him, "I may want to be held at some point in time within the next seven weeks. I may want to kiss, or not have dinner alone. I may want to become extremely passionate, like we did that night in your bedchamber..."

Spock tightened his jaws, his facade left him for longer than a fraction of a second, but did return. Blank expression covered his face as he asked, "Could you easily behave in such a way with someone else?"

She shook her head, "No, I could not _easily _do it. But I could get so lonely that it is a decision that I choose to make."

Spock said, solemnly, "If it is a decision which you choose to make, I can not stop you. I have already informed you of my preference on the matter. Anything beyond that point is your decision. I must also add that I am not willing to share you with anyone, in such a capacity. It is not honorable for one to so give herself to two. If you decide that you need to seek such consolation of another man, while I am occupied, I will consider you_ his_."

She laughed, though heartbroken, and said, "That easy, huh? Because if _you_ tried to seek such consolation of some other woman, I would give you hell about it."

Spock shut his eyes a moment, then opened them... something she noticed he did at times when she would want to know the reaction of feeling in his eyes. He apparently was using the blinking period to shield his emotional state from her until he could clear any trace of it away. He replied, "I believe you know that there is no other woman whom my interest would follow, considering the amount of energy and preparation I have taken allowing myself to commit to you. However, as you and I are different in many ways, logic would indicate that _you_ would leave me before my ever growing uninterested in you. I would only depart from you as a means to spare you of emotional distress, if the occasion arose in which I realize that your attachment to me would create it. I have always estimated that in the event that we depart, the decision would be mutual or your own. Have you never considered severing yourself from our arrangement? Only moments ago, you suggested temporarily attaching yourself to someone else."

She felt completely embarrassed, for bringing the conversation to this point, but if he could keep _his_ straight face, she determined to keep hers as well. Sure, he had more practice and way more skill, but she was a quick study, and a calculating artist. She matched his expression and his tone as she told him, "That was a test, Spock. I just said it to see how you would react."

Now, Spock seemed slightly interested in what she was saying. One the one hand, it annoyed him, as he briefly thought about the Vulcan children of his past testing him daily to illicit an emotional response from him. On the other hand, it was Nyota, this time - and she was using a similar technique that a Vulcan child would. He lifted his brow, tilted his head and said, "You were conducting an experiment."

Uhura nodded and added, "Yeah, I thought that you might be able to understand the concept behind the test, seeing as how you're a scientist."

Human women and Vulcans sometimes shared the ability to put things to the test that many others may not be willing to. He did not fully understand exactly what she was testing (as to see how he would react could mean a number of things), but he realized that whatever it was, she underwent the experiment, despite the fact that it may have presented a problem. He found himself pleased with her decision to do so. Curiously, he asked, "What theory were you testing?"

She said, keeping her face and voice even with his own, "I was trying to discover whether or not you cared about our relationship."

Spock understood, now. It would take a human woman to conduct an experiment based on emotion. It was completely illogical to conduct an experiment based on emotion. The fact that she had done so did not disappoint him, however. He was still interested in the fact that she was dealing with their relationship, scientifically, even if only with basic scientific principles. He asked, "And what is your final conclusion?"

Uhura sighed. Here came the hard part. The part where no matter how she felt, his needs would outweigh her own, because his needs were logical. His needs, at the moment, affected Starfleet and the Kobayashi Maru which they held so much regard for. His needs were indeed necessary, while her needs were "selfish". Her needs at the moment would only serve the two of them. She already knew the types of things that he would say to get her to accept logic. She would be upset and hurt and angry before the conversation ended, and at the end of the conversation, she would still feel forced to accept his view and understand. Therefore, she skipped the entire ugly process and went straight to the last painful step, in which she stated, "I have come to the conclusion that you have a lot that of necessary work which you need to do right now. I really don't want to get in your way. I will miss being able to see you as often, but I'll be waiting for you, until you get everything taken care of. I understand." Her voice was not as even as it had previously been, but she did keep it fluent, despite a slight crack here and there. Spock stared at her for a moment, not revealing the fact that he was surprised by her answer.

A part of him actually was looking forward to the look of need in her eyes that she would have if she insisted that he not shut her out and allow her to be there for him and help. He knew that part of him came from his human mother. It was not logical to want someone to need him. It was not logical, but it _was _what he wanted. He wanted to see that she needed him. He almost believed that if she had put up a fight that he might have succumbed to her. In his final assessment of himself, he was relieved that she had not made it difficult and that he had not been given the opportunity to succumb, and that she was being rational enough to understand. He replied, "I believed that you would." But kept it to himself, that he had _hoped _that she would not.

After Uhura left the room, Spock immediately began working. After all, that was why he had sent her away in the first place. She had not fought his decision. Fighting a man's decisions was ultimately one of the main problems of men with human women. Human women generally were disagreeable, and that was one of the main problems that men had with them. When she was disagreeable, it was a problem. Now that she agreed with him, he found himself having a problem with _that. _Why did she not try? Did _she _care? When human women cared, they caused problems, thinking that they were preventing problems. She just allowed him to make the decision. It was completely logical. He did not like the fact that he was having difficulty in accepting her support. It was completely illogical for him to have any problem with this. Yet, he did. Spock stopped working. He needed to meditate. He needed to discipline himself. He needed to root his mind into his logic.

Uhura sighed and walked alone to her quarters. She passed Oscar, on the way and avoided his glance, pretending to be concentrating on something on her PADD too hard to see him.

She felt proud of herself. She felt as though she had done the right thing. She had understood, instead of demanded something different. Now, all she had to do was keep herself in understanding mode. He may not realize how important her decisions have been right now, but she liked to think that one day Spock would realize how much she put herself through to be the woman that he wanted. One day, he would realize that she meant a great deal to him and that he needed her... she dared to hope. It could have been worse. He could have decided that their relationship needed to end. At least this way, she knows that after these seven weeks are concluded, things should continue progressively.

The first thing the next morning Uhura did was flooded her schedule with work, but made sure that she had everything done by the time the weekend came. She enjoyed being able to relax on the weekends. On the weekends, she went out with communications friends, going to karaoke nights at bars and out to dance with Gaila. She did not attempt to visit Spock's quarters one time, since the evening that she could not enter without his permission. Her feelings were still hurt about it, and she refused to put herself in that position, again. When she had work to hand over to him, she went to the office and set it on his desk, She saw him only in the office, barely talked to him when he was there, and did not leave him any messages, when they were apart. Two of the seven weeks passed by, quickly to her, in this way.

At the beginning of the third week, Spock looked over at her as she worked and asked, "Would you like to escape the campus with me this weekend?" She stopped working and looked at him with complete shock over all of her features. He was watching her, waiting on an answer. It pained her that he would ask this, at this time. As much as she wanted to spend time with him, and as much as she had wanted to be able to get away with him off the campus, she could not agree to it, now. Uhura smiled, uncomfortably and said, "I'm sorry, Spock. I've already made plans for this weekend. My parents are visiting this weekend, and I'm going off campus to spend the whole weekend with them."

He nodded his head, returned his face to his work and said, "It is imperative, to you, for you to spend time with your parents. May you enjoy your time." He returned to his work and she got up from her desk to walk over to him.

She kneeled next to his desk and asked, "Would you be willing to spend time with me on another weekend?"

Spock did not face her. He simply responded, "I shall be. I planned on working more diligently this week to escape with you this weekend. However, if you have a more appropriate weekend in mind, I can transfer my plan to that week."

Uhura's voice brightened as she suggested, "Next weekend would be great."

Spock stated, "I will make all of the necessary arrangements."

With excitement in her heart, she leaned to kiss him on the cheek, but stopped short of his face and said, "Oops! I'm sorry. I almost forgot, not in the office." She stood up and returned to her desk as she added, "And definitely not in the uniform." Spock sighed. He wanted her to kiss him. Illogical! He told himself. It was completely illogical for him to want to break _his own_ conditions. But it had been so long since she pressed her lips against his skin. Actually, it had only been two weeks, but that seemed too long ago, to him. Uhura looked at Spock when she heard him sigh. "Did you just _sigh_, Commander? That's something we don't get a lot of out of you."

Spock quickly replied, "I apologize if it bothered you."

"It didn't bother me." She cleared up the issue, "So, there's no need to apologize. It just caught me off guard. Would you like to talk?"

He decided not to point out the ridiculousness of the question, but did, in fact, point out the reason that he would think it was ridiculous. "I typically do not talk out of the _desire_ to do so. Humans have discussions based on the desire to have them, even if unnecessary and non-educational. Being Vulcan, there is no reason to talk if not to gather or to produce information."

Uhura chuckled a little bit (there he goes again) and advised him, "OK, then _produce_ some information for me of why you sighed a moment ago."

"You have misconstrued my statement." Spock said.

"Honestly, Spock, it's just you and me in here. The other Vulcans aren't going to know you had a nontypical Vulcan talk. Just tell me." Did he have to be so difficult all of the time? It took Spock a moment. She knew that he was debating on whether or not to answer the question, and probably trying to give himself a logical reason that he would answer it, despite her sarcastic comment about the significance of the conversation.

He finally responded, "I made that ridiculous noise because I have not received affections from you in two weeks." He almost added days, hours and minutes, but realized that to humans, such keen attention to detail in this environment could cause severe emotional fluctuations.

Uhura sighed, now. She was uncertain of what she expected him to say. All she knew was that she had not been expecting that response. She thought about the same thing, every night, but the reason that they both were lacking and longing in that area was because of him. She responded, with a somewhat condescending tone, "Well, you asked me to leave you to your method."

"I know this, and I need to proceed with my plan. You asked for information, Lt. You wanted to know the reason for the sound which I accidentally made - I am merely providing you with the honest response."

She took the time to remind him, "I _would_ stop in to see you sometime, but the last time I came by, I couldn't get in. I don't want to embarrass myself."

He quickly provided a solution to this problem. "I will reset the doors to allow you entrance again."

Uhura laughed and looked at him, "You miss me!" He looked at his computer and began to touch the screen with his stylus. He would never say it. He determined. He did not care if he had to sit here for the rest of the morning and pretend that she was not there, she would not hear him say such a thing. She stared at him until she felt guilty about pointing out that he missed her. She knew that his emotions made him uncomfortable, so she softened up and told him, "Spock, if you will reset your doors, I will stop by any time that you invite me over, and I will not intrude any other time."

He continued touching the screen and said, "I will reset the doors. May I see you the night before you leave campus to see your parents?"

"You certainly can." Uhura watched him work for a while. The first thought that came into her mind was his massage. She wondered if she might be able to get another one out of him, now that he obviously missed her. Or... more friction. A shudder went down her spine and she made a little yelping noise when it did. Spock looked up at her, only a bit startled. She said, "I didn't mean to make that noise. Sorry." Then she asked, "Do you think about the night that we... that we were intimate?" Spock shut his eyes. She wanted to cuss at him for it. Now, she couldn't tell what affect the question had on him! Spock opened his eyes and looked at her. She asked, "Do you think about the friction?"

Spock's breath deepened and she already knew the answer to her question. If he had not thought about it before, he certainly was thinking about it _now_. He made certain he calmed his breathing before speaking, then told her, "Nyota. This subject is completely inappropriate for this environment. We will have an opportunity to resume the conversation when you come to my quarters."

She faced her computer to work again, shielding her smile from his view as she said, "Right, Commander. This conversation _should_ be resumed in your quarters." She dared a peek over the side of her computer. He was still working, but she caught him slightly smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

**The Correct Words**

When Uhura entered Spock's room, he was playing the Vulcan lyre, seated on his couch, with his legs stretched out. She came into the room carrying several large bags and he stopped playing, with the intention to help her with them, but she said, "No, don't stop. Continue." After a thoughtful pause, he began to play again and she carried her bags into the bedroom, then returned. This was her first time in his quarters in three weeks, and they arranged to spend an entire six hours, or as close to it as they could get without her breaking curfew, together. They also planned on spending the next weekend together, away from the campus. The thought excited her, but she was most eager about tonight, as she missed him immensely in the past few weeks. She sat down on the floor in front of him, with her legs crossed underneath her and her hands resting on her knees. Spock glanced at her, grateful that she wore a pair of fitting pants instead of her uniform, as her sitting position would be most distracting. The position in those pants was only just distracting.

Intently, she watched Spock's long, graceful fingers as they strummed across the strings of the instrument and she reveled in the hauntingly beautiful sounds produced by it. After a while, she began to hum in notes to harmonize with the chords. Spock rewarded her wonderful efforts with an amused gaze. Most humans could not voice melodies to compliment the Vulcan lyre, and when they attempted, more noise than music was created. When Uhura sang along with the instrument, not only was it music, it was beautiful music. Beautiful. Such a strange and foreign word and yet, it had come to encompass so much in his mind lately. Spock did not know what the word beautiful meant until he came to know Nyota. Everything about her radiated beauty. Her voice, whether speaking or singing reminded him of music. Her face, no matter what expression she wore gleamed with beauty. Her body... he shook the thought from his mind.

He tried to focus on playing his instrument, as she had began singing a song. It was the song she had sung when they performed for his parents. It was a song about unrequited love. She sang a portion of it in Swahili, and a portion of it in Vulcan. The parts sang in Swahili, were sung from the perspective of a woman in love with someone who did not love her back, and the parts sang in Vulcan were sung from the perspective of someone who wanted to love, but could not do it. She had gotten the words from a Terran poem, but sang it in the languages which appealed to her.

_The first time that she sang it, he tortured himself trying not to show its affect of him in front of his parents and in front of her. His mother had nearly cried and his father, of course sat indifferently, and critiqued her choice of song for the fact that no Vulcan would ever admit so openly to the feelings expressed by her Vulcan portions of the song. She had shrugged her shoulders and said, "It wasn't meant to be Vulcan, Ambassador. It's just a poem that I sang in Vulcan." Only she and Amanda knew the full lyrics of the Swahili portion, as Spock and Sarek were not as familiar with the language. _

Spock had asked Nyota about the lyrics later, and she gave him a copy of the poem in its original form. He read it several times, before memorizing it in both its original form and in the perfected form in which Nyota sang it. This was his favorite of any song she sang, and she could adapt it to any melody which he played on his lyre. From fast songs to slow ones, she only altered the way she sang it and she could put it to any music at all. The poet was unknown and the poem was discovered in a book, scribbled into the back cover. Uhura had first read the poem in school and it had been one of her favorites since. When she first sang it, ever in her life, she sang it in its original form, in Federation Standard:

_"Is it not enough for me to simply see him and have the blessing of his presence in my life? No, it is not enough. I must have him in my heart. I must have him within me. He must become a part of me, as he already seems to be. We must become one. One must we become._

_**Although I want to love her, there simply is no way, for I have duties unfilled and I have miles of road to pave. There are far too many conquests that are yet to be obtained. There is far too much freedom in my life to commit to this type of pain. Not now, I say. Not ever. There just is no chance. Neither her heart or mind shall ever be mine. I will never take her heart, nor take her hand.**_

_Why must it be so? I know, yes I know that he loves me. He will not say it. He will never confess, but I know what is within him. I am within him. I am his peace and his rest. I comfort him when needed. I show him how he is loved and still he will not give to me his in return. He will not allow me to have him. But it must be so! We must become one. One must we become. Let us become one, please? One, we must become._

_**One shall we never be. The entire idea is insanity. She can not mean it. She can not love me. I can not love her, and that is what will be. I will not give myself to her, nor take her for myself. Not now, I say. Not ever. No love shall ever sprout between us. May it never be. May I never see her loving face smile at me again. I will walk away before I look upon her beauty again. I will not look into her eyes. I will not listen to her cries, for if I do, she may reprise and I may seek her for my prize**__. __**May it never be!**_

_Shh. Do not speak. You do not have to argue with me. Just hold me. Do not say a word. I will ask nothing of you, but to hold me. I will seek nothing from you, but to hold me - this once. Just hold me in your embrace and look upon my face. We need not say a word. All that you have had to say, I have heard. There is nothing more to say. Just hold me in this way. I will let you go in a moment. I will let you walk away. You do not have to hear my cries, and you will be blind to the look in my eyes. You may find yourself another prize, but she will never show you this type of love. So just remember me when you have her. Remember that I begged you. Remember how I longed for you, yet you said, "May it never be_"

She learned to sing it in all of the languages which she knew, and only recently began singing the Swahili/Vulcan version of it, for obvious reasons. After a while, she stopped singing and just began humming as she stood up. She continued to hum as she began to do stretches. Spock paused and she looked at him, "Spock, seriously, continue." He did so and she resumed humming while stretching. She stood tall and announced, "I choreographed a story in the additional free time that I have had lately. You continue to play the lyre, and I'll dance it out for you." Spock lifted an eyebrow. It had only just occurred to him that he had never seen her dance, although he heard her talk about how her mother loved the art form so much that she entered her into classes at the age of three, and that she continued to study it until she came to the academy. "I'm going to perform it for my mother this weekend, but I actually made it for you."

Spock pressed his lips together, seemingly forcing himself not to grin. He began to play a tune that usually made him think of her. He did not know why, but for some reason, each time he played this particular tune, he always thought of her... that she would probably like it, and that he should probably play it for her someday. She immediately smiled at the sound of the tune and she said, "Oh, Spock – this is perfect!" She began to dance, slow, drawn out, but emotional movements. She included many spins, leaps, and kicks, but most of the movements were in her arms, hands and upper body language. Spock did not really understand what the story was supposed to mean. He could determine certain words from certain movements, and times when she threw in elements of sign language into the act. From the sign language, he picked up words like "affection", "treasure", "patience", and "comfort". Other elements were implied, like "strength", "love", "sorrow"... she would have to tell him the interpretation of the dance, later. Uhura continued to dance and ended in a pose where she was on her knees, reaching up into the sky with both arms, with her hands lifted as though she wanted to hug the sky. She slowly lowered her arms and got up off of the floor, "What do you think?" She asked.

He placed his lyre aside and asked, "Will you tell me the story? I find myself having to admit that I am not familiar with the concept of your storytelling through dance."

She walked over to him and laid on his chest. She propositioned, in an uncertain voice, "If I tell you, you have to promise me that you won't respond."

Spock lifted his eyebrow. Even though she could not see him from where she laid, she could imagine his face as he commented, "That is an odd request." Humans usually desired a response to their performances, and Nyota generally asked others to give her feedback of the things she was involved in. But not this time.

This time, she said, "I just feel that no matter what your response is, I won't take it the right way. I may misinterpret your response, or I may interpret it correctly and find that my feelings are hurt by your response. Just promise me."

Spock answered, "I will not respond to the meaning of your dance."

She kept the side of her face to pressed against his chest, she did not even want to see his eyes as she educated him, "The dance translates in exact words - my strength lies within the comfort of knowing that my patience is not in vain. As I express my affection, I find that my love and my sorrow intertwine, because where I thought I would find treasure, I have found trials. Where I thought that I would find peace, I have found great pain. But I remain grateful for each sunrise, because I know that in trials and pain my strength only grows, and as my strength grows, my heart truly knows that my patience is not in vain. Someday, there will be a rainbow after the rain." She sighed then said, "Many of the lines are repeated, like the lines, `My patience is not in vain' and `Someday, there will be a rainbow after the rain'. Those lines are repeated quite a few times. Almost like a chorus would repeat in a song."

Spock wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her, tightly (practically needfully). She rubbed her face against his chest. He had promised not to respond, but she knew that _this _was his response; even if he certainly did not realize this. She looked up at his face, and his eyes were closed. She asked, "Are you asleep?"

"Of course not," he responded. He did not open his eyes, but he did say, "Thank you." She stared at him. "For the dance," he added.

She kissed his chin and told him, "No need to thank me. Play me another song." He reached for his lyre and began to play. She began to sing again. After a while, she got up and said, "Give me ten minutes, then meet me in the bedroom." He stared at her as she rushed into the bedroom. Spock placed his lyre down and sat up on the sofa, with his hands on his lap. He found himself curious about what she would be doing that would require ten minutes. He had no idea what this meant.

"Nyota?" He said in a normal voice. She was quite used to hearing his normal voice, even in other rooms, the deep voice carried.

She called out to him, "Just wait, Spock. It's a surprise."

"I do not react to surprises." He replied.

Always so technical, this one. She called out, in an annoyed tone, "Then it's an unknown to be discovered!" The statement struck a tiny smile from him, which was hardly a smile, at all.

Even at times when he was alone, his smile was never really a smile. Ten minutes passed. He stood up and entered the bedroom to find her wearing a white silky chemise with tiny silvery stars covering it. The lingerie was open down her entire left half, and only kept together on that side by a thin silver chain near her hips. The right half did have a seam and it had a chain of the same description as the strap which held it onto her right shoulder. From the angle at which she laid on his bed, with her legs bent slightly to her right, he could see (due to the openness of the left side of the tiny dress) that she wore nothing underneath it. She smiled and opened her mouth to ask him what he thought of her apparel, but his speed caught her off guard. As she opened her mouth to ask him, he managed to reach the bed and kiss her on the lips.

Uhura stroked his arm and asked, "So, I guess you like my new nightie?"

Spock stroked a single finger down the left side of the garment and asked, "Could such a tiny fragment of fabric truly be considered an article of clothing? What is a nightie?"

"It's intimate wear. It's sole purpose is to entice one's lover into intimacy." She said in a flirtatious tone.

He lifted an eyebrow. "There are items created for such a purpose?" Funny and frustrating - he was truly curious and interested in the fact that such a thing would be created and she couldn't tell if he was as interested in how she looked in it.

"Does it serve its purpose?" Uhura asked, looking deeply into his eyes.

Spock tilted his head, as though thinking, then spoke with complete disregard for the question, "I have something to tell you."

Uhura did not like the fact that he had changed the subject, but knew that she would be pressing too much if she insisted on trying to have him answer. She asked, "What is it?"

"I spoke with my mother. She knows about our relationship." He seemed to wait for a reaction from her.

She simply smiled and said, "I am willing to bet that she didn't seem the least bit surprised."

"Not only did she "not seem the least bit surprised", as you so accurately put it, but she actually said the exact words, "I am not the least bit surprised". How were you able to so precisely pinpoint her reaction? Have you withheld information from me in regards to my mother?"

She had never mentioned this conversation before, and it had never come up, but now that it had, she certainly would not lie to him about it. She confessed, "The night that your parents left, Amanda and I talked, out in the boarding area. She urged me to try to have a relationship with you and I told her that I would."

Spock sat still for a while, processing this information through his mind, then he sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her. "You began a relationship with me as a favor to my mother?"

"No! She was instrumental in me deciding to proceed with my emotions, but there was no set up, or any suspicious activity on her part, nor mine. I told your mother before we ever got started that I would try to have a relationship with you and she approved. I began a relationship with you because I am in love with you!" She gasped and covered her mouth. Spock did not turn to face her. Instead, he got up from the bed and left the room. She followed him out and he headed for his computer. "Spock, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It just came out."

Now, he seemed to blurt, if there is a Vulcan equivalent to blurting out, he said, "Humans should think before they speak, as to what they are going to say."

That did it. Who did this Vulcan think that he was? Was he really so detached from the humanity within him to realize that in her time of shame, the last thing that she needed was critical words. He did not realize how hard it was for her to feel it necessary to apologize for speaking her heart. He did not realize how difficult it had been for her to want to tell him those words everyday, but to have to hold back for fear of a reaction such as this one. He did not know that such a reaction might make her want to cry, and she hated crying. She hated crying so much that the thought of crying made her angry, especially after hearing him say such a thng to her, at this time. She shook her head at him as he began to interact with his computer, as though nothing was happening around him. She asked, from where she currently was, standing right behind his couch, "Are you serious? Because you say things all the time that I happen to believe you should have thought about before you said it... Like what you_ just_ said. Was that something that you thought about, or did you just say it to combat the fact that I told you I love you?"

Spock looked at her and said, "This conversation should terminate instantly." Uhura marched over to him and shut off his computer. He took a deep breath and said, "That was most illogical."

She nodded her head and yelled, as she pointed at herself, "I AM ILLOGICAL!" Spock took another deep breath and stared straight ahead as she continued to yell, "I am illogical, and I have been that way since the day we met. I have been that way since the first time we talked. I was that way the first time you began to notice me as a woman. I was that way the first time we kissed. And I was that way a few weeks ago when you dry humped me to having an orgasm in your bed!"

He still did not face her, but suggested, in a somewhat displeased tone, "Please lower your voice."

She pointed her finger at his face and yelled, "I'm not lowering anything! I am too illogical to lower my voice, right now! I am too illogical to do every little thing you say, right now. I am too illogical for you to love, ever!" Now she lowered her voice, mainly because she had began crying. "And that's fine. That's fine by me, Spock." The way that she said his name caused him to wince slightly, but she did not even notice it as she continued, "You think that you are the first not to love me? You think that you'll be the last? No - you don't! _That's _why you won't make love to me. Because this relationship is temporary for you. It is some fleeting, passing thing, _probably_ an experiment and once you reach whatever conclusion you come to, you'll move along with your Vulcan life. That is fine with me, Spock. But don't point out the fact that I'm illogical like it's some type of new repellent for you. Like it's something that can destroy the way that you feel about me and the way that you behave around me. Being illogical is a condition that you don't yet understand, but it is not something that you hate. It's something that every human has in their genes, and guess what, you have it too! Lady Amanda passed this on to you, and you act as though you're so much better than us. What makes the way you treat us any worse than the way you were treated on Vulcan?" She raised her hand as though she would strike him in the face, but stopped short, and lowered her hand.

Spock winced. The fact that she would use her hands against him hurt more than anything that she had just said to him, and all of it _had_ hurt. He sat in silence as she went into the room, speaking loudly, fussing as she moved about, "Didn't even acknowledge these silk sheets and this comforter that I obtained for him. Didn't say anything about these softly scented candles. I know that he noticed all of this! He notices everything! He can have these sheets and these candles..." She came out of the bedroom carrying her empty bags and headed for the door. Spock rushed to cut her off, standing between her and the door, but careful not to touch her. Her face was red from anger and crying, tears flooded her cheeks and she seemed quite out of breath as she halted for his position in front of her.

"Nyota you are still in the article of clothing intended to entice." He said, as though she had not noticed this for herself.

Nyota spoke in a scorching tone, with a rasp in her voice that was alien to her usual lovely tones, "Maybe I feel the need to go out there and entice somebody!"

Spock's eyes darted from side to side while he stood, in thought. Then, he said, "You are saying this to see how I will react."

She snapped, "No, I am saying this because I am _sick_ of you. I am so sick of you that I could go across the hall and entice that jerk Oscar! Better yet, I should go and find my friend, Kirk, I'm sure that he would LOVE this nightie!" Of all of the names that she could have said, she knew that Kirk was the worse to use, because Spock had already expressed jealousy of Kirk.

Spock tried to ignore the deep cut her words were causing as he said. "Do not leave like this, Nyota. I will not point out to you that it would be illogical, as I realize now that it may cause an explosive temperament in you. You were correct in what you said. While you were behaving quite irrationally in your usage of terribly high volume, your words were fairly accurate."

She snarled, "_You _are just saying that to make me feel better."

Spock reminded her, "It is not in my nature to lie." He took the bags from her arms and set them down on the floor. He added, "As it is not in your nature to seek out another man to accomplish a sense of retaliation." He decided that it probably would not be a wise choice to point out that she had only said it to see how he would react, because she had already denied the fact. But he knew or at least desperately hoped that she had only said it to see how he would react. "You were correct in many of the things which you said. However, you were not correct in your estimation of the reason I chose not to defile you. I was honest in my initial reasoning. Also, you were incorrect in your assessment of my view of this relationship. It is not an experiment for me. This is an extremely perplexing situation, but I did not enter into it for scientific study, although when you behave this way, I start to consider that perhaps I should have..." She threw him a look that seemed to translate into cuss words. He quickly said, "If you will accompany me into the bedchamber, there is something that I wish to show you." He walked into the bedroom. She stood in the middle of his living room for a while before joining him.

He lead her to the bed and sat her down. He reached underneath the bad and pulled out a box as long as a roll of wrapping paper. She wondered what could be in it. Spock spoke softly as he informed her, "I had this gift constructed for you. I intended to present it to you for the day of your birth in a span of three months; however, my mother advised me that if an issue were to arise in which I could not salvage myself from your anger, via my own means, that this gift may be appropriate to present it at that time." She had her arms folded as she studied the box, curious, but still quite angry with him. He opened the box and pulled out a roll of cloth on ropes. He told her, "This is a replica of ancient scrolls used in Vulcan tradition for rituals. It was created blank and I had words scripted onto it from translations by some of your xenolinguistics colleagues, and several others in the field of linguistics. Several of them had to study various sources to retrieve all of languages used. The words on it are not original. I obtained them from various sources; however, I do not wish to tell you the origins of the different sources. I am interested in you discovering the source of each of them, for yourself."

He held the top and allowed it to roll down, where it almost touched the floor. Her arms remained folded and her face angry, but her voice was soft and curious as she confirmed an observation, "Does that have _every_ alien language that we have knowledge of on it?"

"Yes, as well as every Terran language. I realize that there are a quite a few of those languages which you are not familiar with. I estimate that you will familiarize yourself with each language until you can fluently read the entire scroll." Spock tried to hide the pride in his voice as he could see that the gift pleased her.

She nodded her head and said, "You definitely know the woman you chose. It's funny that your gift is not only a gift, but also an assignment." She cut her eyes at him as though angry, but she had actually completely forgotten the meaning of the word.

Still, Spock tried to make amends, "There is no need for you to complete the assignment, as you will not receive a grade..." She laughed at the fact that he did not realize that his mother had been correct and he had just salvaged himself from her anger with this gift. He stared at her a she laughed. In his span of knowing her, he had found that laughing either meant that she was no longer angry, or it meant that she was so angry that she was about to do something more irrational than anything else of the night. He waited silently, to discover which situation was occurring.

Uhura took the scroll from his hands and admired it with twinkling eyes as she enlightened him, "I don't think you even know what you have done with this thing, Spock... You have given me a gift that I am going to have to think about in an in depth manner to fully appreciate. It is going to create a special bond between myself and the gift itself. I have to translate that which I don't know _and_ figure out the sources. This is going to be a challenge."

"You rather enjoy challenges." Spock said it as though defending his choice in the gift.

"I love challenges!" She corrected, making him more comfortable with his idea to please her. She could hardly take her eyes off of it. Eventually, she looked at him and said, "This is those most sentimental gift that I have ever received." Spock lifted his eyebrow and was clearly confused by her choice of words.

"It seemed to be a _logical_ gift, Nyota. Sentimentality is _not_ logical."

"Why did it seem to be a logical gift?" Her eyes looked over the gift and she thought about the consideration put into constructing such a wondrous thing, and the word logical did not seem to apply at all. In fact, this seemed like the most illogical and imaginative gift in the world, to her. She never would have even thought to ask for such an thing, and here it was - perfect.

Spock responded to her question with the answer, "Because you enjoy challenges, and it is challenging. You are in the field of xenolinguistics and it contains every language which I could find record for. Because you enjoy poetry, songs, and certain types of literature that have all been used as the material of which to translate into all of those languages. The gift is logical, because it is a gift composes that which you specifically enjoy."

"It seems like a logical gift would be a gift that I specifically _need. _Usually when a great amount of thought is put into something, it's for sentimental purposes." She retorted.

He simply replied, "I disagree with your perspective."

"Are you trying to make me mad again?" She asked darting her eyes at him.

"Negative. I will argue with you no longer, yet, I will not state that this gift is in any way sentimental. I do believe that it could have a sense of familiarity in it. You once told me that when your parents present a gift unto you, they also present literature. This is a similar practice." He removed it from her hands and rolled it back up, to return it to the box. She wanted to study it immediately, but when he returned the scroll to the box, she instead, gathered him to herself and asked, "When do you feel we will have the opportunity to resume the conversation which was not appropriate for the office?" He looked at her as though amused, but did not reply. She reached up to kiss him and said, "Pick me up and place me in the bed."

Spock asked, "Are you unable to place yourself on the bed?" Uhura gave him a warning look which caused him to follow her instructions without further questioning.

As he gently laid her on the bed, she stroked his hair and asked, "How long did it take you to have that scroll produced?"

"That is irrelevant." Spock replied.

"I'm curious." She urged.

Spock situated himself hovered above her, but not touching her as he claimed, "I am told that in such situations as the conditions of which a birthday gift is obtained, I have the right to declare detailed information a secret, not to be shared with the recipient." She laughed. That information _was _accurate.

She touched his cheek and offered, "Spock, I want to apologize for how I was acting earlier. I guess that I've just been holding so much in lately that it came exploding out."

"There is no need to apologize to me, as I do not take offense to any action."

She kissed him on the cheek and asked, "Will you be willing to do something that will not make any sense to you whatsoever?" Spock lifted his eyebrow and looked at the clock. It was only 2037 hours. It hardly seemed like all that had taken place had done so in a matter of two hours, thirty seven minutes and thirty seconds. Uhura got up and went into the living room, claiming she would be right back. He wished that she would cover herself better. This nightie bothered him to the point that meditation may not be able to extinguish. Yet, he did not desire to have her cover herself for the fact that he would not have the chance to see her in this way for quite some time. She returned to the room with a small bottle and shook it. Spock stared at it curiously, "I'll show you how to use it."

Spock stared attentively at her feet as he applied the nail polish to her toenails. While she thought that he would find this completely ridiculous, he seemed to be quite involved with the action. He expressed not understanding the purpose of coating one's toenails with colored enamel and that the end result made no sense; however, he seemed to find the act of him assisting with the process truly intimate. He seemed to find it more intimate than he did rubbing their bodies together. Uhura smiled as he moved on to her second foot, "If I were the type to talk about our business, every woman I know would be SO jealous of me right now."

"Why is that?" He asked, his eyes focused on painting straight on her toenails.

"Because men often refuse to do what you are doing. They think that it makes them look weak." Was her answer.

Spock glanced at her briefly, then returned to his project as he replied, "It is illogical for this action to make one look weak. Although it has no logical function, it has no emasculating abilities." She smiled. "It appears to please you, and presuming that it would please other women, it would seem that if a man held insecurities about being emasculated, he may be more susceptible to doing what would please his counterpart."

"Spock, I expected _you_ to refuse to do this. It is a pleasant surprise that you have agreed." She admitted, somewhat coyly.

"There shall be no more discourse between us on this night, Miss Uhura." She loved when he called her that. She did not know why, but she did. She loved the fact that he was painting her toenails. When he finished, she asked him to blow on them, to help them to dry. He tilted his head and told her that he had a drying device that would perform the same function in six times the speed.

She responded, "That wouldn't feel the same." He made an annoyed face, but the rest of the night, he would hold firm to his father's advice to agree to illogical things to satisfy her. He held her feet towards his face and blew on her toenails. Her face was glowing and he did enjoy the fact that he had been capable in causing it to go from what it had been earlier to this, by doing something as senseless as decorating the dead cells emerging from the end of her foot.

Next time, though, she would stand no chance. There would not be another night in which he allowed so much illogical nonsense. She realized it, too. She would milk this night for all that she could drink of it. He softly stroked his fingers across the tops of her toes and announced, "They are all indeed dry." She lightly touched his lips with her toes and he grabbed her foot and wrinkled his brows at her, "Nyota, what are you doing?" She smiled coyly and he looked at her, unable to stop himself from scanning her entire body caught a glimpse of her intimate element. She smiled, as she noticed where his eyes had traveled to and she stroked his chin with her other foot, pulling her nightie gently to cover her privacy, as she did.

Spock removed her foot and kissed it on the side, and kissed her foot from toe to heel. She surrendered to tremors as his kisses traced her up her calf, behind her knee, and up her thighs. The nightie was covering her enough that she was not exposed, and Spock lifted himself, so that he did not have to have that portion of her directly lined with his face. He would not be able to resist the opportunity to her kiss there, if he found himself too close. He believed that in kissing her there, he may succumb into urges to possess her as his own. In a way, she _was _his. He regarded her as his own, but he had not been bonded with her in that way. He could not simply assume ownership over her body due to emotions. Vows needed to be made, and the bond needed to be established. Neither of them were ready for such acts. She pressed her hips to his as he kissed her collarbone.

Spock pulled the covers over their bodies, with a sense of insecurity that he could not define. He wrapped her leg around his waist and began to rub himself against her. She reached for his pants and pulled them down only enough to expose his undershorts. She worried that the pants may irritate her when he became excited in his movements. Just as it occurred the last time, Uhura lost all control from Spock's rapid movements and Spock seemed to merely stop moving afterwards, not ever releasing anything. Spock laid his forehead onto hers and kept his hands stroking her outer thighs as he rested in between her legs, underneath the covers. She kissed him tenderly, and felt his member pulsate against her, but he did not move. She wondered if the real thing really could feel much better than how this felt. Perhaps for him, but for her, the friction proved beautifully exhilarating. She would go so far as to say that this was more than enough for her.

Spock could feel her moisture seeping through the fabric of his undershorts, touching his flesh, and he pulled his pelvis away from hers. The sensation substantiated the necessity to do so. He moved her legs over to the side and laid behind her with his arms around her. She shuddered as her body recalled moments which had occurred not too far before. He rested his face on her shoulder. She whispered, "Spock, close your eyes." He listened, without even questioning her. She smiled at how trusting he was after providing her with utter satisfaction. She reached down to touch herself, briefly, then waved her fingers near his nose. He drew in a deep breath of her and squeezed her body tighter. He rather enjoyed her scent. She dared to trace her fingers across his lips. His breath stopped, temporarily, but resumed as he kissed her fingers, kissing away any remains of her nectar from her fingertips. He opened his eyes and she had never seen the look he now had in them ever in them before. It was a mixture of ecstasy, pain, and annoyance. He took her hand and placed it onto his chest.

"Please, do not do that again." He suggested. She nodded her head, momentarily worried that she may have done it - gone too far. He turned away from her to lay on his side. But he had enjoyed it, had he not? He made the decision to taste her. She sighed deeply. Although Spock turned his back to her, he kept her hand in his, draped across his chest. She slid in closer to him and laid her face against his back. Spock licked her flavor from his lips and fought off a shudder of his own. He didn't fight it off completely, as she could feel it, but only slightly. She smiled to herself. Spock kissed her hand, then held it near his lips as she drifted into sleep.

When the alarm sounded to wake Nyota so that she would have enough time to make herself decent and walk back to her dorm, she found herself in bed alone. She groaned and said, "Silence." She looked at the candles she had lit earlier and blew them out. "Lights." She said, and the lights came on. She slid into the bathroom and changed back into the clothes she had come in and went back into the bedroom and placed her nightie neatly across the bed. Then she sprayed a bit of her perfume onto it, and she left the room. Spock was wearing his white robe and seated in meditation position. She did not want to interrupt him, but she did want to wish him goodnight.

"Spock?" He opened his eyes and looked at her. She smiled politely and said, "I just wanted to tell you goodnight."

He stood up and said, "Nonsense. I will escort you to your quarters."

She looked down at him, "Dressed in that?"

Spock informed her, "I do not embarrass. Will you be ashamed to be seen with me in this way?" He asked.

She responded, "I would never be ashamed to be seen with you. Anyway, it's so close to curfew that mostly everyone will be inside already."

As they walked, Spock spoke in a quiet tone, "Nyota, I have to ask something of you."

"What is it?" Her voice sounded skeptical.

Spock spoke directly, "Tonight proved to be particularly difficult for me to suppress the reaction which you cause upon me. I believe we are... for lack of a better description, I am going to use one which I heard you mention... moving too fast." She studied her iridescent white and silvery glitter painted toenails and nodded her head. Spock looked at her and asked, "You do understand that I do not behave this way to create difficulties. I believed myself capable of satisfying you while remaining in control of my own faculties. If I cannot prevail over my reactions, I am..." he searched for the right word, then finally decided on, "disgraced."

Uhura sighed and looked at him. That was not the word that she would have recommended he that he use, but she was trying not to erupt anymore for the night, especially at the end of the night, when she would not see him all weekend. "Does this mean that you are going to try to meditate me out of your mind?" She asked, keeping her voice smooth, at first.

He stared back at her and commented, "If that were indeed possible, Nyota, this conversation would be futile. As you know, I am not in the practice of conducting futile conversations."

She smiled and said, "Well, I did enough disagreeing for one night, earlier. If it makes you more comfortable, I will not make another move towards you, Spock. I will allow you to move on me, when you feel that you are able enough to control yourself. I certainly would not want to _disgrace_ you." Her voice was a little rougher, now. He gave her a slight, appreciative nod. She rolled her eyes, angrily at him.

Did he even realize what he had just told her? Being with her disgraced him? If it was not what he had said, it was certainly what she had heard. When her dorm door opened, she walked in, without another word, holding her bags and her scroll box. Spock stood outside for a moment, a little startled that she had not been humanly and wished him a good night, then he pressed the button. Her voice appeared through the speaker, annoyed, "What is it, Spock?"

"I..." He felt a wave of some unknown sensation creep into his body. This was fear, he quickly identified. What did he fear? Why was he fearing now? This made him worry. After a while, he answered her, "Enjoy your weekend." She paused for a long moment, and he wondered what she was doing in that fraction of time. What was she thinking? She opened the door, and she was now empty handed.

She threw her arms around his neck and said, "I'll miss you." She turned suddenly and disappeared back into the room.

Spock realized that his body did not seem to be his own. It was unlike him to wish someone an enjoyable weekend, even her, but that was better than the alternative. That made him far less uncomfortable than the words that _almost_ escaped his mouth when he heard her pained voice ask, "What is it?" What was it? Did he really feel that way? Could he really possibly allow himself to love? Certainly, the words were on the tip of his tongue, "I love you." He tried to imagine himself saying such a thing and the thought brought him an overwhelming sense of discomfort. How would he endure next weekend with her?

He needed to meditate. Chastity would assist him in his efforts to suppress this roaring discomposure brewing within him. He needed to engulf himself into work and into meditation and into logic. No, he would not be able to forget about her, but involved, or not, he needed to find a way not to think about her, not this way. He could not love her. He must be mistaken. He must be confused. He must have been discombobulated from the intimacy level which they had reached together. He decided to simply go to bed, and he would try to deal with this the next day, with a clearer mind.

He entered his bedroom and he could smell Nyota. The scent was as strong as though she were in the room with him. He approached the bed and saw her garment. The first image that came into his mind was the image of her in it when he first walked into the room. That image would be imprinted in his mind, for the rest of his existence. He picked the garment up to put it away and realized that her scent had been emanating from it. It carried, not only the intoxicating fragrance she sprayed herself with, but the natural aroma of the oils of her flawless skin, and _also_, the enchanting perfume of her person, the same scent she presented to him when she had him close his eyes. He climbed into the bed, still holding the nightie. He laid down with it in his hand and when he awoke the next day, there it still was. There would be no work today. Today would be dedicated strictly to excessive, intense meditation. These emotions needed to be phased down.


	8. Chapter 8

**Living For the Weekend**

(Approximately two months after Uhura and Spock become involved)

Uhura found herself so excited by the thought of seeing her parents, that she was not particularly concerned when Spock entered his office an hour after she did and did not say a word to her. Sometimes he did that. Sometimes, he just did not resort to manners. She decided not to bother him with hers, as she did not know what type of mind frame he was in, and she did not want any exchange between them bleeding over onto her weekend with her parents. She began to hum and Spock stared at her, for a moment, not amused. She noticed him and she silenced herself. Reflexively, she smiled at him, a small toothless smile. He returned to his work. She sighed and began to look over her workload. She had an easy day ahead of her. She dared to ask, "Commander?"

He responded, "Yes, Lt."

Uhura tried to make her voice as sweet as honey as she asked, "Would it be alright if I sent all of your transmissions for this morning to your electronic mail and head out early?"

"As you wish, Lt." He replied shortly, not looking at her. Uhura pressed the necessary buttons on her screen to transfer the transmissions and she shut down her computer and gathered her things. Spock noticed that she had her scroll with her. She draped the rope over her arm and wore it similar to a satchel. He did not make a comment on the matter.

She left the office, without saying another word to him. She was determined not to allow him to upset her today. Instead, she went to find her favorite tree and sat beneath it to study her scroll. This truly was the greatest gift she had ever received.

As she sat studying it, a frisbee landed near her. She picked it up and looked for the person it belonged to, but she saw the young boy trying to rush off, unnoticed. She called out, "Hey!" The Russian boy that she remembered as one of Gaila's almost victims of sexual slavery turned to see her. She gave him a friendly smile and threw the object back to him. He caught it and smiled at her. Uhura returned to her scroll, but within moments, the boy approached her. She smiled at him and said, "Chekov, right?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes, Miss." His Russian accent was rather thick.

She asked, "Is there something that I can help you with, Chekov?"

He looked around suspiciously and asked, "Vhere is your green friend?"

Uhura felt her face stop smiling, as she suddenly felt sorry for him. Maybe Gaila's charm still held him. She offered, "Oh, Chekov. Sweetie ... you're too young for her."

He waved his hands, with one of them holding the frisbee. He informed her, "I do not vant to see her. As a matter of fact, it is the opposite. I do _not _vish to see her. I vas vondering if she vould show up if I took a seat."

Uhura tilted her head and replied, "No, she won't, but... why would you want to sit?"

Chekov placed both of his hands behind his back and gave her a shy, boyish smile as he admitted, "Vell, you are a wery beautiful voman and you seem wery nice."

Uhura widened her eyes and she said, "Thank you, Chekov." She tried to think of what to say next. What does one say to a boy nearly ten years younger than herself when he shows interest? They were both cadets at the academy. Telling him that he was a child would probably seem demeaning...

"You have a boyfriend, don't you?" He asked, cutting into her thoughts.

She smiled and said, "I'm afraid that I do." She felt fortunate for the fact that he was not familiar enough with her to gather who her "boyfriend" was.

Chekov shrugged his shoulders and announced, "This is no problem. I am villing to settle for friends vith beautiful, nice vomen."

Uhura smiled again and said, "I actually am working on this scroll, Chekov. I really can't talk right now."

Chekov nodded and said, "Vell, maybe some other time, Lt."

"Uhura," she told him.

Chekov reached out to shake her hand as he smiled and nodded, "Uhura." He repeated, completely butchering it, but she didn't take offense.

That was a strange conversation, she thought to herself. She laughed lightly to herself about it. She had forgotten that there were human males here, and she had forgotten that they considered her beautiful. Her mind had been so wrapped around Spock for the past couple of months that she had allowed herself to get lost in him.

Her father, Mwinyi, would probably dissect her for it. She sighed and shook her head, then brought her focus back to the scroll. She made notes on her PADD on her findings. She knew so many of the languages that she made certain that she translated the familiar ones first, so that she could identify where she needed to study the most. The translations would be completed first, then when she had everything translated, she would locate the source of all of the pieces. She laughed to herself. Not only was this the perfect gift, but it would help her brush up on her linguistics. Her mother, Ashaki, would want to look over it with her.

Both of her parents had an extensive knowledge of alien languages. Her mother once studied dance and in her travels for performances, she picked up a few alien languages.

When the U.S.S. Kelvin was destroyed, Mwinyi insisted Ashaki stop dancing, and she decided to study xenolinguistics as a means to teach. Now, she taught at various Terran institutions - xenolinguistics and history of languages. Mwinyi, an expert xenopsychiatrist had lost his mentor on the Starship Kelvin and decided that since life was not certain, he needed to keep his family safe from such possibilities. He was blatantly against anyone in his family joining Starfleet, for that fact.

The couple had Nyota in the middle of two boys. Nyota was loved, definitely loved, but many times, she felt that she was left to her own devices. As the only girl, Nyota was often slowed down and needlessly sheltered. It drove her crazy when she was younger and gave her the desire to fight that she often used to her advantage. She fought to free herself from their sheltering. Her brothers teamed up against her, often picking on her and causing her to fight them. She believed this to be the reason that she could be absolutely comfortable with a group of men, and why she could hold her own when going toe to toe with them. Her father was proud of that, but he was very critical of other things... mainly her career choice. Starfleet was no place for a young woman, according to him.

Mwinyi once told her that he had two sons, that she did not have to try to be a son to him, because she had decided that not only would she enter Starfleet, but she would operate on a starship. He would have preferred she remained on land, especially after a traumatic event she went through with her last ex, but that event had only made her want to leave more. Her father believed that she needed therapy, and she did not appreciate his insistence of her instability. She laughed to herself. Despite that, she could not wait to see him. She could not wait to see either of her parents. She didn't want to think about any type of conflict whatsoever.

When Nyota arrived at the address her mother sent her in a transmission, she pressed the button to the temporary lodging location her parents would be staying in. Her favorite voice in the world came through the speaker, speaking very excitedly in Swahili. It was so wonderful to Nyota to hear real Swahili, to hear it in its natural form, not as a translation, and not diluted with foreign accents, and to hear it in her favorite voice. The door slid open and Ashaki took Nyota into a grand embrace. The woman looked remarkably like her, with her facial structure and body build, though a bit aged, and Ashaki's skin was a few shades lighter. Ashaki wore her hair in a thick blanket of curls cascading around her shapely cheeks. They stood at the door, hugging each other tightly for quite some time, then Nyota let go and asked, "Where is Baba?"

"Preparing supper for us." Ashaki answered. She helped Nyota bring her bags into the lodge and the door closed behind them. Nyota and Ashaki put the bags in the room they had held for Nyota, then they went into the kitchen area, where Mwinyi was cooking. The dark skin man with long black hair pulled into a ponytail in the back of his head and a long beard kept only in an inch thick straight line down the center of his chin was humming to himself as he cooked.

"Baba!" Nyota called. He turned to see her and his black eyes twinkled at the sight of his daughter in a gold, yellow and pink sun dress with a yellow ribbon in her ponytail. He rushed to give her an embrace as well. She whispered, "I've missed talking to you, Baba."

He let go of her and said, "You can talk to me whenever you wish." She did not want to argue. The fact was that any time she talked to him, he seemed to try to discourage her from the pursuit of her career. She tried to understand his point of view. She knew that the man he learned most of his knowledge from had been killed on a starship and he did not want the same thing to happen to her, which actually would be a great possibility.

But, she wanted him to support her, no matter how afraid he was. He seemed to think that she was doing it to prove a point, that she was not his helpless little girl. She had to partially disagree. She had joined Starfleet to prove that she was not _a _helpless little girl, and she stayed because she loved it. She loved her field of study and her career... and now, she loved Spock.

After a traditional dinner, just like from home, the three of them sat in the leisure quarters of the lodge, talking. Uhura cuddled against her mother, like she did when she was a little girl, feeling starved for affection. Her father sat in a chair, watching her suspiciously with his oily black eyes studying nearly every move that she made. he seemed as though he would introduce one of his infamous father/daughter arguments anytime soon. Her intention was to ignore his study, but ultimately, she asked, "What is it, Baba? Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

He responded, "I am worried. Something has changed since the last time we visited you and if my observations serve me well, I am inclined to believe that you have found yourself a romantic interest. Yet, you have made no mention of him. It makes me wonder, what kind of man must he be?"

Ashaki stroked Nyota's hair and suggested, "Let's not do this, Mwinyi. This is our first night of only three together. Nyota makes only the wisest decisions. If she does not wish to talk about it, it is none of our business."

Mwinyi now looked at his wife suspiciously and said, "I am inclined to believe that _you_ already know about him, at any rate."

His wife merely stated, "We will not discuss this, unless Nyota wishes to. She has the right to keep her personal life exactly that way, personal. I'm just delighted to spend time with her and see her healthy and well."

"Healthy and well? Ashaki, she looks as though she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her face has the twinkle of love and yet her eyes bear the load of misery..."

"I am still in the room, Baba. OK, since it is clear that you won't let up, what do you want to know? What kind of man must he be? Why I have not discussed him? I will tell you this, you will not approve. I already know you and how you think and you will not approve, so it does not matter what I say about him, because you will only tell me that you do not approve. I felt that the wisest decision was to just leave the subject alone."

"You will never know for certain, how I will react to something, as you never tell me anything anymore."

She now sat up, apart from her mother, and informed him, "Baba, let's not do this. Seriously. No matter where this conversation goes, we will not agree and you will not approve. Isn't there some interesting news or a story about home that you can tell me? Let's just have a positive visit."

"How can I be positive about the possibility of you dying any day while you are out, gallivanting across the stars? And what of this man of yours? Will we not be allowed to meet him? You have not been with a man in years, as far as I know. I wish to know that your current choice is not so dangerous."

Nyota frowned and looked at her mother. The look seemed to suggest that she was becoming angry, but trying to keep her respect level in tact. Nyota was never the type to disrespect her parents. When she became angry during her father's onslaughts, her mother usually stepped in to keep the peace. Ashaki said, "Her choices were never dangerous. Livingston was a good man, when she selected him. "You approved of him, then. How were we to know that he would become a Federation fugitive?"

Nyota covered her face with one of her hands, feeling a headache starting and said, "You know what, I do not want to do this. I really don't want to talk about _Livingston_." She whispered the name.

Mwinyi sighed and said, "It may be therapeutic. You never discussed him..."

"And I won't!" She yelled. Now, everyone sat quietly. After a while, Nyota broke the silence and said, "Mama, I want to show you this scroll that Spock gave me. You'll love it." She got up and went into her room. When she got inside, she took a deep breath and unpacked her scroll. She knew that her parents would have a brief argument held in loud whispers, so she gave them a few minutes.

As she did, she thought about Livingston Kurok. Genius. He was a genius. A beautiful genius who loved her very dearly, even after he went completely insane in his terrible scientific experiments which eventually had him expelled from working for the Federation. Now, any news she received about him was about some horrible terrorist activity and he was still in the wind. She had not wanted to think about him. About his honey tone skin or his long, black dreadlocks, his chestnut eyes... She had almost married him. Her mother was planning the wedding and her father was preparing to give her away, happily, because Livingston had swayed her mind away from being on a starship. As soon as they broke up, she switched her work ethic into overdrive and enrolled into the academy. Her career became her husband. Space became her wedding plans, and her father became unbearable in his disapproval. She reentered the room with the scroll and announced, "Wait until you see this, Mama." She unrolled the scroll and Ashaki gasped and rushed over to it to admire it.

"Oh, Nyota! This is exquisite!"

"I thought that you would like it."

Mwinyi asked, "And this was a present from your boss?"

"Spock is not just one of my superiors, Baba. He is also my friend."

"Is he your mystery man, Nyota? Commander Spock, the only Vulcan in Starfleet? The son of the Vulcan ambassador to Earth? I would not be the least bit surprised if you were to make a fresh start with such an incredible prospect."

Nyota lifted her eyebrow, but did not turn to face her father as she said, "I don't know whether you meant that as an insult or a compliment, Baba."

He shrugged and responded, "I meant it as a fact. Is this Spock your love interest, Nyota?"

"Yes, he is." She told him and looked right at him, as though to dare him to give her a hard time about it. She saw a flicker of annoyance in his face. A hard time was definitely about to come upon her.

Mwinyi intertwined his fingers and said, "This topic is definitely worth a discussion, Nyota." She looked at her mother, then rolled up the scroll and took a seat.

Spock sat in the simulation room, monitoring the progress of his work so far. He had awakened with her nightie in his hand and threw it into the basin with his dirty clothing. He needed to meditate. He found that meditation seemed not to help his situations, as it related to her. Sometimes, it seemed to, then he would find that he had miscalculated. By the time he _walked to_ his office, he seemed to be in control of himself once again. By the time _she _entered his office, he knew that he wasn't. He tried not to look at her. He knew that she would be even more beautiful than usual. She would have that glow of excitement in her face. She would have an optimistic twinkle in her eyes. She would be genuinely happy about the thought of seeing her parents and he would not be able to handle all of the beauty that accompanied her joy.

When she began to hum, he knew that would make it difficult for him not to look at her. He looked at her. He was immediately annoyed by the fact that he had. Especially when she smiled, his reserve was almost broken down. He returned to his work, centering himself at the same time. All that he wanted was to hold her close and take in her scent. He was irritated with himself for it. When she asked to leave, he was incredibly relieved. He had not wanted her there anyway. After she left the office, he opened the window to clear the room of her scent. He stared out of it for a while, until she appeared outside of it and sat under her favorite tree. Then, he realized that it would be counterproductive for him to watch her, and he returned to his desk.

He had a substitute fill his classes and he went into the simulation room to begin programming particular elements of the upcoming exam into the system. The test did not usually seem so tedious to program. He knew that his irritability had more to do with the fact that he had aligned himself, so foolishly with this woman. What had he been thinking when he rationalized getting involved with her? Why had he behaved in such a way? After last night, he did not know why he was still involved with her. The logical thing to do would be to sever his ties from her... to distance himself from her in the same manner that he had and would have done so to any other woman. For some reason, he could not seem to content himself about the issue. For whatever reason, he had a desire to be in this situation.

Shortly before midnight, he finally entered his quarters and immediately checked to see if Nyota had left him any messages, but she had not. He began to meditate. Tomorrow should be his resting day, however, he decided that he would spend the rest of the night and a large portion of the next day in meditation. He prepared himself for it and began to do so right away.

Nyota opened the blinds to her room in the lodge and the sun shined inside.

She needed some sunshine in her life at the moment. Her father had spent over an hour informing her of all of the reasons that she should not be involved with a Vulcan. Nyota always thought her family to be a very open and accepting group, but hearing her father speak about Vulcans made her sad and upset.

He had told her that there was no way that Spock could ever love her and that she was wasting her time waiting for it to happen. He informed her that most Vulcans are already set to be married by Spock's age and suggested that he most likely had a bride awaiting him, somewhere. He expressed disapproval and disappointment in her choice to become involved with a superior officer at the academy... she was beginning to think that he thought everything she did as it related to Spock was a failure, until he said that he was still impressed that she managed to get a Vulcan's attention, even if for a moment. (She knew that he meant it as compliment, even though she didn't take it as one.) After he finished with her, she decided that it was time for bed and they all agreed to get up early to exercise together.

Nyota was the last one up and she could hear her parents shuffling around in the other rooms when she did arise.

The first thing she did was let the sun shine in.

She dressed herself to work out, then went into the room to meet her parents. They were already dressed for their own work outs and her mother was eating an apple and studying the scroll. Nyota smiled and went to hug her as a morning greeting.

Not taking her eyes away from the scroll, Ashaki said, "This is from the Song of Songs, by King Solomon, as recorded in the Holy Bible of ages ago," as she traced her finger across a certain line. The woman began to read in a tongue that Nyota was not familiar with, making z sounds and sounding a bit like strange French with too many consonants.

Nyota looked at the scroll and asked, "What language is that?"

"Jaradan", Ashaki answered. "The Jaradan piece translates to _"Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be utterly contemned." _

Both Ashaki and Nyota felt the need to hold in tears at the words. Nyota made a mental note to be sure to record what her mother had just told her, for her own study and research. Ashaki looked over the scroll more and said, "This is an amazing gift to say that _supposedly_ these Vulcan creatures do not know what love is." She startled at her own words, then said, "I'm sorry, Nyota. I didn't mean to call your friend a creature. I certainly don't want to come across like Mwinyi." The woman threw a displeased look in her husband's direction.

Mwinyi was already stretching his legs and ignored her comment about him as he suggested, "Nyota, you should have a piece of fruit, or something light to hold you through the workout. Your mother and I have taken up free-running. Have you any knowledge in it?"

Nyota nodded her head as she informed him, "I strongly believe if you and Mama can do it, then I most likely can too. Both of you are twice my age and Baba, you have a little rounder where your abs should be."

Mwinyi smiled at Nyota, deviously and said, "It appears that my little girl is challenging me on a free run. Well, Nyota, I suggest that you not only have a light snack, but that you stretch extremely well. Your father is not old and obsolete just yet."

Ashaki kept studying the scroll and she finally said, "I want a copy of this. Not the entire scroll itself, but the text. Do you know if there was a draft created before the scripting was completed? Perhaps there is a data slate with the same information on it?"

Nyota shrugged her shoulders and said, "He wouldn't give me any details about the gift, only the gift itself. But, after I dust Baba out there, we can look at it together." She looked at her father and said, "Maybe you aren't obsolete, and I don't think that you'll ever be, but you ARE old, and there's no way that you are beating me out there."

The three of them went running, and Nyota was shocked at how agile her father was. He did have the stunts to free run like no one she had ever seen in real life. She only had a few stunts of her own, and even then, he was outrunning her. Ashaki simply ran along on the sidewalk of the city while Nyota and Mwinyi crossed over, went under, worked their way around, under and in between all kinds of random objects along the way. Eventually, Mwinyi stopped running when they reached a body of water. He threw both of his hands into the air and cheered himself on, in Swahili. Nyota reached him shortly after and shook his hand, "Good run, Baba." Ashaki was a bit further down and Mwinyi estimated that it would be quite a while before she reached them.

He began to talk, "Nyota, I hope that I didn't upset you too much with what I said last night."

"You mean when you told me that Spock will never care about me and if he ever does he'll never show me or tell me? Or when you said whether or not our relationship is legal by Starfleet standards, it's still unethical and I should be ashamed of myself? Because, my favorite part was the part where you insisted that he's probably engaged and when he's married to his Vulcan, I'll be a memory to help him plant seed within her. That was definitely something to tell your little girl."

He sighed and told her, "I want to be as realistic as possible. I should not have been so graphic with that one. I know that you want to hear me say nice things, but the fact of the matter is, for all of Vulcan's knowledge, the Vulcans simply have no hearts, at least not in the way that we have them. It will only hurt you to keep yourself attached to this Vulcan."

She laughed and said, "Baba, the only thing that I want you to do is support my decisions. I made a decision to become involved with Spock. Mama trusts me to make the right choices and when I don't, she trusts me to be able to live with my choices. That's what I would like you to do. You are a psychiatrist, for crying out loud!"

"Yes, I am. And although I was a xenopsychiatrist first, today I am a father first. I wish that I could say that I was a better one than I am..."

"You are a wonderful father. You have always taught me and helped me to push myself to do better. Shortly before Spock and I got together, I was telling him about how you give me a gift and a book, and that you keep that up, even today."

"You can never have too much knowledge." He explained.

She continued, "The point is that even today, you continue to try to help me grow. I love you. I just want you to trust me with my life, as I trusted you with it all those years, at home. You did well enough, Baba. You did so well that you can trust_ me_ with my life, now. Do you think that you can?"

Now Ashaki finally reached the two of them as Mwinyi said, "I promise that I will do my best."

Ashaki tried to catch her breath as she asked, "Do your best at what?"

Not wanting anymore discussion on the topic, Nyota wrapped her arm around her mother's neck and said, "We should get breakfast. I want a veggie omelet."

Ashaki asked, "Do you eat meat anymore, Nyota? Nearly everything you eat now is vegetable."

"I still eat it, just not so much." Nyota replied to her mother.

Mwinyi added, "Vulcans are vegetarians. She probably eats most of her meals with her Vulcan counterpart."

Nyota smiled and said, "As a matter of fact, Baba, it has literally been weeks since the last time I had anything but Papa's tea with Spock."

Ashaki smiled, "Oh, you make your Papa's tea?"

"Every morning and many nights. Breakfast, please?" Nyota insisted, not wanting Spock mentioned anymore during this visit.

Ashaki finally caught her breath and answered, lightly, "Yes, but let's try walking to some place."

Mwinyi picked up a garment and placed it against the front of Nyota. She looked down at it and shook her head and expressed, "Too colorful."

"You had beautiful colors on yesterday."

"There is a lovely silver and gray dress over there. I have some jazz pants that will go with it perfectly. I have a dance to perform for Mama."

Mwinyi smiled and said, "She misses watching you dance. She misses you altogether."

"I miss both of you too." Nyota told him.

"It is going to be even harder for you to see us after this semester. You'll be assigned to a starship and we will not see you for years." Mwinyi's eyes glossed over a moment as he admitted this to his only daughter.

Her eyes were soft on him for it and she calmly and sweetly spoke with him, "Baba, I know how it works. I have been preparing for this my entire life. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." He quickly told her.

She asked, "When Livingston and I got engaged, were you so supportive because you believed in us, or did you do it because I was willing not to get on a starship for him?"

Mwinyi lowered the dress from in front of her and said, "I _liked_ him, but I always worried that he might limit you. I thought that he may hold you back from greatness. I was willing to overlook it for your safety. Now, I know that was foolish. You are a remarkable person and no one should limit you to anything. That is including me. I have no right to try to limit you in your career or your romances. I plan on giving this Spock a fair chance. I will not judge him either way. By the way, will we be able to meet him?"

"You met him a couple of years ago." She answered.

"Yes, but the meeting which we had with him at that time was different, was it not? Then, he was just your favorite teacher and the encounter was brief. You introduced him, he provided accolades for you to us, and we moved on. Certainly, another meeting is in order. I wish to know if I truly will disapprove of him."

She nodded, in certainty. "You will."

Mwinyi folded his arms, still holding the dress on the hanger as he told his daughter, "He has several points against him, I must admit. He is Vulcan. He is your superior officer and your boss. He is doing _something_ which causes you to be sad, I can see it. And you are sexually active with him. I can see that too." Nyota blushed and stared at her father, trying to gauge him. Even as an adult, she had no desire to discuss such a matter with her father.

The man continued, "Have you given this man your virtue?"

"Baba, you should be pleased to know that Spock has refused my virtue. He has vowed not to defile me," was the best answer she could give.

Mwinyi's demeanor brightened a little bit and he said, "Well, then he gains a few points. When do we meet him?"

"Actually, he is spending the next few weeks engulfed in his work. I barely see him, and I work out of his office. Maybe next time you guys are here... graduation in a few months, probably."

"By that time, he may be gone out of your life." Mwinyi suggested.

"If that is so, then there will be no need for you to meet him," Nyota refuted.

Ashaki came out of the dressing room in a long pink and aqua caftan with a pair of aqua pants. Nyota gasped and said, "It's lovely! I'm going to get that silver one over there. Baba, you find yourself a tunic that will complement both of the outfits, so that we can have our images captured." She went to gather the dress of her interest. Mwinyi handed his choice to Ashaki and said, "She is getting this one, too."

Nyota spent the rest of the weekend in harmony with her parents and was able to get onto transmissions with both of her brothers before the weekend ended. She and her parents made a recording of themselves smiling and holding each other and took several photos, as well. By the time they went back with her to the academy on Sunday night, she really did not want them to leave, even her father. She felt that even though he had attacked her a few times, and attacked Spock a number of times that he was willing to trust her decision. She was relieved that Spock would be too busy to do anything with them. They decided to have supper in the mess hall. Nyota cooked at her dorm, then they carried the food with them to the cafeteria, as Nyota and Gaila did not have a table in the dorm for dinner.

They set up their table, sat down and joined hands to pray over the food. When they began to eat, Mwinyi asked Nyota, "Is that your Vulcan, Nyota?" She turned around too enthusiastically and saw Spock seated by himself in the corner, working on his portable computer.

She faced her father again and said, "Yes, Baba. He is the only Vulcan here."

Ashaki smiled and asked, "Do you wish to invite him over?"

"No. He's working."

"Well, he is here. We are here." Nyota sighed. She really did not know what type of mind frame that Spock was in. The last time she saw him, he was being cold and she really did not want her parents to see him interacting with her in such a way. He certainly would not pretend to be warm because they were present.

She looked at her father and said, "You can meet him when you come back to visit for graduation. I don't want to disturb him, and this is our last meal together before you go home."

After they finished eating and were leaving the dining area, Spock spotted them heading out. He and Nyota looked eyes and he lifted his eyebrow at her. Her parents looked at the two of them. Spock closed his computer and approached the three of them.

"Hello, Lt. Uhura. I did not realize that you had returned to the campus. Welcome back. Hello Mr. and Mrs. Uhura, I am Spock."

Ashaki smiled and said, "Hello, Commander Spock. We've met you before."

He nodded, "Certainly, I recall." He placed his computer into his satchel and took the pot which Nyota held from her hands, "Allow me to help you, Lt." She gave it over to him, hoping that her father would have the decency to control himself.

Mwinyi stared at Spock. Spock noticed and stared back. Nyota felt all of a sudden extremely uncomfortable, as her father began to talk, "Commander, excuse me for staring so hard at you... you have human qualities about you."

Spock tilted his head slightly and opened his mouth, but Nyota cut him off with, "It wasn't intended as an insult, Spock. Baba, watch what you say about humanity in him. That isn't a complement to a Vulcan."

Spock added, "However, Mr. Uhura, I am not offended by your observation. Many people do not realize this, but my mother is human. I'm afraid I inherited some of her traits."

Mwinyi replied, "My mother, wife and daughter are human, and I am not afraid for any of their traits."

Spock stopped walking and looked at him. "Please do not take offense, for none was intended on my part."

Mwinyi asked, "Do you have an arranged mate in existence?"

Nyota and Ashaki both gasped and Ashaki exclaimed, "Really, Mwinyi! that is incredibly rude."

Mwinyi smiled, slightly at his wife, then proceeded with, "I would like to know, Ashaki. Even if Nyota does not want to know."

Spock looked at Nyota, then at her father while answering, "Vulcans rarely discuss their personal matters with strangers, Mr. Uhura. Surely as a xenopsychiatrist, you are aware of this fact."

Mwinyi spoke, "Excuse me if I am not aware of proper Vulcan communications. Unfortunately, we have very little information on how to deal with Vulcans. Vulcans believe that with their logic, there is no need for psychiatrists."

"The statement is true." Spock agreed.

"Do you think that you are being very Vulcan, as it relates to my daughter?" Mwinyi asked.

Spock looked Mwinyi in the eyes and answered, "There is no variation to the level of Vulcan that a Vulcan can be. He is either Vulcan or he is not. "Very Vulcan" is an illogical phrase and I do not comprehend your meaning of it."

Nyota looked at her father and said, "That sounds like a great place to end this conversation, Baba." He nodded.

They brought the dishes back to the dormitory and Nyota headed towards the boarding deck of the shuttles. Her parents were going to leave from the academy on a shuttle. She looked at Spock as they walked to the area. He seemed concrete and unmovable. She was glad that her father stopped. She did not like the fact that Spock had avoided the strange question about being engaged, instead of just answering "no", but she certainly did not want to discuss it in the presence of her parents. After she hugged and kissed them goodbye and they boarded, she looked at Spock. "I'm sorry about my father. I had no intention of telling him anything, but he has a way of getting information out of me."

Spock answered with honesty, "I am not bothered by your father's knowledge of us, though I _would_ prefer that he did not interfere."

Nyota informed him, with tension in her voice, "He has that bad. He interferes in my life whether someone else is in it with me or not... but I am curious about your answer to his question."

"Which question?" Spock asked, looking at her.

"About you having an arranged marriage." She answered, though she thought that it should have been obvious which question.

"Where does your curiosity lie?" Now that he knew which question, he still didn't understand what she was asking him? Sometimes, she hated the fact that he was so logical that simple common sense seemed to elude him perpetually.

"Well, you didn't tell him that you don't. That's confusing. Why didn't you say that you aren't attached to anyone?" She wondered.

He looked confused and he responded, "Because that would have been a lie." Nyota stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him. He kept walking until he realized that she was not beside him and he turned to see her staring. "What are you doing?"

"You are engaged to someone?" She asked, as though maybe he did not understand what he had just admitted to.

"Currently, I have an arrangement awaiting for me to claim a bride which my father secured for me as a child." Spock answered the question so casually, that she realized that he really did not understand what he was admitting to.

"You did not see the need to tell me this?" She asked, trying to keep her voice even. Spock seemed thoughtful about the question.

"I have been considering it for quite some time. My mother would have had me tell you the night that we decided to become involved." He confessed.

"That seems like it would have been a good time." She answered shortly.

Spock had an explanation, which she did not see as an explanation at all. How do you explain why a woman is woman #2? He stated, "It did not seem logical to me, at the time. T'Pring is certain to be my wife in the event that I claim her, unless she issues a challenge, for me to fight to the death for her. You, on the other hand were dare I say performing a test run with me. You were entering into human style courtship, which can often be temporary. The best course of action was to ensure that in the event that your humanity pulled you away from me, that I still had my bride for when the time calls for her."

"You don't want to share me with someone else, but you have had me to share you for the past couple of months?" Uhura tried not to sound as angry as she found herself. She would have expected to be hurt, but she in fact, was angry.

"I have been exclusively with you in the capacity in which we have been interacting. My bride is on Vulcan and I have only met her once, when we were children. I do not plan to see her again, unless in the event that I claim her, or the event that I release her from our vows." Spock said, still as casual as any other day, as any other conversation.

"You should do that." Uhura suggested.

It did not take Spock long at all to respond, "I would need a logical reason to do so. Being half Vulcan, it was very difficult for my father to find a mate for me. If I release T'Pring, then there is a situation in which I do not have a replacement, it will be extremely difficult for me to find another Vulcan mate."

"You belong to another woman, and you want me to be okay with this? You must be out of your mind!"

"I assure you, Lt, I am completely sane and logical in my choice."

Uhura sighed then touched him on the cheek and said, "You told me to enjoy my weekend, and I did. I will see you in the office in the morning, Commander." She turned to leave his presence. _This is why, Nyota. This is why you stayed single, to prevent the possibilities of foolishness threatening your well being. _She shook her head and retired to her dorm. Surprisingly, she felt comfortable enough with finding out that he was arranged to marry someone. She would not share, that much was certain, but she did not know how she would convince him to release that woman from their attachment. All that she knew at this point was that Spock had made it evident to her that convincing him to do so would be a challenge, and she loved challenges.


	9. Chapter 9

**About the Other Woman**

A fiancée… A Vulcan fiancée who knew all about Vulcan culture and lived on Vulcan. That was quite something to compete with, but Nyota knew that sometimes the best way to fight was to let the fight come to her and elude it. In other words, Spock was about to WISH that she gave him grief about his betrothal. When she entered the office, she made his tea and left it in its place. She made her tea, set her music, made sure she was fragranced right and opened her communications line to make all of her necessary calls.

Spock entered the office. Nyota had ignored every transmission he'd sent her after she discovered his secret about his wife… He was so perplexed by her behavior as to research the subject. Even though he explained the logical reason he did not release (and was not going to release) his bond mate; Nyota evidently felt that he should, because of his relationship with her. He opened his mouth to speak to her when he saw her, but she began laughing at something in her earpiece, obviously. He proceeded to his desk and sat down to drink his tea.

After a while, she got up, took out her headpiece and said, "All done!" With that, she left the office. She did not ask permission, nor did she ask if he had anything else for her. Spock blinked at the door a few times, then stood up and quickly made his way to it. When he looked out of the office, she was quite a distance down the hall with her roommate, who obviously had met her at the office. Perhaps that was why she had been so abrupt - plans with her friend… But, even then, generally - she made her plans known. No, Nyota was in some region of upset and she was going to make Spock either ignore her until she exploded, or confront her about her emotions. He sighed and folded his arms as he watched them leave the place.

Things were simpler when she focused her attention on something, anything other than Spock and the terrible hurt that finding out to some degree her father was right about him caused. If Baba had been right about that, what if he was right about some of the other stuff? She thought that all of this kind of ridiculousness was behind the two of them, but apparently old habits died hard. Well, she refused to go down with any ship, save the Enterprise. So, if Spock had to have what he thought he had to have in order to live logically, etc… She would let him have it.

But, she missed talking to him. When she caught herself about to share some personal info or casual banter, she instead connected to her social networking frequencies for comical transmissions. That made it easy to ignore him, and his stares that she noticed from the corner of the top of her lowered head and gave her a reason to laugh out loud.

Spock allowed her to do this for two weeks, then he realized that she was not going to explode. She was not going to confront him, make a demand, or make a scene about how she felt. Logically, that should have settled his mind about everything… but it in fact startled him, inside. If Nyota was not passionately standing up for or against something, it was because she did not care or she did not believe in it, enough. He knew that she did not agree with his keeping of his bond mate, but the fact that she had let the issue die was an indicator to him that she did not care.

Amanda Grayson rummaged through her special stash in the stasis unit and delighted to find that she still had a good bit of chocolate molten cake. "Mmm, you have been waiting for me, haven't you?" She chuckled, glad that she had no pressing business on today. Sarek was off planet, the servants were off duty and she was about to be off into this cake, until her comm unit sounded. That ring was specific to Spock. She nearly dropped her dessert to rush to it and answer, "Hello, Spock." She said.

"Greetings, Mother." He eyed the cake in her hand and observed, "I take it that you are enjoying what you have referred to as "me time." I do not wish to bother you…"

"Don't start any of that, my son. You _know _that you will never be a bother to me, as long as I live. How is Lt. Uhura?" She asked. He sighed. She knew, already - without him saying anything in any direction that he was having relationship problems.

"She became aware of T'Pring, and she has not spoken to me since," he answered evenly and honestly. The color left his mother's face. He was unsure of what he expected her to say or do, but he had not expected her to look so emotional about the situation. "I am trying to determine how to ask her if we should terminate our…"

"No," Amanda said, plainly and shoved a spoonful of cake into her mouth. She lifted an eyebrow at him, daring him to contend her. But, he did not. She knew that it was not what he wanted, anyway. "Let me tell you what you need to do - you need to tell her that you could care less about T'Pring, but your father set up this pairing when you were a child and right now simply is not the right time to try to get the issue resolved. Tell her that _as soon as it is reasonable, _you will handle T'Pring, that you want to be with only _her, Uhura, _and plan a weekend getaway for the two of you."

"Mother…" He began, then stopped when he realized that he sounded exasperated and a little desperate. He didn't appreciate his own tone. He cleared his throat and told her, "Miss Uhura is not speaking to me. I've tried to explain the situation with T'Pring to her already and she would not cater to logic. She will not agree to spend a weekend with me."

She spooned another piece of cake and asked, "Who knows human women better out of the two of us, you or me, Spock?" And she bit down on her treat, knowingly. He stared at her. She said, "And I know Lt. Uhura. She wants to be with you. Not talking to you is probably draining her dry, so she'll be more willing to listen to you, and if you keep the word logic out of the conversation, she may be more willing to listen to logic. Sometimes, we just don't want to hear about things that hurt our feelings being logical, and as her man, you should try to understand that you have a great deal of control over her feelings whether you like it or not. I promise, things will work out for the good of the two of you." Spock pursed his lips and proceeded to ask his mother about things on Vulcan and other logical conversation topics.

As soon as she got off of the line with him, she contacted Uhura.

"Hello, Lady Amanda. Spock is actually out of the office at the moment, but if it is an emergency, I can connect you to his PADD."

"No, no. I meant to contact _you."_ She said and folded her hands one over the other.

"What exactly are you contacting me about, Lady Amanda?"

"About my son, of course. You have been having trouble with the advice that I gave you," she said.

"No, I haven't been having trouble with the advice you gave me. I have trouble with the advice that you haven't given me. Why would you pressure me to try to have something with Spock knowing that he'll eventually marry somebody else?" Nyota asked, not masking her disappointment and hurt.

"I may not have been as forthcoming with information as I perhaps should have. I'd hoped that the secrecy of Vulcan would be strong enough to hide the bond mate from you."

Nyota glared at her and asked, "Why would you want to do that to me?""Because, I thought that if you realized that he was stuck with someone that you wouldn't let him know that you care about him… and I knew that he needed that." Amanda slumped in her seat and said, "Lt. Uhura, my son is in love _with you. _How do you think I even know about this situation? Spock is more secretive than any Vulcan that I know. He has to overcompensate for the fact that he's only half. But, he took the risk of being exposed to come to me. Though he didn't say much and he wasn't very expressive, I know him. He doesn't want to lose you."

"How should I feel about this wife of his?" Nyota asked, frustrated.

"Apathetic," Amanda said with a shrug. "That's how he feels about her. For reasons that I can't share, he really does have to keep her, unless of course, you'll marry him…" Nyota startled, her eyes widened, and her lip dropped, "But, I don't think that you are ready for that type of commitment. If you love him, pretend that she doesn't even exist, because for the moment, she doesn't, and if you really care about him, then she will not exist in the future. Trust me. His father set the arrangement up and unless he has a very real reason to turn her away, Spock will not challenge his father's logical decision."

"I have been considering something," Spock said, breaking into her work time.

"Yes, Commander?" She answered, not looking away from her screen as she touched it with a stylus each time she saw fluctuations in the frequency. Something was communicating. She could barely hear it, but she knew it was language and she wanted to monitor it, to see what the hell was communicating.

Spock stood from his seat and clasped his hands behind his back as he slowly approached her desk and talked, "The only way that I could break my bond with T'Pring is if you could agree to become my bond mate, and be my bond mate for life.

Would you be willing to consider taking a weekend trip with me?" He asked the top of her head She froze. Spock did not generally have such thoughts, but she had been wondering if the two of them could just get away for a bit if that could help at all. Their trip to Efros Delta had been very satisfactory, and now, they were something else.

But, she could not get her head around this other woman! "I don't think that will help, at this point," she said.

"I am… trying," he said, so softly, it was nearly a whisper. He walked closer to her desk, stopped in front of her and said, "I do not wish for our relationship to be terminated; even though I have never expected you to be capable of a lifelong commitment." He reached out for her hand and her breath caught. He was looking right into her eyes, but still shielding his emotion, "Nyota, it is my wish to have _you, _and unless you are able to commit to me in such a way that indicates you will always be available for me, I cannot release T'Pring."

"You're keeping her for convenience," she said, disappointed.

"We are Vulcan. Convenience is logical," he said, simply. "But, my relationship with you is not. Therefore, I must be certain that I will have you, if I am to discard of a logical choice."

As much as she hated the idea, it made sense. What the hell did she know about Vulcan mating, except that people said they mate for life, unless one is declared illogical and discarded or the individuals mutually agree that their union is not logical. She sighed and asked, "Which weekend would it be?"

"I will send a detailed description of the arrangements to your PADD."

"Where will we go?" She asked. "I mean, for my birthday last year we took the trip that I had been aching to take and it was beautiful and magical…" She smiled at his slight wince of her emotionally charged description of Efros Delta, but continued to say, "I think that now that we're together, it may be more enjoyable." She thought to watching sunsets that she could not openly kiss him beneath and wanting to hold him close during certain events. She sighed and said, "You know what? You always seem to do these things well. You figure it out, send me the details, as planned, and I'll get back to you."

He nodded once and though there was not much change in his appearance, Nyota could tell that he was pleased that she didn't seem to be upset with him any longer. For the first time in several days, before she left, she wished him well. When she walked out of the office, Spock felt himself exhale and tilted his head, slightly, confused that he had been holding his breath and unsure of when he had began.

Gaila was more excited about the weekend trip than Nyota was - but Nyota _did _happen to leave out that bit of information about this T'Pring character. She simply could not bring herself to do it. She'd mentioned her ex-fiancee, Livingston Kurok, a couple of times to Gaila, in passing once and in depth, another time, without exact details of their demise - just the break up itself (and no mention of his name, either). And Gaila had been around to see the fiasco that was Deepak Jayakar - the way that he "cared about" and "wanted to be with" her, but when she didn't cave, slept with her roommate. Gaila still sometimes seemed embarrassed about it, if his name ever came up (which they both heartily prevented, as much as possible). But, with Spock - while things began uncertain and unlikely, Gaila always had a blatant optimism (probably mainly because she was the first person to spot the connection). Nyota found that she simply could not bring herself to let Gaila know that the relationship might fail. Better to tell her after it was over and she was healing. _Way to keep a positive view, Yo._

"So, yes? No?" Gaila asked, holding up several inappropriate items.

"No!" Nyota snapped and snatched them from her to toss in a returns receptacle. The returns basket would scan and identify the items and transport them back to their original place in the store. "I'm just here to get some new underwear. One of the bad things about someone with a memory like Spock's is that he can recall every single article of clothing and every event tied into it. I want some special underwear that will only make him think of this weekend, the present."

"Well, you got rid of the most memorable pair that you'll find in town. Those were Orion made, I'll have you know," Gaila complained, looking at the receptacle.

But, her friend ignored her and walked over to a rack that had a Vulcan woman modeling at the top. "Think she's a real Vulcan, or a Terran in Vulcan-face?"

"Vulcanface. They rarely pose for holos outside of diplomatic events and records keeping. They certainly wouldn't promote underwear." Gaila picked up a hanger and added, "Even the ugliest underwear in all of the universe."

"They look comfortable," Nyota mused and selected a pair for herself. Gaila frowned and folded her arms. "The Orion ones didn't look comfortable… Besides, these aren't for the trip. These are for general usage." Gaila's grimace only grew. "God, Gaila, fetch the Orion ones." Gaila tossed her the Vulcan panties and rushed back to the rack that she'd initially found the Orion panties on.

They went shopping for other things, as well. Gaila was a master of weekend getaways and had all types of advice on the matter. Nyota wondered several times if she should fill her in on the most pressing issue about all of this - that Nyota Uhura could not be someone's other woman, whether he saw her as that or not, and this weekend would determine for her whether or not this relationship was worth her time and energy. Sometimes, love just was not enough.

"I'm sure that you have a song planned for him. When you sing, a good device to use is proper lip wear. Lips Etc may have the biggest selection, but I assure, for the best stuff, we are in the right place."

Nyota always wondered how she ended up in the places that Gaila loved to shop. They always reminded her of some dark, dungeon with sultry lights and more often than not, they were either underground, or the section that they went to was in the back. _But, _she did always find the sexiest, best quality stuff. "See, this?" Gaila held up a lip glass and said, "It is called Hypnosis. There is actual Orionness hormonal attributes in it."

"I don't think…"

"This one," she held up another and said, "Will make a grown man cry, with just one kiss. He'll be your slave as long as the taste is in his mouth."

"Gaila, I'm not trying to…"

"Not trying to woo him? No, no. He's already wooed. We know that. We know, because he suggested this weekend getaway and now, you are going to milk it for everything. After you're done with him, he'll be yours forever. He'll be your slave!" Gaila cheered and pulled her into yet another suspicious store.

Nyota simply wondered, _But how the hell do I enjoy myself when I know in the back of my mind there is someone out there, waiting for him? _

Spock met Nyota at her dorm, assuming that she would over-pack, just as she had for the trip to Efros Delta. When she began collecting several miscellaneous bags, he knew that he had been correct. Spock retrieved the luggage from her and strategically arranged it on his electronic cart. Anticipation brewed in her gut as they headed for the shuttle bay. This trip might change things between them forever…

Spock's invitation to come spend the weekend with him sounded along the lines of a wedding proposal. Coming from a Vulcan, it probably _was, _and how things occurred on this trip just might affect the rest of her life! She couldn't lie to herself. The thought of being with Spock for the rest of her life was overwhelming and frightened her. Things could be perfect on some days – she had only eyes for him and reveled in the fact that he seemed to have only eyes for her. But, more frequently, things were rough. There were patches that both and each of them had to get around and neither of them would ever take such steps without genuine feelings. She realized when they first got together that he had strong feelings for her, but was she ready for the type of commitment that he seemed to be suggesting he was ready for?

Nyota sat on the shuttle and let Spock tend to their luggage. Her plan was to act completely normal the entire trip… What she did instead was remain completely silent the entire trip. By the time they changed shuttles, she had become exhausted from the tension of not knowing where to begin a conversation the entire shuttle ride. Why did this Vulcan make her so different from who she was, or was this who she really was all along? Maybe her ex was right – she wanted love, she just did not know how to handle it when it was given to her. "My research tells me that the Omicron Delta region is has volatile planets. I was a little alarmed when I read our itinerary," she said, awkwardly.

"There is no need for alarm. It would be illogical for me to invite you on a trip in which you are placed in any danger," Spock replied, not even looking in her direction.

"Exactly. So, I tried to research that planet, but it isn't listed in the Federation database as an established planet, therefore was unnamed; which piqued my interest in it and made me have to research it furthermore. So, I was able to find a listing of the natives' name of the planet and glad to know that it was a name that others cannot easily say. Now, I'll be able to ask them when we get there how to pronounce it."

Spock glanced at her with a raised eyebrow, "I sent you an itinerary and you made a research assignment out of it." It was a statement and not a question. "I believe that I am doing what you refer to as rubbing off on you."

She smiled at him and he gave her a slight smirk before returning his gaze directly in front of him, probably doing mathematical calculations in his head she thought to herself.

The surface of the planet was very lovely and Nyota was pleased to see meadows of flowers and green grass. The placed looked like a paradise and she breathed in the fresh air with gladness. Spock gathered their luggage and summoned a rental transport ship to take them to their weekend quarters.

Upon arriving at the house, Nyota was immediately pleased with it. It was a house and it looked like something out of one of her dreams. She had wanted her home to be built similarly to this one and even the impeccable yard was one that she would have loved to call her own. "Spock, this is amazing."

"I cannot take credit for our lodging place," Spock said, honestly. "The natives of this planet specialize in appealing to the pleasures of the mind."

She stopped and stared at him, "They can see into our minds?"

"They monitor thoughts for the sake of pleasing their patrons," he said, evenly. "Knowing this is supposed to be assurance of a pleasurable visit."

"It _should _be," she said. "I would've wanted to know ahead of time, but this is good. This means that we should have a lot of fun." She rubbed his arm, lovingly and smiled at him, "Thank you. This place was a very thoughtful choice."

When they entered the house, she loved the layout and quickly went to take a tour of the place. She unpacked her items and went into the kitchen to check on the food space. "We should get some groceries," she said.

"That is not what I have on the schedule," he commented as he stood in the doorway. "If you did not have the opportunity to memorize the schedule, I will allot you some time to review it."

"Nope. Just tell me what you have planned for right now," she said.

"You are in need of sustenance. I have reservations for lunch at a restaurant which serves East African cuisine."

Her entire face brightened and she announced, "To lunch it is!"

She walked up to him with a shy grin, placed her hands on his chest and leaned up to kiss his gently. To her surprise, Spock's hands gathered her to himself and he kissed her in return. He _missed _her. His kiss told it all. She smiled as their lips danced around each other and told him, "I've missed you." He only responded by squeezing her tightly to himself.


	10. Chapter 10

**If Only in My Dreams**

Nyota could not express how fun the day had been. She and Spock had gone to eat at one of the best restaurants that she ever had authentic food from… and she was confused as to how a place could grant her such food when she had been all over Earth with Starfleet and had yet to come across anywhere but home with such quality meals. Then, they went to a museum (which she found they both loved to do – even though they were not interested in seeing the same things inside of them.) After she let Spock take her to a place that was structured like a Vulcan ritual clearing, he showed her the basics of suhs mahna, and she caught on very quickly, thanking her years of dance and yoga for the ability to do so.

Then, she tried to get him to dance with her, but he was hesitant, despite the fact that she assured him that no one was around. To be honest, she couldn't make herself take no for an answer. She insisted and even danced against him while he resisted any movement, whatsoever. After a while, she threw her arms around his neck and told him, "You don't have to dance. I'll just dance with you, whether you like it or not!" He refused to respond any longer. She would not pay any attention to his refutations, anyway.

Spock fought the urge to reach out for her. He knew that if he did, he might break and he might do something that he would later regret. This planet was bringing out his humanity. Some part of him wanted to connect with her, wanted to be more human for her, and it seemed that something in the air was making him feel like doing it. Before he realized, he had his hands on her waist and was holding her tightly. Then, it happened…

Nyota looked up at him with a smile and blushed, slightly. Spock lifted an eyebrow at her, until he realized that she was pressed against him and had just rubbed herself on his _erection. _Spock swiftly let go of her and turned away, "Perhaps we should return to the lodging area. Tomorrow is a long day and I do not believe that you have received sufficient rest. There is a delivery service for our dinner tonight and I need… to meditate."

"Don't do that to me, Spock. It's not like this is the first erection that I've been exposed to." But Spock had already began gathering their things and heading for their transport. "Wow," she said as he completely ignored her protest.

When they returned to the house, Spock – as he said, ordered delivery. "Is there anything in particular that I should order for…" He began to ask her but was cut off by the bathroom door swooshing closed after her. He ordered things he knew that she preferred and began to meditate as she took her shower.

Meditation would not work – not tonight. This planet had a way of manifesting the things that people truly wanted and he truly wanted her. He wanted her to invade his personal space, no matter how illogical it was and no matter how much he resisted it. He wanted their bodies pressed against each other and to enter her and kiss her, taste her, touch her, inhale her… His eyes opened when he smelled her reenter the room. He looked at her to see her dressed in an alluring, lacey, scanty piece of lingerie. It was _green_.

Nyota's eyes did not even move his way as she collected a floor length, silk robe and slid into it. As she brushed her hair up and clipped it up off of her neck, she felt Spock's hands makes their way up her arms, to her shoulders and to the top of her robe, which he pushed off of her shoulders. She watched him in the mirror as he stared down at her choice of attire, lust taking over his human eyes. "Spock," she said, staring up at him.

"Yes?" He replied and turned her to pull her to himself. This was new.

Spock blamed the atmosphere of the pleasure planet. There was something about being here with Nyota that made him lose a great deal of his inhibitions… That and her wearing that color – for some reason, green was the color that drove him to desire. Did she realize that when she brought this nightie? Or was it just coincidence, on her part? Either way, he was virtually powerless to resist her womanly form, that is until her reaction to his touch.

Nyota yelped and jumped back slightly from Spock and asked, "What was that?" He looked at her, questionably and she expounded, "Did you not feel that? It was like electricity and emotion in one jolt." Now, Spock looked slightly alarmed, for a split second, then returned to stoic.

"Perhaps I should not touch you." He suggested.

"You definitely _should _touch me," she urged and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I like this side of you."

"This _side, _Nyota?" He repeated, trying to resist touching her.

"I want you to touch me like that again. What was it?"

Uncomfortable, he answered, "I think that I may have accidentally transferred some of my emotion into you. It is something that generally happens during a mind meld… but I was not initiating a mind meld. There is no reason that you should have felt my emotion."

"Unless you wanted me to. That's how this planet works, isn't it? They give you what it is that you want and it feels, looks, and is real for a time. We can do whatever we want here. Isn't that why you chose this place?" She asked. "Meld with me, for real."

Spock walked away from her a short distance and said, "That would be unwise."

She approached him and wrapped her arms around him, her hands slid up his shirt, up to his chest… "It's what I want," she said. And, like someone with no free will and no sense of self denial, Spock placed his hands over hers and agreed to do this.

_Nyota found herself visiting memories that she knew were not her own, but somehow knew that they were. This must be what it was like to share one mind with someone else – to know that these were not your thoughts, but to feel that yes, they are, because right now, we are inside of each other. Right now, we are together, for real, for the very first time._

_The emotions that rushed throughout her body were so intense that she could barely function a coherent thought, and figured that the little bit of cognizance that she did possess probably came directly from her contact with Spock. These thoughts were so chaotic, like at the very core of them was a war. She soon realized – it was true._

_Spock spent every single day of his life fighting himself and denying his feelings. They were there, but he had to put them on hold, because he knew no other way to deal with them. All of these cogent emotions and coherent thoughts battled for control inside of him. This is what happens when I try to persuade him to do something based on emotion. This is what he has to go through in order to make what's such a simple and natural choice, to me. _

_There was a journey ahead of them. She was taken to a Vulcan ritual that she was unsure of what it was, at first, but the more she looked around and listened to what was being said, she realized it was a wedding ceremony… her wedding, to Spock! Did he really have thoughts about this? Not only the ceremony, but she saw the honeymoon, in graphic detail and if she was conscious, she might blush about the fact that a Vulcan had fantasies like that._

_But, Spock began to push deeply into her mind, as well. He was searching, trying to discover if she could feel that way about him. Could she be one to be with him in such a connected way? Would she want a life with him? He needed that confirmation before he could ever think to dissolve his bond with T'Pring. He needed to _know.

_They visited times that they confused, angered or hurt each other, in the past, now knowing firsthand how much they meant to each other and how hard it was for BOTH of them to be involved in this relationship. Yet, even though it was difficult and both of them now looked at themselves with a certain level of disdain for being possibly selfish; they both had WANTED this. They wanted each other, and they still did. Now, more than ever._

"_How badly do you want me?" She asked. They were in a cave, and she was in the fantasy wedding gown – a gray and silver thing that wore sort of like a caftan. She reached for him and before she could say anything else, they were a naked wad of limbs and sweat. It was unlike anything that she had ever physically felt and her mind could not tell if this was real or imagined, but whatever it was, she had no complaints and could not get herself to stop. But, after a while, Spock pulled away and she ended up back in the room, with him._

"Spock?" She questioned. He looked embarrassed as he backed away from her. "Why did you stop?" She wondered. "That was incredible!"

"Those thoughts should have remained private. It is illogical to fantasize and even more illogical to share such illogical thoughts with others."

"But, now I know how you feel. You want to be with me. You want a life with me. I get that, now. You never would have told me, would you have? How could I ever have even known?" She asked, then held her head, slightly and groaned a little.

"Nyota, are you well?" He asked, concerned.

"I feel like your feelings are still kind of rushing through me," she answered honestly and reached for the bed, where she sat down gently. "I love you Spock. I don't know if I am the woman who can be with you for life, but I am willing to try. I am willing to commit myself to you." He took a seat next to her and touched her hand, which caused a yelp out of her. She fell backwards onto the bed and her eyes remained open and staring out into space.

"Nyota?" He questioned. If anyone was present to hear him, he would have sounded completely opposite of what he felt. He said her name calmly, as evenly as anything else he ever said. But, seeing her fall that way and stay down… not knowing what was wrong. He shook her and repeated her name. Her eyes fluttered, then shut and when he checked her pulse, it was racing at a speed much too fast for the typical human heart. _What had he done?_

The logical thing to do was to call for help – but how could he explain what happened and who would he call? This was his mess. He somehow knew that the mind meld was responsible for her current state. He made the quick, though difficult decision to reenter her mind, to try to see if he could fix this, if he could fix her…

_On the inside, there were waves and streams of colors swirling around him, madly, angrily. None of this even made sense. It was what chaos would look like if it could be painted, yet, all was moving and Spock saw that all of these swirls were actually memories and thoughts, forcefully spinning around in Nyota's mind. 'Nyota, I need to know where you are your calmest. I need to find what gives you peace.' He journeyed through the chaos, until he found her, seated near an escarpment, dressed in African garment. 'Nyota.' She looked up to see him and stood up, with her hands wringing each other._

'_What is this, Spock? Where am I?' She wasn't speaking. Her mouth did not even open, but he could hear her, just as she could hear him when he had not yet reached her._

'_I'm afraid that I must have done something wrong. I should not have melded with you. I was severely emotional when I did so and my feeling shad already unintentionally transferred to you, before we melded. This is my fault. This is what I did to your mind,' he answered as he approached her._

'_My mind? So, where is my body? Oh my God! Am I dead?' She wondered and looked around her, frightened._

"_I am not going to allow that to happen," he said. That was the most emotional that she had ever heard his voice, but then again, this was in her mind. "I need you to come with me," he said and reached for her hand._

_Nyota took his hand and he began to head for the edge of the escarpment. She withdrew her hand and stared at him. 'This is the way out. Trust me. I need to wake you up.'_

"_I don't want to fall. I have a fear of falling. It is the only thing that I have ever been so afraid of – falling. It's the same as failing. I can't do it." _

_She shook her head, but Spock gently retrieved her hand and told her, "I am not telling you to jump, alone. I am asking you to take the leap, with me." She looked into his eyes and the leap did not seem so bad. It did not seem bad, at all. Spock was here. He loved her and he was going to protect her. Everything would be alright. She could do this. She could be with him. She could be with him, always…_

_She gave him a small smile and said, "I trust you." The two walked, hand in hand, off of the edge and fell, but when Nyota's eyes opened, once again, she was in the room._

"Spock!" was her first word, again. She threw her arms around him and held him close. He was rigid. What if he accidentally hurt her again? Spock quickly shut off all possible contact between her touch and his mind. He would not endanger her again. He could not. It was not an option. When Nyota began to kiss him, he nearly lost his reserve. But, she deserved whatever she wanted right now. He would give it. Even to the point of his entire body, if she requested. He would deny her nothing, for the rest of the trip – unless of course she wanted to meld again. That would not happen. He could not stand the thought of almost losing her or of actually losing her.

Nyota's hands went all over Spock, undressing him, eagerly – excited about the fact that he did not seem to be resisting her – that he did not seem to want to make her stop. Little did she know, Spock's mind and body were temporarily disconnected. Fortunately, the scare that he had from her episode was enough to cement his Vulcan discipline. And while he did everything to her body but have sexual intercourse with her, it was not the same as it ever was… not for him. He was shut off from her. He had everything that he could possibly want, but he could not feel a single thing.


	11. Chapter 11

**The Transfer**

After they got out of the shower, which Uhura assured him would cause no accidents as long as they were not moving around too much. He quickly got out of the shower, to avoid any accidents. He dried himself off and when she got out of the shower, he grabbed another towel to dry her off as well. Spock enjoyed doing things like this for her. If she would be his bond mate, he would serve her in this capacity for the entire first year of their marriage. He would tend to her in her time of childbearing. He would protect her and provide for her. He would love her. Uhura stared into his eyes as he dried her body. What was he thinking about, with that look in his eyes? She took the towel from him and wrapped it around herself.

Both of them got dressed to leave the lodge and spend the day together. Spock put a beanie on his head, over his ears. Uhura tilted her head and asked, "What are you doing with that on?"

Spock fixed the cloth hat on his head to cover the tips of his ears as he responded, "If someone were to see me out there, behaving in any questionable way with you, it could tarnish the image of Vulcan and create a scandal for my race. The hat is a practical way of protecting Vulcan from any of my weekend antics."

"You have Vulcan eyebrows." She pointed out, brushing her hair.

"Romulans have similar eyebrows and show far more passion." He justified.

"Not to humans." She noted.

"Not typically. However, Vulcans typically do not show passion to humans either. I prefer to wear the head cover, Nyota." After realizing that their exchange would be continuous, he decided to fall back on preference. She would argue against logic at times, but she usually respected preference.

"I like that answer much better than the first." She told him. He smirked. She added, "By the way, it looks very cute on you." Now he lifted an eyebrow. He had heard the word cute before, and it was generally associated with a small child or a cuddly animal. He did not know if he liked being referred to as cute. As though she could read his mind, she said, "Just take it as a compliment, Spock." He tried to smile slightly, but it appeared to be a wince.

The day was spent inside of museums. They went to a science museum, an art museum, and a performance art museum. They held hands most of the day and she was pleased that despite her seeming rejection of him, he still found her worthy of the transfer. This touch between them could never grow old to her, no matter how much the sensations came about. She would snuggle closely to him and kiss him on the cheek or on the neck. He would not respond to it, but would not pull himself away from her. She loved him.

At one point in the day, she pointed her two fingers out towards him, to see if he would respond, and he responded by placing the same two fingers to hers, with their tips touching. She smiled at the intense emotional transfer this simple action caused between the two of them. It was better than a kiss. It was better than his kiss. He asked her, "Did you pick up knowledge of this gesture from the mind meld?"

She smiled and shook her head, "No. I saw your parents do it when they were out here. I kept meaning to ask you what it meant, but I kept forgetting about it. I'm glad to have learned from experiencing it." She placed her other hand over his cheek and kissed him on the lips as their fingers touched. She ended the kiss and kept her face close to his as she whispered, "I want to ask you something. Do you think that you can teach me to play the Vulcan lyre?"

Spock lifted an eyebrow at her and informed her, "Humans tend not to be able to learn it."

She shrugged her immaculate shoulders, which he was grateful for the pleasure of seeing fully exposed in her tube top green sun dress. "In any case, I think that you should try. I would love to learn it, and you have always been my best teacher."

He stroked his fingers across the back of her hand, giving her chills as he agreed, "I will teach you."

The two of them went to a grocery to gather supplies for dinner. As they shopped, Spock informed her that they would be attending a formal orchestra later on that night. The news excited her. She had never had the opportunity to attend an orchestra before, but had always wanted to. She also had wanted to attend an opera, she informed Spock. He made a mental note. At some point in time, he would try to bring her to one.

After she made them dinner, they both dressed in formal wear for the music performance that they would be attending a bit later. Uhura enjoyed the orchestra, as it was compiled of many different alien musicians and showcased many different alien instruments. Her mother would have loved such a show. After the show, Spock escorted her to the ballroom of the center which hosted the show and introduced her to several of the musicians. Apparently, he knew many of them from various diplomatic events and Federation dealings.

Most of the beings she met were impressed with her ability to communicate with them so gracefully in their own languages. She had to admit that she had never had such a wide scale application of the languages that she knew. Spock had impressed her yet again!

As they mingled with the musicians and other guests of the musicians, Uhura seriously contemplated the idea of being Spock's bond mate. If she became Spock's wife, experiences such as these would be even more rewarding. He had been introducing her as his assistant, tonight, which made sense, as he knew many of these people professionally and she WAS technically, his assistant. But, briefly she had a little dream about being introduced as his wife. She thought briefly about how impressive they would think she is to have won this particular Vulcan... then she felt ashamed of herself for thinking of him that way, like some kind of accomplishment.

One of the aliens present asked her if she had ever heard Spock play the symphonic organ. Uhura gasped and looked at Spock, "I had no idea that he could play." The woman gathered Spock on her arm and directed him to an empty organ in the ballroom and insisted that he play. There was music already set up on the top, so he studied it for a moment, then began to play as though this was something which he did all of the time. Uhura smiled gleefully, "Is there anything that you can not do, Mr. Spock?" She asked.

He looked at her and replied, "There are several." She smiled at the woman who had led him to the instrument. At the moment, she could not think of one.

3D chess was not one of her strong points. Even with the number of times Spock attempted to teach her, she still had difficulty with it; yet, here they were, playing in the middle of the night, still dressed formally from the concert and the party. The board was set up on the bed and they were each seated on the bed to play it. Nyota asked Spock, "So, you think that playing music is a mathematical process?"

"It is for me. I can play most instruments if given the music to read. It is a science of sorts, I believe." He answered. She made a move on the board and Spock commented, "That was not a wise move." She pushed the board over and climbed onto his lap. He looked at the board and asked, "Why did you do that?" She kissed him and reached for the buttons on his shirt. He no longer seemed concerned with the board as he kissed her, stroking his hands up and down her spine. "Nyota, we can not keep doing this. I need to learn to control myself around you again."

She nodded her head and reminded him, "And you will have plenty of time to do so within the next few weeks, after I am gone from your office and quite possibly will not see you for weeks."

"Excellent point." He said and began to kiss her now, caressing her face as he did.

The next evening, they would be returning to the campus. This affection would be ended on such a scale. He did not know if he would be able to bring himself to touch her this way once back in his comfortable surroundings. He turned her to lay on top of him, spooned in his embrace. "I wonder if my father and my mother ever had such difficult nights as those which we find ourselves having."

She could feel her face distort in curiosity as to why he would say such a thing. It wasn't like Spock to have small talk and certainly not about personal matters such as his family life. She decided to just answer with, "I believe that they have. I certainly know that it can't be easy being a human woman married to a full Vulcan. Why do you think that she decided to marry him?"

"My father is the Vulcan ambassador to Earth. Marrying my mother was a logical move in order for him to better understand humans and their interactions." The response came a little too quickly and it startled her in more ways than one. The first thing wrong with it was the basis for which Spock claimed his parents married and the second thing that she didn't like was his seeming comfort with that type of arrangement.

Yet and still, she replied, "That would be an appropriate answer if I asked you why he married her. Why did she decide to marry him? With the way you think about humans, being half one yourself, I wonder how the full blooded Vulcans treat her and how she feels about it and why she would put up with it?"

Spock thought for a moment until the only logical conclusion entered his mind, "I am presuming that she loves him."

"She never says it?" Uhura wondered.

"It is not something to discuss. She appears to love him. Most would not understand why you have chosen me. The same possibly applies with them. Only she can understand and know for sure what prompted her to be with him." The news saddened her. She tried to imagine a household where a child was being raised who could not say whether or not his parents loved each other. She never would want to have to do such a thing. And it occurred to her just now, that would be the type of household that she would condemn herself to in being with Spock.

Every relationship has ups and downs. This weekend was definitely an up, but she felt that ultimately, there would be downs, and lows. That was not a comforting feeling.

Uhura awoke in the middle of the night, in the bed alone. She looked around and wondered why he could not ever remain in the bed? He did not sleep as much as she did, and around this time of the year, he did not sleep much at all. She got out of her evening gown and heard him coming out of the bathroom. He stopped and stared at her in her undergarments, then climbed into bed without saying a word. She climbed back into the bed as well, while asking, "Do you have anything in particular planned for today?"

Spock laid flat on his back and said, "I have to meditate before we leave."

"You meditate everyday." She wanted to add "For all the good it does," but the debate that would arise was not worth the jab. "I meant do you have activities for the both of us planned?"

"Yes, I do." He answered, but did not expound.

"What is it?" She asked, curiously.

"It is an unknown to be discovered." He replied. She smiled to herself. He meant a surprise, and judging from how much he had managed to surprise her thus far, she knew that whatever it was, it would probably blow her mind.

The sun blazed into the room as Spock fully opened the curtains in the bedroom. Uhura jumped up out of her sleep when the light rushed inside.

"What?" She called out and covered her eyes until they could adjust. Spock stood beside the window with both of his hands behind his back. She eventually sat up and looked at him through squinted eyes, "Why did you do that?"

He replied, "You typically do it. You are late in starting your day." He walked over to her and kneeled next to the bed. "I have a ...surprise for you in the lavatory." He held his hand out to her and she accepted it. When Spock led Uhura into the bathroom, she gasped at the sight of the room.

He had arranged candles all over the room and drawn a bath in the large bathtub, and there were bubbles and flowers in the tub and flowers decorating the room, as well. She turned and looked at him, "Where did you get this idea? Did you get advised? Did you research it yourself?"

"I believe that a more relevant query is from me to you, has it served a positive purpose?" She opened her mouth to answer, then thought about the fact that he refused to answer her when she asked him if her nightie served its purpose in enticing him. He obviously went through a great deal to do this. She never understood how he logically convinced him to surprise her.

"Do you think that this was logical?" She asked curiously.

"No, I think that it was human."

She laughed and informed him, "Trust me, humans are **far **away from putting the effort into such surprises. Get in with me."

"I have to feed you the fruits." He pointed to a tray next to the bed with a lovely fruit arrangement. "The woman at the shop claimed that people do not wish to eat the fruit... that it seems too... I believe she used the word "pretty". Do you perceive it that way?"

She made a disbelieving face at the question and let him know, "It is pretty, but fruit's purpose is to be eaten. We can feed each other, get in with me. You get in first." Spock watched her undress herself, then with contempt in her eyes for his hesitance, she moved in closely to him and removed his clothing, as well. He watched her intently as she did. "Get in," she ordered. He obeyed, of course. He made a slight reaction to the feeling of the water and she climbed into the tub on top of him, realizing why. The water felt fantastic! It was hot and oily and soothing. The aroma of the oils, the flowers and the candles was enchanting.

She reached for the tray and began to try to feed Spock the fruit from it. He stared at the slice of pineapple in her hand. "Nyota, there are utensils on the tray."

"They taste better this way." She said smiling at him as she traced his lip with the fruit.

Spock moved his head away from her hand and said, "Vulcans use utensils when eating."

She fussed, "I'm feeding your human half." She tried to force the fruit inside, but he refused to open his mouth. She bit the pineapple herself and pressed her lips to his. Spock responded to her kiss and she slipped the pineapple into his mouth. He found it delightful, and when she moved to feed him out of her hands again, he allowed it.

After the water became cool, and they emerged from the tub, she studied her hands, with a towel wrapped around her. The oils must have reduced the amount of wrinkles in her hand. She walked over to Spock, as he dressed himself and she took his hand and studied it. "Your hand is not wrinkled."

He looked at his hand and pulled it gently away from her. "I have not yet reached an age for my skin to begin wrinkling, in fact, you will have wrinkles several decades before I ever develop any."

She tilted her head and said, "That's a sad thought. I'll be old and wrinkled, probably dying, and you'll still be able to find something new." She turned away from him and went to get dressed. Spock now stared at her as she seemed to run these thoughts through her head. He silently hoped that she would feel the need to say more about the subject, that she would say something for him to know what to say to help her feel better about this "sad thought". He knew that it would factor in when the time came for her to decide whether or not she wanted to officially become his bond mate.

He offered her some insight that she may not consider, "In the event that you are dying, Nyota, my mind would not be settled upon finding something new. Your death would not be an event for me to begin a new life with someone else, it would be an event for me to condition myself to return to a life without you." As she looked at him, he turned away from her and he added, "That is, of course hypothetical, as it has not been determined that you will remain in my life for the rest of this semester, much less, for such an extended period of time."

He seemed preoccupied with the thought of them not lasting. He did not say so much, but she felt that he thought she would leave him, and soon. The thought bothered her. He had been inside of her mind. He now knew how it operated, and he would be much better at gathering information from her mind than she would from his. What if he had seen something that concreted this newfound preoccupation of his? The thought had often crossed her mind, and the thought of being with him for an extended period of time had become less likely for her to accept, since their meld. No, she could do that forever, it was since he asked her to become his bond mate. Since he asked her to become his bond mate, she began to become fearful of the thought of him leaving.

She had been engaged before. At that time, she ended the relationship. Livingston loved her too much. It became an obsession. It became madness. She was afraid of being loved so much. Spock had always seemed capable of love, yet desperate to avoid it. That was one of the main reasons she felt so connected to him. They shared the propensity to avoid love, and now... they both had fallen into it. This could be a disaster. Not a Livingston type disaster, either. The emotions that Spock transferred into her were substantial enough to create an even bigger disaster, IF they allowed themselves to allow their feelings to flourish. These emotions needed to be suffocated. She startled at the thought. That was not her thought! It was, but it did not come from her mind.

She looked at Spock. She had inherited some of his thoughts and this was one. He did not want to feel anything for her. He wanted his feelings for her to die. The thought bothered her. Spock was watching her curiously. She forced a smile and continued to get ready to leave. Spock came behind her and kissed her on the neck. He had inherited things from her as well. He would stifle the thoughts and feelings that he picked up from her, when he needed to, but she had no such luxury. She had to live with the thoughts he had had given her. She had to try to deal with them on her own. She walked away from his touch. Spock lifted an eyebrow and stared at her back, confused. "Is there something troubling you, Nyota?"

She smiled and said, "I'm just trying to get ready to go." He stared at her for a moment, then left her to get ready.

The rest of the day went by tensely. She knew that her behavior was bothering him, but she could not let that get to her. He would not have let her feelings get to him. Although, she could remember him promising her, when their minds were one, not to hurt her that way again. He told her to tell him when he was hurting her, so that he could stop. Yet, now that she had been in one mind with him, she knew that if his logic and his feelings were on a balance of scales that more often than not, his logic would outweigh his feelings. That was what Amanda had told her, and after the mind meld, Uhura knew that this was most accurate. She looked forward to returning to the academy and seeing him in a limited capacity. She looked forward to them drifting apart after this. She became angry with herself for these thoughts, then she became angry with him, because she acknowledged them as his thoughts in her head. Spock gave her many puzzled looks all throughout the day, but he dare not ask her for details that she had not openly shared, and she had no plan of telling him anything that she was feeling at the moment.

She and Spock had a picnic together in a park, underneath a tree, next to a pond. Spock informed her, "I made surveillance the entire park to discover the location which you would find the most suitable." She nodded her head and thanked him. He stared at her for a while, then they began to eat.

Upon entering her dormitory, Uhura found Gaila with a man in their room. She slammed her things down on the floor and Gaila jumped, as the man covered himself. Uhura folded her arms and informed Gaila, "I have had a long weekend and I have a long week ahead of me. You have been asked before to stop bringing men into this room. Please get rid of him, so that I don't have to." She went into the bathroom, sat for a while, and leaned against the sink.

After a few moments, Gaila peeked inside of the room and said, "Sorry. I thought you would be back later, or I wouldn't have. So, did you and Commander Spock..."

"I don't want to talk about him, Gaila." Uhura snapped. "I want you to keep your promises and you promised not to bring guys around here."

"It was extenuating circumstances. It won't happen again." Gaila left the bathroom and Uhura followed her out. "I guess that the weekend did not go well?"

"It went fine, but it is only one weekend. Life can't be like that all of the time. What were we thinking, Gaila? How did I come to be involved with him? How did he come to be involved with me?"

"You two fell in love. You can't control that." Gaila laid down on the bed on her stomach and began to read off of her computer. "Did you like the bathtub part, at least?" Uhura turned to face her. "Relax, I did not advise him. I just made certain that he overheard a few of the girls speaking about how romantic it would be. They did it to see if they could make him react with the talk, I just egged it on so that you might get an additional little treat. He is SO easy! He actually did it. That is a strange thought... Commander Spock feeding you fruit in the tub."

"Actually, he was in the tub with me."

Gaila gasped and said, "You two have did it!"

Uhura shook her head, "Not quite."

Gaila sighed, "He is so hopeless. At least you can say that he is not going to snatch up another woman. If he won't even give it to you when you to get away for the weekend, he certainly isn't going to give it to anybody else."

"I don't want to talk about him and another woman. As a matter of fact, I told you that I don't want to talk about him!" Gaila threw her hands up above her head, which made Uhura think of Spock when he was concerned about touching her.

Gaila said, "I'll leave it alone." She put down her hands and said, "Well, I guess you know that you belong to me this weekend. It may be your last weekend to party after you get that big shot administration position."

"I am all yours Gaila." She said, much to Gaila's excitement. Gaila began to rant about them going to get outfits and dancing, and all kinds of other things that excited Gaila.

A weekend out should be quite beneficial. She felt strange in her own body. She looked at herself in the mirror. The expression that she wore did not even seem to be her own. Once, she had a better grip over herself. What happened to that person? What happened to her backbone? Gaila looked at Uhura, curiously, but did not disturb her from staring at herself. After a moment, Uhura left the mirror and went to her desk. She had a small portion of work to do before tomorrow morning.

Right before they left for their trip, Nyota received a message that she had gotten a position in the administrative office, as an assistant. She applied when she and Spock were having issues about T'Pring and was sincerely grateful for a chance to put some distance between the two of them, especially since she began battling with the feelings that she had received from him during their meld.

Completely professionally, she carried on her duties. She took his messages, arranged whatever he needed arranged and handled all of the things that she had been assigned by other instructors, as well. She carried on that way for the rest of the week, packing all of the things that she would be taking with her into boxes in between assignments.

When she finished packing her things up on Thursday, Spock helped her to put them onto the electronic cart.

"I'll bring the cart back as soon as I unload it, Commander." He gave her a curt nod as he placed one of her boxes onto the top of the cart. She took her tea supplies in a bag, and when he saw her gathering them, it occurred to him for the first time that he would not be having her tea in the mornings anymore. The thought quickly passed. He had mornings without her tea for years before she came into his office.

She placed her bag on the cart and glanced about the office to see if she left anything behind. Everything appeared to be in order. "Thank you for the help, Commander." He gave her another curt nod and stood with his hands behind his back as she left the office. He sat at his desk and saw something on it that had not been there before. He picked up the face down photo frame and saw a picture of her leaned against a tree. It had been taken on the weekend that she spent with her parents.

She looked beautiful in it. Spock studied the image before him – her in a silver and gray dress (the very colors he pictured her in when dreaming of wedding her) with her black hair cascading down over her flawless shoulders... he might have smiled, if he had less control. She was more than beautiful, she was perfect.

Suddenly, she reentered the office and asked, "Did I leave my..." She came over to the desk and told him, "I set it down, I meant to pick it back up. Sorry." He shook his head and handed the photo to her. Uhura reached for her forgotten possession, but when her fingers gripped it, she noticed that he had not let it go. She dropped her hand, looked at it, then at him and asked, "Do you want to keep it?"

Spock pushed the item into her hand and informed her, "Vulcans do not keep photographs."

"Of course they don't." She answered, as though remembering having learned the information before. Now, she seemed saddened. Spock felt his own spirits lower, as well. Only a moment before, he had found it difficult to part with the item. He had presumed that it had been purposefully left there for him and upon realizing that it was not, had wished that it had been, and now, he was hiding behind his culture, instead of admitting the facts. Was that not the same as lying? He reached out and said, "But, I believe that I could make an exception, this once."

As she handed it back to him, his fingers brushed across hers, creating one of those surges which he had transferred to her on their weekend together. She smiled shyly and said, "I'll see you around, Commander." She left the office again, this time she did not return.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Punch!**

(Three months after Spock and Nyota's relationship disclosure)

Nyota had been out of Spock's office for two weeks, now, and in that time period, she had not spoken with him, personally. As he did have a few classes which were considered a part of the linguistics department, she did interact with him a couple of times. She sent him a transmission to update him on a meeting that he had been unable to attend on changes in the curriculum expectations for the linguistics finals. Then, Senior Chief Doyle sent her to the simulation room to advise him to either turn on or respond to his communicator, as Doyle had been trying to reach him several times. This would be her second time seeing him, since she left the office.

When she entered the simulation room, Spock was dressed in a duty uniform and messing with the wiring underneath one of the consoles. She cleared her throat and called out, "Commander Spock." He paused. Immediately, her voice had caused his heart to stir, but there was no trace of it when he pulled himself from beneath the console and looked at her. She smiled awkwardly. She did not even know if she could even consider them together anymore, seeing as how they had not interacted in the past two weeks, and had not spoken about their relationship in the past three. She was unsure of how to address him under those circumstances, and decided that since this was a business visit, the most logical approach was a professional one.

"What can I help you with today, Lt. Uhura?" He asked, daring to hope that this was a personal visit, if only brief and simple.

She glanced around and saw his communicator. "Senior Chief Doyle asked me to deliver to you a message to turn on your communicator. She has been trying to reach you all day."

Spock stood up and walked over to his communicator. He opened it, towards her and said, "It is inoperative. Tell her that I will obtain another, or work on my current one as soon as I have a chance to. Do you know what she wished of me?"

"No, Sir." He sighed. The woman, Doyle, had been bothering him all week and the last person he wanted to have to go see was Doyle. Nyota asked, "What is it that you are doing underneath there?"

Spock folded his arms as he responded, "The communications console for the simulation is not responding with the facilitator room. I am attempting to discover why and fix the problem."

"It may just need to be rewired and the operations system reset to a new..." She blushed and laughed at herself, "Of course, you already know this."

Spock tilted his head a bit and informed her, "Actually, Lieutenant, communications equipment is not one of my strong points. I understand the concepts of the electricity, but I have not had sufficient practice in this type of work to do it as effectively as a communications officer might."

She held out her hands and asked, "So could you use some help?"

"Far be it from me to deny assistance when needed. There are no other workers available for the moment, and I am approaching a deadline." He said.

"You set the deadline yourself," She reminded him.

"It is imperative to me that I reach the goals which I set for myself." He claimed.

Nyota bent down and climbed under the console, positioning herself to see the wires. She reached underneath the console to begin working on the wiring beneath it. Spock handed her the gloves which he had been wearing and she put them on, then reached for the tools he had beside the console. He decided that it would not be prudent of him to simply watch her work, as much as he would have enjoyed doing so, there were a few other things that he could do in the meantime, while she helped him with this particular portion of work.

After about a half hour, she said, "Give it a try, now, Commander." She climbed up from beneath the console and he went into the facilitator room and signaled her to use the console.

He came out of the facilitator room and stated, "You never fail to impress me, Lieutenant."

She tried to hide the joy that hearing such a compliment had on her, but her blushing cheeks gave her away. Nyota looked down at herself and said, "I probably should have put on a duty uniform."

Spock added, "In all honesty, you probably should not have spent such a great deal of time away from your office. Senior Chief Doyle may become indignant that she has not received word from either of us."

She nodded, "Well, at least I am wearing the proof that this was a business visit. I'm going to get back, now. I'll relay your message to Senior Chief."

As she left, Spock stated, "You have not attempted to communicate with me or see me since our return from the lodge."

She stopped and looked at him, "I'll stop by and see you this weekend." She left.

Doyle was sitting in her office when she returned.

"What happened to you, Lieutenant?" Nyota looked down at the dirt on the front of her sweater and skirt and laughed, a bit embarrassed by her appearance.

"I helped Commander Spock with some wiring issues in the communications console in the simulation room. I apologize for taking so long. Also, his communicator is inoperative. He says that he will replace it or repair it as soon as he is able. I think that he is trying to meet a specific deadline." Nyota reported.

"Spock and his deadlines." Doyle frowned at Nyota, then asked her, "Did you happen to see the communicator not working?"

Nyota gave her a quick nod as she placed her hands behind her back and stated, "Yes, Senior Chief. It did nothing when he opened it to show it to me."

Doyle sighed and said, "I probably should have sent someone else, but you were the only person in the office, besides me who was not busy."

Now, Nyota knew that her face was changing. The woman was beginning to annoy her and Nyota was not very good at hiding her annoyance. She said, as calmly as her temper would allow, "Senior Chief, I have no reason to lie about Commander Spock's communicator not working."

"Or about how you went to deliver a simple message, was given a simple reply, with eyewitness evidence and managed to remain gone for nearly forty five minutes?" Doyle shot at her.

"Actually, no, I do not have any reason to lie about that either." Nyota answered, with more spice in her tone than she intended and even more came out in the question, "What exactly do you think has taken place, Senior Chief Doyle?"

The blond woman stared at her for a while, then replied, "I don't know, but your statements are rather suspicious. I would like for you to go and change your uniform. Please do not take more than thirty minutes." Nyota pivoted on the balls of her feet and left her own office. Doyle got up and went into her office, as well. Nyota wanted to punch Doyle in the face every time they had a conversation about Spock. What was wrong with this woman? She had not been the same way that she had been when they had disclosed their relationship, but she had been extremely agitating. Nyota changed her uniform as quickly as she could and threw the dirty one into the wash, then darted back to the office.

Senior Chief Doyle called her into her office when she entered the building. Nyota came into the woman's office and the woman said, "Lt. Uhura, I owe you an apology. I replayed the recording of the simulation room and I found that indeed your actions were not suspicious." Nyota nodded her head, then turned to leave, angry that the woman had even felt the need to question her character. "Lieutenant, you haven't been dismissed." She turned back around and Doyle held her palm out to one of the two chairs in front of her desk.

With a resigned sigh, Nyota sat down in the chair on the right and Doyle said, "I know that you have some difficulty in working in such close proximity with me. I don't know what Spock has had to say about me, but I really am not_ so bad_ of a person. It is my job to ensure that there is no risky business taking place amongst faculty and students. I realize that you have but a few more months until graduation and that you have two jobs on the campus, but you are still classified as a student."

"I am aware of this Senior Chief." Nyota stated, through her teeth.

"Great! You are dismissed." Doyle said. Nyota left the office. She could hardly wait until after graduation. Taking this new job was a wonderful move for her record. It also put her in the position to have to deal with Doyle, a woman who once loved Spock and did not find any love in return, and was now bitter about it. Nyota went back into her office and began to work again.

She came into his bedroom in the afternoon, on the day he set aside for resting, and found him laying in his bed, flat on his back with his eyes wide open. The image startled her and she called out, "Spock", in what she had to admit was a frightened voice. He did not respond to her call, so she came closer as she called his name again, more urgently. Spock did not answer her. Nyota's heart sank, then sped up so rapidly that she thought she was sure to have it explode . Her head whirred as she darted to the bed and grabbed him by the shoulders. Before she could utter his name again, he blinked and looked at her.

Spock sat up with a puzzled look on his face and Nyota immediately broke down into tears. Breaking down into tears was not something that he had seen her do, very often but he understood the premise of it - she was hurt in some way. Spock placed his hands on her shoulders and calmly asked, "Are you hurt, Nyota?" She shook her head and he said, "Tell me what is ailing you."

She threw her arms around him and cried unto his neck, as she confessed, "I thought that something was wrong with you. You were lying so still with your eyes open. I called out to you and you didn't respond. I thought that you were…" she whispered, "dead." Just thinking about it sent her into an emotional storm.

He gently pulled her away from him and said, "Nyota you are going to work on a starship, eventually. Life on a starship comes with certain danger. You must know that death is a likely possibility, not only for me, but for you as well. I do not believe that you are particularly afraid of dying, but you seem to be quite concerned about my dying. The fact is, it would be wise to remember you must keep yourself mentally prepared for the possibility of me dying."

She nodded and told him, "I think about that more than I want to admit. I just pray that it does not happen. But if it does, it would be easier to handle it in space where the danger is certain than it would be here, just finding you in that condition in your quarters."

Spock tilted his head and informed her, "Nyota, whether in my quarters or in space, my death would still be my death." She simply nodded her head in agreement. He would never understand the tearing shock of the unexpected death of a loved one. She could not explain to him that on a starship, you have a deeper connection to accepting the death, because you realize that it could happen at any time.

She simply stated, "Yes, that's true. Either way, I hate the thought of it. I just realized _how much. _The only difference is that I was wrong this time, so by tomorrow, the pain is gone. If you were dead, it would tear me apart."

Spock responded, "I presume that statement is a figurative description of what you estimate your emotional state to become in the event of my death. I do not think that you should utilize your energy for mourning purposes. Allowing yourself to become emotionally distraught would not change my condition. It would only damage your own existence."

Nyota dropped her head. She did not like the sound of this advice. He seemed to be telling her that his life is not worth caring about, and he would never give advice that he would not take. She stared at her hands for a moment, and tried to think of a question to pose to him in response to this cold advice. Certainly, she would not want him to be torn apart if she died, but she would hope that he would at least care. She looked at him again and asked, "If I die, will you care?"

Spock considered the question for a moment, and the fact that he needed to do so greatly affected her. She wished so much that he could have just answered the question. That he could have forgotten his logic for a brief flash of time and just said "Yes", whether or not he meant it. Here she was, terrified of even the thought of losing him and he could not even answer as to whether or not he would care if she died? He STILL had not answered.

"Never mind." She said in the tiniest whisper that her voice could produce.

Spock informed her, "I do have an answer, if you still are interested in it."

She stood up and said, "I was just checking on you. Now, I'll leave you alone." There was a bitterness in her tone, but Spock could not discern that it was bitterness. He could only tell that there was a semblance of some type of negative emotion within her words.

He said, "Nyota, do not leave before I can give you the answer to the question which you asked."

She waved her hand and said, "I have all of the information that I need."

"All of the information that you need to accomplish what goal?" He asked.

She looked him directly in the eyes and said with the coldest, deep cutting tone that she could manage, "To leave you."

Quickly, she headed for the door, but Spock rushed out of his bed to cut in front of her and block her pathway to the door, before she could reach it. She stared at him, with hot tears welled in her eyes, refusing to let even one fall. Not after everything she worked for and been through to try to be with him, she would not stand for not being cared about! Spock held her shoulders and stared at her, searching her face, her eyes for an answer, while he inquired, "Before you exit, I request that you clarify the definition of "leave" in the context of your last statement fragment."

Nyota looked into his eyes, fighting back her tears, about to tell him that she meant that this relationship had been an illogical mistake from the very start, that her reasons for entering into it just were not enough to keep her in it anymore, and that she had just realized that both of them had wasted the last three months of their lives… but, then she looked into his eyes.

Usually, Spock's eyes were like dark, calm seas on most days. Sometimes, she was rewarded glimpses of emotions and each time, the glimpse faded before she could fully pinpoint the exact associated emotion. At other times, he would shut his eyes when he did not intend to let her see his emotions. She even had noticed that he seemed to try extra hard around her not to allow anything to seep through them. Now, they were worried, his eyes, even apprehensive. They appeared to be trapped in that state. He knew what she meant by "leave". He knew the words which were on the tip of her tongue and this bothered him. When she saw that her leaving frightened him, her heart softened to him.

She remembered their weekend together, when he had accidentally harmed her with the transfer of emotions from his hands. He had cared a great deal about possibly losing her, then, but he was inside of her mind when she saw him. She had already convinced herself that her image of him in that situation was how her mind _wanted_ to see him. She also believed that his main concern, at that time, had been about being shamed as a Vulcan for using this touch on a human and endangering her. That would have been a disgrace. She had managed to convince herself that when he saved her from himself, it was to save himself from guilt and shame. Now, she felt extremely bad for thinking along those lines.

She said, "You know what leave means - to vacate the area. I want you to get some rest." Nyota noticed Spock's relief at her response, and his reaction to the situation assured her that if she left, he would care. Therefore, she concluded that if she died, not only would he care, but he probably would be very hurt, whether or not he would allow anyone to see it. He not only just cared about her inside of her mind. In their previous mind meld, she discovered the full level of his emotions, but she needed confirmation from the image of him in front of her that the things learned in that bond were true.

Spock took her hands into his hands and enlightened her, "There is no need for you to leave in order for me to rest." He held her hand and led her to the bed. Spock kissed Nyota as though he never would have another chance to, and even touched her in ways that before, he had vowed to himself never again to venture with her. He touched her with that special touch, which she loved so much, where he used his powers of touch telepathy to allow her to feel what he was feeling. After he was finished, he simply laid in her arms and went back to sleep. Nyota found out that Vulcans sleep with their eyes open.

Another night out with Gaila... Spock asked Nyota if she wished to remain with him until she needed to get back to her dorm, but she declined. She already had plans to attend a clothing show which Gaila would be involved in. Nyota was supposed to help Gaila with changing her outfits before modeling them on the stage. He did not understand the concept of modeling clothes on a stage, and when she tried to explain that it was an advertising technique for the designers to show others their work, he did not understand why designers felt the need to create clothing for decorative and fashion purposes. Practicality should be the main purpose of clothing. She agreed with him and hurried away to meet up with Gaila.

Gaila kept hugging the outfits as she picked them up. Nyota chased after her, as she leaped from one outfit to another, trying to pick which one to put on first. There were women of several alien races rushing back and forth through the dressing room, half dressed. Nyota sighed. Never again volunteer yourself, she said, knowing that the next time Gaila needed help, she would volunteer. This was so far out of Nyota's comfort zone that she thought her eyes might cross. She did not particularly care to be around too many women, and she was not very big on crowded spaces. This was terrible. She helped Gaila into a peach colored skimpy dress with different color flowers on it, then walked with her to the curtain, which led to the stage.

When Gaila went out onto the stage, Nyota watched from the curtain. Gaila was quite a crowd pleaser. Many of the people responded to her with outrageous praise. She had a stage presence. She once told Nyota that she wanted to be a model, but her parents had convinced her that she was too smart. (Not that models were not smart), they did not want her to spend her energy doing such a thing when she could be doing something great with her intelligence.

After the show, Nyota and Gaila, along with several other friends from the academy went to the roof of the studio which held the fashion show. The roof was made into a club, with a glass dome covering it and lamps that held sparklers, which twinkled all night. As the two ladies found a seat on a round cushion, having drinks, Kirk seemed to appear out of nowhere and just landed on both of their laps. Nyota gasped and Gaila giggled.

Nyota shoved him with her free hand and said, "Kirk! Get off of us. What is wrong with you?"

He sat up and looked at her, "Plenty, as far as most would say. And you?" She grimaced at him. He rewarded her grimace with a smile, then looked at Gaila and asked, "Don't I know you? You work in the gym at the academy, sometimes?"

"Three times a week," Gaila responded.

Kirk smiled and said, "I knew I recognized you when I saw you in that fashion show. By the way, you were hands down the best model involved."

"Oh, thank you, Kirk, was it?" Gaila flirted.

"Kirk it is. James T. Kirk." Was his response.

Nyota sighed and said, "You may be too cute for your own good, Kirk. Gaila is a dangerously charming woman. As a matter of fact, no human man can resist her." Nyota lifted her eyebrows several times at Gaila, to which Gaila stuck her tongue out at her.

Kirk took Gaila's hand and said, "I certainly do not doubt that."

Gaila smiled brightly at Nyota, as though awaiting an approval. Nyota gave a resigned sigh, "At least he isn't seventeen."

Gaila stood up, still holding Kirk's hand and said, "Let's dance." The two of them disappeared into the crowd of people dancing.

Nyota had the waitress bring her another drink, then she looked up to see Senior Chief Doyle, all dressed up like a vixen, approaching her. Doyle sat down next to her and said, "Hello, Nyota. How are you tonight?"

Nyota forced a smile and shrugged her shoulders. "I am just hanging out with a friend, having some drinks and relaxing. My friend went to go dance."

Doyle smiled and asked, curiously, "Has Spock gotten himself any rest?"

"_Commander _Spock is resting tonight." With Nyota's comment, Doyle laughed. Nyota simply glared at her.

Doyle folded her arms and asked, "You really do not like me, do you?"

Nyota gave the woman a toothless smile and asked, "Senior Chief Doyle... may I ask you why you have such a low rank when you have been with Starfleet for so long?"

"You never heard that story? Most cadets hear about it their first semester. Well, apparently, I made a mistake here and there (generally man troubles, between the two of us, dear), and I was brought down to this rank. I was able to keep my job in administration as Projects Manager. It really does not matter to me that my rank is, as you put it "so low", because most of my colleagues regard me as though I am still an officer."

Nyota nodded her head. "This was an informative talk. Thank you." She took another drink. Gaila and Kirk were dancing like dance was sex and Nyota debated on whether or not to join in on their dirty dancing or remain sitting next to this woman, who she could not stand.

Doyle watched her for a moment, then said, "When I played back that recording of the simulation room, I heard Spock comment that you've been neglecting him."

Nyota's eyebrows shot upward, then she took a sip of her drink and waved the waitress over to bring her another. She handed the woman her current empty glass as she told Doyle, "You and I are not going to speak about Commander Spock, Senior Chief. I have no desire to talk to you about my personal life."

Doyle told her, "We are not on the campus, in uniform, on a business trip, etc. We should be allowed to speak freely with each other."

"You really do not want to give me _that _advice, Doyle." Nyota advised the woman as the waitress delivered to her another drink.

Now, Doyle snapped at her, as though fed up, "Well, let me just give you _this _advice... You are not the only woman who would ever want Spock. There are several women at any point in time who would want to have him for themselves, so you should treat him however he needs to be treated."

Nyota stood up and placed her glass down on a circular table next to the cushion seat as her own voice rose, "I do not need _any_ advice from you on how to treat Spock. If you haven't noticed, I must be doing something right, because while he rejected you, he chose me."

Doyle said, "Ha! What is it that he chose you _for_, Miss Uhura?" She stood up and got in Nyota's face, "You and I both know that he is a Vulcan to the core. He would never waste his future on some human. The only _logical_ explanation is that he chose you because you give a mighty fine blow job!" Nyota punched her in the lip and the woman fell onto the cushion seat. Many gasps and other shocked sounds emerged from the crowd.

Nyota informed Doyle, "And I _throw_ a mighty fine blow, you bi-!" Doyle got up from the cushion and charged at Nyota, which lead to her receiving an even harder punch in the face, almost in the same exact place. Doyle tried to grab Nyota, but several people stopped both of them from fighting each other. Gaila and Kirk rushed over to Nyota and Gaila gathered her by the arm to escort her out of the building. Gaila looked at Kirk and said, "Maybe you should just leave her to me. This isn't like her. She doesn't need any outside..."

"I understand." Kirk said, looking at Nyota with concern in his face as he headed back for the building.

Nyota looked at her fist. It was scratched up and her knuckles were bleeding. She shook her hand and fought off the urge to cry. "I am going to get kicked out of school."

Gaila shook her head as she continued to walk arm in arm with Nyota and told her, "No you aren't. Look, I don't know what happened before you punched her, but I know that it must have been her fault. I've never seen you punch anyone. What did she do?"

"She told me that Spock was with me for blow jobs." Nyota admitted, becoming angry all over again as she mentioned it.

Gaila gasped and asked, "You give those to Commander Spock?"

Nyota growled, "No, Gaila! She said it to make me mad, and after dealing with her crap for the past three weeks, I cracked. Oh my God - I am in so much trouble! She works in administration. She does a lot of important work and has a decorated record. Jesus, I can't believe I lost control like that."

Gaila offered, hopefully, "There has _got_ to be some type of rule about her provoking you like that. Technically, Doyle isn't even supposed to be discussing you and Commander Spock outside of her office, and when she does discuss you, you're supposed to go to her. That is part of the protocol."

"You think that she'll care about that when she looks in the mirror? She is going to bring charges against me." Nyota said, "I have to go. I'll see you in the dorm after a while."

"Are you going to talk to Commander Spock?" Gaila asked, concerned.

Nyota took her arm out of Gaila's and said, "Gaila, I just have to go, OK?" With no more warning, Nyota took off running. Gaila sighed and walked away, considering going back to the studio.

Nyota ran right to Spock's quarters. He was awake and exercising when she ran in. He stopped and looked at her. "What is it?" He asked her. Her urgency and her expression bothered him. He knew that something had taken place to scare her severely.

She blurted, "I... I'm going to be put out of school. I'm pretty sure of it." He nudged his head towards the couch and she sat down and tried to catch her breath. "Do you have a bandage and maybe some type of antiseptic?" He sat next to her and studied her hand for a moment and she went ahead and told him, "I punched Doyle in the mouth, twice." He froze, then looked at her face, trying to tell if she was serious. "I'm serious, Spock. I'm dead serious. I would never joke about such a thing. I punched her in the mouth, and some of this blood is hers. I think I put a tooth out."

Spock intertwined his fingers and said, "That was an extremely illogical thing to do. Senior Chief Doyle is a member of Starfleet faculty and you are a Starfleet cadet, and you will most likely be expelled from the academy."

She studied her injured hand for a while. Neither of them spoke or moved. She placed her hand on her lap and now asked, "So, no bandage, huh?" He stood up and left the room for a moment. He returned with several items. Nyota offered, "I am so sorry. I want to say that I wish that I had not done it, but she has been asking for it since the very first day that I met her."

"No one ever truly _asks for it. _You would like to think that she provoked you, but only you are responsible for your actions. She has no control over your behavior." He cleaned her wounds, applied some type of salve and wrapped it for her. Spock held her injured hand gently and asked, "What was the last thing that happened before you struck her?"

"Let me tell you the whole story..." She replayed the conversation for Spock.

He crossed his arms over his chest in thought, "We may be able to keep you safe from expulsion with all of the information provided. The fact that she has been hostile towards you in the past, her words against you tonight, and the fact that you were not on Starfleet property when it occurred may provide a window of hope for your future with Starfleet. Fortunately, she does not have an officer's status, so you will not be subject to the penalties that accompany assaulting an officer of Starfleet. I must admit, even with the advantages you have in the matter, that your chances still seem slim of not being expelled. You may be able to be put on academic probation when you return, but you may have to take this semester over or even risk not being allowed to return at all."

Spock sighed and she could see him thinking, with his eyes darting back and forth as he did. She had put him in a position where he would have to be faced with her being put out of school. He was considered to be her mentor and one of her closest friends. It was presumed by many of the staff members and several of the students, as well, that she was his significant companion. This would tarnish his reputation. This would disgrace his image. She placed her hand on his shoulder and said, "I'm sorry. I still cannot believe that I actually punched her. I've wanted to do it so many times, and I guess with the drinks in me and with her in my face the way that she was... what if she was _trying _to make me punch her, to get me kicked out? She isn't officer status, but all of her colleagues still regard her as they would an officer, don't they? I don't want to bring you any shame, but I know that when this gets out, everyone will begin to talk. That's the thing that bothers me the most – how you'll be treated behind my actions."

"Your main concern should be trying to figure out a way not to be expelled." Spock advised her.

"I can't. I was out of line. Maybe I should be expelled. Do you have any logical reason that I shouldn't be?" Spock thought for a moment. He had had no logical reason that she should not be expelled. In fact, if it were anyone else, he would fully support their expulsion, but this was different. This was Nyota, _his _Nyota. He wanted to protect her, whether it was logical, or not.

"Allow me to try to take care of it." He said, softly.

"Well, what can you do?" She wondered. Her voice began to crack as she confessed, "I punched the woman. Plenty of people saw me do it."

Spock placed a hand on her shoulder and reiterated, "I will take care of it, I assure you." She nodded her head and gave him a hug. Then, she left the room and retired to her own.

Nyota took deep breaths as she sat in the waiting area of the administration building. Spock had come in early to meet up with Senior Chief Doyle about the situation between herself and Nyota, and she was waiting to find out if the woman would try to have her kicked out of the academy for striking her. She wondered what Spock intended to say.

Spock spoke to Senior Chief Doyle very calmly, "Some may think that you have been trying to provoke her into hitting you. With your colorful background, your activity may be deemed as less than ethical, Senior Chief Doyle. Lt. Uhura claims that she informed you that she did not wish to discuss the subject which you were addressing and you did not honor that wish. Many humans will understand your actions to have been provocation of her reaction."

"She knocked out two of my teeth, Spock." Doyle snapped at him, her words slurred from the swollen condition of her lip and the absence of her two teeth on the left side of her mouth.

Spock remained in a calm tone as he said, "I am certain that she did not deliberately do so. She made the choice to strike you, which was most illogical; however, she had no intention of causing you to part with your teeth."

Doyle smirked at him, with her eyes burning with hatred as she said, "You actually love her. You must love her like crazy to actually speak up for her at a time like this, when it is clear that she should be removed from here. I am getting your little treat put the hell out of this place, Spock. Get out of my office." Spock stood up and walked over to her desk and stood her up. "What are you doing, Spock?" He stroked her face in the place where her mouth was swollen. "Spock?"

Then, he placed his hands on her head and said, "Coleen, you need to forgive Lt. Uhura for her attack. She had a reaction to what you said and that should not jeopardize her entire future. Let this incident deescalate, and leave her alone from now on. Only deal with her when you have to, as it relates to work. In only a few short months, you will not have to deal with her ever again." She was staring straight ahead and when he let go of her, she held her head from pain and looked at him.

"Why are you standing by my desk?" She asked him, suspiciously.

Spock ignored her question to check if she had been susceptible to his telepathic suggestion, "What will you do with Lt. Uhura?"

Doyle sighed and replied, "Spock, as much as I hate to admit it, she hit me _because_ of what I said to her. I'm not going to press any charges. I'm just going to let this slip by and leave her alone from now on. This thing shouldn't jeopardize her entire future, after all. She's so bright and I'm sure that such a thing won't happen again."

He nodded his head and said, "I agree."

When Spock came out of the office, Nyota got up from her seat and rushed over to him. He stated, "I took care of it, report to your office for work." She smiled and fought the urge to hug and kiss him.

"What on Earth did you say to get her to back off?" She questioned.

Spock was disgusted with himself. He had just used his Vulcan powers of persuasion in a manner that it altered someone's intentions. He had just entered a colleague's mind, without her permission, and caused her to change her decision. But, it was necessary to protect Nyota. Nyota had made a mistake and perhaps she should have been punished for it, but he did not want her punished in such a way. Yet, he had not wanted to resort to the method which he had resorted to.

"Lt. Uhura, what occurred in Senior Chief Doyle's office is none of your concern. Your only concern at this moment should be the fact that you may have been expelled and that you have not been. I asked you to report to your office. Lieutenant, now I am ordering you to do so." She cocked her head back as though about to reply with an attitude, but Spock's eyes seemed to pierce through her with resentment and she weakened to the sight of it. Resentment? She had never seen him look at her this way before.

She sighed and said, "Yes, Commander."

When Spock walked out of the building, Nyota went into her office and the first thing she saw was her scroll, which she kept hung right next to her desk. A phrase scripted in Cardassian stood out to her: "_Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is growing up." _She recalled finding the name of the person who had made the quote and said out loud, "Amen to that, Mr. James Baldwin."

Nyota entered Doyle's office and announced, "I have all of the transmissions about the upcoming linguistics conference in the auditorium. If you will let me know the details on the matter, I will send out the necessary reply transmissions."

Doyle did not look up at her as she answered, "I'll send them to you, along with the details about the upcoming campus linguistics meeting, which you will be expected to be a part of." The woman had not been making eye contact with anyone and had become rather reclusive as far as Nyota went. Several days after their fight at the studio, and Doyle had not visited Nyota's office or called her in once.

Nyota stated, "Yes, Senior Chief." She went back into her own office. Speaking with the woman had become difficult, and Spock seemed to be avoiding her since he helped her out of trouble.

All week, she made certain not to reach out to him. For one reason was that she did not know if he would entertain anything that she had to say. Another reason was that she was a bit angry with him for reacting the way that he had. Then again, she was still quite angry at herself for how she had handled everything.

She placed him in a tough position by getting herself into a scuffle with Doyle. Doyle was a tacky trifle, and she had allowed her temper to flair up against the woman and nearly lose everything she had worked for. Spock had worked for a lot as it related to her as well, and in considering her as his bond mate, probably felt foolish for choosing someone so irrational. The most comfort that she took in that was that it was she who told him to wait for an answer.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title**

_(Two weeks later; The Campus Linguistics Meeting)_

Doyle and Uhura went into the meeting room together to set up the seats and prepare everything for the meeting on that day. They did not say anything to each other and Uhura noticed that at times when she had to reach near Doyle or get in close proximity with her, the woman would be startled, as though anticipating an attack. Uhura tried to distance herself from Doyle to avoid such confusion.

When the linguistics personnel began to enter, Uhura was sent to the door to provide them with data slates with the meeting's coverage points. Spock entered the room and paused when he saw her. She handed him his data slate and asked, "Are you all finished with your test?"

"I have met my deadline." He responded.

She smiled at him and said, "I knew that you would. That means that you have a small window of freedom in between completing the programming and commencing the simulations. Will I be able to see you soon?"

Spock said, "I am currently still quite busy." He walked away from her and headed to the table, where he sat right next to Doyle. The blond woman began to have a conversation with him about the Kobayashi Maru and meetings. Doyle mentioned some sorrow in the fact that this would be Spock's last semester as an instructor. Nyota found herself bothered by this knowledge, as she had not been spoken to about this fact. She turned to face the doorway and continued her assignment.

In the meeting, several of the teachers were speaking about the curriculum of the different classes and different issues involved with the department. At some point in time, Doyle was speaking about needing to implement more after class programs for the most commonly used xenolinguistics languages. She was making suggestions of what type of programs she would like to see implemented and when she became quiet, Uhura began to speak.

"Another good idea for the courses would be to have the students attend gatherings in which they would have to try to apply what they learn in an out of classroom environment..."

Spock interrupted her idea by saying, "Lt. Uhura, I do not believe that you are a Starfleet linguistics instructor. If at some point you do become qualified to be one, your input will be valuable, I assure you. In this setting, however, it is my understanding that you are present to keep a log. Certainly, if you have an idea and you ask permission to speak, the group will most likely listen. It would be prudent of you not to speak out of turn, as all the faculty members present have classes to return to when this meeting has concluded, and our time should be focused on progress." Uhura stared at him, and if looks could kill...

Most of the instructors present seemed to become uncomfortable about the tension which had just been introduced to the table. Doyle tried to hide a smirk behind her hand as she commented, "I think that Lt. Uhura was about to provide a helpful idea, Commander Spock. Lieutenant, if you do not mind, continue."

Nyota was still staring at Spock with anger and betrayal flooding her features as she said in an obviously furious tone, "I apologize, Senior Chief. I completely forgot what it was that I was saying."

After the meeting, Spock gathered his items and began to leave and Uhura walked up to him and fell into step beside him, "Permission to speak freely, Commander?" She asked in the most forceful tone that he had ever heard from her.

He continued walking as he said, "Actually Lieutenant, I have somewhere to be very quickly."

"Either way, I have something to say." He stopped walking and looked at her. She folded her arms and informed him, "I have been taking myself to hell and back in order to be there for you when you want me there. I have stood by you, behind you, been beneath you and all the while grinning like I've got the world in the palm of my hands, and you - every chance you get - figure out some way to make my world crumble."

Spock stated, "I have no comprehension of anything that you just mentioned."

"I am only saying, Sir, that I have been loving you as deeply as I can, against my better judgment. I have supported you. I needed you to help me through what I was doing to myself after I hit Doyle. You spoke up for me, and I appreciate that, but then you just left me on my own. Am I that much of an _embarrassment_ to you, Spock? Even if you are wrong, I am on _your_ side..."

"I am rarely wrong." Spock reminded her.

Uhura's nostrils flared and she informed him, "You know what? You are a dick."

"A detective?" Spock asked, with a confused expression. _Why would she say that to him? He was not a detective._

"A penis!" She corrected. That made even less sense to him. Clearly he was a Vulcan, and she knew this to be true. If she was trying to insult him, he did not understand the purpose of the insult of calling him a male reproductive organ.

"I am a penis?" He asked, as though he needed her to confirm the insult for his hearing, so that he could try to decipher the meaning again. He added, "Lt. Uhura, I have absolutely no time for this irrational conversation, nor will I tolerate your insults."

Uhura snapped in a slightly loud whisper, "It is funny that you should say that, because I was thinking the same thing when you told me that I was nothing in that meeting!"

"I do not recall such a statement being said. I believe that my visit to Doyle's office three weeks ago would serve as a reminder to you that I happen to believe that you _do _have some type of value. During irrational moments like these, I am not exactly sure _why_ I believe so."

Uhura folded her arms and forced herself not to explode in tears or in words, or in any way. She took a deep breath, trying to center herself. She had been a stickler for crying "last straw", but she honestly felt, on this day that this _was_ the last straw.

Every since the mind meld with Spock, her emotions had become some crazy foreign substance introduced into her body and her patience had been tarnished. Her reserve had been compromised. Her grace had been tested. She had changed since then and she feared that it had not happened for the better. While she felt strong, she also felt less likely to deal with the things that she might have dealt with before. She looked at Spock and informed him, "You should go to Doyle's office, as soon as you get a chance and tell her that this relationship is terminated indefinitely. I would do it myself, but I don't want to see the smug look on her face."

Spock's jaw clenched and he took a deep swallow. He stared at her with cold eyes and asked, "Is there anything else which you request of me, Nyota?"

"I have absolutely nothing else to say." She countered. He turned around and walked away and she went back into the meeting room to help Doyle gather everything up.

Uhura had been walking as a storm across the campus, with a scowl on her face. She stopped at one of the campus computers and said, "Computer, locate Gaila." Gaila was a bit out of her way, but she was not too far out as to where Uhura would lose the signal to her headset. As a matter of fact, she was in the gym, which was not very far from the administration office.

Uhura walked into the gym and went to the counter. Gaila was working the gym that morning, and came to the counter. "What are you doing here, shouldn't you be at work?"

Uhura did not want to tell Gaila too much. All she really wanted her to know was, "I need to talk to you. Spock and I are not doing well."

Gaila began to say, "That's no surprise..." Kirk approached the counter and Gaila cheered, "Hi, Jim." Uhura turned to look at him and rolled her eyes as though completely annoyed. She just wanted a quick nudge of encouragement, from the only friend that she could discuss her relationship with, and here was this man, again.

"Morning, Gaila..." He acknowledged the Orioness, then looked back to Uhura with smiling eyes and asked, "Uhura, no dancing today?"

"Not today." Uhura answered, trying to keep the annoyance in her voice to a minimum.

"And no boxing either, I presume?" Kirk asked, jokingly throwing playful boxing punches at her midsection.

"Afraid not, Kirk. But, if you stick around, you will find that the day is still young. I'll talk to you later, Gaila," She said and headed out. Kirk followed her, of course.

He was so predictable when it came to situations like this. He was unpredictable in most things, but when pretty women, her in particular, were involved, he had yet to be surprising. Today just was not the day that she wanted him near her, not that she really did on any day. He asked her, "Why are you walking around with your headset on? You have to take the Commander's calls?" At the very mention of Spock, she became upset, but tried to shield it from Kirk.

"No, I am taking my own calls, these days. I moved out of the Commander's office a few weeks ago." She told him.

"I guess that he is finished working on the newest version of the test, huh?" Kirk asked, curiously.

She smiled and nodded, "Yes he has reached his deadline for working on your third fail as we speak."

"Such little faith. I can assure you, Uhura, I am _not_ going to fail this test."

She laughed as Kirk opened the door for the building that she was heading into and she said, "OK, Kirk. By the way, what does Dr. McCoy think about that? He's a smart man, a doctor, your friend... does he think that you'll pass it?"

"No, but he's not very optimistic, is he? By the way, I need a tutor in communications." Kirk said.

"There are ample qualified tutors in the communications lab every week day from 0700 until 1700 hours." She informed him, just as she would anyone else who would express interest in having a tutor.

"When will _you_ be there?" He asked with a smoothness in his voice and charm in both his smile and his pretty blue eyes. She found herself laughing at him.

Spock had the most perfect timing! He came out of his office with his electronic cart and froze at the sight of the two of them together. Uhura was aware that he was there, but did not look at him as she pushed Kirk on the chest and said, "You really are TOO cute for your own good. Are you aware that you are completely shameless? Does this actually work on cadets at _this_ academy? Please tell me that you do not approach other women in the same laughable way that you approach me. Tell me that when you flirt with me, it is the joke version of your true flirtation!"

Kirk shrugged his shoulders, "It keeps you smiling." He responded. The hallway was dimly lit and Spock stood in the shadows of the hall, staring at them until Kirk noticed him and whispered to Uhura, "I really can't get a good look at that guy, but he appears threatening, doesn't he?" Spock could hear him, even from that distance. Uhura looked at Spock, and knew that he was looking into her eyes, although she could not see him very well, either. She then turned around and headed the other way down the hallway. Kirk followed her, pointed his thumb behind himself and asked, "Who was that? You know him?"

"You worry entirely too much about my business, Kirk." Uhura warned him.

"It's part of my joke flirting. But seriously, I didn't get a good look at him, but that reminded me of a scene from a vampire movie or something. Was it my imagination, or does he have pointy ears?" Uhura could not stop herself from laughing at the question as Kirk opened the double doors at the end of the hall and continued to follow her. She knew that Spock probably heard their exchange. His ears were much more keen than human ears, and he would probably listen a little closer upon seeing her walking around with James Kirk.

When she got out of the building, she smiled at Kirk and said, "I was not very entertained by what you were saying, but I wanted that vampire to think that I was, so I smiled and laughed where I would usually tell you to beat it. It's not something that I do very often, and I really feel a little bad about it, but I just used you. It is only right that I let you know that."

Kirk seemed a bit amused by her confession as he asked, "Used me for what? Uhura, you have a man?"

"No, I do not... and I do not need one."

"Well, just to let _you _know, if you feel the need to use me for anything else..." She turned to leave without allowing him to finish his sure to be perverse comment, and to her pleasure, he did not follow her this time.

_She sat up and said, "Oh, I almost forgot!" She reached for a white box which laid next to the bed. When she picked it up and opened it, she pulled out a pair of black undershorts and said, "I got you these. They're silk." _

_He tilted his head and told her, "I have a sufficient amount of undershorts."_

"_Yes, but you don't have any like these. Put them on." She insisted._

"_I am already wearing undershorts beneath my pants." He argued._

"_Change into these." Her voice had become firm. For whatever reason, she was serious about this change of clothing_

_He began to present another argument to her, "It is..."_

_She finished his statement for him, "Not logical when you already have a sufficient pair on - I know. Put them on, anyway, and I promise, you will understand why in a little while." _

_Spock grabbed the shorts and said, "I will go to the lavatory, as to not expose myself to you." She snickered a bit. When Spock reentered the room, fully dressed, she stared at him and asked, "Did you put them on?"_

_He replied, "Yes, and I still do not understand why." _

_She beckoned for him with her hands and he came to the bed. She said, "Lay down." Spock did so and she reached for his pants. He tensed up at the feel of her hands so close to his personal region, but he did not deter her from her demonstration. She pulled his pants down a bit, but left his undershorts in place as he grew, right before her eyes at her advances._

"_Please do not stare." He requested, somewhat uncomfortably. She nodded her head at his request, straddled his lap and laid on his chest, looking up at his face to kiss him on the lips. Spock's lips responded with extreme passion, but he kept his hands at his sides, his hands gripping tightly the covers she had put on his bed. The material of these undershorts had a fascinating affect when the friction began against his flesh. The friction seemed to be amplified to a higher degree than it had been before. He stopped kissing her and lost the ability to breath for a moment as sensations which he never could have conceived existed rushed through his blood and his blood rushed to his center._

_Nyota was making sounds and rolling her hips in such a way that the amplified sensations of the friction were becoming too much for Spock to endure, and he became frightful. Then, he felt a moistness, seeping through the thin material and touching his own skin. He grabbed her by the hips and said, "Stop, please." She did so. Spock lifted her, with shaking hands and moved her off of him. He turned to his side, with his back facing her and lay quite still. She sat on his bed in the same position she had seated herself on him in, and stared at him._

"_Spock, are you alright?" She asked, concerned._

"_No." She did not expect that response. "I am experiencing unnatural occurrences in my body. My heartbeat is entirely too rapid, my temperature much too high and my loins ache. I believe I have become ill. I apologize." She rested next to him and hugged him from behind._

"_I rather enjoyed the acceleration of __**my**__ heartbeat, the rise in __**my**__ temperature, and the longing pain. I wish you could have, too." _

_Spock turned to face her, attentive to the lure of her little fragment of lingerie and asked, "Would you replace your undergarments?"_

_As this was considered intimate wear, she asked, "You mean my panties?"_

"_Please. Your moisture began to exude the thin material separating our bodies. It seems that although there is no penetration, in a way, I may still be defiling you in these actions. That is something that I cannot do." He insisted._

_Nyota stroked his face and said, "Spock, we do not have to do anything else like this. I thought that you would enjoy it. I didn't mean to make you feel this way."_

_He quickly corrected her, "I am not feeling. I am merely observing the situation." _

"_Just hold me, then?" She asked, not wanting to argue with him about whether or not he was feeling, just wanting him to continue being comfortable in his feelings._

_He stated, firmly, "I would rather you change your attire for that, as well." She nodded and went to his closet to put out a robe which she left there. She draped the robe around her and rejoined him in the bed. Spock shut his eyes as she made her place on his chest and he said, "I will never be able to emotionally and physically satisfy you."_

_Now, she felt the need to correct him, "That can't be true, Spock. If your father can do it for your mother, you can do it. It will just take time, as we discussed when we first became a unit. I have rushed things. I went too fast, and you slowed me down where needed. I can't expect you to want to do what..."_

_He interrupted with, "I do want to do this. I want you." She looked at his face. His eyes were still shut. He seemed to be hurting. "I want you to be satisfied and I do not see myself doing so for you... Not too long ago, you said that you were sick of me. I have heard this particular human phrase enough times, and most of those times in relation to me personally, to know what it means. You do not wish to deal with me any longer, because of my inability to do what you desire for me to do for you. Because I am Vulcan." _

_She stroked his face and said, "Oh, Spock. I didn't mean that when I said it. I was just angry. Sometimes when people get angry, they say things that they don't mean. You don't have to worry about me wishing not to deal with you."_

Spock stared out of the window of his office as he thought about one night that he and Nyota were first becoming deeply physically intimate. He kept running that particular night through his head because of what she had confessed about words and anger. He made her angry yesterday. Perhaps she did not mean what she said. Perhaps when she ceased to be angry, she would not want him to visit Doyle and provide a termination date for their relationship. He decided that he would wait.

But the fact that he had seen her with James Kirk again perplexed and perturbed him. Kirk was the only man who seemed to always be around Nyota just in the right time to pick up possible pieces that Spock himself had unknowingly left behind. She seemed to enjoy Kirk's company, despite what she had said previously. She admired Kirk and Kirk wanted her for himself, and there they were, not only smiling at each other, but she touched him... she placed her hand on Kirk's body. He wanted to rush down the hall and jerk her hand away from him and demand that she stop her behavior... he hated when this feeling crept into him, this jealousy. How did humans bear such irrational feelings so constantly? He would move into deeper meditation, he decided.

His office door opened and he heard the most irritating voice that he had learned to know, cheering, "Wow! I can hardly believe how hot it is outside. I mean, it's Spring! Commander Spock, are you alright?"

"Of Course, Yeoman Rand." He answered, dryly. She was his new assistant, assigned specifically to him, therefore, she was always in the office, or so it seemed to him. Uhura had suggested her as a great replacement, but since the day that she got there, she insisted on talking to Spock every day, all of the time. It made him irritable. She and Nyota were friends who met in a communications class their first semester, and Nyota had insisted that she would be the only person who would be better at the job than herself. Before then, Spock met her once, and was not impressed, but now – he was practically stuck with her.

The blond girl sat at Uhura's old desk and began to work immediately. She always had flowers from some admirer. Spock did not really understand why she had so many admirers. She seemed to be what human males would consider pretty, but beyond that, Spock did not have much of an opinion about her qualities. She was an adequate secretary and assistant, but her talking bothered him a great deal. Still, she continued, "I was just wondering, because you seem to have been at that window since you got back from your meeting, yesterday. Did you leave the office last night? Did you go to class today?"

He replied, "I utilized substitutes for my classes today."

Now, she seemed concerned about him as she asked, "Do you need to go to your quarters and lay down? Or maybe you should visit medical bay? You know Nurse Chapel? She asked me about you just last week. If you were involved with anyone, if I knew what your type was..." Spock turned to look at her, puzzled by her words and she smiled at him, "You are quite a sexpot around the staff here. Not just to Nurse Chapel, but to a few other women, as well. Why don't you ask a nice young lady out on a date or something?"

Spock stared at her for a moment. Although he and Nyota exercised discretion, he generally found that many of the people he interacted with and even ones he did not know already realized that the two of them held something more than a work relationship behind closed doors. He was confused as to why Yeoman Rand would not know such a thing, especially being a friend of Nyota's. It did not matter. She had asked him a question, and he aimed to answer it, with, "I do not have time for such foolishness."

"No one quite compares to Lt. Uhura, huh?" Rand smirked as she asked the question. Ah, there it was. She obviously had been testing him. Human women and their pointless tests. Why couldn't they test things of significance, things of interest? He tilted his head and stared at her as she continued, "Well, you are definitely not becoming comfortable with _me_ in here. When she was working for you, you would have lesson plans over lunch and partner up for tutoring in the communications lab, various things."

Spock sighed and said, "I _am_ going to go to my quarters and lay down." He went to his desk to gather some things to leave the office.

When Spock entered his quarters, he put on his robes and set up his candles for his meditation process. He prepared his ceremonial drink in his blue goblet and began his ritual of meditation. Hours later, Spock removed his robes and changed into some casual clothing to leave his quarters.

He visited Nyota's dormitory, but no one answered his call at the door. He swung by her office, but she was not inside, though her door was open. Spock realized upon walking in that he had not been inside of her office in the past month that she had been in it. He saw her scroll hanging on her wall, next to her desk, close enough for her to look over and see it easily. He journeyed around her desk and saw that she had photos of herself and her roommate and herself with her entire immediate family on her desk, just as she had when she was in his office. Her desk was set up, differently, though. Her items were not as neat – probably because he was not there to constantly remind her of how much more efficient her productivity could be if she kept her desk in a precise orderly manner...

Doyle interrupted his thoughts with, "Commander, is there something that you need?" He turned to look at her as she eyed him suspiciously.

"Is Lt. Uhura gone for the day?"

"Yes, she is. Well, she may be in later to pick something up, drop something off, or anything in between, but her shift is actually over. She usually doesn't leave her door open, or her light on, so she may have just stepped out. Sometimes she stays in here to do her class work. Maybe went to gather herself some food. Contact her on the communicator. In the meantime, I have to ask you to step out of her office while she's not inside." Spock nodded and stepped out of the office. Doyle studied him for a moment, then asked, "Are you alright, Spock? Seriously?"

"All of my vitals are in perfect functioning conditions, Ms. Doyle."

"It's just that... sometimes a break is in order. Whether it be from work, from a hobby, or from a relationship. You may need some time away from her."

_Time away from her is precisely what I have been having. It does not seem to be producing an advantageous effect. _He thought to himself, and as though she had read his mind, she added, "In certain circumstances, a longer break is in order, namely a permanent break. My office is two doors away if you need me to go into the system and make changes to your status."

Spock stared at her for a moment and informed her, "Coleen, it is not necessary for you to seek to advise me in my personal matters. My personal matters are precisely that."

Doyle nodded her head and said, "You know, I still to this day don't know how you managed to talk me out of getting rid of her, but I knew that day that she was not just some student to you. I couldn't tell by your tone or the way that you looked, but the way that you insisted and fought for her, I knew that you loved her."

Spock said, "Love is an irrational state of emotion. Vulcans do not have it in their nature to follow the path of such illogical destinations."

"Could the two of you take this conversation out of the way of my office door?" He heard Nyota's voice ask. He turned to see her and she glared at him. She had just heard what he said.

"Lt. Uhura. Is it possible that I speak to you in your office for a moment?" He asked. Doyle swiftly disappeared into her own office as Spock and Uhura went into hers.

Uhura sat down at her desk and began to work on her computer, frantically. He sat silently for a while, then broke the silence with the question, "Nyota, why are you behaving this way?" There was no emotion in his voice. He sounded calm and simply curious, but she knew better and she could just imagine his eyes when he asked this question. She dared not look up at him from her work.

"What way, Commander?" She asked, in just as even a tone as he held.

He said, "Tell me that you were just angry with me. You do not expect me to go to Senior Chief Doyle and withdraw our relationship status."

"I expected it to have already been done by now, actually." She did look at him when she said this.

He stared at her for a long moment, then stated, "I do not believe that your words are accurate."

She shrugged her shoulders. She actually had thought that he would have taken care of it by now, though she was somewhat pleased that he had not. She looked at her work again and commented, "Well, leave it on our record as long as you wish. It's only records, after all. I bet that you have records somewhere as a verification that you have a wife in waiting." Spock winced at her words, but she did not have the opportunity to witness it. She continued on to say, "Ooh, now that I finally decided to get out of your way, you don't have to worry about giving up your Vulcan lady and you can keep your Vulcan family name going, How fortunate for you." She heard Spock breathing deeply and she knew that her words had made him angry, or upset.

"Goodbye, Nyota." He stood up to leave the office and she looked at him as he did,

"Spock." She called. He turned to look at her. "Did you mean that when you said it? '_Goodbye'_?"

Spock's tone went into a condescending fashion as he responded, "I _always _mean what I say, Nyota." He shut the door to her office and took his seat again. "Before I go, I find it urgent to tell you something." She put her head back into her computer, but was distracted when he called her name, firmly, "Nyota." She looked up at him. "Please allow me to share this with you." She nodded her head and kept her attention on him. "It is possible for a Vulcan to have an existence without his bond mate. He can select a suitable mate, but she would not be able to fulfill him in the same way that his bond mate would. Vulcans will fight to the death for such a mate, at times. I have fought for you. You seem to think that I take lightly your presence in my life, however, I did something that goes against everything that I believe in. I did something that if I were not disciplined enough to condition myself to forgive myself for it, I would still be disgraced in my mind. There is something which I did in order to protect you that is too personal of a matter for me to even speak it. The reason that I placed myself in the position to do so is because I..." He intertwined his fingers on her desk and went silent.

He could not say it. He should not. He had subjected himself to enough irrational, illogical, unwise behavior as a result of her effects on him. Nyota simply stared at him. Spock stood up and said, "Perhaps I do not find it as urgent as I believed. I am not going to go to Senior Chief Doyle. If you truly wish to absolve what we have tried, beyond all logic to build together, I will leave the responsibility to you." Uhura stood up and left her office. He followed her until she went into Senior Chief Doyle's office and shut the door. Spock stood outside of the door, trying not to worry. She was not going to do it. He did not believe that she had the strength to do it. He had not been able to force himself to do it. There was no way that she could...

Uhura came out of the office and looked at him, "It's done." She said.

He went into Doyle's office and asked, "What has just taken place?"

Doyle tried not to smile as she said, "She had me to terminate your relationship status in our system." Spock turned to look at Uhura, came out of the office, still looking at her. He paused in front of her and she lowered her head, already regretting the decision she had just made. He walked away without another word. Uhura glanced at Doyle. To her surprise, the woman's eyes went soft on her. The pain was _that _obvious, Uhura guessed.

It was better this way, she told herself. Now, she did not have to be subject to the pain that he could cause, nor did she have to wonder about him and his... dilemmas. She took a deep breath and made her way back into her own office, where she shut the door, sat down at her desk, and allowed herself to finally have a cry.


	14. Chapter 14

**Miles To Go Before You Sleep**

_(Approximately four months after Uhura and Spock became an official couple... Directly after Uhura officially ended their relationship)_

Uhura paced her office and stared at her hands, which were shaking like she could not believe. Her blood sugar was the first thought that she had. Sometimes when she became stressed out, her blood sugar levels would become somewhat hazardous. She had already eaten, but maybe she was not eating regularly enough, or not getting enough nutrients. She rushed out of her office and went to grab herself a few sugary pastries from the mess hall. She ate them on her way back to her office, although she had no appetite whatsoever. Her stomach was turning by the time she got back into her office. She thought that she might be ill. Maybe she should go to medical bay. Maybe she should go to get her head checked, because at this point, she felt as though she might be seriously losing her mind. Why had she went to Doyle?

_Uhura went into Doyle's office and shut the door. Doyle jumped at the sound of it and reached for her communicator, as though she believed that Uhura was about to attack her. Uhura said, "You can put that aside. Open my disclosure file, please. I know that you probably have other work to do at the moment, but I figured that you could make time for this... I need you to change the status of my romantic relationship with Commander Spock from active to terminated." _

_Doyle tilted her head in amused curiosity and asked, "Is he, or is he not standing right outside of my office?"_

_Uhura stated, "Look, I don't want to drag this out, OK. This needs to be taken care of, immediately, or I may change my mind and walk out there and fall apart in his arms. It's all that I want to do right now, and I know that something is wrong with that, with this whole situation. I have to get out of it, while I still have the mind to do so. I'm sure that you have no reservations about doing this portion of your job. Give me my independence back." Doyle lifted both of her eyebrows and turned to her computer and began to touch the screen and type in a few things. _

_She looked at Uhura and said, "Voila! All single again." _

_Uhura frowned at her and walked out of the office to see Spock, still standing there. "It's done." She said._

Just thinking about it made Uhura begin to cry again and she almost lost her footing. She sat on the floor, next to her desk, and leaned against it. "What the hell is wrong with me?" She asked. She tried to pull herself to her feet, but found herself crawling, instead to her communicator. She opened it and said, "Spock.." Then, she collapsed on the floor and tried to catch her breath. If she was having an anxiety attack, it was the worse one that she could imagine. Spock's voice appeared over the communicator, "Spock here."

Uhura pulled herself up to sit in her chair, and she said over the communicator, "I'm sorry." When Spock did not respond to her apology, she called his name again.

"Lt. Uhura, you should leave me to my matters and see to your own. Ending communication." She dropped her communicator and stared at it on the floor. It was too far away to try to pick it up again. He did not even know what she was apologizing for, and neither did she. She had not wanted to hurt him, but she knew that she had. Doyle may not have realized it, but Doyle did not know him. Nyota _knew _him. She knew that look in his eyes when all else on his face was cold and blank. This decision was killing her.

Her hands shook as she attempted to contact medical bay on her intercom. Her vision became blurry and she realized that she could not remember how to contact medical. Maybe she just needed to put her head down for a moment. Her head was spinning. She rested her head in her arms on her desk. Her head throbbed all over in pain and she thought that her brain might explode. Maybe she should force herself to the door and just make it outside of the office. Someone would see her and get help. She realized that she could not lift her head.

Doyle passed by Uhura's office on her way out of the building and looked at her watch. She found it very difficult to believe that on such a day that Uhura would still be in her office. The woman thought to keep going, leave the younger woman alone and let her have this time to herself. After all, she had went through a breakup with a man that it was clear that she loved. Doyle knew that Uhura was just upset earlier when she terminated her relationship with Spock, even if Spock was not fully aware yet. However, Doyle wanted to see them both squirm, a little. Doyle expected Uhura to return to her office before the week ended to have her decision revoked, but Uhura was still in her own office, four hours after that talk, laying with her head on her desk. Doyle knocked lightly on Uhura's door and the woman did not respond. Doyle sighed and opened the door to step inside as she said, "Lt. Uhura, you should head to your dormitory. It's 2000 hours and you should go home." Uhura still did not respond. Doyle assumed that she had fallen to sleep at her desk and placed her own bags down on the floor, right inside of Uhura's office door. She walked over to the desk and called out, "Lt. Uhura!" When she said it, she tried to make herself sound loud and strong, to get the best reaction. She got none. Now, she began to worry.

Doyle shook Uhura and said, "Lt. Uhura, please answer me if you are okay." She pulled Uhura's head from the desk and noticed that her eyes were wide open and she appeared to be breathing, but she was in some type of daze. Doyle startled at the look on the woman's face, and covered her mouth with her hand. The older woman quickly alerted medical to get someone to come to check on this woman.

Spock sat in his quarters, reflexively looking at the one photo that he had obtained of Nyota, in the two years, ten months, two weeks, three days, and thirteen hours he had known her. She had actually done what he could not. She actually decided to walk away from him, to give up on him, to turn her back on him. Something that although he always believed would be the best thing for him to do, had not been capable of actually doing. He told himself that he probably should have spoken to her when she attempted to apologize to him earlier, but it was too soon. She seemed to be having an emotional instability, and in those moments, he preferred to keep his distance from her.

As soon as he believed that she may no longer be upset or mad, or whatever petty, illogical emotion was causing her to behave this way, that he would speak to her about resuming friendship. Before they decided to become intimately involved, they developed a friendship, and according to his studies on the subject, true friendship was something that endured great amounts of storms.

His door alert sounded and he heard a shaken, cracking familiar voice say through his speakers, "Spock, if you are in, please see me." He sighed. It was Doyle. He did not want to see her.

Honesty was his best choice, he concluded. Spock spoke calmly through the speaker to her, "I do not wish to currently be bothered. I will resume any work in the morning."

Doyle spoke again, practically snarling at him, with a squeal in her voice, "This isn't about work, Spock. It's about Lt. Uhura." Spock pressed a button and his door slid open. He met with Doyle at the door. Her face was practically purple from a risen temperature and she had tears in her eyes as she told him, "I went into Lt. Uhura's office to advise her to go home for the night. She was in her office with her head on her desk, and I was about to leave the building. It's 2000 hours, by my watch and I think she's been there long enough considering the afternoon you two had. I thought maybe she was crying, or, or... asleep..."

Spock had already determined that he did not want to hear all of these details. The details seemed to indicate a serious problem was taking or had taken place. _These_ details appeared irrelevant to the point of the story. They were unnerving him, despite the fact that Doyle could not sense it. Doyle's face was this awful hue for a reason, and somewhere at the end of all of this frivolous detail, she would be telling him that her disturbed disposition was related to his Nyota. He cut her off and asked, "Is Nyota alright?"

Doyle shook her head, "She's in medical bay in what seems to be a coma. The doctors don't know what to do, but they say that if they can't figure out something soon, she may die within the next few days. They are going to contact her parents, but I asked if I could speak to you about it, first. Dr. Gamble allowed it, because he thinks that I suggested you because of your scientific knowledge. He's asked that you come see her, to help him out. I actually came to you because I thought that even though she ended things, that you should know what's happened to her. Oh my God, Spock, her eyes!"

Doyle covered her face and began to cry, feeling waves of guilt flood over her. She had been particularly nasty to Lt, Uhura, since the first day that she met her. She knew the woman had potential to be one of the finest officers in Starfleet, that she was a most promising student, about to be one of the most distinguished graduates, that she was a wonderful person, _and_ that she was good for Spock. But she hated her for it. Doyle had made Uhura's life miserable, to demolish her relationship with Spock, and now, Uhura was dying.

Spock quickly left his quarters to head for medical bay. He wanted to know what was wrong with her. He saw her only four hours before, well, four plus hours and she was not only fine, but highly composed for a human who had just ended a significant relationship. He had briefly spoken to her approximately two hours before, and she seemed upset, but he had not listened to her. She may have been trying to tell him that something was wrong with her, and he had ignored her. Spock silently collected himself. He could be of no use to Nyota, nor to Dr. Gamble if he allowed his emotions to climb into his path. Doyle followed him on the way to medical bay, until he informed her, "You should probably get to your own quarters, Coleen. You have done well to contact me. However, Dr. Gamble and I will do all that we can to ensure that Lt. Uhura is made whole again."

She shook her head and said, "I won't be able to rest until I know what is going on with her. I just want to hear something that will help me..." She could not say the words _forgive myself_.

Uhura had been stressed out. Everyone could tell that she was a bit on edge. Her temper was flaring, her sorrow was thick, her actions were changing... everyone had assumed she was under stress. Doyle knew that she was under stress, and tried to push her buttons every single day. Doyle helped her into the administration building with one of her main purposes being to push her to her limits, and now... she did not know what was wrong with her, but she felt that she may have been to blame.

Spock entered the medical ward with Doyle behind him. The woman was shaking tremendously, and Spock wanted her to leave. Dr. Gamble, an older man with graying features approached them and said, "Professor Spock, I am so glad that Ms. Doyle could find you. I would like your input on this. You are the best scientist here. The young lady that we picked up from Doyle is unconscious, like she is in shock or a coma. It is difficult to say, but her brain activity is... berserk."

Dr. Gamble led Spock and Doyle to Uhura, as she laid in a bed with her arms at her sides and her eyes wide open. There was a curtain around her bed. Spock had flashes of the day that he had accidentally sent Nyota into a similar condition, only, this time, her open glazed over eyes seemed to be twitching uncontrollably. "Professor Spock, have you ever seen anything like these readings?" The doctor asked.

Spock checked the vital readings and commented to the doctor, "There is reduced availability of her neurotransmitters and increased levels of toxic neurochemicals in her brain. If I am reading this correctly, she is having massive mood swings?"

The doctor said, "I thought that _I_ was going crazy until _you_ just said it. She is having mood swings on a level that I have never seen before in my life. The chemicals in her brain are fluctuating like high tide waves rushing about and the levels of the chemicals in her brain are unreal. She literally should be dead right now. Vessels should be bursting inside of her brain. Hemorrhages should be forming. It is simply not human for her brain to be able to tolerate what the readings are showing. The human brain is not capable of controlling such immense levels of stimuli and I don't know if she _isn't_ dead and something alien has taken control of her brain.

"She is not dead." Spock stated. He did not know for certain, but he found himself unprepared to accept it. He seemed to now understand Nyota's reaction to believing him to be dead, not too long before. She had indeed been correct - it did seem less bearable in this situation than it probably would be on a starship. "If I may, Doctor, I would like to try something to examine her. Please escort Senior Chief Doyle to waiting." The doctor listened to Spock and when only Spock and Uhura were there, Spock placed his hands on her head and shut his eyes.

Upon entering her mind, he squinted at the chaotic scenery before him. He did not see an image of her, as he had that last time he was within her mind. Instead, he saw colors, patterns, moving about in quick motions, as though nothing within her head was settled. He could catch glimpses of things familiar along the way, but everything was moving too fast for him to focus on anything. Her pain was excruciating, as though everything in her body hurt.

Spock searched all around him, trying to study patterns of the chemicals in her brain as they fluctuated out of control. It fluttered from anxiety, to depression, to anger, to confusion, and it was extremely heart wrenching. Spock thought to himself, _These are not her own emotions. This was left behind by me. _He called out to her several times but received no response. He took a deep breath and let go of her. Dr. Gamble had returned and asked, "Was that one of those Vulcan mind melds that I have heard about?"

Spock nodded his head and asked, "Have you given her any hypos of anything? Antidepressants? Stimulants?"

The doctor answered, "Well, no, how could I with her readings looking the way that they look? I'm liable to kill her with one shot of _anything_. What I would need is to somehow be able to know the precise levels of these chemicals in her brain as they fluctuate, to be able to know what to inject her with, and even then, she would need several different injections, and it would kill her."

"This should have killed her, and it has not." Spock responded.

"Are you suggesting that I inject this cadet with guesswork, when her chemicals are so unstable that by the time I make a guess, her levels have switched?"

That actually was what he was suggesting, he realized. Vulcans did not depend upon guesswork. Guessing was illogical as one could not know the outcome of his actions, however, in certain life or death situations, when the outcome was certain death, otherwise, a somewhat accurate guess could be accepted in light of the fact that no action would be taken place to preserve life without it. Spock began to bother the medicine cabinet and asked, "Do you have serotonin?" He removed dopamine and norepinephrine from the cabinet and the doctor stared at him, "Spock, this young woman is not a science experiment. I know that you are probably fascinated by her condition and it's rarity, but I have to insist that you do not attempt whatever it is that you are attempting. By the way, Professor, what is it that you are doing?" Dr. Gamble seemed both nervous about, discouraged with, and interested in Spock's actions.

Spock answered, "I can be quite a chemist, Dr. Gamble. I had the opportunity to monitor the fluctuations in Lt. Uhura's brain chemicals. It will be a crude estimation, but I am certain that my estimation of the level and combination of chemicals and hormones required for her relief will be suitable enough for my concoction to stabilize her condition. Once she is stable, I assure you, Doctor, I shall leave all medical activity to you."

Dr. Gamble shook his head, "And if the chemical concoction kills her, Mr. Spock?"

"Doctor, if the chemicals that I inject into her do not kill her, the chemicals forcefully violating her mind are sure to. With my course of action, there is an attempt made. There is... hope, as I believe you humans call it. Thus far, _you_ have been standing in confusion since she was brought before you." Dr. Gamble stood, feeling insulted as Spock was oblivious to how offensive the truth in his words had been. Spock began to mix certain chemicals, measuring them accordingly. He looked at Dr. Gamble and asked, "Do you have serotonin?"

Not wanting to speak anymore with Spock, himself, Dr. Gamble called Nurse Chapel to assist Spock with fetching the items he would need. The doctor instead, simply stood and watched, waiting to see if this scientist would be capable of bringing the young lady to a stable condition.

Spock also needed GABA and acetylcholine. After Spock had a suitable dosage prepared, he asked Nurse Chapel to inject Uhura with it. Spock found that he seemed too apprehensive inside to dare to touch Nyota at the moment. He did not wish to make her condition any worse. The skinny, blond nurse looked at the doctor, as though she needed permission and the man nodded, telling her, "If something happens to her, Spock will take the blame." Nurse Chapel injected Uhura in the neck and jumped when Uhura seemed to begin to come back to life in front of their eyes.

Uhura began by breathing inward, very deeply, and reached out, for nothing in particular, calling Spock's name in a frantic rush. Reflexively, Spock took one of her hands then instructed Nurse Chapel, "Give her another dosage." Nurse Chapel obeyed the Vulcan and Uhura now sat completely up and let out a loud groan, but Spock placed her onto her back. She tried to catch her breath and squirmed miserably in the bed. The nurse prepared another injection, but Spock held his hand up to tell her to pause. Spock reached for her head once again, and she stilled as he shut his eyes. Nurse Chapel and Dr. Gamble stared at the scene.

The Vulcan held one of Lt. Uhura's hands in his hand and the other hand to her temple as she laid down, wide eyed, staring off into space. Spock released her Uhura, looked at Dr. Gamble and said, "If you check her vitals, I believe that you will find her in stable condition." Uhura reached out for and weakly squeezed Spock's hand and he looked at her, tenderly. He wanted to take her into his arms and delight in the fact that she had come to. Instead, he pulled his hand gently away, still somewhat leery about touching her, at the moment.

Nurse Chapel gave Uhura a glass of water and tried to help her drink it. Uhura kept reaching for Spock and he finally, stroked her face with his hand, trying to telepathically comfort her, now that he was no longer so shaken by her condition. He took the water from Nurse Chapel and said, "I will take care of her."

Nurse Chapel nodded, placed her hand on his shoulder and said, "You were amazing, Mr. Spock." He removed her hand, politely, but clearly deliberately so and gave Nyota water to drink. The doctor urged Spock to leave Uhura in his hands, now, as he had vowed to do. Spock followed the directions as the doctor gave Uhura something to help her sleep and something to ease the pain still flowing through

her body from the attack it had faced from her brain.

After all of the trauma her brain had just caused the rest of her body. She had to be put on constant watch. Nurse Chapel was posted next to her to make sure that she did not have a stroke or heart attack, or some other terrible reaction to either the chemicals that had been present in her mind when she came in or the chemicals which Spock had put in her system to balance her out. Uhura awoke at some point in time, whispering Spock's name. Nurse Chapel reached for her hand and her eyes fluttered as she came to. Nurse Chapel smiled at her and said, "Hi, Ms. Uhura. I am Nurse Christine Chapel. I am sitting with you to make sure that nothing happens to you on my shift. Do you need anything? Water or food?" Uhura tried to sit up and Chapel helped her to do so.

"What time is it?" Uhura asked as the nurse helped her sit.

"It is Midnight." Nurse Chapel answered and returned to her seat, next to Uhura's bed.

"So, I can't see Commander Spock." Uhura stated.

Nurse Chapel tilted her head, "You want to see Mr. Spock? I can probably get him down here. Do you need to talk to him about your condition?" Nurse Chapel asked. Uhura shook her head and replied, "No. I just want him here with me."

Nurse Chapel's voice became quite small as she said, "Oh. Well, I will see what I can do." She asked another nurse to sit with Uhura while she attempted to reach Spock for Uhura.

Nurse Chapel used the intercom to reach Spock, in his quarters, "Mr. Spock, this is Christine Chapel from medical bay. Lt. Uhura is requesting that you visit her."

Spock asked, "Is that allowed at this time of night?"

Chapel sighed and responded, "After what the poor thing went through, I just want her to have whatever brings her peace. The doctors will agree. I am sure of it."

"Tell her that I will arrive shortly." Spock responded.

Nurse Chapel returned to Uhura's bed and relieved the substitute nurse. Chapel sat in her chair and said, "Mr. Spock will arrive shortly, Ms. Uhura." Uhura smiled weakly at this news. Nurse Chapel asked her, "Is Mr. Spock your friend?"

Uhura lifted her eyebrow and asked, "Are you interested in Spock, Christine?" Nurse Chapel began to blush and Uhura confessed, "Christine, Spock is not someone that a woman can easily get involved with. Trust me. I have known him quite well for the last three, well almost three years, and in that time, I have found that he does not operate within emotion. He operates within logic, and that is grueling to deal with, Christine. When you ask him to go left, he will ask you what the logic in it is, not realizing that you are rationalizing that he if just goes left, you will be willing to follow him anywhere else. You just want to be acknowledged, and he does not know how to acknowledge you."

Chapel smiled, sadly and said, "You love him."

Uhura pressed her finger to her mouth and said, "Shh. Someone might hear you and take it the wrong way. Commander Spock has been my mentor. About three years ago, I got into one of his Vulcan classes. My father told me that it was pointless to learn Vulcan beyond what I had already taught myself, but I want to be in communications. In my professional opinion, the perfection of all languages that I will possibly have to speak was a wise decision. If my father had not been so against it, I might have just left it off of my schedule." Uhura knew that she was babbling, but she also knew that sometimes she did so when under the influence of pain killers.

She freely kept talking to the woman that she really did not know at all, "Isn't that funny? I met Commander Spock because of my father's insistence on me not expanding my skills. I guess my father thought that if he discouraged me enough, it would keep me off of a starship. He hates the thought of me on one. His words have only made me work harder to prove to him that I can do it, and because of my father's worry and unintentional discouragement, I have worked three times as hard as I might have if he had been encouraging. Because of _that_ fact, I signed up for Introduction to Vulcan, three years ago, and Commander Spock quickly took interest in my skills and eventually helped me to advance my academic options. Who couldn't care for someone who has done for my education and my career what he has done?" She fiddled with her fingers and said, "The fact of the matter is, it does not matter how I feel about Spock, because Spock does not operate within feelings."

"He is going to come to see you." Nurse Chapel pointed out, not exactly sure why she was aiding in bringing the two together. Certainly, she herself had realized that there was more to Spock than what most people seemed to think of him. Since her first meeting with him at a conference for new scientific advancements in the medical field, she had become more than interested in him, having to force herself to remember his Vulcan dignity and not throw herself shamelessly at him. While she should have been delighted that Uhura was against her obvious emotions for the Vulcan, she knew that it probably was best for him if the woman was not. Also, with Uhura in her current condition, it was best at the moment to ensure that she remained in some state of happiness.

Uhura responded to Chapel's point with, "Commander Spock is coming to see me, you're right about that part. He's probably interested in my odd condition. One time, I had a severely rare reaction to an herb that caused my behavior to become strange. I was going a little bit crazy, and he thought that it was interesting. He'll probably think that this episode, whatever it is, is _fascinating_." Uhura attempted to impersonate Spock when she said the word, and it brought a small smile to Chapel's face, as she had seen him make the same comment a time or two. Now Chapel said, "I seriously doubt that, Ms. Uhura. Mr. Spock was quite diligent in saving your life earlier. If not anything more, he definitely considers himself your friend."

"He _is _my friend. I think that he will always been my friend." Uhura said with the saddest smile that Nurse Chapel had ever seen. Even sadder than her own, she presumed. Spock appeared behind the curtain hanging around Uhura's bed. Now, she smiled a bit more joyously and reached out to him. Spock looked at Nurse Chapel, not wanting to move with her present. She got up from her chair and said, "I trust that she will be in better care with you than with me. Just alert me with the button when you need to leave, as she is still on watch." She left them to be alone, but peeked through the curtain to see Spock enter into Uhura's embrace and kiss her on the forehead.

The gesture confused her, as Uhura had just insisted that he did not operate within emotions, and all that anyone had ever told her about him was that he had no feelings. Chapel had known that this could not be true. Some part of her always knew that he had to have feelings, that he must! She had wanted to tap into those feelings and experience the ambiance of them, and she had held back because others had discouraged her. Now, she realized what it was about Uhura that caused her to try to speak up for Spock when she doubted him, her own care for him. She knew that he had feelings and she wanted him to be happy. She only just realized that for him to be happy with a woman, that woman had to be the type who was not easily discouraged. That was not the woman that _she _Chapel was. She walked away, terribly saddened.

Uhura touched Spock's face and said, "You are my hero. Can you explain to me what happened to me?" She asked. It took Spock a moment to respond. He did not know where to begin. The fact of the matter was that he knew that their mind meld contributed to her condition, however, he did not have all of the necessary facts to answer the questions that she was most likely to ask, and he preferred not to have to admit that something that he chose to do had so greatly affected her in so negative of a way.

After looking at her concerned face for a while, he finally responded, "If my estimation is correct, when I mind melded with you during our weekend together, I left several of my emotions with you. Fortunately, I seemed to have also equipped you with the ability to handle the emotions. The defect occurred in my failure to help you learn how to handle the intensity of such emotions. With the additional stress that accompanied your job changing and our relationship strains, I'm afraid that your mind and body were not prepared for the emotional trauma of our separation. The chemical dosages given to you were able to stabilize you; however, more tests will be required in order to discover whether or not such an event may occur again in the future."

She chuckled in disbelief and accused, "I did this to myself. I was the one who insisted on touching you when you told me that it wasn't safe. I should have trusted you enough not to put myself into the stupor that I went into when you had to come into my mind and bail me out. I'm the one who insisted upon you melding with me, after the fact, when you told me that it was dangerous. I'm the one who didn't tell you about how I've been feeling, after you asked me to, in the meld. I have been feeling so out of control that I was too embarrassed to tell you, because I thought that you would view me as weak. In my quest to be strong and empowered and reclaim my destiny, I am the one who terminated our relationship. Thus, I did this to myself..."

Spock glanced at her monitor and observed, "You are raising your blood pressure, Nyota. Please, calm down." She sighed and nodded her head as she tried to still her nerves. "When you are released from medical, and in recovery, I will help you learn to cope with the emotions. That is, if you are willing to spend the amount of time it will take me to teach you."

"Why would I turn down learning how not to die if I get upset?" She asked. Her tone suggested that the implication of his last statement was foolish.

Spock tilted his head and said, "I suppose there would be no logical reason for you to do so."

"Do you think that we should talk about the decision that I made?" Nyota stroked the back of his hand, which rested beside her on the bed.

Spock wanted to discuss her decision, very much. However, he realized that such a discussion may send her vital levels into a dangerous level. He was not willing to risk her health for his own satisfaction again. He replied, "I think that right now, you should focus on recovering from what happened to you. Your condition explains why you have been behaving the way that you have been behaving. Namely, your altercation with Senior Chief Doyle."

Uhura laughed as she thought about the look on Doyle's face when she punched her in the mouth and commented, "Trust me, _that_ could have happened without this condition."

Spock softly said, "Senior Chief Doyle is the one who found you when you went into shock. She had medical pick you up from your office. She came to contact me about your situation. She appeared to be quite upset with what happened to you. She did not leave the waiting area until I informed her that you were in stable condition."

Uhura frowned and asked, "Are you telling me that I owe her my life?" She covered her face with one of her hands, then uncovered herself and said, "She still deserved that punch, both of them."

"Violence only made things between the two of you worse."

"But her treatment of me is probably what triggered this effect in me, in the first place. It has been something like a month since that weekend, and most of the times that my behavior became as extreme as it did..."

"I interfered with her thinking process after she refused to forgive you for your attack." Spock said, cutting off her criticism of the woman. The confession silenced Uhura immediately, but Spock continued, quietly and obviously ashamed, not in his tone, but in his eyes, "I made a suggestion to her mind to keep you from being punished too severely. She was going to do everything in her power to make you suffer. It was her intention to take away your entire future, to ruin your career and everything that you have worked for because of a senseless fight. I could see it when I went into her mind, and I could not allow it to happen." Uhura took his hand and squeezed it.

"Spock, if you and I never get back together, if we never find our way back to intimacy, and I never become your bond mate... you do realize that I will support you through anything, don't you?"

"If you are making a vow to do so, I am not reluctant to believe you. You are my friend, Nyota, and I am yours." She tried not to appear saddened. His friend. She was his friend, and because she had flipped out, that was probably _all_ he would ever allow her to be, now. It no longer mattered that she felt that loving him was a one way trip, not right now. All that mattered was that he was there when she needed him. Being there for her was not Spock's highest priority, usually, and she found herself grateful for the fact that he was.

When Spock initially left Uhura's bedside, he went into the waiting area, where Doyle quickly stood as he appeared. She fearfully approached him and asked, "Is she dead?"

Spock tilted his head at her assumption and replied, "No, Miss Doyle. Lt. Uhura's condition is stable." Doyle let out a relieved sigh and threw her arms around Spock's neck as she began to cry. Spock quickly removed her from contact with his body and she covered her face, "I'm sorry. I was just so worried. Do you think that this was my fault, what happened to her?"

Spock answered, "No, I do not. However, while you are here, I have to insist that you allow yourself to be checked out, as well. Your level of concern about this issue seems uncharacteristic of you. It would be wise if you allowed the doctors to make certain that you are in functioning condition, as well." Doyle nodded her head and took his advice. Spock waited around for a while for her to share her results with him. The doctor gave her a nerve pill to take upon going to her quarters and assured her that she would be fine by the next day. Spock found himself relieved that his small portion of tampering with Doyle had not put her in danger.

Upon returning to his own quarters, he contacted Uhura's parents. He spoke with them about her health scare and his solution to bring her into stable condition. He informed them that her current condition may change; however, vowed to keep them updated on any such changes. As he looked at the two of them on the transmitter, he noted that both of them, even Mwinyi seemed grateful to him for not only helping Nyota, but for being the one to contact them, as well. Mwinyi asked, him, "Do you know what caused her condition?"

Spock hesitated, then responded, "As of right now, we have no proven causes for such an event. As soon as we know something for certain, we will inform you." It really wasn't a lie. He was almost certain that her condition was the effect of the mind meld, however, he had no proof to back the hypothesis up, and making mention of it would only upset the Uhuras. "Dr. Gamble has access to one of the best neurologists in the Federation. She will arrive tomorrow to assess Nyota and try to make sense of what has happened to her. Meanwhile, I will be dedicating time to discovering a solution, as well."

Ashaki looked relieved by this admission and confirmed her relief by saying, "I trust you to make certain that my daughter receives the best possible care that there is to receive."

Spock did not know that such a statement could stir up so much honor within him, but it did. He felt that if her mother trusted him with her well being, that Nyota must have trusted him a significant deal more. After all, Mrs. Uhura only knew of him what Nyota had shared. He found pride in the fact that Nyota had shared enough with her mother to cause her mother to _trust _him in a time like this... to trust him with her daughter's life. Mwinyi did not seem to have _so much _trust in him, but his level of gratitude towards Spock also heightened his pride. He felt that he was acknowledged as her protector in their absence, and protecting her had become an intricate part of his being.

When the nurse contacted him, he had been meditating. He claimed a sense of responsibility to keep himself level and in complete control as he worked towards the goal of bringing Nyota back to health. Spock thought about debating with the nurse that at this time of night it was inappropriate for him to visit a cadet in sick bay, he did believe so, considering that their relationship was now absolved and this would most likely be considered an act of favoritism. But, he found himself unable to argue with the woman's logic about giving Nyota what would bring her peace, after her ordeal. He deduced that after Doyle's reaction to the situation, she would be willing to overlook his actions in this event.

Spock changed out of his robes and extinguished his candles. He walked briskly in his effort to meet with his Nyota in her time of need. Before, he found himself easily able to deny her need of him, because he found her to easily tolerate his denial, and to handle it with grace that he did not know human women could possess. With her current state, the risk of denying her seemed far too great. He could lose her, and he learned earlier, as he looked at her body and her readings in medical bay, he did not wish to be in the position of losing her in such a way. She had become valuable to him. Her value increased without his notice, constantly.

When she first entered into his class, she was like that of every other human in the room. By the time she began to have open debate with him during his lessons and visit his office to make "a little suggestion" about his approach to teaching the other students who were not as willing to learn as she was, he found himself intrigued by her. She somehow became his unofficial teaching assistant, and the amount of time which he spent with her after that did not seem to be as much as it indeed was. By the time she had gotten to know him, without his permission or awareness, it was too late. She knew him all too well when she entered his office trying to look after him with a thermos of soup and a thermos of tea.

He had not identified it at the moment it occurred, but on his way to the medical bay, Spock realized that Nyota owned him. He had belonged to her since her first mention of the emotion in his eyes when she brought him her soup, during one of his preparation methods of his programming for the Kobayashi Maru. He wished that he had some logical reason to present to his father as to why he would seek her as his mate, because he became more and more aware that if she would ever have him again, he would not deny her. His father would not understand the logic of him selecting Nyota out of love, out of friendship and desire. He would never even attempt to express to his father the effect which Nyota had on him and his persistent longing to remain one with her. He belonged to her.

Uhura had to be held in medical for four more days before being released. The first day, Spock sent her a "get well" bouquet, even more beautiful than the one he had gotten her the time that she passed out in front of his mother. The card had a message, written in Vulcan, which no one in the medical bay could read. She was elated to receive the flowers and the card which read: _I envision the smile that this will bring to you._ She smiled greatly upon reading it, and she kept the card in the bed with her, so that she could read it repeatedly all throughout the day.

By the time that he came to visit her, she was in an extremely pleasant mood. Spock brought her some vitamins that he insisted would help her on her way to recovery, but she would have to chew them. She chewed the first one and nearly spit it out because of its taste. She forced herself to swallow it and he gave her the glass of water next to her bed. She gulped it down and handed him the empty glass, "I'm going to need more. That tastes like a raw onion! Are they all so bad?" She put another in her mouth and choked on it before pushing him hurriedly on his arm. He quickly went to obtain more water for her. The vitamin tasted like dirt and rust, which was more terrible a taste than raw onion, although not as strong. Spock returned with more water and she quickly drank it down as quickly as she had the first. Now, Nurse Chapel appeared with two glasses of water, as well. Uhura gagged on the vitamins and drank water in between all of them. After she had them all down, she glared at Spock. He fought the urge to allow his lips to slightly curl into an amused smirk at the face she was making.

Dr. Gamble, the Vulcan neurologist, Dr. T'Priu, and Spock convened in Dr. Gamble's office for a time and during that time, Uhura received a visit from her roommate, Gaila. Gaila brought Uhura a pile of work that she had collected for her. The green girl said, "All three of your teachers were very nice, and the one who teaches the Cardassian class is a pretty cute old guy." Uhura made a displeased look at Gaila's and collected the work to herself.

Nurse Chapel rushed over and said, "Oh, no you don't, Miss Uhura. You are not to try to do any class work for the next three days."

Uhura argued, "I don't want to get so far behind in my work. I graduate at the end of this semester. The last thing that I am going to let happen is myself fall behind. Please, Christine? I'll put in a good word to Spock for you."

Chapel sighed and said, "I certainly would not ask you to do such a thing, Ms. Uhura. I will allow you to try to work, but if you feel yourself having even the slightest amount of stress, put the PADDs away." Uhura gave the woman a curt nod and smiled at Gaila as Chapel walked off.

Gaila asked, "What did you mean, you'll put in a good word to Spock for her? Is she hitting on him and doesn't realize that he's yours?" The idea seemed to amuse Gaila. Nyota's eyes widened as she realized that she had not had the opportunity to talk to Gaila about Spock.

"Oh, Gaila... Spock and I separated. Hours before I collapsed. We aren't even going to discuss our relationship until I'm done recovering. Who knows, by that time, maybe we'll be over each other." She chuckled slightly.

Gaila sat down on the chair next to Uhura's bed and said, "That's probably why you got so stressed out that you almost died. Oh goodness! You love Commander Spock so much that you would die without him."

"Gaila, don't be silly. My condition is inconclusive thus far, but I am certain that your diagnosis is off track. As much as I would love your company today, I should start on my work as soon as possible."

Gaila stared at her for a while, then asked, "Are you alright without him?"

"I'm not really without him. He's come in to see me." Uhura told her.

"Commander Spock is definitely smart enough to be sure to keep his foot in the door. If I have never been right about any other man's emotions, I know that Commander Spock is definitely not going to leave you alone, unless of course he does." Uhura chuckled at Gaila's words. Gaila seemed pleased with herself for making her friend smile, then asked, "And what about this Christine trotting around here?"

Uhura shrugged her shoulders and answered simply, "Hot young new nurse. She's got her sights set on Spock. I knew before I even met her, because Janice told me."

"Janice Rand?" Gaila asked.

Uhura made a face, not really wanting to answer the question, realizing what would probably come next, but she also knew that Gaila knew that she only knew one Janice and that was Janice Rand. "Yes."

"Ugh!" Gaila groaned, not to Uhura's surprise.

However, she did wonder, "What is it with you and Janice? Both of you make a stupid little sound when the other one is mentioned."

Gaila responded flatly, "She's an aspiring shine stealer. She always tries to steal someone's shine."

"That's exactly what people say about me." Uhura said with a daring look in her eyes, daring Gaila to agree with the common misconception.

Gaila answered, smartly, "No. You are an _accomplished_ shine stealer. You always _accomplish_ stealing someone's shine. Think about it. With the Doyle lurking around, trying to snag Spock, and now this Christine bouncing to and fro, wishing and hoping, Commander Spock's main concern is getting back to the bedside until he gets you up out of this bed. Rand is an _aspiring _shine stealer. She always _tries_ to steal someone's shine. Like now, do you know that she is trying to get Jim..." Gaila stood up and said, "Never mind! Gotta go do my own homework, love ya, bye bye!" Gaila gave Uhura a quick hug and darted out of the area. Uhura laughed to herself at the Orioness who currently served as her best friend, besides Spock, then she began to do her homework assignments.

Spock returned to Uhura's bed with the two doctors in charge of her progress. The neurologist was a Vulcan woman, which shocked Uhura and she looked at Spock as soon as she saw the woman. The woman had one of the sternest faces that Uhura thought that she would ever see, with dark olive skin and black hair in a bob which fell only just past her ears and the traditional Vulcan bangs. Dr. Gamble startled at the work in Uhura's hands and gently took her PADD s away from her questioning her, "How did you get these? You are to do nothing that may cause you any type of stress in the entire duration of your being here!" He became pink in the face with worry. Uhura wanted to inform him that not doing the work would cause her more stress, but the old man seemed so upset about it that she could not bear to let him down.

Uhura lifted her hands in surrender and stated, "I had a friend bring them in for me. I just wanted to keep up with my work."

"I need you to keep up with living, first, Lt. Uhura." Dr. Gamble informed her. "I spoke with your father this morning. I had no idea that you were related to Dr. Mwinyi Uhura, and his daughter at that. Your father is one of the most respected xenopsychiatrists in the field."

Now, Dr. T'Priu stated, "That statement is highly debatable, Dr. Gamble." Her assessment did not surprise Nyota, as her father had several run ins with Vulcan doctors about sharing knowledge with other races, in the event that other races run into problems that only the Vulcans can deal with. Vulcans in their secrecy and unaware arrogance deem it illogical to spread knowledge with those less capable of using it, as it related to the medical field. Mwinyi and Vulcans debated the issue several times, and at the end, Vulcans determine that logic does not dictate that they share any information beyond what they have already shared with other races. Dr. T'Priu said, in the most monotone voice that Nyota had ever heard, even more even than Spock's, which she did not even realize was possible, "Patient Uhura, I am going to venture into your mind to evaluate the proper treatment for your particular situation."

"Do we even know what my situation is yet?" Uhura asked in Vulcan, in case it helped the woman to communicate with her better. The woman threw Spock a look of interest, and began to respond to Uhura in Vulcan, as well. Spock glanced at Dr. Gamble, who was completely confused, but did not want to intrude on the exchange.

"I have come to the conclusion that you are a case like many of those within my particular specialty."

"What is that?" Uhura thought for a moment, then realized that the sentence would have sounded like blabber to a true Vulcan, as such fragments as "What is that" were not used in their language, and she quickly changed her question to, "What is the nature of my condition?" Just to prove that she _could _actually speak as dignified as a Vulcan could.

T'Priu answered, "Post traumatic stress as a result of human resistance to Vulcan interference in the brain pattern." Uhura gave Spock a worried look and T'Priu informed her, "Spock has already informed me of the details of this accidental transfer, and as your doctor, I am under confidentiality about those particulars. Even the human doctor standing among us was not privileged with the distasteful details of Commander Spock's tragic mistake. Yours is a condition that, although extremely rare, can be treated by a qualified specialist, which I have been trained to become. However, I must receive your permission to treat you."

"Dr. T'Priu, I see no logical reason as to why I would reject this treatment."

Dr T'Priu placed a single hand on Uhura's face and after only a moment of melding with her, withdrew her hand and began to mark on a PADD of her own, with her stylus. She informed Dr. Gamble, "I am sending to you the proper route of treatment for her specific condition. Each case is slightly different. Lt. Uhura has the most special case which I have ever witnessed, and she will recover more swiftly than any other case I have ever come into contact with." She looked at Uhura and said in Vulcan, "Generally, when this condition is caused, the Vulcan involved does not have the attachment to the human involved which has assisted you not only in your survival, but will assist you in your recovery as well. Perhaps the human genes within Commander Spock created the attachment necessary for such a fascinating result."

There was that word again. Fascinating. "In the event that Spock did not have an attachment to you, your brain would have destroyed most of its knowledge and significant damage would have occurred within it. In other cases, humans have wandered in a catatonic state for years without a sign of recovery, some have died before having the chance to be properly evaluated, and most of them certainly when back to consciousness had no recollection of who they were, what language to speak, or anything else which they learned over the years. You will not have to be reeducated. You will not suffer any strokes or fall into dementia or delirium." She looked at Spock and they gave each other the traditional Vulcan salute, bidding each other to live long and prosper.

Spock had a great deal of work to do and therefore could not stay, but assured her that he would spend a larger portion of time with her the next day.

"Spock, did you forget that you are supposed to teach me to play the lyre?" She asked him.

Spock, not realizing that it was a rhetorical question, began to reply, "The suggestion that I would forget something which occurred only..."

"OK, OK, you did not forget, but you have yet to give me one lesson. Bring your lyre tomorrow. We'll have lesson number one." Uhura said. It had been an order, not a request. Spock noticed that she had been giving him orders since coming to.

"The music may bother the other sick persons in the area." He informed her.

"If it does, then we'll stop." She now, suggested, but in a tone that also suggested that her suggestion was actually an order disguised as a suggestion.

He did not want to make her unhappy, as she was still being monitored closely and her chemicals had not returned to a balanced state, despite extensive amounts of medication and vitamins. He did predict that within the next three days, she would be balanced enough to leave this place and begin learning how to control her emotions. It was not likely that such a terrible thing would happen again, not after all of the chemical conditioning, but he chose to be prepared for the possibility.

"I will bring the lyre tomorrow." He said. It was a promise, disguised as a casual agreement. She smiled at the thought of it.

He left her area, with Nurse Chapel walking behind him. Chapel said, "Mr. Spock, you have the finest bedside manner that I have ever observed." Spock stared at her for a moment. He knew that she probably had observed many at the bedside of an ill party and the likelihood of _his_ manner being the finest of all, with the possible number of times she had witnessed such a thing did not seem likely. This was the word that humans use as flattery. She was attempting to impress him by trying to cause him to think that she was impressed by him. This was an act of the practice which Nyota referred to as flirting, whenever Doyle did it.

Spock's response was merely, "I try to maintain proper order in all of my behavior." He walked out of the medical bay. Nurse Chapel went back to work.

Uhura sat in her bed, bored and desperately wanting the chance to complete her homework. Chapel appeared behind her curtain and asked, "Would you like some literature?" Uhura thought for a moment, then said, "As a matter of fact, I would. Do you think that someone could go to my office and retrieve the scroll hanging up next to my desk for me, and perhaps a personal computer?"

Nurse Chapel smiled nicely at her and said, "I certainly don't see why not."


	15. Chapter 15

**Are You a Fighter?**

Her first day out of the infirmary, Lt. Nyota Uhura entered the administration building precisely thirty minutes prior to the beginning of her shift. Nurse Christine Chapel had managed to convince Dr. Gamble to release the patient early enough to make it possible. When Uhura walked into her building, one of the receptionists cheerily greeted her with a hug and walked with her to her office as she asked her about her current condition.

Uhura opened her office door to find a group of her colleagues, including her supervisor, Senior Chief Doyle gathered inside to welcome her. A light show began which emulated fireworks and confetti falling from the sky, and above her desk was a large sign that read: Welcome Back, Friend! She smiled awkwardly as they each told her how glad that they were about her recovery. They had held a potluck and arranged a little party in the break room for her, knowing that she would be in early on the first day of her release.

As she looked at the different items involved in the pot luck, Uhura became pleased at her ability to blame her declining from the dishes on a strict diet that the neurologist, Dr. T'Priu had ordered for her recovery period. Uhura wanted to begin her work, although everyone seemed to want to ask her about what had happened to her and why she had gotten in such bad condition so suddenly, and how she got better so fast. She simply continued to repeat that the science department was still studying her case and that she knew about as much as anyone else did about her condition. This seemed to worry them. What if it happened again? Uhura assured everyone, "If I am anything, I am stronger today than ever before."

Once allowed to go back into her office, Uhura first hung up her scroll, which she had victoriously identified every language used and translated every passage on. All she had left to do was figure out where all of the passages were from, which proved to be quite difficult, considering that Spock had knowledge in his head of things long since passed and much of it was evident from the few passages which she had_ identified_. Once she had it there, she quickly began her work, effortlessly falling into the flow of her responsibilities.

All around her office were various welcome back and belated get well tokens from her friends and coworkers. There was a card box that seemed to be filled with cards, and she did not even realize that she knew so many people, but decided that others may have given her a card without knowing her, just out of politeness. She also had a bouquet of wild jasmine, white lily, African shea and lily of the valleys... she knew that those were from Spock. No one else knew her favorite flowers nor her birth flower, with the exception of the xenobotanist who made her perfume for her. She dismissed the girl as a candidate for the bouquet, because she would have left a card. Uhura had two large bouquets of balloons, and a recording of all of her friends, loved ones, acquaintances, and even strangers wishing her well. Then, she realized that attention may have been brought upon the fact that no one knew why she had almost died, then practically came back to life with seeming ease.

Eventually, she took a break from her work to get all of the fanfare out of her workspace. As she crossed the campus, she wished that she had access to an electronic cart like Spock's. Perhaps she would need assistance with her load. She glanced around, hoping to find a familiar face. Nurse Chapel happened to notice her first, and had already reached her by the time she sought out aide. The woman gathered the box of cards from Uhura's hold and Uhura smiled at her and said, "Thanks, Christine."

Chapel smiled and said, "I certainly couldn't just leave you out here in need. Part of my job is to help those out who can't help themselves." Uhura wanted to let her know that she could have made it, that it was just easier this way, but her mind told her that it would have been immature and unwise, so she simply smiled and nodded. Christine continued to talk though, saying, "It is coincidental that I should run into you right now. I just left Mr. Spock's office from giving him the most current copies of your medical status for his research of what happened to you. The leaders of the science department have gained rights to your case since it is beyond the scope of knowledge of the medical department. However, Mr. Spock was telling me that all of the information may be turned over to that Vulcan doctor that treated you, even though he requested your information, personally." Chapel looked at the items in Uhura's hand and asked, "Where are you going with all of this?"

"To my dorm. Everyone that I know and then some got me gifts. I think that they all thought that I would die."

"You might have if Mr. Spock had not been there."

"I don't believe that I would have. Dr. T'Priu did not seem to think so. I'm just praying that there is no permanent damage."

"You spoke a lot about wanting to be on the Enterprise while you were in the infirmary... do you wish to be on that ship to be near Mr. Spock?"

Uhura laughed and informed her, "I think that you give Commander Spock way too much credit, Chapel. I aspired to be on the Enterprise before Commander Spock even knew that he would be first mate on the ship. How did you know that he was on that ship?"

"I too have been assigned to the Enterprise, as head nurse."

"Congratulations! That makes me glad. If I get sick on the ship, I know there's someone there that I can count on, you are the best nurse that I've ever had to deal with." When they reached the dorm and unloaded all of the items, both of them took deep breaths and laughed a little at themselves. Chapel stared at Uhura as they walked back out of the room. Uhura noticed and asked, "What is it, Nurse Chapel?"

Nurse Chapel twiddled with her fingers slightly and said, "While you were ill, you suggested that I attempt to make a connection with Mr. Spock. I wanted to know if you really were alright with the thought of it." Uhura stopped walking and stared at Nurse Chapel as though _she _was the one not serious this time. Chapel lowered her head a bit at this confrontational stare and Uhura decided that the woman could not handle it.

Uhura placed her hands behind her back and informed Chapel, "I am not in any position to try to place anyone inside of or keep anyone out of Spock's life, Nurse Chapel. I can assure you that if you do want Spock, you'll have to fight for him." Chapel looked alarmed at the words and Uhura laughed slightly at her reaction to the statement as she explained, "Not fight me, Nurse. You will have to fight yourself. You will have to fight him and his logic and sometimes even his emotions. You will also have to fight external foes such as women who want him themselves and people who are so uncomfortable with the thought of such a union that they interfere. There is quite a fight on your hands, if this is what you truly want. I was told by a human woman with the experience of being a Vulcan man's wife that it took a fighter to do so. Are _you _a fighter, Christine?"

Chapel shook her head and stated, "No, I am not. I am a nurse."

"Then, it would break you. I can't advise you to move forward in such a way, and my feelings towards Commander Spock have nothing to do with this advice. If I believed that you were capable of handling such a step, I would encourage you to take it, despite what anyone else might feel about it, including me. You have led me to believe that trying to be with Spock would cause you more hurt than you are able to endure. Thank you for helping me out today. I'll see you around."

Uhura marched away from Chapel's presence, a bit bothered by the fact that the conversation had just taken place. She thought about contacting Spock to let him know, in advance, but did not feel that she had the necessary calm at the moment to do so. Things must have either been too obvious between the two of them (Spock and herself), or Nurse Chapel had been paying far too much attention to them when Uhura was ill. Either way, the thought of another woman interested in Spock during this point in her and Spock's path bothered her. _She _had been problematic enough for Spock and his recent brush with human emotions. The last thing that Uhura felt he needed during their uncertain break was yet another woman responding to his delicious Vulcan lure.

Before she had the chance to go back into her office, Senior Chief Doyle had called her into her own office and asked her to be seated.

"How are you faring?" Doyle asked her, with a concerned look." Uhura straightened her face out, realizing that her interaction with Nurse Chapel may have affected her disposition some, and now was not the time for an unstable disposition.

She answered Doyle in an honest tone, "I am as well as I have ever been, Senior Chief."

Doyle folded her hands over each other on top of her desk and asked, "Would you like to talk about anything?" Uhura shook her head. What was done was done. She would do her job, as she always had, and this time, she was mentally healthy enough to do it without losing all of her composure. Doyle said, "Well, I want to talk about something. I want to talk about the night that you struck me." Uhura made a daring face at her, as though she had better not say the wrong thing. Doyle said, "That night, I was completely out of line. I don't believe that I deserved to lose teeth, but in hind sight, if someone had said to me what I said to you, I might have hit the person myself."

Uhura thought that if Doyle _had_ went to hit someone, she'd probably miss, judging by her performance at the second punch, but she kept this opinion to herself. Doyle finished with, "I have learned to let go of my grudge, and I hope that our work environment can flourish now."

Uhura nodded her head and asked, "May I be dismissed?" Doyle held out her hands graciously, which Uhura took as a "yes", and quickly left the office.

Everyone seemed to be reacting the same way to her, like she had almost died and now extra care was necessary. It was driving her mad. Her supervisor, her three instructors, her coworkers, and Gaila were all treating her so delicately, that she found herself retreating from her dormitory and her office and posting herself underneath her favorite tree to get her work done.

Now, she was having her first free weekend, after being released from the infirmary. Her first free weekend, she was spending alone, in her dorm until a transmission came through on her computer.

Uhura went to the computer and saw her friend, Janice Rand on the screen."Yes, Janice?" Janice was wearing a therapeutic facial mask, but Uhura knew Janice when she saw her. Janice's blonde hair was a massive pile on her head and she wore a bathrobe.

Janice said, "I know that you probably haven't made plans for this weekend and that you probably just want to relax, but you need to put on all white and come out with me to the Milky Way, that sophisticated interspecies lounge downtown. They are having this big classy event and everyone is wearing white. Christine was supposed to attend with me, but she canceled. I think she had a date or something. I am already on the guest list and am allowed to bring one guest and I don't want to go by myself."

Uhura smiled and said, "That will be perfect. I need to get out. I was in sick bay for four days, went to work and worked all week, like a maniac, trying to catch up, and avoid the sympathy of everyone else. Gaila's gone, so I didn't have anything to do, anyway. It will be nice to be around some new faces. Thanks for thinking of me. I haven't been to the Milky Way yet."

Janice cheered, excitedly, "OH! You'll love it. It is the most culturally diverse lounge in town. Meet me at the hangars in about two hours?"

"Two hours it will be." Uhura agreed.

Gaila was out of the dormitory, spending the weekend off campus with some of her friends that Uhura was not particularly fond of; yet, she had considered herself bored as she sat at home alone. Janice's invitation came at the best possible moment. Nyota ended the transmission and went into her closet to try to find a suitable white dress for an all white classy event. She could not find anything. She had white blouses and white pants that she could use, but Janice would probably wear a dress, so she thought to wear one as well. She was having trouble finding one that she particularly had in mind, until it dawned on her that the dress in mind had been left at Spock's.

Kobayashi Maru simulations were right around the corner and she assumed that Spock would probably be meditating. Even if he was not, she had not wanted to bother him much since her brush with mental death. She felt closer to Spock than ever, but usually kept her distance from him, and she did not know why. It could have been that she did not want him to handle her as delicately as everyone else had, because that would be so insulting coming from him. It could have been the fact that she worried that he may be reluctant to be close to her after what had become of their interactions before. She knew she was not afraid of him or what being around him might lead to. It seemed more of an issue of giving everything time. She thought to send him a transmission before coming over, but decided not to bother with it, as she did not want to disturb him. She would go in, say hello, grab the gown and leave.

When she entered Spock's room, he rushed to the door, and she greeted him, "Hey, Spock." She stood only for a moment, inside of the door to say, "Sorry about just stopping by. I thought you might be meditating or something." She began a quick journey towards his bedroom as she explained, "I have an event and I need to get my white evening gown that I wore to dinner that night with your parents..." She froze when she saw Christine Chapel seated at Spock's table in front of a 3D chess board. Christine looked very shocked to see her and another expression - afraid. Uhura covered her mouth, embarrassed and said, "I'm so sorry! I didn't realize that you had company." As she looked at Spock, she read his eyes and he seemed oblivious as to why this would be an apologetic situation. Uhura looked back at Chapel and politely said, "Hi, Christine."

"Hello, Miss Uhura." Christine answered, her face becoming calmer.

Uhura informed her, "I just came to get something very quickly, and I'll get going. I didn't mean to interrupt your date." She smiled tensely and looked at Spock as though expecting a reaction from her statement.

He simply corrected her, "Nurse Chapel is here because she is interested in learning to play a proper game of 3D chess, and she has been informed of my skill in the game. This is not a date."

Uhura nodded. "I'm just going to fetch that dress now." She went into the bedroom and Spock followed her, without saying anything to Christine, who sat awkwardly alone at the table as the bedroom door shut.

Uhura went through Spock's closet and he walked up behind her, she realized that he was standing closer than she would have expected him to be. He wanted to touch her, but he would not. He would simply stand close enough for her to know that he wanted her touch and wait for her to touch him. She refused to do so and did not acknowledge his proximity to her as he asked, "To what event are you going to wear such a dress?"

She shuffled through "her side" of the closet, amused by his question and his behavior, as well. Poor Christine should have taken her advice. Uhura responded, "There is this all white attire classy thing at the Milky Way that I just got invited to."

"Were you invited to such a formal event by a male?" Spock asked. His voice sounded only slightly curious, but she presumed that there was more to his question than simple curiosity.

She did not answer and instead asked, "This is a better question of the night - How did you come to have Christine here?"

Spock tilted his head slightly and said, "She was speaking about 3D chess earlier today in the mess hall. The conversation naturally progressed into her asking me to teach her to play the game properly and my schedule was open for this particular time." Uhura nodded and made an excited face as she found the dress that she had been searching for and removed it from the closet. Spock noted to himself that she seemed not to be paying him much attention, or to be _purposefully_ ignoring him. That meant that there was something that she did not want to tell him. For the longing tugging at his heart, he restated his initial query, "Are _you _going on a date, Nyota?"

Uhura looked at him as she closed his closet and submitted, "Because Christine canceled on Janice for this date with you, Janice asked me to come out with her, instead."

"This is _not_ a date." He hated the sound of desperation in his own voice as he made the statement, but he needed her to realize that he was not making an attempt to move on from her. He was simply giving her an adequate amount of time to recover from her condition and think about what she wanted to do as far as he was related. He needed her to know that she was the only woman that he would be having any dates with, if he would be having any. She understood.

Uhura's response was warm and advisory, "Spock, you have to be extremely careful. What you may not consider to be a date, she may. And if she thinks that she is on a date, she may think that she has a chance at a relationship with you. I don't want you to hurt Christine's feelings. Janice told me that Christine canceled on her tonight for a date, and lo and behold, there Christine is, sitting here with you when I barged in. I'm really embarrassed, actually. I should not have assumed that I could just enter your quarters. Things have changed." He did not like the sound of whatever emotion that was in her voice, now.

"You have been allowed to enter my quarters for quite a time, even before we became involved. Our relationship may have changed drastically, but there is no reason for that privilege to be revoked at this time."

Nyota stood, looking at him for a while, the both of them assessing each other wordlessly. Both of them curious, both of them knowing that they needed to tell the other something, but neither of them knowing if it was wise. She wanted to tell him about her conversation with Christine a few days ago, and how the thought of him being with Christine affected her. He wanted to tell her that he wanted her in his arms again, and that he felt very deeply for her. Her death scare had immensely changed things between them. Neither of them felt it reasonable to be as careless as they had before. Now, everything required strict discipline and deep consideration. They both needed to use logic.

Wordlessly, she headed out of the bedroom, but Spock stepped in front of her to block her path and said, "When you are with Yeoman Rand, you will most likely be the object of interest for many men present at this event."

She gently assured him, "I am not out to find some man. I just want to mingle with some aliens, maybe dance with a few and have fun. I haven't been able to get out and do things for a while." She wondered how he could become jealous when he had a lovesick nurse sitting in his living room, sharing one of his favorite pass times with him. She added, "If Christine were not here, I would be sitting at home, reading, and _she _would be going to the Milky Way with Janice. The _last_ thing that I need to do is go on a man hunt."

Spock nodded his head once and stated, "I realize that it is not my place to speak to you on such matters, however, as you are still considered to be in recovery from your attack..."

She walked out of the bedroom, not impressed by his pitiful cover up of his own insecurity. Maybe his reason was a logical one, but she did not for one moment believe that the logic in him prompted him to discourage her from fraternizing tonight. Uhura looked at Christine, attempting to sound cordial with the woman, and said, "I guess we're playing musical chairs tonight. I am going to the Milky Way with Janice and you are playing 3D chess with Spock."

Christine lowered her head at the statement and said in a quiet tone, "I told Janice that I would simply reschedule if it were much of an issue. She told me to enjoy myself."

Uhura nodded with a cool smile, but several emotional subliminal messages dancing in her eyes, and said, "And I extend the same warm words to you, Christine. Do enjoy yourself." Spock sat down at the table again and Uhura added, "You enjoy yourself too, Commander." Her tone was friendly, but her statement bothered Spock.

Spock lifted an eyebrow at her as she left. She had called him "Commander", something that she did when annoyed or otherwise upset with him, if not in a professional atmosphere. She was bothered by Christine's presence. He fought off the urge to sigh about it as he made a move on the chess board. Christine studied him for a moment, and he informed her, "You cannot assess your next move by watching me, Nurse Chapel."

She nodded and said, "Right." Then looked at the board and asked, "Would you like to talk about it?"

Spock replied, "I am not certain of what it is that you are asking me about."

She made a move on the board. It was not a wise move, but Spock did not have the chance to point it out to her as she responded, "About Lt. Uhura's reaction to seeing me with you."

"There is nothing to speak of. She did not realize that you were present. She became embarrassed of the fact that she entered unannounced and felt as though she had interrupted something." Spock informed her, in her opinion, far too quickly. She could only imagine what Uhura had said to him about her being there when they were alone in the bedroom. Alone in the bedroom - that was not a good sign at any point in time. For her to be here, seated alone while a guest in Mr. Spock's quarters and within moments of Lt. Uhura walking in, the two of them disappear into his bedroom for what seemed far too long to her...Spock had been studying the board quite diligently, as the woman had made it look like some type of illogical storm, despite every piece of advice that he had given her for the past hour. She was the worse player that he had ever seen, and her game actually seemed to get worse with every loss.

She expressed, with a hint of displeasure in her voice, "Lt. Uhura seemed a bit territorial to me. She had this spark in her eyes, like she was daring me, or something."

"Daring you to do what, exactly?" Spock genuinely wondered, although he did not look at the woman as he studied the chessboard filled with her erratic moves..

"To try to have you for myself." Christine answered, searching his face for a reaction to the thought of it. He seemed concentrated on the game, to her, but he was Vulcan so there was no way for her to truly tell.

Spock tilted his head and moved one of the chess pieces. He hoped that his face showed no trace of any reaction to the statement. Nyota had been correct in her assessment of Nurse Chapel's motives for being present, apparently. However, the portion of Chapel's words that affected him the most was the fact that she saw something in Nyota's eyes... that Nyota had declared him her own, even if silently. Spock decided to answer Chapel with the words, "Trust me, Nurse Chapel, Lt. Uhura would certainly be less concerned about such an attempt, on your part, than I would be."

"Why would you be concerned?" She asked, sounding like she was somewhat afraid as to what the answer might be. Spock saw no need to drag the inevitable out. When a human needed correct information, he would provide it.

Nurse Chapel needed to hear what he had to say on this particular matter, "I would be concerned for the benefit of your emotions. You appear to be an emotional being, far more emotional than Lt. Uhura or many of the other women in Starfleet. I would deeply regret having to cause you the pain that would certainly come in the event that you make a failed attempt to attain a romantic connection."

Christine asked, "You are saying that you are not interested in a romantic connection?"

Spock explained, "Romance is a human concept and when a Vulcan decides to entertain this concept, he manages to lose necessary control of deeply rooted Vulcan beliefs. He becomes conflicted. He questions and battles with his identity and his upbringing. He becomes too human."

Christine's eyes dampened lightly at his words and she said, "Mr. Spock, you are surrounded by humans each day. Surely you do not believe that being like us is _so_ bad?"

Spock looked at her, face blank and tone clear and even as he explained, "I believe that if I were _human_, being like a human would be in order. However, as I am a Vulcan, it is improper for me to behave as a human, and need I add, illogical." Chapel put her head down when he said this. She felt pain, but wanted to appear strong. Uhura seemed so strong to her, and she wanted to try to present an adequate level of strength. Spock watched her, curiously for a moment. He thought that she might cry soon, and he wondered, "Nurse Chapel, did you come here tonight with hopes of my doing so?"She smiled sadly and answered, "I came here with the hopes of getting to know you better, and that much is accomplished. You are afraid." Spock lifted a curious eyebrow at the woman and she expounded, "You have some kind of relationship with Miss Uhura, beyond your business relationship. Women can tell when another woman is trying at something with a man they perceive as theirs. I saw that look in Uhura's eyes... that look of distrust and warning. I spent several days with her in the infirmary, for many hours, and I had a heart to heart with her only a few days ago. I believe that she is a rational enough woman not to claim you as hers only in her own mind. Clearly you have given her some reason to feel territorial about you, yet the two of you are not _together_. _That_ is why you are against the concept of romance. You have already been negatively affected by attempting it. She hurt you and now you are opposed to even trying romance again. Mr. Spock, I do not know how to break this to you, so I will just come out and say it. Your response to the concept of romance is identical to human behavior."

Spock simply stated, "You have failed to make a move on the board." She smiled and moved one of the pieces without a second thought.

As a Starfleet nurse, Chapel would have had to have some training in psychology, and now she thought that her little nurse training could help her get through his complex views. He knew that her statement was only a minute fraction correct, but he would never reveal as much to her. This woman was not his friend. She was not someone that he cared for or respected beyond her capability to be a proper nurse. He did not owe her any confirmation, and he did not owe her even the conversation that she was now trying to pry from him.

Spock moved another piece and said, "Check." Chapel looked at the board, seeming to study it, but he had the idea that she was thinking about something other than the game, now.

She confirmed his suspicions by asking, "Would you not entertain the concept of romance with Miss Uhura, or is it just with women who can't possibly compare to her?" She moved a chess piece.

Spock automatically moved his own piece and stated, "Check mate." He stood up and announced, "It is unwise for me to give you another lesson in this game. I do not believe that I am the proper teacher for you. I will escort you out now, Nurse Chapel." She nodded her head and walked with him to the door. When she was out of the door, she wiped away tears that slowly flowed from her eyes, grateful that she had not began crying like a baby.

When Rand and Uhura got on the shuttle, Janice grabbed Nyota's hand. Janice explained, "I have this thing about being on shuttles. My dad thinks that I am not going to make it in Starfleet because of it, but I get over it once I'm in the air. It's only the beginning that makes me nervous. By the time I get assigned to a ship, I'm sure that I'll be completely over all discomfort." Rand had told her this before, when they rode a shuttle together, but she had forgotten. Uhura smiled softly. She definitely understood the feeling of having a father be discouraging, however, lately he had been more sensitive. Needlessly, everyone had.

She thought about Christine's face when she spotted her in Spock's quarters. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. She wondered if she herself had been so easily shook up before her episode.

Something different was taking place in side of her. But, an ancient theory came to her mind as she thought about her metamorphosis: _That which does not kill us makes us stronger. _She felt stronger emotionally and mentally than she had in months. She felt that she had undergone an epiphany in her brush with death, an epiphany that would always set her apart from anyone else in the world. She realized that if there was fear in her heart, then she just had to fight that much harder to tackle the obstacle in her path. Many people could claim to know this information, but she somehow felt that only a few could actually commit to the belief of it, and she was now one of the very few.

Uhura said to Janice, "Maybe you should think about something else for the beginning. Try to shut your eyes and envision yourself somewhere other than the shuttle, then try to direct your mind to actually believing that you are in that place, instead of here."

Janice shut her eyes and took deep breaths, her grip became softer on Uhura's hand and she opened her eyes and looked at Uhura, "You are such a comfort. Thank you, Uhura." Uhura shrugged her shoulders. "I love it when you go into Mother Hen mode."

Now Uhura looked at her and asked, "Where did that come from, anyway? I have been called that for years. I even sometimes refer to myself in that way, and I really don't know where any of you got the name from."

"It applies to many of your characteristics, as you are always trying to check on people and make sure that they are alright, and all. As for the origins of the whole thing; well, I was told that your first semester in Starfleet, whenever you went out with other women, you would keep the men away from them, reminding them on protocol about curfews and the dangers of going home with men, begging them to remember contraceptives and monitoring their alcohol intakes. I was told that they used to call you something far worse behind your back and that your female friends took up for you and the name was moderated to Mother Hen."

"What was my name before that?" Uhura wondered.

Janice snickered slightly then whispered, "Cock-block Queen." Uhura frowned, but she wasn't angry. People were so stupid. Janice continued on, giggling as she did, "I was told that the guys would announce you coming when they were in the bar and try to disappear into the crowd with the woman that they were trying to take home. I believe it was your green friend that made the guys convert their slur to something warmer."

Uhura smiled, now and said, "So Mother Hen came from Gaila?"

Janice nodded and responded, "I believe so. I am apt to believe that you are the only person that that _girl _loves." Janice said it with contempt of Gaila, but Uhura did not point it out. "You and I have something in common." Now, Uhura was confused.

"What are you speaking about, Janice?" She asked. Janice did not like Gaila, while Uhura loved her dearly. Unless Janice was completely changing the subject, without warning, her comment made no sense whatsoever.

"Well, Gaila thinks that I want James Kirk, and she has become really nasty about it. She had a group of guys start following me and trying to date me. By accident, I found out that she was convincing them to do it. That was pretty hurtful to me. I had gotten all flattered with this idea that all these guys were interested in me, sending me flowers and helping me to my office from my dorm, then I found out that she set it up because she thought that I wanted Kirk. In fact, being with Kirk never crossed my mind. I'm a romantic. Kirk is a stud. It would never work the way that I want my relationships to work. But, since I know that she was so willing to try to deter me, that's what made me begin to go for Kirk. I don't even want him, but I want her to be annoyed by my presence with him. He knows about what I am doing, because I let him in on it. He doesn't even mind. I think that he's flattered about the whole thing."

Uhura's eyes were wide for the entire story. She was taken aback by the fact that Gaila would engage in romantic warfare tactics over Kirk, especially when she never had mentioned such interest in him to her. She was insulted and a bit angered that Kirk would openly accept such a position as to be battled for in such a way. But, she was even more thrown off by the fact that this story made Janice think that there was something in common with her own life.

Uhura confessed, "I have no idea how any of that information makes you and I have something in common, Rand."

Janice looked like she did not want to say her next words but she did say, "If I were you, I would watch out for Christine Chapel. I think that she is capable of being a fool for Mr. Spock and resorting to something stupid and hurtful to try to get him."

Uhura now laughed and said, "I have nothing to worry about. I have already faced off with my biggest adversary as far as battling for Spock goes, and to be honest, I don't believe that your friend has the guts to face off with me in the same way."

Janice tilted her head in thoughtful amusement, then excitedly asked, "Are you talking about that fight between you and Coleen Doyle? Everyone was wondering what the issue was with that. Green Gaila was being so secretive about it that we all knew that it had to be something quite juicy! Was _that_ over Mr. Spock?"

Uhura felt uncomfortable with the fact that she had discussed Spock in a personal way with Christine, and now another personal conversation was coming up with Janice, but she also felt that she could trust Janice, at least to a certain degree enough to answer, "Not directly. It was an effect of my episode, but Doyle _was_ the one who was trying to battle me for Spock." Janice knew about Uhura and Spock. She had not known when she became his assistant, though she had heard the rumors. Uhura had never confirmed any of it for her, despite the fact that she called her a friend. However, the woman was smart enough to figure it out after working in Spock's office for a period. When she finally asked Uhura about the situation, Uhura was in her emotional distress and indirectly confessed. Janice did not spread any of the information, as it was not particularly exciting information, and Janice did not want to look like a petty gossiper. She loved knowing about gossip, but spreading it made her uncomfortable.

Janice confessed, "I've tried to tell Christine that she could not get Mr. Spock. Even before she knew about you, I told her about his Vulcan nature and all of that, and she still was all gooey over him. When she realized that he felt for you, she began to get strange. She thought that everyone had been wrong in discouraging her from going after him, then she told me that _you_ told her to go for it."

Uhura laughed and said, "I think that I did. But, I was on medication at the time, heavily drugged for pain and for mental balance. She should have mentioned that when I got out of medical bay, we had another conversation in which I told her that she had to be a fighter and that if she wasn't, going after him would break her. I sure hope that he doesn't hurt her too bad." Uhura stated. It was partially true.

Christine had the potential to be a great friend and she was a wonderful woman as far as Uhura could see, but the fact of the matter was, she didn't want anyone else with Spock, no matter how wonderful that someone else was. She hoped that her visit had ruined their night, even though she had wished them both well. Her mind traveled through a series of conversations: the two which she had with Christine about Spock – one in the infirmary, one on her way back to her office, then she thought of two talks she had with Spock's mother, Amanda about him, one after dinner the one night that they had dinner, and one on the hangar before his parents' shuttle left:

"_For a moment, you were coming across as a quitter. A quitter has no place in a Vulcan man's heart. Being with someone like Spock, takes a fighter's spirit, a saint's patience, a sage's wisdom, and Aphrodite's passion. That is what I saw when I first studied you, and as long as I see you, that is what I want to see. My son's mind and heart are nothing like any man who has ever fallen for you before. He requires extra dedication, extra grace, extra consideration, and extra love. It will not seem fair to put up with him, most of the time. But, I can promise you that working just as hard, twice as hard, three times as hard as another woman would if she loved him too... it will lead you in the direction in which you wish to travel." _Uhura smiled at the fact that she had no idea how tough such a direction would be at the time when Amanda informed her. Then she thought about on the hangar her conversation with Amanda, which she often remember, to keep herself straight on the fact that she made the decision to be in her position with Spock.

_Amanda had asked,"How do you feel right now?"_

_Uhura faced Amanda again, leaned towards her and replied, fearlessly, "Like a fighter."_

Uhura thought about it as she sat on the shuttle, next to Janice. She felt even more like a fighter today than she had on that night, and now she realized what the fight consisted of. No one could keep her from a victory. She still needed some time to continue to collect herself, but Spock belonged to her. She smiled to herself. Amanda had given her necessary advice and an approval. No matter what was happening between she and Spock at the moment, it felt more and more temporary, and she was more and more comfortable with her belief in their future. The last exchange between the two of them had been motivation that she had nearly forgotten, but was glad that it had been planted in her mind:

_Amanda sighed softly and said, "It has been a pleasure being in your company, Lt. Uhura. Be especially kind to my son, in my absence."_

_Uhura smiled and said, "I usually do."_

Thank you, Amanda.


	16. Chapter 16

**The Appearance of Favoritism**

Spock entered Senior Chief Doyle's office and sat down in one of the two chairs in front of her desk. She entered the office, shut the door and sat behind her desk, saying, "Thank you for coming in today, Spock. I needed to speak with you on an issue, and my office was the best place for it." He stared at her as she began a story, "How long ago did Lt. Uhura have your relationship terminated?"

"Senior Chief Doyle, that information is in your records." Spock answered. He did not wish to talk about this subject. Every day, this subject was a painful ordeal that he needed to meditate on regularly not to think about the pain, and now Doyle had called him into her office, earlier than any of the other offices in the building were open to speak with him about it.

Doyle answered, in one of her annoyingly catlike tones, "My computer is asleep, indulge me, Spock."

"We have been separated for thirteen days." He admitted, hoping that he had not winced when he said it.

"Seems like it's been longer." Doyle commented.

Spock could not have agreed more. It seemed like it had been an unbearable portion of time, but this aspect of the subject was not going to be discussed. He determined that he would answer her questions, as she seemed to be presenting an issue to him, but he would not expound on anything that may break his Vulcan facade. Spock responded, "Our relationship was becoming a distant one for several weeks before that, however, she officially has had the relationship terminated for only thirteen days."

"How well do you know Nurse Christine Chapel?" Ah, now we finally reach the issue and cause for this particular meeting...

"Not well at all, Ms. Doyle." Spock answered, honestly.

Doyle stared at him for a moment, sighed, and informed him, "She came in to see me yesterday. First thing on a Monday morning, so I thought it must be somewhat important. She said to me that she needed to talk to me about you, that maybe it was none of her business, but she knew that I was the person who handled things of a delicate nature between staff and students..." Spock stared at Doyle as though waiting on what she would say next.

When she stared back at him, he advised, "Continue."

She continued, "Christine seems to think that she witnessed you kiss Lt. Uhura while she was in the medical bay (which was after your separation), and she also seems to think that Lt. Uhura is keeping personal items stored in your room. She is concerned that there may be an unethical relationship between the two of you and that you might choose to place Lt. Uhura on the Enterprise because it is the ship of her choice. I don't think that she wants the three of you on the same ship, because she seemed quite concerned about the idea of it."

Spock simply stated, "As her current supervisor and the one who shall be her supervisor when she is assigned this week, you are in control of assigning Lt. Uhura to a starship, not I."

Doyle nodded and reminded him, "But you do have the power to do so, as well. As you are her former supervisor, I was going to ask you which ship you recommend for her. Did you kiss her?"

Spock knew that he flinched, but it was difficult not to, when he thought of what was taking place here. He had made a mistake and his mistake was, once again about to negatively affect Nyota's life. He answered, "I did, briefly on her forehead. It must have been a reaction to seeing her well and responsive. I did not realize that Nurse Chapel was still present when this happened, as she had dismissed herself."

"And the personal items in your room?" Doyle wondered.

Spock answered the question, easily, "Both of us have been rather preoccupied. She simply has not had the chance to retrieve everything. Nurse Chapel was present, for chess, when Lt. Uhura came over to gather one of her dresses."

Now, Doyle sighed. She was annoyed that this had become an issue for others besides the three of them to be involved in. She allowed things to slide, such as if Spock and Uhura rushed away to his quarters for a lunch break, or if she went to see him in the simulation room, "just because," but Doyle's conscious bothered her about Uhura's odd sickness, which all evidence of had now disappeared into the hands of the Vulcan neurologist who treated her.

Having someone else to see Spock's interactions with the cadet while they were still listed as a terminated couple could prove to be a bad situation, for both of them, as well as for herself if she did nothing about it. Doyle asked, "What am I going to do about the ship issue, Spock?"

"You should assign her to your ship." Spock suggested, without a second thought.

Doyle scoffed out a laugh and asked, "I should? Although she wants to be on the Enterprise and both of her last two supervisors know that she does?" She stared at him in disbelief, and seemingly a bit displeased with his suggestion.

"It would not be a wise decision on my part to recommend her for a ship of her choosing while I am in jeopardy of suspicion of favoritism." Spock stated.

"You know, I did not know that Christine had this much bitch in her. She has always seemed so nice." Doyle commented.

Spock could not confirm in his mind that this was Christine's problem, so he stated, "Nurse Chapel is probably generally concerned about foul actions on the campus." The woman seemed sensible, in his opinion. Besides, he believed that she did not know him well enough to care enough to try to manipulate his life in such a way, maliciously.

Doyle pointed out, flatly. "She wants you, Spock. Believe me, I know her game all too well. You had better watch how you handle Lt. Uhura. Either that, or you had better convince her to get her ponytail in here and revoke her last decision. If her last decision is revoked and I have the two of you on record again as an active couple, the personal items in the dorm and other hints of affection may be overlooked, as long as you aren't in the uniform when seen behaving affectionately." Spock knew all of this information. It was difficult to treat Nyota like she was any other cadet, because she was not. She was special, and she had been for quite some time. She had been for so long that he could hardly tell when he was treating her as though she was special. Lately, he had been treating her as he believed that one would treat a dear friend, but apparently, he had failed at it. Doyle broke into his thoughts with the words, "The ship, I don't know. I would **love** to have her on the Farragut, but I think it would be a bit unfair considering that she has a preference and the necessary skill to gain her preference."

"Do what you believe is best in that regard." That news gave Spock some hope. Perhaps Doyle would decide in favor of the ship that Nyota wanted, and he would not take blame for any acts of favoritism.

"I believe that it is best for me to take your advice and assign her to the Farragut." Doyle made an agitated face and stared at Spock, as though she needed his approval for the decision.

Spock stated, "Then it is done."

For the last thirteen days, Doyle had been attempting to be the kindest that she could to Uhura. Her biggest project in that regard was to attempt to get Uhura to change her decision about severing her ties from Spock, as the woman felt responsible for the action taking place. So far, she had been unsuccessful. Doyle now asked Spock, "And what about your relationship status? Do I have to ask her again?"

Spock replied, "Actually, she has expressed to me that she will prefer if you did not bother her about this topic."

"I am only trying to help." Doyle defended.

Spock tilted his head and responded, "Lt. Uhura feels that she is quite capable enough of making her own decisions. If she is to decide to be joined together with me once again, it must be her own decision, and not a result of your tampering, which only tends to bother her."

Doyle sighed and said, "I will try once more, then I'll leave it alone. I'll enter her into the system as assigned to the Farragut, by your recommendation. I am done." Spock stood to leave and Doyle added, "One more thing, Spock. Be extremely careful at how you handle her. Who knows if Nurse Chapel is the only person who witnessed you show Uhura favor."

"Trust me, she is." Spock stated and left the office.

He wondered if Doyle would have a similar talk with Nyota. He hoped that she would not. Nyota's temper could get the best of her if she were to discover that Nurse Chapel had provided a means of interference into her life. She liked the nurse and they seemed to get along well. Nyota might feel betrayed at learning that the woman reported such things as those which she had, and she would confront her about it. Nyota had no qualms about confrontation.

Uhura entered Doyle's office with a mug of tea and set it on the woman's desk. Doyle smiled and thanked her for it, claiming, "I need this today. Close the door." Uhura made a confused face and pressed the button on Senior Chief Doyle's office door to shut it. Doyle immediately began talking, "I have to sit on that side of my desk today, and Lt. Commander Anders will be sitting on this side of my desk performing for her first time a disclosure entry!"

Uhura widened her eyes in surprise and smiled, "Congratulations. Do I know your man?"

Doyle smiled as she responded, "Yes, actually you do. We had a discussion about you before... Oscar Ridge."

Uhura felt her smile disappear when she heard the name of the last man that Gaila had cared for, as far as she knew. Gaila had become more secretive about her partners lately and Uhura had become less supportive of her romantic endeavors. Still, she had met Oscar a few times and did not like him at all. It only just occurred to her that she would not even wish him upon her worse enemy, who happened to still be Doyle, despite their awkward need of diplomacy. She asked Doyle, "How well do you know this Oscar?" _Uh oh_, she thought to herself,_ Mother Hen mode_... she tried to suppress the protective feeling creeping into her, after all this was Doyle, one of her life's greatest adversaries. However, Doyle was also the woman who found her when she went into shock and helped save her life by alerting medical.

Doyle waved a hand at her and said, "I have known Oscar for years. His wife and I were friends before she died and after she did, he went into this strange mode. I have seen him in and out of relationships, back and forth with administration and to and from different ships. He is rather unstable, and this may be one of the most stupid things that I have ever agreed to do, but I am going to be assigned to a starship. He is cleared for active duty again, and both of us will be on the Farragut!" Doyle looked so excited as she picked up her mug and attempted to drink her tea. Uhura reached a hand out to warn her, but she tried at the mug and yelped when she burned her mouth. Doyle placed the mug on the desk and said, "I am so nervous. You are a prayer, aren't you?"

Uhura thought about the question. A prayer was a petition to a god, and she clearly was a person. Doyle must have been asking her if she was a praying woman. Uhura nearly laughed at herself, at how much like Spock her thoughts sounded in her mind. Uhura answered, "If you are asking me if I have spiritual beliefs, the answer is yes."

Doyle said, "Pray for me."

"What are you hoping for?" Uhura asked, wondering why this woman, who, up until very shortly ago presented nothing but hatred and evil could even think to ask her for a prayer.

Doyle answered, "I hope that I am making the right choice. I eventually want to get married, have children, have love, you know? I can't do that if I never make a good decision as it relates to men." Uhura did not know what to say.

She instead stood silently and finally said, "Give it about ten minutes and the tea should be at its most comfortable temperature. Congratulations, again." She headed for the door and Doyle asked, "Any change in your decision to absolve your relationship with Spock?"

Uhura smiled at her and said, "You have been interested in this subject since I came back."

"Well, you didn't mean to do it. You were ill when you made the decision, and now you are well. Have the two of you talked it out?"

"No. When we talk, the subject never even comes up. The last time I spoke to him, it was about the simulations."

Doyle said, "Well, I can set an appointment for the two of you to come in and speak about the matter. We can survey your past results, create new results and compare the two and help you come to a definite decision. If you were to be assigned to the Enterprise, you may have to see him and things might be awkward for you while your relationship is in this purgatorial state."

"We are both content, at the moment." Uhura answered, not wanting Doyle in on any of her business, and to be honest, disappointed with the fact that Doyle had dumped out her own business. They were not friends, and she still did not know if she could ever like the woman. Hopefully, Doyle would allow her to leave.

Doyle hated the fact that she had to assign Uhura to a ship other than the one which she knew she wished to be on, but Uhura was leaving her no choice. Doyle could not risk being caught overlooking favoritism, on Spock's part. She wanted to tell Lt. Uhura about the visit from Christine Chapel, but had already decided that it would make matters worse. She simply smiled at Uhura, as Uhura asked, "Am I dismissed? I need to finish my work. I have to go into the linguistics lab early to prep some students for their finals for Professor Harvard." Doyle nodded her head and Uhura left the office. As she left, Oscar was approaching. She quickly rushed to her office to avoid having to speak to him.

In the linguistics lab, she spotted Spock monitoring the progress of some of his students as they took an oral pretest for his Vulcan finals. She smiled at him from where she stood, and he nodded curtly to her. After all of his students were leaving, he sat at one of the consoles for the administrators and began to access their results. The students that she was preparing all completed their work before Spock did, so after they were gone she journeyed over to him. She took a seat next to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He stated, "Pause." The computer paused the playback of the pretest he was currently on and he looked at Uhura and removed his ear piece. "What can I help you with, Lieutenant?"

She thought for a moment, then whispered, "I thought that you were going to ask Doyle to leave us alone about the whole rekindling our relationship subject."

"I have spoken with Senior Chief Doyle about the situation. She is a woman with her own mind, and if she is still speaking with you about the issue, it is her choice to do so."

"It is very annoying, don't you think?"

"I am not affected by it. You have far more exposure to her than I do. I spoke with her early this morning, and she did not seem dissuaded from her mission to have you speak with her on the matter. She did, however stress to me the importance of the two of us not being spotted in any questionable activity in the meantime." Uhura did not know what that meant. As far as she knew there was no questionable activity presently occurring between the two of them.

She nodded her head to agree with Doyle's advice, then confessed to Spock, "I have been thinking about it. Remember when we first decided on getting involved and we had this long talk and dinner the night before we went to see her?" He stared at her. He had come to acknowledge her habit of asking him if he remembered things that she knew he remembered and would not possibly forget (with his enormous and effective Vulcan memory bank) as a quirk that she could not quite remove herself from. She continued on to say, "I want us to do that again... maybe not necessarily decide to have my last decision revoked, but at least to talk about it."

Spock shut his eyes, turned his face away from her, and opened them again when he had collected himself well enough to do so. "That seems to be an acceptable request."

She smiled and said, "Well, my week is pretty busy, but I know that the middle of next week, I should have some free time. Can I meet you in your quarters and get ready for dinner there, Wednesday night, after all of our simulations and whatnot are completed for the evening?"

"That is acceptable." He responded, still not looking at her. Spock placed the earpiece back into his ear and asked, "Is there anything else, Lieutenant?"

She shook her head and said, "No, and by the way, I _am _considering this a date." He glanced at her, unable to hide his amusement with her reference to a situation in which he did not realize that he was on a date with Nurse Chapel. He thought that perhaps he should tell her about the discussion between himself and Doyle, but realized that if Doyle was going to tell her, she would have known and her disposition would be very different at the moment. He did not want Doyle or Chapel to ruin her mood, nor for her to get herself into trouble by confronting either of them, and she had handled Doyle's advice very rationally. Spock felt himself smirking proudly at what had just taken place. Nyota wanted him again.

**Three days later...**

Spock tested all of the equipment involved in the simulation room several times, readjusting if needed for a more precise performance of things. He reviewed the results until satisfied. This would be his last semester so closely associated with the exam and he intended to leave behind the most infallible legacy that he could manage to whoever would take on programming the simulations after him.

At 0532, Uhura entered the simulation room carrying in her hands a metal box with a handle on it. He could smell his favorite soup and her grandfather's recipe tea. She smiled at him and shook her head, "When I asked the computer to locate you, I was already on my way here. I simply had to confirm it before I came all the way out. You know, I am certain that everything in here is at the most precise functioning capacity attainable. You could get some sleep, sometime." She placed the box on the counter and touched his hair. Spock removed her hand and glanced at the camera in the room. She looked at it too and asked, "Do they record what goes on in here at five in the morning?"

"These cameras are always recording." He informed her. "Thank you for the soup and the tea." Uhura nodded her head. "It is interesting that you would prepare tea and deliver both it and the soup to me at this time of morning. Surely, it would have been more beneficial to you to receive all of the adequate hours of sleep required for a human to have a successful day, and with today being the end of the week, I imagine you would want to prepare yourself for the weekend."

Uhura folded her arms and shook her head, "I will have a successful day knowing that at least you will have one meal today, if not another and even though you have not slept all night and probably won't tomorrow night either. You just need to take some time to relax. And as far as my weekend is concerned, I will be spending most of it in the lab." Her eyes were full of concern. She knew that his Vulcan genes allowed him to require less sleep than humans, but she did not like the fact that he was getting _so much _less sleep than he needed. "Next week when we have dinner, do you think that you can relax with me?"

Spock looked at her and the corner of his mouth curled into one of his spontaneous smirks, "Next week, we shall have dinner and speak candidly about our relationship and I will relax with you." She smiled and wished him well, then left the simulation room.

**Wednesday**

Uhura entered the simulation room with a smile on her face. There was something about the fact that she was about to witness Kirk failing this test today which made it worthwhile for her to have to see him today.

As the other members of the simulation team arrived and set up, she sat patiently, somewhat slightly amused and slightly annoyed, although not the least bit surprised that Kirk had not shown up yet. She looked out towards the observation glass screen at Spock as he stood, looking into the simulation room. She smiled at him. His only reaction was a slight, almost undetectable bow of his head.

She thought about the fact that tonight, she would get to spend time with him. They would have their first date in weeks and most likely be reunited in their romance. Then, after this week of simulations, Spock would have some free time to spend with her. As the Linguistics Teacher's Assistant, she was spending so much time in communications work that she had little time to see him, even if he _had_ been available. Her body had become comfortable to live in again and allowed her to put the same old pressures on it that she used to. She was back to working harder than most of her peers and excelling at it.

Right before the test was scheduled to be taken, Kirk entered the test area and Spock's eyes immediately feel upon him. Very cordially, Kirk went around the artificial bridge and spoke to every member of the team, asking them how they were feeling and things of the sort. He walked over to Uhura and leaned over her shoulder to say, "Hello, Uhura. Beautiful as always. Thanks for last night." She gasped and looked at Spock to see if he had heard the comment. His face showed no change as she turned her focus back on Kirk.

Her eyes cut sharply into him, threatening him to find a safe distance from her seat immediately. Kirk took his own seat. She looked towards Spock again to gage his expression. Spock stared at Kirk, neither impressed or amused by him. Uhura wondered if anyone else could see his eyes burning against the cadet. Spock and she were not officially back together, but she knew that they would be soon, and Spock did not treat her like she was some colleague or some cadet... he conceived her as his, no matter what the records held.

She suddenly felt grateful that she had not spoken about the situation which did occur last night, and wondered what Spock's eyes would reveal if he knew that not even twenty four hours before, Kirk had seen her in her undergarments.

_When she came home and began to undress, she had no idea that he was hiding underneath her roommate, Gaila's, bed and upon realizing not only that he was there, but that it was him, she hurriedly put him out. Kirk had seen women in their underwear before, and she wasn't shy about her body, so she put him out, just as she was with white panties and white bra being the only thing shielding her glory from his eyes. _

Now, she sat in a room with him, waiting for him to fail this test, again. Kirk tossed an apple up into the air and caught it several times, then looked around, as though puzzled and asked, "What are we waiting on?" Uhura almost laughed at the irony of the statement, considering that everyone had waited on _him_. Outside of the glass, the facilitator signaled for the simulation to commence.

Uhura knew that her lines were first, as she was no new face to the Kobayashi Maru simulations. She thought to decline from this particular one, since she had dated Spock, not too long before, but after being advised by administration, she discovered that since she signed on for it before the date of their disclosure, she could still receive her credit for participation without suspicion of favoritism. She recited her lines, speaking to Kirk about the current situation, to state the nature of his assignment. She used artificial enthusiasm and a fake smile as she did. Her smile faded when Kirk repeated the last line that she had said and added, "Captain" on the end.

Was anyone more obnoxious? She watched as Kirk began to give the most foolish orders that she thought she would ever hear in this setting, beginning with telling her to alert medical to receive the hostages. She turned to face him with her usual sharp attitude, as it related to him and asked, "And how are they supposed to reach the hostages when we are still surrounded by enemy vessels, _Captain_?" She said the word as though it were the most hideous word that she could think to call him.

He simply turned in his chair to face her and reiterated, "Alert medical."

She wanted to curse him out, but turned in her seat to do her part. Her part was to follow the orders of the acting captain in the simulation, so she alerted medical. Kirk showed no sign of interest in his performance and even began eating the apple he had brought in with him. Uhura was dumbfounded by his behavior. Why sign up for the test a third time to not even try to pass it?

Suddenly, the lights went out and several of the ship functions temporarily ceased. Then, everything returned, and Kirk began to give better orders than he had before. Now, somehow, Kirk had gained the upper hand. Uhura had never seen such a thing occur before, in all of her simulations. As they fired at the enemy vessels, Kirk shot his fingers and made firing sounds at them. It amused her, but she retained her composure, careful not to entertain his silly behavior.

Kirk finished off the test with a self certain recap of the success of his mission. In spite of herself, Uhura chuckled slightly, but she attempted to hide it. Kirk looked out of the glass at the facilitators and continued to eat his apple. Uhura regained her perfect composure and dared a look at Spock. To say the VERY least, he did not appear to be impressed with Kirk's performance.

After Uhura finished her simulations of the for the day, she went into Spock's quarters to lavish herself in a long hot bath. She knew that his day would overrun hers, but they had already made plans to meet in his quarters when both of their days had ended. It was the first time that they had made plans in weeks and she wanted to make sure that she was already there when he returned. With Kirk beating that test, Spock would need some consolation, whether or not he would admit it. They were supposed to discuss their relationship and see where the discussion led to, but she had a feeling that his mood over the Kirk situation may dampen that idea.

In the past few months, their time had been scarce together, as he had a multitude of responsibilities to fulfill, and a seven week period of preparation for the testing period, in which he spent a great deal of his time immersed in his work. Once, in the duration of that time period, they spent the only weekend that they had ever spent together, as a couple, and upon returning, she found herself reluctant to remain in the relationship, but unable to present the idea of breaking things off to him.

Several times, since then, Uhura had nearly broken things off with him, but every time this thought crossed her head, two more followed. The first, Spock was a once in a lifetime deal. If she left, there would be no getting back together, as it was extremely difficult to get him the first time. The second, she felt too deeply for him not to swallow her own pride and remain dedicated into working things out, even when it seemed foolish to do so.

Finally, a day arrived in which she did break things off, and shortly after, she became so ill that she nearly died. She had been sick with stress and faced a terrible episode behind it all. Although she now was completely recovered, and even better than she had been before, the two of them had not had the chance to reunite. Tonight was supposed to be that night.

When Uhura emerged from the bathroom, she wore a champagne colored satin evening gown with splits up both sides of the legs. She had kept all of her nice evening gowns in Spock's quarters, since that was where she mostly wore them, when they were together. After they separated, she never retrieved all of them. Perhaps some part of her knew that their break was temporary; perhaps some part of both of them hoped that it was, because he never packed them up for her, or insisted that she remove them.

Spock was already seated at his desk, buried behind a pile of data slates, PADDs, and other work related equipment, when she came out. The sight agitated her immediately, but she was careful to keep her tone at a minimum, knowing that he was probably raw from Kirk's performance on the Kobayashi Maru.

"Spock, I thought that we were going to relax tonight. Have dinner and talk..."

Spock did not bother to look up as he corrected her, "Unfortunately, events have unfolded which take precedence over leisure. I had every intention of spending leisure time with you on tonight; however, that option has been omitted by my work. You should return to your own quarters. I am not going to be able to entertain your company tonight." Uhura sighed. She was disappointed. He could tell, but she would respect his request.

Since she moved out of his office, she had become less dependent upon him and upon their relationship. She had become more understanding of their individual responsibilities and of his predominantly unwavering logic. Her understanding of these things had only grown in her time of illness and reached the closest level of perfection that it probably ever would during her recovery period. She walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. He told her, "I do not have time for this, tonight. I have a vast amount of work to do and you will only complicate the process. Tonight's work is of a far more delicate nature than any other work that I have done in quite some time. It requires a high level of concentration, and your actions would distract me."

Uhura sighed and asked, "What exactly are you working on, if I may ask before I have to leave?"

Spock answerer, plainly, "I am investigating James Kirk and locating the necessary evidence to bring charges upon him."

Uhura startled and asked, "Charges? What charges, Spock?"

Spock spoke as he continued to read from his computer screen. "You were present for his simulation performance on the Kobayashi Maru. He defeated it flawlessly."

"Yes he did." She agreed.

"Do you believe that James Kirk possesses a higher level of intelligence than I possess?" He looked up at her with his hands still on the keyboard. His eyes seemed concerned for a moment.

She quickly answered, "Absolutely not."

The response relieved Spock. For some illogical reason, he liked for Nyota to acknowledge him as the greatest of all the characteristics which he possessed. He knew that there were many things that he would never be able to give her, because of the conflict and contradiction of his Vulcan nature. In the meantime, he needed to know that she deemed him the most at the things that he _could_ do. He told her, "If I programmed the Kobayashi Maru and James Kirk defeated the test, this would indicate truth in one of the following three possibilities:

The first and most unlikely, is that Kirk has outwitted my intellect. You are in agreement with me that this is not likely. The second possibility is that a malfunction existed in the system of the simulation systems, which proves to be nearly as unlikely as the first possibility. I performed the actions of the operations testing several times, myself prior to beginning the exam and shortly after his performance. The third possibility is that he unsurprisingly behaved less than honorably and somehow cheated."

Uhura nodded and sat on Spock's lap, to which he tensed up. He was in no frame of mind to deal with her affections tonight and he had already explained this to her, and yet, she had just initiated what was sure to be a distraction to his work. She said, as she sat, "I believe that could be the most likely possibility, but I have to admit, _I'm_ still impressed that he even figured out a way to cheat on the test."

Spock lifted an eyebrow and studied her face as he asked, "Dishonest, unethical means to gain something which he has not earned by his own merit is an impressive act to you, Lt. Uhura?"

"No. That isn't what I meant. I'm just saying, even you have to admit that it takes a certain level of brilliance to cheat on a test that you programmed."

The coldest look that she ever thought she would see on settled Spock's face and he stated, "That statement seems to indicate that you do indeed believe that Kirk is capable of matching, perhaps even surpassing my intellect."

Uhura placed her hands on his face and told him, "What I believe is that he is clearly more intelligent than we perceived him to be, obviously smarter than he looks and definitely more clever than he acts. But, Spock, you already know that you are the most intelligent man that I know. I do not think that there is anyone in Starfleet more intelligent than you. You are going to be regarded as the best in any position that you accomplish in your career, as you always have. In my eyes, you are the best at everything that you have ever attempted and this little thing with Kirk is not going to change that, at all."

Spock said, "Yet, you do not want Kirk to have to pay for his transgression."

"That isn't what I was suggesting. Really, we're all on the same side here. Kirk probably cheated to beat the test. That IS the only thing that seems likely. But, he also did very well the last two times that he took it. He failed, but he made a few innovative moves to attempt to pass, both times. He has positive qualities mingled in there with his obnoxious behavior. He has a fearless spirit which will earn him inconceivable support when he matures enough to become a Starfleet captain."

Spock stared at her for a moment, and she could not read what was in his eyes, but he did not seem pleased with her assessment of Kirk. Spock suddenly asked, "What happened last night?" She felt all of the blood drain from her face as she stared at him, blankly. He _had _heard Kirk, and at this time in Kirk's life, the last thing that he needed was for her to truthfully answer Spock's question, but she wouldn't lie to him, either, especially not for Kirk.

Uhura rubbed her hands on the chest of Spock's uniform, nervously and said, "He was in our dorm with Gaila and happened to see me in my underwear." Spock took a deep breath and turned his focus to his computer. She knew that her statement had just angered him, although he was shielding it to the best of his Vulcan abilities. Uhura offered, "As soon as I saw him there, I grabbed him and his things and I put him out." Spock's eyes twitched a bit with anger before he shut them for a moment, then opened them with his expression wiped away. He glanced at her concerned face.

This information would distract him for the rest of the night. He should not have asked her about what Kirk meant when he thanked her in the simulation room, but that had been bothering him since the test, as well. She needed to leave and he needed to work. Spock stated, "Our conversation must now be concluded. I have work that I need to do. Please leave." He said. Uhura stood up and Spock returned to his work without even looking at her. She went into the bedroom to gather her items and left the room, still wearing what she had on. If Spock even noticed that she had not changed before she left, he was so concerned about undermining Kirk to care about discretion.


	17. Chapter 17

**On the Starship Enterprise**

Lt. Uhura entered into the auditorium with a frown on her face. Spock had actually had the audacity to wish for her to be present during this hearing that Kirk would have to have, going before the academic board. Most of the students would be present for the event, anyway, so she decided that she might as well. The fact of the matter was that she was so frustrated with Spock that she hardly wanted to look at him for an extended period of time.

Every time she thought that things were getting where she would enjoy for them to be between the two of them, he surrounded himself with a wall to prevent her from getting there. She wanted to go to Senior Chief Doyle and revoke her decision to separate from him, but a part of her felt that things would be so much the same, if she did. She did not want things to be the same. She did not want to be the lovesick lady chasing after and helping to build up her self-centered Vulcan, hoping for his bits and pieces of expressions of emotions here and there.

She wanted to be loved and cared for. She deserved to be loved and care for. She did not want to go back to being cared for and _maybe _loved. She wanted to know that she was loved. Spock seemed to want to tell her that he loved her, but he never would. She wanted him to at the very least be considerate of her emotions. He had dismissed her without a second thought to engage in a stupid show of bravado with Kirk! She fumed just thinking about it. She had almost gotten herself back into that one seat emotional roller coaster called a "relationship" with Spock. And now, she was a bit relieved that she had not.

Janice was walking on one side of her and Gaila was a short distance behind them, walking with some guy, whom Uhura guessed would probably be sneaking into their room soon. Gaila and Janice were no longer at each other's throats, so she guessed that the Kirk rivalry had come to a closing. Janice was on her PADD, frantically entering things in with her stylus, frustrated that she had to leave Spock's office to attend this hearing, when she still had a vast amount of work to do. A student's academic standing was quite important at Starfleet, so all available students reported to such hearings, when they were held.

Uhura took a seat by a woman who she was not really that familiar with, as the empty seats were too scattered about for her to sit near her friends. Gaila probably could have convinced a few guys to move for them, but she was preoccupied with her new potential toy. Uhura did not mind sitting alone. This would probably be more beneficial to her, anyway, considering that she was still in a bad mood about her situation with Spock and how easily he dismissed her to battle with Kirk. She knew that there was annoyance on her face as she sat listening to the hearing take place.

On the one hand, Kirk was annoying and obnoxious and to be honest, she hated having to deal with him. On the other hand, she meant everything that she said about his qualities, and she really did not want to see him put out of Starfleet. Mainly, her problem was that she did not feel that their new rivalry was worth her having been put out by Spock on what was supposed to be a special night for them. Spock's human side was definitely at the heart of this entire predicament, as far as she was concerned. He was being arrogant, proud, and jealous about Kirk's performance... and Kirk! Where did he get off cheating on the test that way? Did he really think that everyone would just let it pass? At the moment, she could not tell for sure who annoyed her more - Kirk or Spock. Both of them contributed to the ruin of her most anticipated night in months and she could not keep herself from sighing and pressing her lips together as they went back and forth.

When Admiral Barnett announced that a distress call was sent from Vulcan, she froze and tried to see Spock. Spock was quickly gone from the building and Gaila came over to her and grabbed her arm. The two of them made their way through the crowd to Hangar 1 for their ship assignments. Suddenly, everything was worth the pain, to her. Suddenly, she was not the least bit concerned about all of the other things in her life, as she was about to board the Enterprise for the first time. Then, she heard her name, and her assignment: The Farragut. She could not have been more pissed off. She quickly went to where she knew that Spock would be at the time. He must be out of his mind, to put her on a different ship other than the one that she had worked so hard to get on. He must have been completely crazy if he thought that she would just accept this and let this slide.

Mother. It was the first thought in his head when he heard the Admiral's words. He no longer cared about Kirk or this hearing. Whatever had caused Vulcan to give out a distress call probably had his mother terrified. His time spent with Nyota had made him prone to emotionalism. He found himself worried about his human mother. His worry was not equivalent to human worry, but it was inconvenient enough. Nyota... she was thought of shortly after his mother. Nyota wanted to be on the Enterprise, even before he was ever assigned to the ship, and he and her current supervisor had made the decision to put her on another ship instead.

It seemed logical to him at the time the decision was made, and by the time Nyota walked up to him on the hangar and demanded, "Commander, a word?"

He already knew what she wanted to speak with him about. He did not wish to look upon her face if her tone was any indication of how she was about to behave with him. His voice calmly replied, "Yes, Lieutenant."

When she began to ask him questions that she clearly knew all of the answers to about her qualifications, he knew that his theory had been confirmed as to why she was there. She wanted to be on the Enterprise. He attempted to walk away from her, but she was in no mood to be understanding with this situation. This was her career. This was her life. This was non-negotiable. Spock finally turned to face her as she made her intentions directly plain. He had little time to waste in this conversation.

"It was an attempt to avoid the appearance of favoritism." he stated.

"No, I'm on the Enterprise." Was her response.

Spock studied her for only a moment, before he decided. _Let her have her way or she will never allow you to continue your duties. _Vulcan needed rescue. He needed to prepare to be a part of that rescue. Starfleet administration had record on file of their past romantic involvement, and he had already decided with her current supervisor which ship to place her on. Changing her assignment to another ship now could easily be mistaken for favoritism, however, as she had just indicated, she _was_ qualified for an appointment on whichever ship she wished to be on. To deny someone with her qualifications would be unfair and unethical. The logical action, at the moment, was to reassign her. All of these points breezed through Spock's mind in a matter of seconds. He reassigned her and stated, "Yes, I believe you are."

"Thank you." She said softly, with a look of satisfaction in her victorious conquest as he quickly walked away. Now, she may not have had the relationship that she wished that she had, but she would have the opportunity to live out her dream of being on the USS Starship Enterprise. She excitedly headed for her dorm to get her emergency leave bag.

As Spock walked away, he took a deep breath. She put a mental strain on him when she made demands on him. Did she truly not realize that this was no time for her irrational ways? Despite that fact, Spock enjoyed the thought of the possibility of being able to see her on the ship. It could make the trip more pleasant. It _would_ make the trip more pleasant. He knew that she was still displeased with him for canceling their last date at the last moment, and he wanted to try to make it up to her. But, he needed to focus on the business at hand.

He finished his preparations and changed into his duty uniform. He found himself curious to know the situation on Vulcan. Was his mother safe? No one would ever notice his concern, his curiosity, his wonder, or his worry. What was happening on Vulcan? He tried to find his center. He forced himself to be neutral about this mission. Certainly, as Vulcan was his home and his parents were there, he cared about the situation, but he had responsibilities as a Starfleet officer. He knew that he could not let his emotions interfere with his work. After a moment of concentration, he found his center. He was no longer worried. He was in his most logical mind.

Everything seemed to be going exactly as it should when Kirk arrived on the bridge. Spock did not move immediately, though he was confused by the man's presence, but then, he saw Nyota. Nyota had rushed onto the bridge, following Kirk. Spock realized that he never wanted to strike anyone else as much as he did this person, barging into his complacent world and shaking things about. Spock rushed over to talk to Captain Pike, attempting to drown Kirk's words out, as illogical as it was, he wanted to be heard and he did not want the same for Kirk. This man should not be present. Spock volunteered to Captain Pike to remove him.

When the captain decided to listen to what Kirk had to say, Spock's only response was, "Based on what fact?" Kirk's answer to that question was merely a look at Uhura. She winced, slightly at the position that Kirk had just put her into. Spock and Captain Pike were now looking at her and she hated the fact that she had to do this. If Kirk only knew the pressure put on her at the moment. She hated having to prove Kirk right against Spock's argument, but Kirk _was _right, at least about the transmission. She _had _to confirm his story. Although she kept her eyes on Captain Pike, only braving a sad glance at Spock, her words were really meant for Spock, "I translated the transmission myself."

Now, Spock turned back to Kirk as Pike looked at Spock. Spock did not like the idea of agreeing with Kirk on anything, but logic dictated that his words had the ring of truth, therefore, Spock told Captain Pike so, and he added, "And Lt. Uhura is unmatched in xenolinguistics. We would be wise to trust her judgment." Uhura felt relieved and proud at the same time when she heard Spock's statement about her. A compliment of such merit from him would go a long way in Captain Pike's mind. A few moments later when the communications officer on the bridge could not decipher the languages, Pike had Uhura relieve him. She could not hide her satisfaction with this placement as she smiled her way to the communications console.

No one was prepared for what they saw when they warped to the destination. Explosions and debris from the other destroyed starships floated in the air and some of the remains came into contact with their own ship. The crew made certain to force their minds into a mode to deal with the situation at hand, not truly knowing what that situation was.

By the time Uhura put the enemy onto the screen, and this Romulan, Nero began to talk, Uhura found herself afraid. She knew that she seemed collected, but she did not understand why this Romulan singled Spock out on the ship, or how he even knew Spock. She did not know what that meant for Spock, or for the ship. This Romulan was clearly crazed and terrible to have slaughtered everyone on the other ships that arrived before them, and now... he was singling her Spock out. She glanced at Spock, Kirk, Sulu and Captain Pike as they left the bridge, but she did not want to watch them, because she knew that she had frequencies to monitor and a job to do. Above everything else, even a woman in love, she was a communications officer and she had a responsibility to this ship.

When Spock returned to the bridge and sat in the Captain's seat, Uhura noticed him. He was in his determined mode, which she loved so much about him. Even though she felt a sense of pride, she was not going to let it interfere with her performance. One quick glance was all that she needed, just to see him sitting there, being Captain of her favorite ship. Then, she put her head back into her work. She could not have forced a better opportunity for herself than she received being assigned to relieve the bridge communications officer on the Enterprise.

The fact that it took a tragedy to create the opportunity saddened her, but it was motivation to do exceedingly well in the position, not only out of duty, but also to honor everyone who had not survived. She thought of Gaila. The last time she had seen Gaila, Gaila had been excited to get onto a ship, and Uhura had been so distracted by her own assigning that she had not even congratulated her roommate or wished her well. By the time Uhura went to collect her emergency duty bags, Gaila had already left their dorm. Now, Gaila was gone. Uhura took a deep breath and fought the urge to shed any tears. In her mind, she made a promise to do everything within her to help bring her friend's murderer to justice, and she returned to her work.

Uhura was caught off guard when Spock urgently rushed to her with a list of orders and he himself rushed to the lift. Something was about to happened, and it frightened her. She chased after him, momentarily forgetting his current role as Captain and called out to him, "Spock!" He faced her as he got onto the lift. "Where are you going?" Spock answered her honestly, explaining to her that his parents and other elders needed rescue from the planet and that they would not be able to be beamed onto the ship from their location. he would have to go and get them himself. He saw the acceptance of his responsibility in her eyes. She did not like the fact, but she would not try to talk him out of this. She realize how important this was to him and she understood. She would not try to make it a hard decision for him. She did not argue and he was grateful for it. He found himself more grateful for the look in her eyes. For her acceptance of what he needed to do, but her concern for him. He pressed the button to the lift and kept his eyes on her as the door closed.

She kept her eyes on him. The time which she dreaded so much had finally arrived - the time that she must mentally prepare herself for the possibility of Spock's death. Sadly, she returned to her console to follow through on the orders Spock had given. The entire time that he was on the surface of the planet, she found herself taking deep breaths in between accidentally holding her breath. She made certain to keep herself busy on the frequencies, and began to try a few small meditation techniques that Spock had shown her while she worked. After what seemed far too long, Spock and the others were being beamed aboard the ship again. She let out a huge sigh of relief, until she realized that they had lost his mother's signal. Amanda was gone.

Spock was hurting deeply. With all of his responsibilities as acting Captain, he would not allow his feelings to come into view. He recorded his captain's log, cleaned himself up and returned to the bridge, determined not to allow the tragedy to interfere with his duties. He tried to center himself again, but found that it was quite impossible. He could not focus on anything else around him as he thought of the look on his mother's face when he reached out to her, unable to save her, then watched her fall to her death. He would need to leave the area quickly. He worried that soon, if he did not collect himself, he might shatter. What he did not realize was that Uhura had been watching him, sadly. She knew how strong his emotions were, firsthand. She knew that although he was maintaining his Vulcan facade that the emotions within him were waging war against his mind and body. When he got up to go the lift, she pulled out her ear piece and went to chase him.

Tension seemed thick in the air as they looked at each silently, for a moment. For the moment, Spock did not know what to think about her presence there. All that he knew was that when she pressed the button to the lift, he did not want to move. If he moved, he might have collapsed. Now was not the time for her to be here. With all of the vivid emotions coursing through his heart, her presence was nearly unbearable. He simply stared at her trying to keep those emotions under control and she stared back, wishing that she could be stronger for him than she felt. However, as soon as she uttered the words, "I'm sorry", she nearly fell apart.

How could she console him at a time like this? There was no consolation for such a loss, not even in love, but she had to say something. She had to at least try to be there for him. She cupped his face to kiss him and the feeling that it brought him nearly broke him down. He remained kept together. He had to keep himself grounded, trying forcefully as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his face two more times before simply holding him and stroking the back of his hairline. before that moment, he never would have imagined that he could need her so much, that she could do so much for him. He knew how he thought he felt about her, but now he knew how deeply those feelings really went.

He needed to hold her. He needed her to hold him. He needed to feel her touch and burn it into his memory as a haven for himself to help him with his anguish. He placed his face unto her shoulder, for a moment, took in a deep breath and drew in her scent before regaining his Vulcan composure.

"What do you need?" She asked, then brought his face within her fingers to look into his eyes, "Tell me." She insisted. Why did she have to ask him what he needed?

He needed to fall completely apart in her arms and if he fell apart, he needed her to put him back together again. Only she had the power to do so. He looked into her eyes. She was desperate with the need to help him, to do whatever he needed, but he could not ask it of her. The strength that would be required of her to help him at the moment was too much for him to ever ask of her. He realized, what he really needed now was to keep _her _safe. He needed to keep himself together so that she would not have to face witnessing him falling apart. He pressed the button to resume the lift and answered, "I need everyone to continue performing admirably."

She did not pressure him into a different answer, though that answer hurt her. She would not put any unnecessary pressure on him. Not after what had happened, not with what he was going through. She agreed and gave him another kiss, this time on his lips, and he leaned into the kiss, wanting and hoping for more, but knowing that he had to stop. When the door to the lift opened, she withdrew her lips from his. He gently brushed his nose against the side of her face as he gave her one last look, for the particular moment, then centered himself to step off of the lift and walk away.

Uhura watched him walk away and she hurt for him, and for the fact that he would hold this hurt inside of himself. She returned to the bridge, trying to pull herself together. If he had kept himself together through all of this, she felt obligated to do the same. _He _lost his home. _He _lost his mother. _He _watched her die... He told her that he needed everyone to continue performing admirably. If he needed her to continue, she intended to do so.

As shocking as it was that Kirk had managed to get back onto the ship and as curious as everyone was about how, Uhura found that her main concern was Kirk's attitude towards Spock. Spock did not like Kirk. That much had become evident to everyone on the ship, and now Kirk appeared to be taunting him. Uhura froze as Kirk continued with his shameful prodding of her love. She wished that he would just quit. What the hell was wrong with him? Didn't he know how hard things were for Spock at the moment?

Kirk was pushing Spock entirely too far, and Spock realized this when he insisted that Kirk step away from him. Spock hated Kirk. He had hated him the moment that he first noticed him flirting with Nyota. Kirk had dared to threaten his already struggling relationship with the only woman that he had ever fallen in love with. Then, he dared to tarnish his academic renown by cheating on the Kobayashi Maru. Then, he dared to challenge his authority on this vessel. Spock was in command of the ship, not Kirk. Who did this man think that he was? Still challenging Spock, now on the merits of emotions, and the very moment that Kirk accused Spock of not loving his mother, Spock snapped.

Uhura watched helplessly as the Vulcan man that she loved fell apart. He had not allowed it to happen in her arms, but now, it was happening right before her eyes. Spock was unraveling and he was going to kill the man in front of him. All that she could do was stand by and watch in sorrow. She was not afraid. She did not see him as a monster. She saw one whom she loved more than anything doing the one thing that she knew he hated the most - losing control of his emotions and letting his emotions control him. Everyone else was afraid or shocked, but she was heartbroken.

Spock's father Sarek called his name, and it took Spock a moment to unhand Kirk. Spock turned to see his father standing right next to Nyota. His father kept a straight face, but he assumed was probably disappointed. Nyota's face was desperately hurting, and the fact that he knew he was the cause hurt Spock. Quickly, he resigned from the command of the ship and turned to leave the bridge. Uhura rushed over to him as he reached the doorway. At the moment, she did not care that there were others around. She reached for his hand. Her eyes pleaded with him. _Let me help you, Spock. Please! I am strong enough. Don't be afraid to let me console you. _

He was ashamed of himself. He would not allow her to be strong for him. He was a Vulcan. She was merely a human woman, like his now dead mother. He had not properly protected his mother and he was not going to endanger his beloved Nyota any further by unleashing these hideous emotions onto her. Enough damage had been done by her having to witness his outrage. He guiltily resisted her touch and lowered his face so that he did not have to see her tear welled eyes another moment as he left.

Spock hated the sight of the distress in her face, especially knowing that his behavior caused it. He walked through the halls of the ship, trying to get himself out of view and into solitude to at least attempt to collect himself again, although it currently seemed impossible. He tried to focus on controlling his feelings. His feelings about Kirk, his feelings about his mother, about Nyota... Nyota. He loved her so much for her understanding. She wished to be with him at the moment, but he needed her to give him some space and she had understood. She usually understood his needs and helped meet them. His mother liked Nyota. He _loved_ Nyota. He loved his mother, but he never told her.

He now wished that he could have told his mother that he loved her. It never seemed the proper thing to do. As a Vulcan, such an expression would be illogical and he had not allowed himself to behave in such a way, in all of the years that he had his mother available. Now, he could never tell her. He could tell Nyota, but this was not the time for that either. Now, he needed to focus on putting himself back together. He went into the transporter room and stared at the floor. His mother should have come back in that very spot, but she was gone forever, and he could do nothing about it, so why did he feel the need to do something? Why did he so desperately wish to react to her murder? This was human. He needed to think these thoughts away.

Sarek watched the silent exchange between his son and Lt. Uhura. He was not unaware of Spock's feelings towards the young woman. It had been evident from the first time that the Vulcan met his son's friend that Spock had some feelings towards her. From the look that Spock had given her upon leaving the area, Sarek knew that his son loved the woman and even deduced that Spock quite possibly needed her. Sarek was wise enough to know that Spock would probably shut down very soon or explode even more dangerously than he just had. Too much had occurred for the human within Spock to deal with on his own, but the Vulcan within Spock would not allow anyone else to help him in his dealing... Unless perhaps this someone else was his own Vulcan father. Sarek made the decision to find his son and attempt to help him get where he needed to be.

Sarek's words gave Spock a great deal of comfort. He now felt that he could react on his emotions, even if only for this one time. His mother _would _have told him not to try to control his anger if he felt that he could not, and now his father, his Vulcan father not only confirmed agreement to such a piece of advice, but had made quite a confession.

"I married her because I loved her." Sarek said about Amanda. Spock stared at him, surprised and confused. Sarek had loved his mother, despite the reason that he gave him as a child, there had been love granted to his mother.

Despite what he had been taught to believe about the illogical concept, it was one that his father, the one greatest idol in his life had taken himself up with. While Spock was conflicted about loving his own mother, he always knew that he had loved Amanda. His father, he had not been so aware of. Now, his father was admitting it to him...he not only loved someone, but loved a woman, a _human _woman. The relationship between his parents and even his own birth had not been acts of logic, after all, but acts of love. The feelings that he was feeling right now, although illogical, his father was advising him that it was necessary to let them out. This proved extremely helpful. Had he been human, he might have hugged his father for the helpfulness provided. Instead, he quickly centered himself and returned to the rest of the crew.

Uhura felt a short, small wave of surprise flush over her when Spock returned to the area, fully composed, but her surprise was quickly replaced by tremendous pride and total peace in the look he now wore on his face. He was alright, and he would be alright, and that made her unable to hide her complete satisfaction with the view of him.

He allowed himself a glance at her when he reasoned, "My mother was a human, which makes Earth the only home that I have left." She smiled small. His mother's human background was not something that he openly discussed, and she was filled up with peace knowing that now, he felt comfortable enough to admit her heritage and to claim it within himself.

With their plan in mind, Spock and Kirk headed to the transporter room with Uhura trailing behind them. Kirk stopped for a moment to speak with Scotty and Uhura approached Spock on the transporter pod. So much had already taken place and so much had been said. As much as she hated to admit it, it was very possible that this would be her last moment with him. Without his permission, she leaned towards him to kiss him, and he was in no frame of mind to resist her. Spock placed a hand around her waist and one at the back of her neck, gathering the kiss to himself, passionately. Both of them had wanted to be together this way, and now, the moment was so bittersweet. On the one hand, both of them had what they wanted: each other. But there was also the element of uncertainty. Was this the last time?

No one, nothing else mattered for the time being. Spock wanted to just stay there with her, in her arms. He wanted this emotion to flood over him and wash away all of the pain and shame and anger that this mission had brought upon him. But he did have a responsibility and she would be there for him, if he came back. _When_ he came back - he thought, to himself, that she might have corrected the first thought if she had heard it. "I will be back." He told her.

She looked him in the eyes and told him, "You better be. I'll be monitoring your frequency."

"Thank you, Nyota." She needed one last kiss. She brought his lips back to hers and applied the most gentle kiss they had shared in some time. Her forehead gently brushed against his nose, then she turned and saw Kirk. Kirk offered her a polite glance as she headed away. He found himself at a loss for words at what he had just witnessed. Spock? Spock and Uhura? Nyota Uhura? Nyota? Was that what he had called her? Kirk turned to Spock and asked, "So her first name's Nyota?"

"I have no comment on the matter." Spock quickly answered.

He may have been more open about his feelings for Nyota, but the last person he would discuss her with was still Kirk. Kirk simply nodded and left the subject alone. Then, he remembered a couple of little things, they meant nothing at the time, but made sense now: her pride in telling him that the programmer of the Kobayashi Maru was a genius, the menacing looking vampire figure in the shadows down the hallway who seemed to be watching them talk, the way that she turned towards the glass in the simulation room when he had thanked her for the night before... Spock had been her object of interest all along. That was worth more questions later. For now, they had a mission to accomplish and both of them, Kirk and Spock had scores to settle with Nero.

_It's over._ She thought. Nero was dead and they were safe. Deaths had been avenged and the ship was heading home. Everyone seemed able to breath comfortably with the thought of being home soon. She looked at Spock. He seemed to be perfectly fine. Even in his eyes rested peace. The placid look over his features gave her a sense of complacency, as well. The Vulcan memory was quite an intricate and unshakable entity, therefore, she knew that he would never forget the pain he faced on Vulcan. But, at least he had gotten his emotions in control. She knew that was important to him, and that made it important to her as well.

At some point in time, she saw Spock speaking with Kirk, and Kirk did not appear to be pleased with whatever Spock was telling him. She watched them curiously, then Spock left the bridge. Kirk's eyes met hers and there was something in them that bothered her, though she did not know what or why. Kirk walked over to her and rested against the side of her console. He gave her a boyish grin and asked, "So, Nyota, is it?"

She suppressed a smile and responded, "I would prefer if you did not call me that, _Captain_." She said the word playfully, as she had come to respect him within the short period of time that he and Spock had managed to defeat the enemy.

Kirk nodded and said, "Fair enough. I will call you whatever you want to be called. You prefer Mrs. Spock?"

Now, she sighed in annoyance and sternly said, "Two things, if not more are wrong with that statement, Captain. The first is that isn't his last name. It's his first name. His last name, even I can't pronounce yet, so I know that you wouldn't be able to. The second is that it is completely out of order for you to say. We are on great terms right now, Kirk. Can we stay that way?"

He laughed and said, "I would love to, but let me get one last thing out, first. Remember when I told you that someday your business and my business would cross paths beautifully?" She now could not keep herself from smiling, though she limited the width of it. Kirk asked, "So, how long has this been going on between you and he? I know that you always did the simulations when he was on site, and you worked out of his office. I now remember you telling me these things. I am also curious about this: Did he know that I was chasing you around when I defeated his test?"

"He was trying to punish you for the test and the test alone, Kirk." She said in a defensive tone.

Kirk laughed and said, "He knew." She gave him a pleading look, and he responded to it, "Don't worry. I'm not going to try to get him in any trouble behind it. Me and that pointy eared genius had a chance to bond, only a bit, but he'd make one hell of a first mate."

Uhura looked at him confused about his tone and the statement. Her only response to it was, "He excels at everything that he does." She stared at Kirk for a moment, wanting to ask him about the conversation he had just been having with Spock, but when Spock returned to the bridge, following the communications officer which Uhura had replaced upon warping to Vulcan, she stood up and removed her ear piece. "I guess he is resuming his place?" She asked Kirk.

Kirk nodded and said, "You have worked extremely hard, and I won't forget you when I make Captain, officially. For now, he should be fine until we make it home. Besides, you and Spock need to talk."

She turned to see Spock standing near the doorway, seemingly waiting on her, then she looked at Kirk. The communications officer resumed his spot at the console and Uhura leaned towards Kirk and asked, "Is it bad?"

Kirk sighed and looked at Spock as he answered, "It is something that he has to tell you, and I couldn't even know where to begin." Kirk looked at her again as she thought to herself, _It's bad._

Uhura walked with Spock to his quarters upon the ship. Spock was walking with his hands behind his back, as he often did, but her arm was interlocked with his for the journey. They passed by Nurse Chapel in the hallway, and the woman seemed to lower her head to avoid any eye contact with Uhura, but Uhura was not paying her any attention. Spock remained silent until they were inside of his room. He led Uhura to his bed, which was in open view, upon entering the room, in the way that these quarters were put together. He helped her to seat herself on the edge of the bed. He sat next to her and looked straight ahead. She stared at his profile for a moment, unnerved about how serious this seemed. After consideration of how to proceed, he began to speak, "I talked to Kirk about my future in Starfleet. He seemed quite excited of what could become of himself and I on the same ship. However, I have decided not to remain in Starfleet."

Uhura took a deep breath and she asked, "What are you going to do?"

Spock still did not look at her as he replied, "I must help my people rebuild our race. I have to assist in helping to create a new Vulcan for us. We are in need of a home. There will be much to do with recreating any vegetation, rebuilding our society, and all other things involved in making a functional civilization. I do not wish to leave you, but it is something that I must do."

She looked at him and nodded her head, "So, it is." She chuckled, a bit uneasy and said, "I guess that it's a good thing that I never went back to Doyle to revoke my decision. That certainly would make this harder for me."

Now, he looked at her. "Nyota, I do not believe that anything could make this harder for me. Whether or not you revoked the decision in the records, I am inclined to believe that it was revoked in your heart and has been since the moment the action was taken." Spock responded, so emotionlessly that Uhura felt his tone break down the fortress her heart had hid behind the entire mission.

Tears began to fall down her face as she whispered, "Please, don't remind me. It makes me feel like you're still mine, no matter what the records say."

Spock wiped her tears with the back of his hand and said, "I apologize for making you cry, Nyota, but I _am _still yours, no matter what the records say." She fell onto his shoulder and began to cry harder, now. Spock simply held her and added, "And I will be for quite some time, even though we will not be together. I have belonged to you for quite some time, before the records even existed for us. I am inclined to believe that I will remain as such for a great time, as well."

Her voice sounded raspy as she asked, "Why did you wait until now to tell me this? After you've decided to leave me forever, you think that is a good time to talk about your feelings for me? It isn't!" She pulled herself away from him and said, "So, just don't say another word about how you feel."

"I may never have the chance to do so again." Spock reminded her.

She answered, "Well, be that as it may... I am asking that you stop." Spock nodded and lowered his head. She looked at him and sighed. He wanted to tell her how he felt. She had always wanted him to share with her this way. Spock had terrible timing! She said, "I understand your decision, Spock, I really do. But in order for me to keep control over my emotions..."

"You have no need to explain your wishes. I am going to lay down. You are invited to stay with me. Jim has stated that he does not mind if I keep you as company tonight." Spock laid down on his bed and Uhura climbed onto him. He wrapped her in his arms and asked, "Will this action be allowed, considering that I am leaving?"

"This action is required, considering that I am losing you." She looked up at his face and his eyes were saddened deeply. She kissed him on the lips, and he felt himself falling into a bittersweet consciousness. He rolled her over onto her back and kissed her more deeply, trying to suppress any of the bitterness. He only wanted the sweetness. He wanted his last moments in this atmosphere with her to be ones that his memory visited with utter fondness. She reached for his pants and he allowed her to open them. He allowed her to reach into them and explore him. He welcomed it, until she suggested, "Make love to me, Spock." She whispered it into his mouth. Spock groaned and buried his face in her neck, pulling his pelvis away from her touch. She continued speaking, "I know that you do not want to 'defile' me, but I may never see you again, and I know that I will never feel about anyone the way that I feel about you. This is supposed to happen between us, Spock. I want you to have my virginity. Make love to me."

He sat up and painfully looked into her eyes, "I cannot do it."

"Spock-" She started, but he did not allow her to finish whatever argument she was going to provide.

He interrupted her speech and explained, "Nyota. If you give yourself to me in that way at this point in my life, I would not be able to walk away from you. I would not be able to do what is needed of me to help rebuild my race. I would stay with you for as long as you would allow me to. Right now, that is something that I do not believe that I should do." She wiped her eyes and sat up.

"I'm sorry that I asked." She stood to leave the room, but he caught her arm and asked, "Please do not leave me, now. We will have to separate soon, and I wish for you to remain with me until then." His eyes held so much pain, she laid back down on the bed and he laid his head on her bosom. She stroked his hair and soon felt a moisture on her chest. "Spock?" She tilted her head to see tears streaming out of his eyes, although beyond that, his face showed no sign of crying. It was her turn to wipe his tears and he responded by squeezing her tighter.


	18. Chapter 18

**Things Have Changed**

Nyota packed up all of her personal items out of her office in the administration building, sadly. Mostly everything was packed and ready to remove, but there were a few items which she hardly wanted to look at, but knew that she wanted to keep. The first of these difficult items was one that she found upon entering her office for the first time after her return to Earth. It was a gift from her now deceased supervisor, Senior Chief Coleen Doyle. It was a thermos made specifically to fit Starfleet regulations to be permissibly used at any workstation on the starships. "Uhura" was engraved across the front of the metallic emerald green colored thermos and a bow had been tied around it, with a note stuck to it. When she picked up the note and read:

_Lt. Uhura, _

_I am sorry that I did not place you on the ship which your heart desires to be assigned to. We decided that it was best for everyone to place you on another, so I selected the ship that I will be on. I hope that this decision does not affect our newly developed friendship. Thank you for listening to me about Oscar. We are heading for the ship now and will most likely see you on board later. Here is a small gift to celebrate the first time that both you and I report to a starship._

_Coleen_

_P.S. I got myself a container just like it. Maybe we can have tea together on the Farragut. I'm so excited!_

Nyota immediately began to cry. She had not given much thought to Doyle the entire span of the incident and the gift and the note cause her a great deal of grief, for that fact. When they left, Doyle and she had not been developing a friendship, as far as Nyota was concerned, they were just trying to get along after having had battles over Spock. Now, Nyota wished that she could just see the woman and tell her that she forgave her. She decided that she would not hold grudges again. There was no telling when someone would die, and life was too short for holding something against them and not getting along. She placed the note into the thermos and the thermos into her box.

Then, there was a framed photo of herself and Gaila, kissing at the camera. The two of them were both seated underneath "Uhura's tree" on a blanket and they had leaned into each other as though they were going to kiss, but at the last moment, faced the camera with their lips still puckered. It was one of Nyota's favorite photos of herself and Gaila, and she planned on keeping every single photo of the two of them, and Gaila alone which she had in her possession on the ship with her. The photo brought her a smile as she placed it into her box.

The last and most cherished personal item in the room was her early birthday scroll, which Spock had given her. She took the scroll off of its post and delicately rolled it up, then placed it safely at the top of her box. As she left the administration building, she passed by Doyle's office, which was shut and appeared emptied of her personals.

Uhura had been asked to perform a song for the grand memorial service, and she had decided on Beyond Antares, because it had been one of Gaila's favorites, which she had been known to sing to Gaila on some nights. She would consider this her last time to sing it for her friend.:

_The skies are green and glowingWhere my heartisWhere my heart isWhere...the scented lunar flower is bloomingSomewhere, beyond the starsBeyond Antares_

_I'll be back though it takes foreverForever is just a is just another journeyTomorrow a stop along the way_

_And let the years go fadingWhere my heart isWhere my heart isWhere my love eternally is waitingSomewhere, beyond the starsBeyond Antares_

Her eyes were filled with tears half way through the song, but she did not allow it to cut into her performance, and when she was done, she gracefully left the stage, trying to avoid all of the eyes of all of the crying cadets and staff present. Nyota wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. Her PADD alerted with a message and she read:

_Thank you so much. That was beautiful. Janice._ She smiled about the fact that Janice was still with her, and she was delighted about the fact that Spock had assigned Janice to the Enterprise as the Captain's personal assistant. Now, she would get to see Janice, regularly. She needed a friend in that place. After everything that had happened, she did not know how even she, Ms. Independent would go on without a friend.

Her graduation seemed endless, as many graduates who were killed and not able to make it to graduation were acknowledged, then all of the surviving graduates were announced. She expected to be amongst the last of them, with her last name being Uhura, but she could hardly wait until the ceremony was over.

After it was, she met with her family. Yakpazauh, her elder brother, and Toimu, her younger brother accompanied her parents, Mwinyi and Ashaki to their sister's ceremony. Her elder brother, the spitting image of her father, but with his long hair in dreadlocks which fell well past his shoulders and no facial hair, cheered as he saw her, "You have really been working all of your pretty head to make it through this academy, have you not? I started to believe that the list of your accomplishments would not end." He gave her a gigantic hug in which she was certain he was deliberately trying to crack her bones.

Toimu, who looked more like his mother and Nyota, with skin closer to his father's dark hue, and a puffy ponytail in the back of his head said, "Well what else would we expect from the family star? I am surprised that the list is not still going." He gave her an equally big hug. "It is good that you have gotten over middle child syndrome, or else you may still be at home in Africa."

"Or worse, married to Livingston Kurok!" Yakpazauh added.

Now, everyone became silent. Nyota stared at the ground, too hurt to even respond to her brother's off colored comment about the man she almost married who was now a Federation fugitive. She had been so hurt by the mission, losing her friends, and losing Spock, that she currently had no drive to fight her brother on his tactlessness. After a while, Mwinyi stated, in Swahili, "It is in poor taste to bring that man's name up on Nyota's special day, and to be frank, Yakpazauh, I do not want to have to hear it brought up amongst this family again." Yakpazauh nodded his head once, and Mwinyi continued on to say, "Nyota is a distinguished graduate of Starfleet Academy. She is no longer my little girl nor is she your kid sister. She is a woman, who has endured more than all of us combined while on that ship out there. She has earned respect amongst us, just as she has it amongst her colleagues."

Nyota smiled at her father and gave him a hug too. Ashaki asked, "Is Commander Spock joining us today, Nyota? I have been wanting to see him and thank him since your recovery from that illness." Now, Nyota stopped smiling and lowered her head, again, but briefly this time. Ashaki suddenly felt terrible for bringing Spock's name up, "I'm sorry, Princess. Of course Spock is not coming. He recently lost his entire planet... Is he doing alright, at least?"

Nyota shrugged her shoulders and said, "He seems to be doing fine. He is doing better than any of us would in his situation. He is planning on leaving Starfleet to help rebuild his race."

Mwinyi now asked, "And you do not wish to be with him?"

Nyota's response was, "All of those accomplishments you heard at my graduation were managed in my goal to serve on a starship, and that is what I am going to do. Spock and I have separate paths. We will remain friends, and speak when we have the opportunity."

Now, Ashaki's face brightened as she noticed something behind Nyota, "Oh, there he is, now, Nyota!" She waved excitedly at the Vulcan and called, "Commander Spock!" Yakpazauh shook his head at his mother's behavior and Toimu chuckled a little. Spock approached the group and Ashaki threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him, then quickly withdrew, "I did not want to show you too much warmth, as I know it is an uncomfortable thing for someone like you, but I never had the chance to thank you in person for saving our Nyota. She is the only girl in the home. These are my other two children. Nyota's older brother, Yakpazauh, and her younger brother, Toimu" The woman placed her hand on the shoulder of each of her sons as she introduced them. Spock was familiar with them as Nyota had told him several things about the entire family and shown him several photos, as well.

Spock greeted the entire family, courteously, and when his eyes fell upon Mwinyi he said, "Hello, Dr. Uhura. If I may obtain your contact information, my father and some of the surviving elders of Vulcan would like an opportunity to become acquainted with you. There are areas within your profession which they would greatly appreciate your expertise on." Mwinyi and Nyota both looked completely shocked. Dr. Mwinyi Uhura, in his many years of xenopsychiatry, had been trying to have interactions with Vulcans for years to share psychiatric information with their race, and all of the time, Vulcan rejected his requests.

With a hint of displeasure in his voice, Mwinyi asked, "Is that supposed to be a joke, Commander Spock?"

"I have no sense of humor which I am currently aware of." Spock answered.

Ashaki put her arm into Nyota's and said, "You men just talk for a while, I am going to take a brief walk with my daughter." Nyota frowned and looked at her brothers. they forced smiles and shrugged their shoulders. She was not particularly excited about her mother pulling her aside, as the woman might drag emotions out of her which she did not currently wish to convey, Spock proceeded to gather Mwinyi's contact information in his PADD as Ashaki led Nyota not too far away from them and asked, "How are you holding up with his leaving?"

"I will be fine, Mama." Nyota answered.

"But you love him." Ashaki insisted. Nyota did not know what her mother was getting at, but she knew that this conversation was bothering her, immensely. She wanted to tell the woman to leave the subject alone.

She found the most respectful way that she could do so in saying, "I love you too, Mama. I barely see you either. I am fine through that and I will be fine through this. That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

Ashaki made a sad face and looked towards the sky as she said, "I wonder how strong God thinks you need to get, before He allows you some peace?"

Nyota smiled at her mother and said, "I have peace Mama. Everyone goes through some pain. I don't want to talk about anything depressing. I want to enjoy my moments with you before I leave." She walked back over to where the others were, and said, "Is everyone ready to head out?"

Spock looked at her, somewhat expectantly and began to walk away, slowly. She glanced at her family and said, "He does not realize sometimes about manners. I'll be right back." She walked over to him and asked, "What is it?"

"I simply hoped to wish you a safe journey. Live long and prosper." He gave her the traditional Vulcan salute, which she returned, out of respect to him. Then, Spock turned to walk away, but she grabbed his arm and he faced her again. She glanced at her family, shortly, turned her back to them and placed her two fingers out towards him. He looked at the gesture which she was extending to him. The Vulcan equivalent of a kiss between bonded lovers, with her index and middle fingers together pointed out.

"Goodbye, Spock." She said. Spock now glanced at her family as well, turned to face the same direction as she and allowed his fingers to meet hers. The feeling was dynamic. They allowed it to linger between them as they continued speaking.

"Until we meet again, Nyota." He corrected, then added, "Thank you for understanding what I must do."

Nyota shook her head and confessed, "I actually don't, Spock. I simply accept it as something that I can not change and should not try to. I do not want things any harder for you than they have already been. That is one of the characteristics of love." She involuntarily broke the Vulcan connection to wrap her arms around him and he hugged her gently, as she squeezed him tightly. Her family stood a short distance away watching them. Both of her parents found themselves saddened by the interaction. Their child's heart was breaking and there was nothing that they could do to stop it. Her brothers were more focused on the fact that this man's arms were around their sister, but they realized that if Mwinyi had nothing to say about it, then it must have been alright. Spock pulled back slightly to look into her eyes for a moment. He wanted to kiss her, but instead broke their contact and walked away. She found herself smiling slightly at his back and turned again to meet with her family so that she could leave the campus to have a night out with them, before she left for space.

Did it ever run out? This understanding of hers which flowed out of her so completely? It was much more than most humans typically held within and it made him want to keep her by his side for the rest of her life. He wished that there was a way to fulfill his duties as an endangered Vulcan, planning on rebuilding and be with her simultaneously. At the moment, there was none. He wished that it did not have to be such a grave choice. _Your heritage and the future of your people, or the only woman to ever love you this way_... He took a deep breath. _The good of the many outweighs the good of the few, or the one. _As he walked, he saw the back of Sarek's head. What exactly was Sarek doing, walking about? He called out to him, "Father."

When the elder Vulcan male turned to face him, the sight of him somewhat confused Spock. This was not Sarek, nor was it any of the other elders that he was familiar with. Where had this Vulcan come from? He approached him and they came together as the elder one confessed, "I am not our father." Spock squinted in recognition. This Vulcan was himself, only older. This Vulcan must have been the Ambassador Spock which the ship Spock had destroyed belonged to. _This is my future self. _He realized as the two came together to speak.

After the conversation, Spock watched Ambassador Spock walk away, perhaps out of his life forever, perhaps only for a fraction of time... but he had just been given an opportunity which most beings could never claim they had been given. He had been given his own advice from a version of himself who had hindsight already. "_Do what feels right." _Spock thought about these words with great concentration. What _does_ feel right? He asked himself. The man who murdered his mother was destroyed. The people who had briefly seen him at his best and his absolute worse were all there for him when the time had come to destroy Nero. They were all on the Enterprise, most importantly, the woman who knew him best and still loved him more than anyone else. Nyota.

Ambassador Spock had not mentioned her. He had only mentioned Kirk. The relationship between himself and Kirk had been more to himself in his other reality, but he knew that this was not the case in this life. Some part of Spock had always believed that once Nyota became comfortable in her career, they would part ways, civilly, remain friends, maybe even colleagues, but eventually drift apart and their emotions would fade or transform into something closer to mutual respect than what they now shared. He could realistically imagine a reality in which they did not love each other, at some point in time. Now, such a future seemed so painful. Now, she was too important. _She _felt right.

The ambassador had advised him to remain in Starfleet and practically assured Spock that he would take care of anything that Spock would have taken care of. Now that Spock thought about it, Ambassador Spock would most likely handle all tasks on the new planet even better than he could himself, having so much more experience and knowledge than he did. If Spock was going to continue his career in Starfleet, he would report to the Enterprise. If Kirk would have him aboard, he would fill the same position for Captain Kirk that he had for Captain Pike, as a science officer and the first mate of the ship.

That position would place his console directly next to Nyota's. She would be close enough for him to smell her fragrance for the duration of any shift which he would work with her, and he would not be able to resist looking upon her when he could. He did not think that he could simply ask her to forgive his current instability, as he had already left her. He believed that she would accept him back, and with his newfound advice, decided that whether or not she did, the prospect certainly was worth trying for. Hopefully, she would still be understanding and she would decide to trust him again with her heart. If she did, he knew that he would not betray her trust. He would not treat her the same way that he always had. His life had changed. Nero made certain of that, but Ambassador Spock wanted his life to change for the better.

Spock thought that he may have to tell her those words... the ones that he had not been able to tell her when they were together last, the ones that he was always too logical to tell his mother.

When Spock stepped onto the bridge, Uhura jumped up from her seat and walked a small distance to stand where she could get a better look at him as he and Kirk spoke, briefly. Her heart fluttered like frantic wings inside of her chest and she wanted to rush over to him and throw her arms around him. That would not have been professional. She could not believe what she was hearing him request... Of course Kirk would have him as first mate! Sometimes she wondered if Vulcan logic did not endanger common sense.

Spock headed for his seat and as he passed her gave her a short nod and a semblance of a smile. She politely offered him a small smile of her own, then turned her back to him to unleash the giddy school girl smile that she wished she could have kept from her face in this setting. However, no one seemed to notice it as she returned to her own seat, as everyone else on the ship suddenly seemed a great deal happier than they just had, moments before he returned to them.

When Lt. Hawkins came to the bridge to relieve Uhura for her shift, she smiled gratefully and stood up. The man, whom she had become only slightly familiar with after having to replace him on the bridge during the Vulcan crisis smiled at her, then looked at Spock and stated, "I'm sure that you have things that you would rather be doing." Uhura stopped smiling and dared him to continue with her look. He placed his hands in the air and said, "Too bold. Sorry. I hope that it doesn't interfere with the linguistic training that you are helping me through."

"Not at all, Lt. Hawkins. Now if you would excuse me, there _are _things that I would rather be doing." Uhura laughed and left her console and walked over to the Captain's chair where Spock was standing with his hands behind his back, talking to Kirk.

They both silenced themselves when she appeared in their midst.

Kirk smiled at her and asked, "Something I can help you with, Lt. Uhura?"

Uhura answered, "No sir. I was just going to let you know that the shift outlined for me has ended and Lt. Hawkins is now at the console. May I be dismissed?"

Kirk waved a hand at her and said, "Dismissed Lieutenant. Mr. Spock, why don't you get on out of here, as well." It seemed to be an order, and Spock was a bit confused as to why Kirk would be ordering him off the bridge when they had a conversation in progress.

Spock lifted an eyebrow and questioned, "Captain?"

Kirk shrugged and said, "The bridge is manned enough for the amount of action we have going on. I promise that if something comes up that requires your expertise, I will call you. I seriously doubt that anything is going to happen anytime soon. There's no need for both of us to be out here dying of boredom."

Spock, no matter how new of a creature he had become deemed it necessary to keep his sound logic and informed Kirk, in case he really did not know, "Captain, the state of boredom is not capable of causing death within any known humanoid creature. Therefore, you have no worries as it relates to such an illogical situation occurring."

Kirk looked at Uhura and she snickered at Spock's information. Kirk asked, "Is he really like this all of the time?"

"All of the time that I have known him." She answered. Spock looked at both of them, thinking that he may be a source of amusement at the moment, and did not know if he liked being so. He did not react, but she offered, "It is who he is and one of his better characteristics, Captain." Now, he felt better about the situation, although he still had no reaction.

Kirk stared at Spock for a moment, then asked, "Are you going to leave with her, or not? You and I can finish the conversation that we were having later." Spock tilted his head toward Kirk and began to walk away with Uhura right next to him.

"It's hard to believe that the two of you have become so relaxed with each other." She commented. "I can hardly believe that I am actually considering him to be a friend. Things have changed so much." Spock did not respond to her words as they walked to her quarters.

Upon entering her quarters, she apologized, "Sorry that it's such a mess. I haven't had the chance to fully unpack and get everything situated yet. Would you like to sit down?" She asked sitting herself on the bed.

Spock announced, "I have a graduation gift for you." He handed her a data slate and told her, "Months ago, when my parents visited, I made an assignment for two of my classes in which..."

"The love translation assignment?" She asked with twinkling eyes.

Her outburst silenced him momentarily as he knew that he never discussed this assignment with her. Spock lifted his eyebrow and stated, "I did not speak with you about this particular assignment."

She waved her hand and said, "I know. It's a long story. What about it?" Gaila had friends in the class at the time and they had tried to get Gaila to talk Uhura into talking Spock into canceling the assignment. She had never mentioned it to him, because she had not wanted to bring love up, until after she had accidentally told him that she loved him. By that time, their relationship was too fragile for her to think to bring it up.

Spock answered her question, "I borrowed some of the words from the assignments and corrected some of the statements, to create this recording for you. It is spoken in Vulcan, but I used only the words which I found to be most accurate in my relation to you. I was uncertain as to if I would ever present it to you; however, as I realized that I had not presented you with a token to honor your graduation from the academy, I concluded that now might be a suitable time to do so. Also, these are things which I believe I should have told you and that you should know."

"This is a recording of you professing your love to me?" Uhura asked, tenderly, her eyes focused on him intensively.

Spock's eyes drifted to the side, as he did not really want to look at her for the moment, nor did he want to directly answer the question. He assumed it was rhetorical and stated, "You do not ever have to listen to it; however, as I did not have the chance to candidly speak with you, before, I have created a means as to speak to you, if you ever wish to hear the words."

She placed the data slate on the nightstand by her bed and stood up. Spock watched her take the few steps to fill in the gaps between them and tried to control his breath as she took both of his hands into hers, placed his arms around her, then wrapped her own gently around him. She looked deeply into his eyes and he suddenly remembered that he had vowed to himself that things would be different between them if she had allowed him another chance. Spock was not engaged in gambling or guessing very much, but he was willing to estimate that this was a sign that he was being given another chance. She softly stated, "I do wish to hear the words. I will listen to it another time. For now, summarize it for me."

Spock hesitated only a moment, knowing that the part of him that was trying to keep him from speaking was a part of him that he would have to battle frequently now, but it was something that he was willing to do. He was willing to suppress his logic, to a degree, in honor of his emotion. He pulled her even closer to him and he whispered gently, "I love you." Nyota exhaled deeply, finding it extremely difficult to believe that she had just heard him say such a thing. He surprised her even further by asking, "And how do you currently feel about me, Nyota, after everything that has taken place?"

His eyes seemed a little worried. She laughed slightly in disbelief that he felt he even _had_ to ask, but then realized that like herself, he probably just wanted to hear it confirmed. She blurted, "I love you too, Spock." She also choked out, "Now, more than ever." Spock gathered her face to his and kissed her deeply. The two of them stood there for a portion of time that neither wanted to measure, nor did they want it to end. Things would be different for them, from now on. They both knew it. They were different, and together, they would be different, but the one constant in the equation was their love for each other.

The End…

_Originally, the next story in line was New Vulcan Generations; but, I'm still debating on whether to post that one next or to write another that occurs between this one and that one. Hmmm…_


End file.
